TITLE: DARKNESS LIGHT
E-MAIL: adrienne_miranda@yahoo.com
FANDOM: Law and Order SVU
PAIRING: Alex Cabot / Olivia Benson
DATE: October 28, 2003 to January 3, 2004
FEEDBACK: Yes, please. We’d love to know whether you like this or not!!!
ARCHIVE: Ok, just let us know where.
RATING: Nothing beyond TV-level-graphic-ness. If same-sex relationships bother you though, you might want to read something else.
LEGAL STUFF: Copyrighted 2003 by Adrienne Lee and Miranda Rafferty. Non-original characters, if applicable, are used without permission under “Fair Use” doctrine. Authors reserve all rights attached to all original aspects of this work. This is a work of fiction.
SUMMARY FOR STORY: “A word is dead when it is said, some say, I say it just begins to live that day.” Emily Dickinson
SPOILER: Post "Loss". There also might be other bits and pieces from various episodes. Also, we're spoiling the ending to the movie City of Angels, and a scene from Toy Story 2.
NEXT STORY : WORTH WAITING
Elliot sat down at his desk just as Olivia walked out of the captain's office. Her outward appearance was neat and attractive as always, but her eyes told a different story. She seemed exhausted, worried, and determined all at the same time.
"Hey." He leaned back and looked up at her as she stopped by his desk. "What's going on?"
She stuck her hands into her pants pockets, "Elliot, can you do without me for a week or so?"
"Yeah, I think I can manage on my own. Why?" He asked, though not really needing to.
"I'm taking that vacation the captain suggested." She looked down at her boots and kicked her heel against the floor, "I need to take care of some things... Things I should have taken care of long time ago." She turned to face him, "and I can't do it here..."
"Good luck, Olivia. I hope it works out the way you want."
"It will get resolved. One way or the other." She said with no expression.
"Uhhh, tell Jaime we sent our best. Okay?" He winked at her.
"I will."
"It's gonna be okay, Liv." Elliot reassured, putting on his most charming smile.
"I hope you're right." She gave him a quick pat on the shoulder, and moved on.
He watched as Olivia hurried out of the squad room, and hoped everything worked out. He hated to see his partner and friend so troubled. After everything, she deserved her share of happiness. **They both do.**
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Elliot would say that an eternity passed between the time he made the call and when the paramedics responded. But eternity was a concept that had no real meaning or existence outside the human mind.
For Olivia, the clock ceased the minute the bullet hit its mark. Everything stopped. Everything except the river of red that gushed between her fingers, the life that slipped from her hands. She didn't hear their arrival. She didn't feel them shake her shoulders. All she felt was the sticky darkness that poured forth from the chasm that surrounded and overwhelmed her.
She didn't know that they had to forcibly pull her off of Alex, didn't know that they took one look at her and rushed her into the ambulance. She only knew when they tore away her heart, and left her outside the door.
And she stood there, until strong gentle arms reached in, and ushered her to the edge of chaos.
"Elliot?"
"Shhhh, Liv, it's ok. Alex is gonna be ok."
"She is going to be okay, right? Elliot?"
"Yes, Liv. Let's have a seat and wait."
So they waited.
Olivia noticed when a nurse motioned for her partner. She spoke to him quietly. The whole time they sat waiting, no one ever addressed her; they only talked to Elliot. **Why didn't they? What’s the nurse telling him?**
He came back, "Liv, we have to go."
She refused to move.
"We can't wait..."
She ignored him.
"Olivia..." He put his hand on her shoulder.
"No, they can't make me leave... Please, Elliot, please tell them..." She pleaded tearfully with him as if he could make them change their mind.
"Liv, you know we can't stay..." He tried to reason with her.
The nurse finally came up to her, and said, "Detective, I'm really sorry. You have to go now. This time of the night, it's family only."
"I have to be here..." She stayed glued to her seat. Her body refused to cooperate.
"Detective..."
"No..."
"It's all right. She is with me." A voice full of quiet authority came from across the room.
