TITLE: GETTING TO KNOW YOU
E-MAIL: adrienne_miranda@yahoo.com
FANDOM: Law and Order SVU
PAIRING: Alex Cabot / Olivia Benson
DATE: November 22, 2003 to January 17, 2004
FEEDBACK: Yes, please. We'd love to know whether you like this or not!!!
ARCHIVE: Ok, just let us know where.
RATING: Nothing beyond TV-level-graphic-ness. If same-sex relationships bother you though, you might want to read something else.
LEGAL STUFF: Copyrighted 2004 by Miranda Rafferty. Non-original characters, if applicable, are used without permission under "Fair Use" doctrine. The author reserve all rights attached to all original aspects of this work.
SUMMARY FOR STORY: Like what the title said.
SPOILER: Post "Loss". There also might be other bits and pieces from various episodes.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Adrienne and Miranda cooperated on the conceptual aspects of this story. Thanks to Adrienne for editing and adding her special touches.
NEXT STORY: PROMISES
"Again, I'm sorry about having to go in." Alex apologized, her tone all business like, a drastic contrast from earlier in the morning. She carried her bag on her shoulder, her arms crossed as if to keep her lover at bay.
"I understand," Olivia stood in front of the door. "A promise is a promise, and the kids need you."
"Besides, it's the perfect opportunity for you and Oliver to get acquainted," she smiled sweetly. "So look around, and make yourself at home. You are coming back on a regular basis?"
Olivia nodded hurriedly. "Yes, you aren't getting rid of me that easy." She had planned on being a permanent if part-time fixture.
"Here then,” Alex picked up Oliver and dumped him in her arms unceremoniously. "You two have fun getting to know each other. Play nicely, and don't make a mess." She scratched the cat's chin and ruffled her lover's hair. Kisses were exchanged and she was gone.
Olivia sighed as she locked the door one-handed. **There's just something about Alex in her work clothes...** She thought it was some sort of arrested development on authority figures in dark suits. Apparently, that wasn't the case, and she was relieved. **Except this new Alex is worse... so much worse...
**Now she's like a really good cup of cappuccino... you just want to slurp up the exquisitely spiced whip cream... to get to the soul soothing hot milk and heart pumping espresso...** She groaned, and suppressed a sudden craving. **Great, Benson, just great. You're going to turn into a caffeine junkie.**
"Meooow!"
"Oh," Olivia remembered the cat under her arm, and met Oliver's baleful glare. She held him up to her face. "Yeah, I know you don't like me any more than I like you. But she loves both of us, so you'd better get used to me being around," she said to the cat, resigned on making the best of a ridiculous situation. She thought they had reached an understanding yesterday morning, but subsequent interactions proved her wrong. She quickly concluded she was not a cat person, would never be a cat person, and had absolutely no intention of becoming a cat person. As far as Olivia was concerned, this beast was nothing but a walking hairball waiting to happen.
"You couldn't have been a nice, simple, straightforward dog, could you?" She dropped off Oliver on the couch and headed into the kitchen.
Olivia stared at the empty counter, devoid of the expected espresso machine and coffee maker. Even the quickie single-serve press was missing. **Guess she wasn't kidding when she said she was cutting back.**
Letting out another deep breath, Olivia reached into and refrigerator and took out the orange juice. She poured herself a full glass, closed the door, and turned. Just as she was about to take a step, she saw Oliver. He looked up at her and cocked his head as if studying her. So she carefully stepped to the side and tried to go passed him. He moved with her, never taking his eyes off of her.
"What?" She glared at the cat.
He turned, tail up in the air, and sauntered out of the kitchen. Stopping just on the other side of the doorway, he sat down and began to bathe himself.
"Great time and place to decide you need a bath." She growled at him. He ignored her and continued to lick his paw.
Seeing no way around the cat, Olivia decided to step over him. He reached out and caught her ankle with his claws, not enough to draw blood, but enough to make her lose her footing. Somehow she managed to maintain an upright position, without spilling her drink.
