TITLE: BETWEEN YESTERDAY AND TOMORROW
E-MAIL: adrienne_miranda@yahoo.com
FANDOM: Law and Order SVU
PAIRING: Alex Cabot / Olivia Benson
COMPLETION DATE: 07/11/2004
RATING: PG If same-sex relationships bother you, you might want to read something else. Otherwise, ENJOY!!!!!!!!!
LEGAL STUFF: Copyrighted 2004 by Adrienne Lee and Miranda Rafferty. Non-original characters, if applicable, are used without permission under "Fair Use" doctrine. The authors reserve all rights attached to all original aspects of this work. This is a work of fiction; any similarity to characters or persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.
SPOILER: Post "Loss". There also might be other bits and pieces from various episodes.
SUMMARY FOR STORY: After the Last Kiss…
AN: More angst. We think our muses raided somebody’s Harlequin Romance stash while we weren’t looking…
FEEDBACK: Yes, please, please, please feed us!!
“You don’t play fair.” Olivia complained half-heartedly. Maybe one of these days, she would discover just how her lover managed to out-maneuver her every time.
“Whoever told you there were rules?” Alex kissed the dark head, and asked with a slight smile in her voice, “Besides, would you rather be here in my arms? Or out in the cold, in the rain?”
“Would you have seriously made me go out in that?” The brunette wondered aloud, her tone equally uncertain.
“If you were stupid enough to leave, you deserve to catch pneumonia.”
Rubbing her nose, sore from the light thumping she just received, Olivia looked up to the warm sparkling blue eyes. “Do I get a reward for not being stupid?”
“But you were stupid.”
“How?”
“You fell for it, didn’t you?” She brought up the obvious, cautiously happy that her lover didn’t call her bluff.
Leaning back, Olivia pulled Alex’s arms tighter around herself, blocking the residual chill in the air. “Would you have preferred that I didn’t?”
“That’s beside the point.”
“No. That is the point. Would you really have let me leave?”
“Would you really have left?”
“I didn’t want to.”
Making sure the uncertainty she felt remain hidden, Alex asked, “So you’re staying?”
“You have me wrapped up, hook, line, and sinker,” Olivia admitted, shaking her head and chuckling softly.
“You are your own person, and you have your own free will.”
“I am? I do?” She was surprised to hear that revelation. “Since when?”
“Since always.”
“Not since the day I fell in love with you.”
“If it makes you feel any better.” Alex sighed and closed her eyes, fighting back memories of all the instances where she wished otherwise. No matter how fleeting they were, they still left a mark. “I don’t have any more than you do. Sometimes I feel like I have less.”
Sitting up, Olivia shifted until she now held her lover in her embrace. “Why would you think that?”
“If I thought you were really leaving me, I’d be on my knees begging you to stay.” Grabbing hold of the strong arms, and choking quietly on her tears, the blonde confided. “And if I thought it wouldn’t work, I’d take your gun and shoot myself.”
“You wouldn’t do that. I’m not worth that.”
“You are to me. You could walk out that door, you could even stop loving me. But I don’t have that luxury. I’ll love you even after the last breath I take.”
Not quite prepared for those sentiments, nor the elation they generated in her heart, Olivia asked, wanting further reassurance. “You are serious, aren’t you?”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you since the first time I saw you.”
Why didn’t I hear you? Why didn’t I believe you? If I did, we wouldn’t be here… She started to beat herself up again. But there were things much more important than self-flagellation. Clamping down on those feelings, she let the wonderment show, “Really?” and was rewarded with a smile. Her smile.
Alex took the large hands in hers, and tugged on the fingers. “It was like you reached in and took hold of my heart, and you’ve had it since that moment.”
“Love at first sight?”
“No. Obsessive love.”
“After all that’s happened. Would you believe me if I told you I felt the same.”
“I’ve always believed you, Liv.” She leaned over, and kissed her lover softly on the lips. Holding her gaze, she explained, she promised, “That’s why I could forgive you. And that’s why I know you wouldn’t do anything that I can’t forgive. But don’t take that as a carte blanche.”
“I never would, I never could.” The brunette captured the opened mouth, and sealed her own vow. “Next time I’ll just shoot myself first.”
“You better not miss, cuz if you do…”
“But you said you would forgive me.”
“Not if you’re stupid enough to kill yourself.”
“Ow. It hurts you know?” She rubbed her nose and protested. “But you said you would take my gun…”
“No, that’s desperation. And I’m privileged. That’s where your free will stops. You,” she removed the hand and kissed the ‘injured’ tip, “don’t get to kill yourself.”
“Then that isn’t really free will.”
“Olivia?”
Now it sounds like a chastisement. How do you do that? The brunette asked in her little girl voice, “Yeah?”
“Do you really want to argue semantics with a lawyer?”
“Kind of pointless, huh?”
“They are the tools of my profession.”
“You mean twisting them, don’t you?” She held her breath and watched for the impish grin of challenge to appear. Finally, it did.