Like a lost child hearing a familiar sound, Olivia looked up and turned toward its source, at once grateful and relieved. Tears fell unbidden.
Mrs. Cabot approached, and gave Olivia a weary smile. Elliot nodded and left. She took up his seat and handed her an overnight visitor's badge.
Olivia just looked at Mrs. Cabot and the identification tag, and back at her again. She tried to say thank you but only quiet sobs emerged. She hoped the older woman could see passed the tears in her eyes to the deep gratitude.
Mrs. Cabot patted her hand comfortingly, and turned away.
For much of the night, they waited silently, grateful for the other's presence, both lost in their own private concern.
Finally, the door opened. The doctor came out, and removed his mask wearily. The look on his face told Olivia everything she needed to know. She just got up and fled the hospital, her legs taking her as fast as they could go. She simply ran, not thinking, not feeling, and never believing. This horrible nightmare could never be true.
She ran aimlessly, block after block, not realizing where she was going until she found herself at Alex's building. She might have sat there all night, except the concierge had noticed and recognized her. He asked if anything was wrong. She told him, "Nothing," figuring he would find out from someone else soon enough. He didn't pursue the matter, only called a cab and sent her home.
Olivia collapsed on the couch, hugged a pillow to her chest and let the tears come. She never made a sound, crying silently as the memories flooded her mind... Simple things: bringing each other coffee, riding to work together, running into each other in the hallway... the brilliant smile that she would never see... the woman she would never hold in her arms...
It would be a long time before the tears stopped, and only after she fell into an exhausted sleep.
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Funerals might serve as a closure for the living; to Olivia, Alex's funeral was anything but. Thinking Alex was dead had nearly destroyed her. Then she out found she was alive, and for that she felt monumental relief and elation. But the scene of their goodbye kept replaying itself in her mind. **Would we see each other again? When? Have I found you only to lose you again? How much more am I supposed to take?**
The memorial service was like a media circus, a political convention. The Mayor and the DA spoke during the eulogy, even the governor was there. They made her into a martyr of the War on Drugs. Had Alex known, she would have been thoroughly disgusted.
Olivia kept expecting Alex to show up incognito. During one morbid moment discussing the marks one might leave behind, they had wondered about the people who would attend their funeral when they die. Judging by the faces of survivors and families of victims Olivia recognized, Alex had touched many lives.
She searched for Mrs. Cabot. She wanted to apologize for leaving the hospital the way she did, especially after the woman had allowed her to stay. She could only hope Mrs. Cabot understood.
Leaning against Robert, her chauffeur, Alex's mother suddenly seemed her age, if not older. Her demeanor was properly stoic. She avoided looking at anyone, especially Olivia. Perhaps Mrs. Cabot was embarrassed for saying what she did at the hospital. Olivia wondered briefly if she knew Alex was still alive but decided she must. Her heart ached for Mrs. Cabot when the minister handed the old woman Alex's urn.
To be perfectly honest, Olivia wasn't sure she could have kept up the front much longer. She needed to get away and think, to sort out everything that had happened. Elliot drove her home and offered to stay for as long as she needed him to, saying it was Kathy's orders. She thanked him and sent him back to his wife.
Robert had come up to their car and handed her a large envelope when they were leaving the service. She sat the package on the coffee table in front of her, and stared at it for the better part of an hour. Olivia didn't know if she could handle any more emotional upheaval. There had been so much pain in the last few days.
**Alex is alive and that's all that mattered.** Olivia told herself. She would just have to keep repeating it until she believed it deep in her heart.
She had to have faith that everything would turn out okay. Alex would get settled somewhere, and when things were quieter, she would get in touch with her. They would be together again. They would find a way, regardless of what it took. Until then, there was nothing else Olivia could do but snap out of this spiral of self-pity. No amount of crying and whining was going to change the situation. Meanwhile, there were people who depended on her, and a job she had to do. Her life had to go on. It was the only choice she had, the only solution. There were no other alternatives.