"Oliver!" She yelled. The cat was nowhere to be seen. "One of us is going to be dead before this day is out, and I am bigger!" She threatened, as if the cat could understand her.
Olivia decided now was as good a time as any to get familiar with the condo. She started with Alex's closet. Rather than cool gray, black, white and blue, the space was now filled with cream, tweeds, brown, and warm gray.
**She's such a clothes horse.** Olivia shook her head. **Only she could find seventeen shades of beige.** Not that she really counted; besides, her lover would have a name for each oat, wheat, rye... etc. color. **Same old predictable Alex, just a different palette.** She checked out the first couple of suits. **Ah-ha! Now she's the Banana Republic poster girl.** She grinned, looking forward to presenting Alex with her new nickname. **Maybe she hasn't changed that much after all.**
Olivia started putting her own clothes on the shelves, adding small splashes of completely random colors. Some things weren't going to change either.
The entire time, Oliver followed her back and forth as if guarding Alex's closet in her absence. "I'm here to stay cat, get used to it." She said and immediately felt stupid for talking to a cat like a human. "Why couldn't you be a dog? I understand dogs."
Next, she tried to find a space for her toiletries in the bathroom. She opened the cabinet over the sink to put her perfume and lotion in, but there was no room. It was full of every skincare product known to western woman and more. She checked the one below, only to find it filled with shampoo, conditioner, hot oil treatments and God knew what else. Olivia's own bathroom might look like a small H2O+ sample room, but this... This is like an apothecary exposition. She didn't know how her lover managed to use all of this, but the woman looked wonderful and smelled exquisite, she wasn't about to start complaining now. Besides, it was another affirmation that it was still her Alex living here. So she reached up, and stuck her toiletry bag on top of the cabinet, like she used to do in Alex's old apartment.
**Hmm... A bath would be nice,** Olivia thought, with all her things put away. She found the linen closet and grabbed a bath sheet. Then, she balled up her clothes and threw them into the opened hamper. "Yay, four points for Benson!" Soon, the tub was filled. She got in and settled back, letting the hot water soothe away the tight muscles and stress of the last weeks. The steam and the calming vanilla scent floated up around, and her mind began to drift...
Suddenly, she sensed a presence. "Whoa!" She jumped and opened her eyes to find Oliver returning her stare. "Shoo, go away." She ordered. "What's wrong with you, cat?" He merely yawned and began to bathe his face. "Well, I suppose you're in the right room." Olivia was determined to win this battle. She ignored him and eased back into her bath. By the time she was through, the cat was no longer in the room.
**Thank God,** she thought, as she put on fresh lounge pants and cami. **He's starting to give me the creeps.** She hung her towel up to dry, and turned to walk out of the bathroom. "Jesus!" Oliver was sitting just outside waiting for her. "What's with you, cat? I swear, you're going to end up a rug in the living room!"
**Yeah that's brilliant. Now you're threatening a cat,** Olivia thought. "If I laid one finger on you or harmed one little hair, I'm sure I'll be right there beside you." She sighed and shook her head. Oliver merely trilled at her and walked away.
"Stupid beast." She mumbled after him.
He turned and looked at her as if to say, "You're no prize, human."
At that point Olivia's stomach growled. **That's odd...** She had just shared breakfast with Alex. Still, she hadn't been eating regularly the last couple of months. Perhaps it was just her body's way of taking care of itself now that she wasn't residing in the pits of depression. **Wonder if there's anything in the fridge besides leftover Chinese.**
Alex was just as bad as she had been in New York. She found a carton of soymilk, next to the juice. "Hello!" There was a four-pound jar of peanut butter. She picked it up, and shook it. "Yup, knife's still in it. Wow." She didn't know how she could have skipped that earlier. "Pay attention, Benson. You're missing important things." She checked the freezer and found some frozen Lean Cuisine dinners and three assorted boxes of sugar free Popsicles. **What's with her and her popsicles? Ugh. Never mind.** She steered the too hot image clear out of her head.
