MON DESTIN

TITLE: MON DESTIN

FANDOM: Law and Order SVU

PAIRING: Alex Cabot / Olivia Benson

DATE: December 13, 2003 to May 9, 2008

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. We'd love to know whether you like this or not!!!

ARCHIVE: Ok, just let us know where.

RATING: Mature. If same-sex relationships bother you though, you might want to read something else.

LEGAL STUFF: Copyrighted 2004 to 2007 by Adrienne Lee and Miranda Rafferty. Non-original characters, if applicable, are used without permission under "Fair Use" doctrine. The authors reserve all rights attached to all original aspects of this work. This is a work of fiction; any similarity to characters or persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.

SUMMARY FOR STORY: Alex haunted by her family's past; Olivia feared the worst.

SPOILER: Post "Loss". There also might be other bits and pieces from various episodes.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Continuation of the Lemon Seed and Orange Tree universe. This spoils THE SECRETS OF THE HOARY DEEP, Adrienne’s unfinished X:WP story.

DAY 1

Chapter 0

It had taken no time at all for the suburbs of Paris to disappear. For a few minutes, Olivia let her eyes follow the changing landscape. Invariably, her attention returned to her lover’s profile, her lashes golden and her lips pink, against the blur of grey blue sky and yellow green fields. **You’re beautiful,** she wanted to whisper, but she didn’t. Instead, her gaze drifted to their linked hands resting on her thigh. Her muscles twitched.

It would be so easy to reach into her bag and pull out the ring. She could slip it onto the blonde’s finger while she was asleep and unaware. It would be a surprise to wake up to. **A pleasant one, hopefully,** she thought as she watched the steady rise and fall of her lover’s chest.

**No.** She couldn’t do it; not like that. Any proposal she were to make had to be special. She knew it would never be as grand or as full of finesse as she wanted. Still, it would be an occasion to remember. One they would treasure, with details they would never forget. **On a bullet train to Anjou’s definitely not it.**

Olivia sighed, her stomach feeling funny as her emotions twisted and turned. It was inexplicable, the way she felt. **What is it?** She tried to finger the cause. There was a sense of foreboding. Over what though, she could not possibly fathom.

**Maybe it’s just nerves. From excitement. Plain and simple.

**Or maybe…** Abruptly, her musings stopped. Her brain voided while her mouth curved involuntarily into a smile.

”What?” Alex asked, pulling her body upright and her hand from her lover’s grasp.

“Mm?”

“You’re smiling.”

“Yeah?”

“Why?” The blonde blinked away her sleep.

“No reason, except that you make me smile.”

“Liv!”

Catching her lover’s wrist, Olivia dodged the playful punch. “You laugh, but I’m serious,” she said, and pressed a kiss to the back of the woman’s hand. “Every time I look at you, I think about how lucky I am. Gets me right here,” she tapped her heart with her fist.

Self-consciously, Alex pushed her hair behind her ear.

“I’m serious, Sweetheart.”

“I believe you.” Briefly, their eyes locked. Then Alex tossed her head back and laughed softly. “This is crazy,” she said.

Olivia’s smile grew. “I’m crazy about you.”

“God, we’re sickening.”

“Nauseating.”

“We’re too old to act like this.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Olivia’s voice light and slow. “Is there an age limit on love?”

“There should be one on lust.”

This time, Olivia laughed. That was not the response she expected. Now she saw the faint glow dusting fair skin; she felt the tension in the woman’s bearing. “Are we feeling lusty?” She tightened the space between them.

“Stop it,” Alex warned, blocking her lover’s face with her palm. “Leave me alone.”

“But the sexy beast…”

“Leave her alone, too.”

Fighting the urge to tickle with her tongue, she pressed a kiss gently into the center of the blonde’s hand. “All right,” she allowed, taking her lover’s wrist and lacing their fingers together. “I’ll behave. Under duress, let the record state.”

“Thank you.”

Olivia waited for Alex to find her center, to relax once more into her seat. “So,” she began.

“Hm?”

“What surprise was Fifi talking about?”

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.”

“But I wanna know.”

“You cant’ wait a coupla hours?” Alex met her lover’s eyes. She had prepared for this moment; it was overdue. “All right,” she sighed dramatically. “We’re going to have our own car while we’re there.”

“We are?”

“Yep. We can get around the countryside. And horses, too, if we want to ride.”

“I don’t know how.”

“I’ll teach you, it’s easy.”

“Right.” Somehow, Olivia didn’t quite believe the blonde. Letting her doubts go for now, she pushed, “What else?”

Alex delayed, “You know it might be fun to wait and not find out everything all at once.”

“So there are more surprises?”

“Many.”

“Oh, goodie.”

“I’ll tell you one more,” she waited, to build suspense. “The proprietress of the chateau has an agreement with Angelina’s. We can have chocolate every morning if we want.”

“But that’s more a surprise for you. Although what’s good for you is good for me,” Olivia provided, holding her tongue about chocolate being an aphrodisiac.

Finding the sincerity of the statement almost overwhelming, Alex swallowed. “Yes,” she agreed with more confidence than she felt. Drawing the cover of silence, she placed her head on the brunette’s steadying shoulders and closed her eyes again.