Staring at the envelope wasn't solving the problem. It was obviously something Mrs. Cabot wanted her to have. So she picked up the package and opened it. On top was a cream colored card containing a note in neat handwriting:
"Dear Olivia,
Alexandra would want you to have these items.
Yours affectionately, Celine Cabot.
PS: Please keep in touch."
Olivia guessed Mrs. Cabot had forgiven her for running out. Celine Cabot was truly an incredible woman. Except for a brief moment in the hospital, which she had quickly recovered from, she showed unyielding strength and control under the most tragic circumstances. And she did it with compassion and sympathy. No wonder Alex was the way she was. Olivia hoped Alex had that same strength and stamina to see her through the ordeal.
**************************************************************************************************************
After Olivia cleared her vacation request with the captain, she called Mrs. Cabot. She had hoped for her secretary, but the woman answered.
"Sorry I didn't call you earlier." Olivia managed to cover her surprise and disappointment.
"I'm sure you have been busy, my dear. I know how dedicated you are to your work. Will you be joining us for the holiday?"
"No, I'm sorry. I can't this year." As fond of Celine Cabot as Olivia had become, she had other plans, much more pressing plans. She knew Mrs. Cabot would understand. "I'm leaving the city tonight..."
"To visit your family?"
"Yes."
"I see. Very well. Have a very happy Thanksgiving, and please send your family my love."
**************************************************************************************************************
"It is all my fault... I never wanted any of this for her..."
"I'm sorry?" Olivia managed to ask. **She doesn't mean me, does she?**
"Did she tell you I made her work for her first car?"
The almost frantic despair and deep remorse in Mrs. Cabot's voice brought Olivia out of her own silent desperation. She shook her head and searched for the appropriate thing to say. Then she realized Mrs. Cabot was not looking at her. So she just listened.
"I would have made her pay for her education if she had not been good enough for scholarships."
**Was that why Alex started clerking at law firms since undergrad? That she wasn't just preparing for her career?** Olivia wondered.
"Do you know she gave away her father's legacy, even though that would leave her with nothing? You see, when I'm gone, everything will go to the foundation, including the condominium she lives in. She was going to rent an apartment in Brooklyn, but I convinced her to take the Manhattan flat for propriety's sake. So, she pays for the privilege by reviewing all the paperwork for me, and heaven help me, I allow her."
**That's why Alex gets up in the middle of the night to go through the foundation's documents...** Olivia never understood why she bothered, since Mrs. Cabot had a perfectly competent lawyer on retainer.
"All her life she's been afraid she's not good enough... terrified that she would be a disappointment to me...
"She never knew how proud I am of her... how proud of her I've always been... I can't ask for anything more in a daughter...
"She's so much more than I ever dared hope for... and she's all I have...
"I never wanted it to be this way.
"I only wanted her to know how blessed she is, that there are many people much less fortunate...
"I didn't want her to think that it is her birthright to get everything her heart desires. One can never get everything one wants in life.
"I only wanted her to have compassion... to be grateful for what she has...
"I didn't mean for things to turn out like this... I really thought I was doing the right thing...
"I never wanted her to give up everything... for some abstract ideal... just to please me...
"I only wanted to her to be happy, to know contentment... To have everything I never had... that I was never permitted to have...
"She finally found it with you, Olivia... And now, she might lose it all because of me...
"Why is God punishing her for what I did?
"I'm so sorry..." She hunched over and sobbed into her hands. Her normally small frame seemed especially fragile.
"I'm sure Alex will pull through. She's strong." Olivia tried to comfort Mrs. Cabot. She believed it when she said it, for her and the older woman's sake. "Then you can tell her what you just told me. That would make her very happy..."
The memory of that profession reminded Olivia of her own regrets...
After Christmas dinner, in the privacy of their room, Alex apologized to Olivia for her mother's presumption. She should have told her there was nothing to apologize for, that Mrs. Cabot was right about how much she loved Alex. Instead, she said nothing. **Could I've been any more stupid?** Olivia shook her head and tried to move on. But the expression on Alex's face lingered in her mind, and it hurt her to remember it.