She checked the drawers and cabinets for something to go with her peanut butter. All she found was a set of silverware, a cup, a bowl, two plates and three glasses. This was sad even by Alex's standards. **At least she had two sets of silverware before.** She had to do something about her kitchen.
**First things first though.** It was time to check the pantry and see how bare it was. "You've got to be kidding." She said out loud. It might as well have been used as a storage closet. There was a big bag of cat food, a box of instant cup of soup, two cans of tuna, a six-pack of flavored bottled water, half a dozen energy bars and two shelves filled entirely with different kinds of tea. Olivia understood the virtue of tea better than most, but... **Jesus. Guess she had to replace the jars of flavored coffee beans with something,** she chuckled. As time went by, she grew to find her lover's obsessive compulsiveness endearing.
On the top level, all by itself, was an unopened box of Triscuits. From the kitchen to the living room, Olivia cradled the crackers and the peanut butter jar in her arms like a baby.
Then she headed over to the CD shelf and began looking through the selection. **Classical, classical, opera, symphony, more opera, more symphony... All alphabetized by composer. Gee, no surprise there...** She smiled and shook her head. "Hello, hello!" On the bottom shelf, she found Sheryl Crow and Sarah McLachlan, everything the singers had done, even the new McLachlan CD she'd been meaning to get. She put it into the player and sat down on the futon.
**Guess happy in love makes people sappy.** She grinned and lost herself in the syrupy sounds coming from the speakers.
When Olivia finished her snack, she turned her attention to the kitchen. She found a pad of paper and pencil in Alex's office and began a list, and included everything she could think of. Alex might not cook, but Olivia did, and was quite good if she did say so herself. She found the spare keys easily, changed, and headed out the door on a mission.
During her previous long drive around the area, she checked out the neighborhood, and noticed a huge supermarket about three blocks away. She spent quite a bit of time going through the store, filling up one basket then a second, finally putting everything in a cart. She found a pet supply store on her PDA, went there and bought a cat tree, treats, and even cat toys.
When Olivia got back to the apartment, she put Oliver in the bedroom. It took her several trips to unload her car. Working frantically, she managed to get the pantry, refrigerator and cabinets in order before noon. There was a neat pile of boxes broken down and stacked against the wall, the bags were folded and stuck in a drawer.
**Hmm, what to do now.** She decided to take another walk-thru of the condo. **How does Alex live like this?** It was absolutely Zen-empty. She'd seen hotel rooms with more ambience. This could all be solved by visits to Pottery Barn and IKEA in the next few days. **So much to do, so little time...** Olivia added more things to her list for Alex to pick out.
Then, she turned her attention to the television. She flipped channels until she found CNN, and watched the news for a while, until she noticed a faint scratching on the door.
As soon as she let Oliver out, he started what Olivia would later describe to Alex as a hell run. He ran through the condo, knocking over books and the telephones. He nearly broke a lamp and her water glass. Try as she might, she couldn't catch him. It soon became a game of hide and seek. She knew this was not going well. The cat was more at home here than she was. **Damn, how can I be one-upped by a cat?**
Admitting defeat and standing in the middle of the living room, she turned off the TV. "Cat, you can do whatever you like, you probably will anyway. After the drive here, I don't have the time or energy to chase you around. Good night, Oliver," she declared to her unseen foe, and headed to the bedroom.
Olivia thought no more about the cat, and was sound asleep shortly after her head hit the pillow. Suddenly, a heavy weight slammed against her stomach, waking her from a dreamless sleep. "What's your problem, beast?" She stared back at the brown ball of fur standing on her. "Am I sleeping on your side of the bed or something? Well, get used to it."
Oliver walked up to her chest and began kneading her flesh. He butted her chin with his head and looked at her questioningly. When she didn't respond, he butted her chin again.
**Okay, think, Olivia. Think dog.** She reached up and tentatively scratched the back of his ear. He began to purr loudly, closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. **Huh.** She nodded to herself and moved him gently to the spot beside her, **Oh, wait, not a good idea,** and picked him up again, making room by the edge of the bed. She never stopped scratching his ears and head; soon, he settled down against her side and continued purring.