Chapter 1

“You getting in or not?” Alex asked impatiently, her eager hands grasping the steering wheel.

“Just a sec.”

“C’mon Liv, let’s go.” She checked the rearview mirror and licked her lips. When her lover failed to reply, she pressed, “What are you doing anyway?”

“It’s gotta be a kit.”

“A kit?”

“Kit car. You know, an antique shell on a chassis? Probably an old VW Beetle? Well, a Renault in this case?”

“Just get in, will you?” Alex sighed. “If you do, I’ll tell you all about the car.”

Something in the woman’s voice convinced Olivia to comply. “Okay…” She barely had her seat belt on when the blonde stepped down on the gas pedal. Nervously, her eyes searched for any signs posting the speed limit, and found none. When the acceleration finally leveled out, she felt she could exhale again. “Definitely a kit.”

“No, just custom-made and very well maintained.”

“Oh?”

“Used to belong to the owner’s grandmother,” Alex provided, the tone of her voice convincingly casual. “It’s a real Delahaye, from the late teens early twenties.”

“What’s a Delahaye?”

“Brand from back then?” Alex shrugged, and wet her lips again, letting her excitement show. “They used to make race cars.”

“Ah.” ”I’ve always wanted to drive it, when we stayed here.”

“But you were too young.”

“Yep.”

“Okay.” With a laugh, Olivia leaned back and closed her eyes. “Then I’ll leave you two alone.”

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to go to sleep and keep breakfast in my stomach.”

Alex took the good-natured teasing for what it was and kept the speed steady. “But don’t you want to see the countryside? It’s beautiful.”

“Maybe some other time.” The brunette added with a smile, “When you’re not driving.”

“Okay! Love you!”

Olivia chuckled. “You too, Sweetheart.”

With her lover’s blessings, Alex focused on the road ahead. What she didn’t tell the brunette was that after her great-grandmother had ceased driving, the car became her father’s. All along, the resident mechanic had kept up its maintenance. If she had wanted, they would have shipped it to her at any time. Somehow, she felt this was where the red Delahaye belonged.

**The glory of the Loire.** For the first time in her life, the blonde imagined how it must have been for her great-grandparents, to live in seclusion, in such tranquility. How they must have loved each other to spend all that time alone without distractions of daily lives. **Hope we have that, one day,** she glanced fondly at the woman beside her.

When she looked up again, something in the rearview mirror caught her eyes. She blinked, and the spectre was gone. **Great, just fucking great,** she swore silently. **First vacation I take in years, and I’m hallucinating, Or do I really need that much approval? Christ! How pathetic.** She wiped the smiling image from her mind, and concentrated on driving.

Before long, the ghost was forgotten. With the wind in her hair, Alex zipped along, enjoying the sense of freedom the open fields provided…

Chapter 2

Olivia felt the car slow, and opened her eyes. She didn’t think she would actually fall asleep, but apparently she did. “Sorry.”

“For what?” Alex asked while reaching into the glove compartment for the remote.

“Zonking out? How long have I been asleep?”

“Doesn’t matter. I did keep you up most of the night.”

The husky honeyed voice made Olivia blush. “All right, I promise I won’t do that again.”

“Do what again?”

“Tease you, about keeping you up,” she explained, watching her lover fiddle with the buttons on the control. She wondered briefly about the relaxed attitude of the owner of the establishment, if they provided unescorted access to all their guests. Then she decided some level of familiarity must have been established during Celine Cabot and her daughter’s previous visits. “Need help with that?”

Alex shook her head. “Oh, I don’t know, I like teasing you, you’re so tease-able,” she said while punching in the code to unlock the device. Soon, there was a click, and then the metal door glided open.

Olivia looked around as they pulled through the gate. “So where’s this castle?”

“Down there.”

“Down where?” All she could see were scores of old trees and nothing beyond.

Alex smiled. “At the end of the path.”

“Haha. Very funny.”

“Well, how else should I answer? Through the woods?”

“Guess you’re right.” Olivia let out a high pitched laugh. “Reminds me of fairytales. Spooky ones. You know, like Hansel and Gretel and the witch’s house.”

“Hm. Meanwhile, it makes me think Sleeping Beauty. Only the bravest princes and princesses would try to go through with all the trees.”

“I’d believe you, especially if there’s a lyme outbreak.”

“That’s rude,” Alex backhanded the brunette on the arm. “But true.” She laughed with her lover.

“Whoa!” Suddenly, the overgrown forest ended; the path opened, leading them towards the river. “Is that… the Loire?” Olivia breathed, “It’s beautiful.”

“Yes, it is. And peaceful.”

She had to agree. “And someone lived here? At one point?”

**My great-grandparents.** Alex saw the opportunity to tell and balked. “At one point. Now it’s just a place for weary tourists.”

“Nice place to recharge.”

“I’m counting on it.”

The tiredness in the woman’s voice, though just a tinge, hit Olivia hard. She reached over and gently touched her lover’s arm. “I’ll make sure you get tons of rest… and stay relaxed.”