Olivia beat herself up for dropping her necklace under her shirt when she saw Alex had hers on the next morning. Alex must have caught the tiny gesture for they never wore it again at the same time. **How many times have I done something like that? Unconsciously, but still just as insensitive?** Now that she thought about it, their unspoken agreement made no sense whatsoever. **People our age don't share jewelry. And I actually expect a bunch of cops to not notice our matching necklaces? Jesus.**
**And how she always kept her arms crossed...** Olivia thought that was the way Alex dealt with her devilish streak. She knew the blond had always welcomed her discreet touches, even at the most inappropriate moments, when she stood behind her, and thought no one was looking. **Maybe it wasn't just to make sure she didn't do it back... Maybe she was trying to make sure people didn't know what was going on... just for my selfish need for privacy... How much pain have I caused Alex, just to keep a secret that shouldn't be kept?**
**Or was it her fear of rejection? Did she not do it back because she thought I would mind? Was that why she always waited for me to initiate our love-making?** Olivia always assumed it was some convoluted lawyer control thing where Alex had to be convinced to give it up or had to give it up first before she could take it. It made her head hurt just to think about it. Since everything worked more than fine the way it was, she didn't try to figure it out. Now it occurred to her, **Was it because I never told her how I feel about her? Did she doubt what she could always expect from me? How could I've been so damn insensitive? I cry at the drop of a frigging hat at anything, yet I can't seem to figure out that I'm hurting her...**
Olivia started to wonder if she was at least the partial cause of Alex running every morning like a maniac. How much damage had she done to this woman who meant everything to her?
**What was I thinking? Have I been so completely self-absorbed? Elliot was right, she does tiptoe around my feelings. She's been so patient with me... Yet all I can focus on are my own insecurities... What about her fears? Her needs? What the hell is wrong with me?**
She thought about Andy and his offer to stay a couple of days. For a split second, she had imagined how nice it would be to lose herself in familiar arms, in mindless, and heart-numbing sex. But then she thought about Alex, and what they had. **Guess you really don't know what you have until it's gone...**
And she remembered all her ex-lovers and one night stands. **Damn, Benson, you'd better take care of this mess, before there's nothing to take care of.** Was Alex now beyond her reach, moving on with a new life that she preferred? Olivia certainly couldn't blame her. She might have even found someone new, someone not afraid to admit how they felt...
The guilt system instilled by years of Catholic schools, once set loose was hard to hold back. The nuns had really done their number on her. Mental punishment was running rampant through Olivia's heart and mind...
She drove through Cleveland, and switched cars, parking the New York rental at the airport. She thought it might be less conspicuous. Somehow, she felt closer to Alex already, just by being in Jaime's supposed hometown.
After that, Olivia drove like a woman possessed, stopping only for gas and coffee. She was too tired to think anymore. She just knew she had to get to Chicago by early afternoon, before Jaime got off work. Olivia had absolutely no idea where she lived.
Finally, she made it to Chicago. She stopped and called Jaime's office to find out where she would be that day. Olivia claimed to be a friend from Ohio, and explained that she was a little early and wanted to surprise Jaime. She was amazed how much she was able to find out just by being polite and friendly. Of course, remembering Gabriella's name helped.
Soon, she pulled into the courthouse complex. She searched the parking lot; luckily, there was only one silver Ford Focus, and it had a 10/04 registration sticker on the license plate. **The marshals thought of everything on this one... Probably because of Mrs. Cabot's connections,** Olivia mused. Normally, the federal government wasn't this generous to people in the program, unless the witness had a whole lot to give them.
She picked a parking space just a little distance away, and shut off the engine. She leaned her head back against the headrest. **God.** She was so tired. Her eyes felt red and dry, and her stomach was in knots. **And what should I say to her? Would any of it make any difference?**
She closed her eyes, and thought back to the night before last... When, in her mind, she saw Jessie peeking out from the box of donated toys, looking heart broken and dejected... And she remembered that she didn't even know she was crying during that scene... not until Alex reached down to hand her a tissue, ruffled her hair gently, and hugged her tight.