"Okay, truce, Oliver." She said, and smiled. Just before they both drifted off to sleep, she admittedly quietly, "Guess you're all right for a cat."
The next thing Olivia heard was a sharp and shrill sound coming from the table next to the bed. She almost hit her head trying to stop it.
"Benson," she answered the phone without thinking.
Alex laughed brightly, "Did I wake you?"
"Yeah, Oliver and I were taking a nap." She responded groggily and checked the clock. "Wow, I thought you'd be back by now."
"That's the reason I called. I ran into a snag and it's going to take longer than I thought."
"Oh." She stretched out her muscles. "Do you know when you'll be done?"
"... Probably around five. Are you and Oliver becoming great friends?"
"Oh, yeah. He guarded your closet while I unpacked, then he watched me take a bath. The cat's perverted."
"He just has good taste. Besides, he is named after you."
"Yeah, yeah. I can show you how perverted I can be when you get back." Olivia teased.
"Is there anything you'd like me to bring?"
"Just you and that beautiful body of yours," she responded in a sultry tone. "And I'm being creative for dinner."
"I don't think I'll ask."
"No, you shouldn't," she chuckled.
"Don't get into too much trouble. I don't want to have to call the fire department."
"I wasn't the one who set her stove on fire." Olivia reminded her sweetly.
"If someone hadn't distracted me, maybe I wouldn't have."
"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting." She laughed softly.
"Have fun being creative."
"I'll try."
"Talk to you later then."
"I love you, Sweetheart."
"Love you, too, Liv."
Olivia hung up the phone, got up and tried to make the bed. Oliver helped by getting in the way at every possible opportunity. She finally just picked him up, and started talking to him, "You're such a handsome boy." She cooed, "Such a good boy," and hugged him lightly. Surprisingly, he purred even louder and butted her head with his. "Oh, you are my fierce urban kitty, aren't you?" She asked him, the baby talk becoming exaggerated. He trilled louder and wrapped his paws around her hand.
"Getting to know you isn't all that bad," she conceded. Then snippets of the song came to her. "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you," she sang to him in a soft alto. He cocked his head and looked at her curiously. "Getting to like you, getting to hope you like me," she continued singing. Oliver meowed at her, seemingly happy. He reached a paw up to her face and batted at her chin. "Getting to know you, putting it my way, but nicely. You are precisely my cup of tea." She rubbed her nose against his and laughed.
By this time, he was ready to get down. As soon as he was on the floor, he brushed his body against Olivia's leg. "Look, boy." She opened up the bag of cat toys she bought, and tossed him a crunchy mouse. He jumped after it, and in a flash, he brought it back. "So, you play fetch, huh?" She threw it again, farther this time, and he returned with the toy in his mouth. The game continued until Oliver got tired and curled up on the futon. She patted him lightly a few times, then headed into the kitchen.
Five o'clock rolled around, and the locks turned. Alex walked in carrying fresh flowers in her hand. "Hi." She handed them to Olivia, who greeted her in the living room.
"They're beautiful, sweetheart, thank you." She kissed her lover deeply. "It's good to see you," she whispered, after pulling back, but not really wanting to let go.
"I've missed you, too." Alex sighed, nuzzling her lover's neck, her arms around her waist.
Lips brushed against lips lightly, tenderly...
Finally, Olivia stepped back. "I fixed a little snack plate for you. Are you hungry?"
"Famished," she grinned. "I never got around to eating lunch. Something smells good, what are you cooking?"
"A surprise. It should be ready in a while."
"I'm going to get some water, would you like some?"
"There's a bottle of sparkling grape juice in the fridge. You might enjoy that."
"I think I'll save that for dinner." Alex raised her eyebrows. **Sparkling grape juice? My, you are full of surprises.**
She put down her bag and walked into the kitchen. Her lover followed closely behind. She opened the refrigerator, and exclaimed, "Oh, my God."