Alex smiled, and kissed her lover on the throat, nibbling lightly. “You don’t do so badly yourself.”
“Hmm…” She sighed and hugged the slim body close. “As cliché as it sounds, maybe it’s the company I keep.”
“I know one thing for sure.”
“What’s that, Alex?”
“I love you. With all my heart. ‘Til the day I die.” Kissing the willing mouth gently, deeply, trying to convey the sincerity and depths of her emotions, “I don’t think it can get much plainer than that,” she said with a light vibrato.
“’’Til the day I die’ and that’s it?” Olivia pulled away, and reminded her lover of her words, her previous promise. “What happened to the ‘I will born again in love with you?’”
“All right,” Alex grinned, and ran the tip of her finger down her lover’s life-line and across her love-line. “I didn’t put a limit on how many times I’ll live and how many times I’ll die. How’bout I’ll love through all my lives, how ever many I should have, and beyond that.”
Returning the smile, and kissing the finger, the brunette agreed, “That’s a little better.”
“Just a little?” Her blue eyes glinted, her full lips curled teasingly. “What else do you want?”
Fighting back the urge to just dive in and let the brilliant crystals swallow her, Olivia just tapped the blonde on the nose. “I’ll let you know.”
“Hey! You tricked me!”
“I learned from the best.”
“What about you?”
“What about me, what?” Olivia kissed the upturned chin and grinned.
“You’re impossible, Liv.”
Hanging onto the one syllable, she sailed forward, “So I’ve been told.”
Alex touched her cheek gently, tracing the features her fingers her heart had already memorized, “No, really, what about you?”
“Does it really matter?”
“No.” She looked down briefly, then met the dark brown orbs, wondering what was hidden behind them, and feeling somewhat fearful. “I guess it doesn’t,” she admitted softly.
“For all those lives you believe in, Alex, if they happen, I’ll be there.” Olivia held her lover’s face between her hands, and gazed tenderly and soberly into her eyes. “To love you back. And more.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” Shivering slightly, she bent forward, taking the full lips with her own, her tongue sliding into her mouth.
Soon, hungry lips and teeth and tongue were leaving trails of sensual heat across fair skin. Hands reached under tee-shirt to cup full breasts, fingers parting to stroke hardened nipples. Pelvis ground against hips. Legs opened in welcome. Hot passion radiated from their bodies.
Then, with a guttural moan, Olivia pulled away, and gasped, “Alex, we’ve got to stop.” Suddenly, she realized her shirt was unbuttoned, and half tugged out of her jeans.
“I can’t, please don’t make me.” The blonde tried to bring her lover back into her embrace, to have her where she wanted her, needed her. To let their connection reassured her.
“We have to. We can’t do it this way.”
“I thought we resolved our issue.”
“We resolved one issue.” Olivia reasoned, “Truthfully, do you think we’re ready to go home?”
“No.” Alex closed her eyes, shutting out tears that suddenly threatened to spill. “But I miss you. And I need you.”
“I need you, too. You don’t know how much.”
“It felt like a whole lifetime ago since…” She tried again to close their widening distance. “I need to feel your love.”
“Alex, we can’t. That’s how we…”
“But we didn’t fuck the problem away. We talked about it, we worked it out.” Burying her face in her lover’s shoulder, and clutching at the now closed shirt front, she begged, “I need to know we’re okay.”
“Sweetheart, we’re not okay.” The brunette raced for an argument, desperately trying to keep the just sutured fissures in her heart from coming undone. “We might be over the crisis, but it’s like taking antibiotics. Even though we feel better, we still have to finish the medicine.”
“I know you’re right,” Alex took Olivia’s hand, and put it on her breast again, clinging to the warmth. “But I need you so much. I need to know I still have you.”
“You have me, you always have me.”
“You said just a little while ago you were going to leave.”
“Even if I did, you’ll still have me,” the brunette confessed. “I got an idea. Don’t go anywhere.” She got out of bed, and went towards the door.
“Liv!”
She ran back to Alex, and kissed her, “I’ll be right back, I promise.”
As soon as the door closed, the blonde collapsed onto the bed, and buried her face in her lover’s pillow. “Please come back, please come back, you promised…” she prayed, over and over.
Moments, minutes, perhaps a quarter of an hour passed. To Alex, it might as well be a lifetime.
Finally, the cabin door opened again. Olivia rushed in, soaked to the skin, carrying her coat in her hand, covering something. Dropping everything onto the floor, she scrambled into bed, and gathered her lover’s trembling body close. “I told you I would come back, and I did. Please, please Alex, please don’t cry. Baby, please don’t cry. I promise, I love you, and I’ll never leave you. Promise.”
“I’m sorry. Really didn’t mean to be such a basket case.” She wiped off her tears, and tried to smile.
“Shh…” Kissing her lover softly, the brunette reassured. “It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.” It had to be. Must be.
After the storm calmed, Alex tugged at Olivia’s top. “You’re wet. Let me help you out of them.”
“No, that’s okay. I’ll get rid of them in there.” She pointed to the bathroom.