Olivia realized Alex was the only thing that had kept her sane and balanced all this time. They were two halves of the same system; they worked so well together. Even more, they complimented each other in a way no one else ever had.
And she didn't want to be Jessie, mourning lost love for the rest of her days...
**Screw fear. I live with it every day. I'll just have to convince her how important she is to me. How much I need her... How much I love her.** Olivia knew she was falling apart without Alex. She was even beginning to look that way. She just hoped the epiphany had not come too late, and that all of it still mattered.
Feeling restless and curious, she decided to go into the courthouse. **Maybe I could even catch Jaime O'Brien in action.** A part of Olivia was worried. Most of the time, she acknowledged the need for public defenders in the legal system. Ideology, however, was just that. In reality, cops and defense attorneys might as well be sworn enemies. That was just how things were.
She looked around and made it through the security check without finding Jaime. The courtroom looked more like a crowded market than a solemn tribunal. It suddenly dawned on Olivia that she might not recognize Jaime O'Brien, and not just on superficial levels.
Then she walked in with her client. Olivia marveled at the difference. Gone was the severe Ann Taylor poster girl she once teased Alex about. Jaime O'Brien had on a light brown tweed suit, an off-white silk shirt, and carried a cream colored coat on her arm. She wore sensible dress shoes rather than what Alex called her dominatrix pumps. Her shoulder length hair was slightly tousled with natural curls on the end, just like it would be on Saturday mornings. The layered bangs looked a little shaggy; the honey brown color cast a warm glow to her fair skin. And she was smiling, not the cocky little grin she had when the case was a slam-dunk, but a genuine caring smile meant to reassure her young charge.
Most people would have to take a second or third look before they recognized Alex, if they even recognized her. But her heart knew. Her heart was leaping joyfully like an excited puppy ready to race towards its owner, but the brain held it fast. **Not here. Not in such a public place...**
Olivia sat down in the back of the room and watched the bench trial. The prosecutor presented a very tight case, one Alex would have done. Then it was Jaime's turn to convince the judge why he should keep her client in the juvenile system and not automatically transfer him to the adult court. She was confident, forceful and as persuasive as always. She didn't gloss over evidence like other defense attorneys would. Her arguments were true to the letter of the law and equity. She was fair, and she was how the justice system intended public defenders to be. Olivia was impressed.
The judge issued his ruling immediately. It was in favor of the defense, just as she expected.
**Whoa! What's going on?** As soon as the gavel sounded, Jaime walked towards the Assistant State's Attorney and shook his hand cordially. They exchanged pleasantries, maybe even a few jokes. At least that was what Olivia assumed, since they were both laughing. Shortly, a petite South Asian woman approached the group and teasingly slapped the prosecutor on the arm. **That must be Liz Desai,** Olivia thought.
Then something amazing happened... Right there, in open court, Jaime turned to her client and hugged him. Olivia had never seen Alex hug anyone, not even once in the most emotional victories. And it wasn't one of those distant pats on the back gesture, but an affectionate open embrace. **Damn. What happened to the Ice Queen facade?** She was completely shocked.
While Jaime was still occupied, Olivia got up from her seat. Before she left the courtroom, she turned back and took one last look. The two women were now chatting warmly, and Jaime still had an arm around the boy. **Wow.** Olivia shook her head and walked back to the parking lot.
Before she had the chance to close the car door, a stark ripple of fear coursed through her. **She seemed so different. So relaxed. That's such a great change, and I'm really happy for her. Really, really happy. But... How do I fit into her life now? Do I even? Is there really any place left for me?** She slid down in the seat, and didn't notice the uniformed officer approaching the car.
"Excuse me, lady, I see you're not from around here," he stood by the opened door. "But sitting here with your car door open isn't the safest thing you could be doing. This is a pretty rough neighborhood."
Olivia just looked at him and said nothing.
"You should really be inside if you've got business with the court."
"I just came from inside."
"Then why are you still here?" He asked, looking passed her to the inside of the car.