"I told you I was being creative, sweetheart." Olivia explained with a smile. "I went to the supermarket and picked up some things.
Alex went to the pantry, and took a deep breath before opening the door. It was just like the refrigerator, well organized and neatly labeled, but filled to capacity.
"Just all the things you needed to have a well balanced diet."
"What? Two of everything?" She inquired softly, still stunned.
"No. I just got the basics. Oh, and I thought I'd whip up some freezable dishes, so you could microwave them later. See? I even bought containers." Olivia pointed to the top shelf. "Your kitchen needed stocking. You didn't have anything."
"And what's in your kitchen? A four-pound jar of peanut butter, a box of Triscuits and a partial bottle of wine that has probably turned into vinegar by now? Oh, and a six pack of beer and a carton of orange juice in the fridge?" Alex shook her head in disbelief. "Why my kitchen?"
"I was bored, it gave me something to do. You told me to make myself at home, didn't you mean it?" Olivia asked, grinning.
"But your home doesn't look like... like a grocery store warehouse."
"Go on, and get comfortable. I'll put your snack and water on the coffee table." Olivia ushered her lover out of the kitchen. "Oh, in case you're wondering, that big box over in the corner is a cat tree for Oliver. I stopped by the pet store, and I got him toys and treats, too. He didn't seem to have any." She was almost manic in her enthusiasm. "Go, go, go, I'll have dinner ready in a few minutes."
Alex just shook her head, quietly chanting, "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God..." as she walked towards the bedroom.
"Sweetheart, everything's under control. I promise." Olivia called after her.
Alex was in her room for a long time. When she came out, Olivia was waiting for her on the futon, with her drink and a plate of bite size fruit and vegetables. "Thanks, Liv," she smiled, and kissed her.
Olivia beamed and held out a piece of melon. Alex leaned in, and took the sweet fruit. Before she could take her hand away, soft lips closed around her fingertips and warm tongue removed the last bit of juice, oh so slowly, so very sensually...
Alex pulled away, and picked up a slice of cucumber. "This is very good. Thank you. I didn't realize how hungry I was." She munched happily. "What are you cooking? It smells wonderful. Olivia?"
"Huh?" She slowly opened her eyes, a dreamy expression lingered on her face. "Oh. Do you really want to know?"
"Mmhmm..."
"Ok. We're having beef medallions in a mushroom sauce, steamed asparagus, and rice pilaf with pine nuts," she said enthusiastically. "And for dessert, we're having flourless chocolate truffle cake."
"What happened to I don't eat anything but salad thank you very much?" Alex choked down her celery, "And one tomato dinners?"
"Well, there are tomatoes slices in the salad. Oh, I guess I forgot to mention the salad. There are also some fresh ones in the fridge." Olivia grinned. "I don't know, I just suddenly had a real appetite. Besides, you could use a little more meat on your bones. I don't want you wasting away."
"Nor do I want to be the Goodyear Blimp when you leave." She teased, "How come you never did this before? Domestic bliss took over while I was gone?"
"It wasn't much, really..." She suddenly felt uncomfortable; perhaps there was something wrong with her stab at homemaking. Her doubt was immediately dispelled by her lover's brilliant smile.
"A girl could get used to this kind of pampering. Who'd ever thought my hard nosed detective could do all this?" Alex kissed her softly on the lips.
"It's nothing you don't deserve. I just wanted to do something special for you while I'm here."
"You did, Liv. This is great."
"Now I have to get back, I don't want anything to burn." She stood up. "Finish your snack. Relax. I'll call you when dinner's ready."
"Okay." Alex grabbed Olivia's hand as she started to walk away and kissed the open palm. "I love you. Thank you for all of it. I was just a little surprised."
"Sorry I caught you off guard," she smiled sincerely. "I'll put Oliver's tree house together after dinner."
Alex watched her lover go and picked up more food from the tray. She settled back comfortably into the couch, realizing she could really like domestic bliss quite a bit, especially if it involved being spoiled like this.