Her efforts thwarted once more, the blonde sat back against the headboard and pouted. “So what’s under your coat? Another stuffed animal?”
“No, something better I hope,” Olivia answered from the bathroom. “You can get it out if you want.”
Alex got out of bed, and peeled off the leather coat gingerly, opened the door, and shook it out.
“What are you doing?” Standing at the bathroom door and toweling dry her hair, the brunette asked, amused.
“You got rain on.”
“Yes?”
“There are tree bits on your coat. There might also be bug bits.”
“Well, there might be bug bits on me, too.”
“You shake it out then.” Alex tossed the jacket to her.
Olivia caught it, and offered. “I’ll hang it up to dry.”
“Not in the closet.”
“No. How’bout in the bathroom, over the tub.” She suggested, hiding the smile in her voice. “Do you want me to run water in the tub?”
“Why?”
“If there are bugs, they’ll fall off and drown.”
“Would you?”
“Whatever makes you feel safe, Sweetheart.”
“Thank you.” Alex blew her lover a kiss for her thoughtfulness, and opened the case. “You brought back a ukulele?”
“Maggie C’s ukulele,” the brunette explained.
“What are you going to do with it?”
“Serenade you. Like I used to do.”
“With a ukulele,” she said, incredulous.
“Look, I sort of had to improvise.” Olivia went over and took the instrument from the blonde. “She doesn’t have a guitar.”
“What kind of singing nun is she?” Grinning, Alex settled back into the bed.
“Hey, you can go out there, and go ask her.”
“So, what are you going to sing to me?” At this point, she was behaving more like a spoiled curious little kid. At least she wasn’t crying anymore.
“First I’m going to see if I can even play this thing.” The brunette started tuning and testing the sounds, with a pained expression on her face. “Apparently, Maggie C hadn’t played it for a while.”
“And whoever tuned it last was tone deaf.”
“Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?”
“Oh, shut up.” Alex wrinkled her nose and stuck out her tongue. “Would you hurry up? I’m falling asleep, and you haven’t even started your lullabies.”
“Serenade.”
“Whatever. So far all you’re doing is hurting my ears.” Shifting and flopping belly-down by her lover’s legs, the blonde sparred. “Or is this really sorrownade?”
“No.” Testing the strings, and playing a few chords, Olivia was at last satisfied. “Why are you so cranky?”
Turning over, and resting her head on the muscled thighs, she explained flatly. “I get that way when my significant other won’t put out.”
Olivia just let out a big sigh. “I love you, Sweetheart.”
“You said that.”
“I’m just reminding myself.” She smiled, and leaned over to kissed the soft lips. “Of all the ways I love you.”
“Good safe.”
“If I were a carpenter, and you were a lady, would you marry me anyway? Would you have my baby?” She began.
“Yes, yes, I did both already. Could you pick another song?”
“What the world needs now is love, sweet love…”
“No shit. Next.”
“Between yesterday and tomorrow, there is more, there is more than a day. Between day and night between black and white, There is more, there is more than gray...”
“Michel Legrand and ukulele? Next.”
“Everyone’s a critic.”
“All you need is a harmonica and a tambourine, and you’ll have your own street band.”
“You know you never gave me this much grief.” Olivia teased back. “You used to be much easier to please.”
“I’ve gotten pickier.” The blonde groused, and shifted again. Restless. “Live with it.”
“I am going to rack all this up to your hormones talking.”
“You think? How much money do you wanna bet?” Alex crossed her arms. Then leered. “Better yet, how many items of clothing.”
“If I had a hammer, I’d bop you on the head…”
“Yet another brilliant but futile performance.” Ignoring the lyrics, Alex made another face. “You know what? Let’s play a game.”
“What kind of game?” Olivia asked suspiciously.
“Strip ukulele. For every song I turn down, you have to take off a piece of clothing.”
The brunette laughed, and kissed her lover on the forehead. “Something tells me that’s not on the list of Maggie C’s approved game.”
“Screw Maggie C.”
“No, thanks. Be my guest.”
“I’d probably get further with her than I would with you.” Alex sat up, crossed her arms and leaned back against Olivia’s shoulder.
Stifling a sigh, the brunette started picking out another tune, “This is the moment I’ve waited for, I can hear my heart singing. Soon bells will be ringing.” Encouraged by the lack of interruptions, she poured her emotion into the words. “This is the moment of sweet aloha, I will love you longer than forever. Promise me that you will leave me never. Here and now dear, all my love, I vow dear. Promise me that you will leave me never, I will love you longer than forever…”
Gently, smiling, Alex put her hand on her lover’s to still the music. She took the ukulele away, and placed it carefully against the wall beside the bed. Touching her lips to Olivia’s, she pulled her down with her onto the bed. As their kiss deepened, she began undressing her lover slowly, brushing her hand against warm flesh, stroking lightly, careful not to arouse.
“Alex…”
She stripped off her own shirt, and close the strong arms about herself. “Just hold me while we sleep.”