She tried to hide her annoyance. "I'm here to pick up a friend. I'm waiting for them to get through in court."
"You might wanna go wait somewhere else then. Like I said, this is a dangerous neighborhood. I can give you the addresses to a couple of safe places."
"I really am here to meet a friend." She gave the cop her best smile, "I'll close my door and lock it. Okay?" He wasn't convinced. Apparently, her charming personality was slipping mightily.
"May I see some ID please?" He demanded gruffly.
Olivia opened up her jacket, reached into the inside pocket and pulled out her wallet. She handed it to the police officer.
"New York's Finest, eh?" He said after a moment. "Well that's an entirely different case. I'm sure you can handle yourself anywhere, Detective." The cop's whole demeanor changed. He became obnoxiously friendly. "I can tell you some really good places to go and have some fun while you're in town."
"Thanks, maybe I'll try one." She smiled, hoping that would end the conversation. Suddenly his hand seemed to be attached to her door handle.
"You should check out the Billy Goat. I'm usually around there after quitting time. Maybe I'll see you there." He grinned and winked at her.
"Yes, I'll do that. Billy Goat you said?" Olivia made an obvious point of writing down the name and address. "Hopefully, I'll be able to do that while I'm here." She smiled again and this time it worked.
"Well, you take care of yourself and have a good time. Maybe you'll let me buy you a drink or something later?"
"Sure. I'll see you then." She said brightly.
He tipped his hat, and walked away whistling.
"Damn, do I scream desperation or something?" She asked no one in particular.
For the next hour or so, Olivia continued waiting. When it began misting lightly, she thought about going back to the building to see if she could find Jaime.
As if on cue, she came out with someone, sharing an umbrella. From Olivia's vantage point, she could see he was tall, older and distinguished looking, someone she could easily see Alex fall in love with. He seemed to be genuinely fond of Jaime, his hand resting protectively on the small of her back. They looked comfortable together.
This wasn't Alex who carried around the weight of the world on her shoulders. Jaime had an ease in her bearing that Olivia had never seen before. She looked happy, perhaps she had even gained a little weight. They walked to Jaime's car. He bent down and whispered something to her. In response, she flashed him a smile... the bright heart-stopping smile that used to be reserved for Olivia and Olivia alone. He held the umbrella for her, waited for her to get into the car, then closed the door after her.
Had she waited too long? Was he the reason why Alex gave her an ultimatum? Had she blown her second chance? Did she even have a second chance?
She so wanted to turn away and go back to New York, but that would be too easy. She was tired of running away from the fear of losing Alex. She was going to go down fighting this time. She might still lose Alex, but she wasn't giving her up so easily.
There was only one thing Olivia could do now. She started her car, and pulled out of the parking lot behind Jaime.
She followed her home.
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Olivia drove around the block for almost half an hour before she parked across the street from Jaime's building. She wanted to give Jaime time to unwind from work, and wondered briefly if any of her little habits had changed. Regardless, Olivia wanted any advantage she could get, and needed time for her stomach to settle.
She looked at the row of mailboxes and ran her fingers along the O'Brien label. Then she stepped back, and gazed up to the top floor. It was now or never, and never was going to get her a life of loneliness and regret. She held the package from Mrs. Cabot in front of her, as if it were a shield against rejection. She knew the pretext of returning a movie was incredibly lame, especially since it wasn't even a loan. But it was all she had. She took a deep breath, and walked up the stairs to the front door.
She pushed the doorbell and waited. The realization that Jaime might not answer the door suddenly struck her. "Shit!" She hadn't even allowed for that possibility. Olivia thought she was going to be sick then and there. **Yeah, that would be so incredibly attractive...** She swallowed hard and got a grip on her emotions.
She decided that if she had to, she would spend the night on the doorstep. **She'd have to come out sometime, right? Oh, God, tomorrow's Thanksgiving... what if she doesn't have to work on Friday?** She looked back to her car, **Guess it wouldn't be the first time...
