WHY? DO I LOVE THEE?
by Miranda Rafferty
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"Liv, it's time to get up." Alex shook her gently.
"What time is it?" The detective asked staring out the bedroom window to the dark outside.
“When you promised to get up?” The blonde reminded her.
“I don’t remember making any such promise.” She fell back into her pillows closing her eyes.
“You should, it was last night after we made love, or don’t you remember that either?”
“Making love, yes. Promising to get up at some ungodly hour, no. Especially on Christmas morning. The kids don’t even wake us up this early.”
“Olivia Benson, you liar. You promised you’d get up and take me around to take pictures. Now get your lazy butt out of bed.”
“Alex, it’s cold outside and if you come back to bed, I promise I can warm us both up.” The brunette promised leering at her partner.
“It’s not going to work, Liv. Get up and get dressed. You promised and I’m not letting you wiggle out of it.”
“But I thought you liked the way I wiggled?” She simpered.
“Liv.” Alex said crossly.
“Remind me,why I am getting up out of my nice warm bed, in the middle of a frigid night?” She asked yawning mightily and demonstrating her best shiver.
“Because you promised.” Alex said with strained patience.
“I promised under duress.” Olivia defended herself. She really hoped Alex would just come back to bed and let the brunette make slow, passionate love to her.
“May, I remind you that you gave me the camera and said I had a real talent for taking pictures. One you thought I could really use for my creative outlet. Or did you forget that too?”
The detective sighed heavily and started getting out of bed knowing Alex was right.
“Never mind, it’s obviously too much trouble for you. I’ll just go by myself.”
Olivia tried to focus her eyes. “You will not. I didn’t say I wouldn’t take you.”
“I’m fine, Liv. I used to go jogging in Central Park every morning long before you and I got together.”
“That’s different.” She countered.
“How is it different? The park’s no more dangerous now than it was before. I’m a big girl, Liv, I can handle it.”
“I’ll take you, you’re not going by yourself.” The detective said firmly.
“I said no.”
“And again, Why?”
“You’re the Mother of my children and you aren’t going out by yourself.”
“I’m what?!?” Alex couldn’t believe what Olivia had just said. That.
“Uhmmmmmmmmmmm. . .” Olivia was suddenly fully awake. Obviously that was not the right thing to say.
“So before I had the kids it didn’t matter if I risked my life.”
“That’s not what I said, Alex, and you know it.”
“Excuse me, that’s what it sounded like to me.”
“You’re always twisting my words, lawyers are good at that.” The brunette blurted out. Now she had done it. How did she get herself in these messes?
“I can’t believe you just said that.” Alex looked stunned and there were tears in her eyes. “I guess I know where I stand in your life now.”
Olivia tried to put her arms around her lover. “Alex, I was half asleep, that’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean? I’ve always heard a person speaks the absolute truth when you catch them off guard.” She pulled away from the brunette and turned her back.
“I’d be sick with worry if I let you go by yourself. I know you’re a big girl and you probably don’t need me half as much as I need you.” Olivia said softly trying to win Alex over.
There was no response from her partner, just a stony silence followed by a soft sob.
“Alex, baby. . .I love you madly, I always have. You’re the sun in my morning and the smile in my heart. I can’t think of anyone who’d put up with me the way you do. Or the way you make me forget a bad day with just a hint of a smile.”
“Sure I do. . .”
At least the blonde was talking, so Olivia still had a chance.
“You’re my world, you always have been. I can’t think of a time or a place that you haven’t been part of every minute of my day. Ever since I saw you that first time in Hank’s office. I was a stuttering lump. I acted like a complete idiot.”
“You were definitely an idiot, I’ll give you that.” Alex threw over her shoulder.
“But I knew then I would be crazy about you for the rest of my life? And I was trying to get out of there before I made such an ass out of myself you’d never give me a second look.”
“You’re an ass, all right.”
“And you were the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I fell in love with you then and there. I couldn’t even think of going without anyone but you.”
“You had a stable of girls ready to go out with you on a moment’s notice.
“Maybe that’s true, but none of them were the one I wanted. I dated any random blonde just to try and get you out of my head. I couldn’t do it, Alex.”
“Really…?” She faltered a little looking into soft brown eyes.
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“Not that I know of.”
“I’m not about to start now, I promise.”
“I don’t know, you said it was because I was the Mother of your children.”
“You are and I rejoice in that fact everyday about the two precious little girls you and I brought into this world. I can’t tell you how much I love you, Alex, because there is just no way to measure how much that is.”
“I still don’t know.”
Olivia drew Alex close and kissed her on each corner of her mouth. She took her index finger and pushed up one side of Alex’s lips but nothing happened. She tried it on the other side.
Alex looked at her and asked, “Just what do you think you’re doing?”
“I was checking to see if you’re smile was broken and I think it is.” Olivia said innocently by way of an explanation.
Alex couldn’t help it she burst out laughing and grabbed Olivia’s nose and gave it a hard twist.
“Ouch, nose abuse.” She yelped.
“You’re lucky it wasn’t worse.”
“I know, why don’t I take you to shoot pictures with your camera. We could leave now and be back before the kids wake up?”
Alex smiled and said, “I never thought you’d ask.”