Still, this new twist in their relationship worried her. While she did appreciate Olivia shopping and cooking for her, it was a little overboard. The list she found in the bedroom concerned her even more. She knew the apartment was sterile looking, and it needed a lot to make it a home. But she wasn't even sure if she wanted it to ever be a home. If this were to be her new life, she wanted to take it slowly and make sure she felt comfortable in her new skin. She decided she needed to talk with her lover.
Olivia came out to tell her dinner was ready, and led her by the hand to the dining room.
"Wow. This looks great! Thank you." She pulled her lover close, and kissed her full on the mouth. "You even got silverware!" She laughed softly. They had shared her only set over Thanksgiving dinner and breakfast.
Good food, pleasant conversation, and plenty of available leisure time made dinner a longer than average affair. When they were through, Alex insisted on clearing the table while Olivia put the remainder of the food away. They rinsed the dishes and loaded up the dishwasher together, laughing and talking the whole time. Afterwards, they refilled their glasses and brought their drinks to the living room. Alex sat cross-legged on the couch and Olivia follow suit, facing her.
"Liv, we need to talk, okay?" She took her lover's hands in hers.
Olivia seemed a little concerned, but said nothing. She waited for Alex to begin, while telling herself that everything was going to be all right.
"First of all, I'm very happy you're here." She gave Olivia's hands a gentle squeeze. "I know we both wondered if we would still be together... I can't tell you how grateful I am that we are."
"But?"
"It was really hard for me to get used to my new name, new identity... Especially outside the courtroom. It took me a while to remember I am Jaime O'Brien..."
"Do you want me to stop calling you Alex? I can if that’s what you want." Olivia offered. "I don't want to make things harder for you. I'll do whatever you need me to."
"It's all right. I don't want to lose every aspect of my old life, especially not the parts that involve you. And no matter how I look, what I wear, or what other people call me, I'm still your Alex." She held her lover's gaze. "But will it be a problem for you to call me Alex in private and Jaime in public? I don't want to make it hard for you either."
"I think I can handle it. Trust me, Alex, I'm not going to blow your cover." She brought her lover's hands to her lips.
"I know that. That's not what I meant at all."
"That's not what I meant either. I know none of this is going to be easy. But I'm prepared to work at it... I want to get it right."
"We talk, sometimes we talk a lot. But when it gets to the important things, things like how we feel and what we think, we tend to shut down... Or we assume... I think we need to communicate more, especially after what we've both been through... We could have avoided a lot of it had we expressed our feelings."
Olivia just looked at Alex, allowing her to finish and realizing that it was the most her lover had ever said to her at any one time. She was right, they were both bad about communication. It was just another thing to add to Olivia's list of new improvements in their relationship.
"I think that's a good idea, Sweetheart." She smiled. "I can't guarantee I'll be perfect at it right away, but I do promise I'll try. You can let me know if I'm not doing a good job. I want this to work, and I'll do whatever I can to make it easier on you."
"This is not just about me, and what might be easier for me. This is about us. And we need to work on it together, Olivia, not separately," Alex explained. "I also don't want you resent this situation. You're the one doing all the traveling and stepping into a life you're not familiar with."
"To be perfectly honest, it will take some time for me to get used to your new life. It’s not the traveling, that’s the easiest part.” She smiled assuringly, then took a deep breath. “I’m still having a hard time adjusting to not having you in my life everyday. Believe me, it hasn’t been easy. But the time we have together will be uninterrupted by beepers and phone calls. That will be nice.”
Alex nodded in agreement, and understanding. “I appreciate the efforts you’ve already made. I didn’t expect you to talk to Liz, let alone to meet her so soon.”
"Sweetheart, you're not the most out-going person in the world... You might be worse than me." She flashed her lover a crooked smile. "I'm so glad you found a friend. And I decided to compromise with the selfish me, who wants to monopolize every moment of your free time... Do you mind if I hung out with you and your new friends?"
"It's not just you. More often than not, I want you all to myself." She grinned, "But I do look forward to showing you off."