**Wait, does she have a back door? Or I could just climb the balcony...
**Right, with your luck, Elliot will have to come bail you out. And he might just leave you there to rot...
**Snap out of it, Benson, why are you so damn paranoid?** Before she could answer that question, the buzzer sounded.
Olivia grabbed the handle and pushed the door open quickly. She wasn't going to give Jaime a chance to change her mind.
As she walked up the four flights of stairs, she thought about the first night she spent at Alex's apartment...
They had rented a bunch of movies to watch together. Olivia sniffled through most of City of Angels, while Alex thought it was trite and completely lame. To both women's surprise, she got mad at the ending, while Alex teared up. Afterwards, they spent the reminder that night debating the movie, Rilke's poetry, and Whitman's "Song of Myself", contrasting with Baudelaire and Kierkegaard, then returning to Nietzsche... They glided fluidly from one topic, one language to another. There were no blank looks, bored yawns nor awkward silence that Olivia was accustomed to. Alex was every bit her intellectual equal, she understood Olivia's job, and she wasn't afraid to challenge her view points...
Olivia contemplated the angel giving up his wings for a woman. She didn't know if anyone or anything were worth that kind of sacrifice. Alex countered resolutely that she would give it all up for an ideal, or for someone she loved, in a heartbeat.
"Even though the ending sucked?"
"Did you not hear what Seth said in the end, Olivia?"
"What?"
"That he would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than an eternity without it... One. If I put myself in his shoes, I could see his point."
When Olivia saw the DVD in the package from Mrs. Cabot, she wondered its significance. Was Alex trying to tell her she had given up everything for justice? Or was it her way of saying goodbye?
Standing in front of Jaime's door, Olivia gripped the movie in one hand and stuck her other hand in her pocket. She closed her fist around Alex's necklace, and waited as the locks unfastened.
When the wooden barrier gave way, she finally knew, finally understood. She would give up her life, her all, for the love of this woman before her. Even if it would last for only a moment. Just one.
Alex looked at her. "What are you doing here?" She asked softly. There was no anger in her voice, neither was there much warmth.
"You just buzzed me in without asking."
"They rigged up my VCR to the security camera downstairs. Again, what are you doing here?"
Here was Olivia's stellar moment of lameness. She knew she only had one chance to make it work. "I came to return this," she said and held out the City of Angel DVD.
"You came all this way to return a movie?" She asked incredulously.
"I was bringing this back too," she pulled the necklace out of her pocket, and noted with hope that Alex didn't refuse when she put it on.
"How?" She touched the pendant hesitantly, seemingly surprised. Her eyes rested on the one about Olivia's throat.
"Your mom..."
"Of course." A small grin crept onto fair features, brightening.
"But that's not really why I'm here either..."
She stepped up and touched Alex uncertainly on her cheek, still apprehensive about the tall stranger she saw Alex with, wondering if she'd waited too long. Then Alex lowered her eyes and pressed against her hand.
Olivia watched, in slow motion, as Alex looked up, and reached across to brush back dark locks, extending their connection. The easy gesture evoking a myriad of emotions, a profound, ineffable longing.
She fell forward, temporarily swept away by the comforting, familiar scent that reminded her of rich honey, sweet vanilla, and ripe summer peaches... That alone brought Olivia to her knees...
Pale lids fluttered close as lips touched lips softly, worshipping, cherishing, sharing a smile...
Slender arms closed about her waist, ending the distance, accepting, inviting, drawing in...
Tongue met tongue in a tender caress, deepening their union, gently, unhurriedly, as if it were their first kiss...
She eased away before their breathing quickened, and waited until blue eyes locked onto her brown ones, "I love you... I always have..." she declared, never letting go.
And she waited, until her lover's bewitching smile chased away her deepest fear, reassuring her unconditionally that their love was still very much alive.
"And I always will..." Lips touched lips again, imprinting, sealing the promise...
Two hearts yielding, joyously, as invisible tendrils wove around them in a golden web, mending the seams of one soul rent asunder long ago...
Bonding...
Fusing...
Completing.