"Likewise. Is there anything else I need to know, sweetheart?" Olivia asked She felt relieved that this was going along well, Alex seemed content, and that was all that mattered to her.
"There are some other things... I know you want to take care of me and protect me." Alex lowered her gaze, as she recalled the tears in Olivia's eyes the first time she saw the scar, and her lips on it as if trying to kiss it away. "You can't hold yourself responsible for what happened to me. We have to move on, and not look back." She twined her fingers with her lover's, caressing them gently, until Olivia looked up and nodded.
"I was in a very dark place just a few days ago..." Dark head dropped again. "It's all right. It wasn't all about us." Broad shoulders sagged. "It's really okay, Liv." She leaned forward and kissed her softly. "It was more about me, really. But I don't think I need to tell you how important you are to me in my life, how much I love you..." She tried very hard to walk the fine line between relieving Olivia of guilt and affirming her place in her world. "Finally, it occurred to me that I've been given a chance to start over and live my life the way I want it. People don't often get a chance to do that, and I want to make the most of it this time. I want to make decisions based on how I want my life to go, not decisions thrust on me by circumstances or expectations." She tried hard to make her lover understand.
"Did I do something wrong?" Olivia asked in her little girl lost voice, concerned. She looked back over the last 48 hours in her mind, and decided to listen to what Alex had to say.
"You've been great, and I appreciate everything you did today, ordering food and cooking. You even managed to hit it off with Oliver, and that's important to me. I know cats aren't your cup of tea."
"Oh, I'm making an exception when it comes to Oliver." She smiled and affirmed truthfully. "He's special."
"Thank you, Liv. That means a lot."
"I have a feeling we're getting away from the real subject thought."
"Yes, we are... I know the apartment is bare. It needs to look more like a home, and maybe one day it will. I'm going slowly because I want to get it right... I want to make sure I'm comfortable, and so far I am. I like my new job, and I'm learning to be a little more approachable. It's too easy to go back and hide behind the facade..." Alex made sure she never lose eye or hand contact with Olivia, to make sure she didn't feel as if she was being left out.
"I... uh... saw you in court... And the new you... unnerved me a little." She rushed on, "But I really like the change. You look freer, happier."
"Liv," she paused, and weighed her words. "You've seen aspects of me no one else has. The smile that you like? It's there only because you put it there."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"Okay." Olivia grinned, her mood definitely less somber.
"Getting back to the point... I have to make all the decisions myself. Maybe it's selfish, but I know that if I don't feel comfortable at every level, even the small ones, I won't be able to pull this new life off." She paused and looked away for a moment. When she looked back she was ready to go on.
"I've always let everyone tell me how to live my life... I knew what was expected of me, knew what I was supposed to do. Everything was all mapped out. Now, I can draw my own maps, and live according to my own rules and expectations." She tugged at her lover's hands. "So please try to understand, that I want to pick out what pictures are on my wall, what kind of dishes are in my cabinets. I even want to pick out what cans of soup are in my pantry. I can't let you do that for me, as sweet and considerate as you were trying to be. Can you understand that?" Alex asked, but her eyes pleaded with Olivia to please work with her.
"I think I know why all of this is so important to you," Olivia answered softly. She leaned forward and kissed Alex on the cheek. "If I promise to keep quiet, can I at least tag along when you go shopping?"
"I'd love for you to. For now though, my apartment will have stay like this. There are other things that I need to work out first." She gave her lover a sultry smile, "Besides, we have better things to do, than shopping for sheets and matching dishes."
"Oh?" Olivia wagged her eyebrows. "What do you have in mind?" She was relieved. Their first real talk hadn't been too painful. No one died, no one got injured, and no feelings had been hurt. They were both happy and Alex was interested in something she was definitely very good at.
"I saw a can of whipped cream in the fridge... Would you like to get creative with that?"
"Yeah, you bet!" She grinned, her mind going a mile a minute with the possibilities. "Wanna get started?"
Alex smiled and let Olivia lead the way…