“Thank you…” Alex smiled. “I’m definitely looking forward to that. The room we’re staying in has the most gorgeous and decadent bed.”

“Oh?”

“Super thick mattress. I remember jumping up and down on it with Ling when we were little and getting yelled at.”

That image made Olivia laugh. Somehow she could see the two of them being hellions growing up, getting into trouble because they were super smart and curious. And willful, she remembered the old photos she saw and the almost identical rebellious smile the pair wore. “How little?”

“I don’t know, maybe six? Seven? Can’t remember.”

“Wow. Have you always stayed here then, when you visited?”

“Yeah, every time we come to France.”

“So you have a history with the owners?”

Alex chewed on the inside of her lower lip, while her gaze appeared focused on the latest turn of the gravelly path. “You could say that.”

“Can’t wait to see it.”

“We’re almost there. If I remember correctly, it’s just a little further down.”

“Down?” They were almost falling into the river, Olivia felt.

“Well, down and around and then up. It’s carved out of the cliff, kind of. The back part of the castle is actually built into the rocks. Quite interesting, I think.”

“Good thing we’re not sitting on a fault.”

“God, you can be so unromantic when you want to be.”

“I’m planning on being romantic later,” Olivia provided, her hand drifting down to stroke her lover’s thigh, feeling a jolt of arousal when the trim muscles tensed to her caress.

Alex swallowed, hard. “You don’t want to do that.”

“Why not?”

“Distracting. Driving. You know, cliff. God, I can’t even put a proper sentence together.”

“Did I do that to you?”

“You have to ask?”

“Good.” Olivia let her palm rest on her lover’s knee. “That’s all I wanna know. That, and that you’re wet...”

“Liv!”

“Alex!”

The blonde laughed, as tension she didn’t know she was carrying began slipping away. “Shut up!”

“Only if you kiss me.”

“Not here. Cliff. Rocks. Remember? Besides, we’re almost there.”

“Really?”

“See that blue tip?”

Obediently, Olivia followed her lover’s eyes and saw the tip expand into a turret. “Damn…”

“It’s not as grand as some of the other castles around here. There’s one in the center of the village…”

She didn’t let the blonde finish. “Who cares, it’s a castle. We’re staying in a castle. An actual effing castle.”

**It’s just a castle,** Alex wanted to say. The waving figure at the window stole the words.

Chapter 3

“Bienvenue! Welcome to Mondestin!” A friendly woman around their age greeted them at the front door. “We have been expecting you. How do you do?”

“We’re well, thank you,” Alex replied extending her hand. “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“I’m new here; I started last summer.” The woman with jet black hair and deep set eyes said pleasantly. “My name is Olga.”

“I see. Pleasure to meet you Olga. I am Jaime, and this is Olivia,” Alex introduced, wondering if the new manager knew who they were. She looked around for her mother’s cousin, surprised that she wasn’t there to greet them. “Madame Nicole, is she here?”

“Madame is… how do you say, eh, held up. She’s held up in Paris. Business meetings. She should be returning as soon as possible.” Olga went on, “Madame left instructions for all of us to make sure you have everything you need. We want you to enjoy your stay.”

“Are we the only ones here?” Olivia asked.

“Qui. Yes. We don’t usually have guests until later, maybe June, or July. But sometimes we host special guests, like you.”

“May we see our room now?” Alex interjected. She wanted her lover to find out just how ‘special’ they were, but not necessarily from a perfect stranger.

“Yes, of course. Please follow me. You have the Elyseé, correct?”

“Elyseé?”

“Yes, each of our rooms is named after a place in Greece,” Olga turned to Olivia and explained. “Montparnasse, Delphi, and so on. The previous owner, la Marquise d’Estin, had a fondness for Greek things.”

“Oh, a marquise,” the brunette half-whispered to her lover clearly impressed. “You didn’t tell me that.”

Internally, Alex winced. “Yeah, that’s where the name of the place came from. d’Estin, with the d apostrophe, not destiny.”

“Not like your mother’s foundation.”

“No.”

“Ah, I’ve been wondering. Thought maybe your mom named it after this place.” Olivia admired, “It’s magical.”

“Yes, it is,” Alex had to agree. **In more ways than you want to know, I’m sure,** she added to herself.

“Your room used to be la Marquise’s,” Olga continued her introduction as she led them through the ancient corridor. “Our main library is over there,” she pointed to a door at the end of the hallway. “You may peruse the collection. Bring them up to your room if you please. We just ask you not to reshelve the books. A member of our staff will do that for you. And if you would like something from one of the higher shelves, please let us bring it down for you.”

“No sense breaking our necks, eh?” Olivia remarked, her grin disappearing when the woman furrowed her brows. **Some people have no sense of humor.** She shrugged.

“This library leads to the garden. The flowers are blooming beautifully this Spring. Our gardener works very hard on it.”

“It was the former owner’s pride and joy,” Alex provided for her lover.

“Madame is very familiar with our establishment?”

“Yes, I’ve been here, many times, years ago.”

“Ah, then perhaps you’re more familiar than I am.”

Alex returned the woman’s smile and tried not to speed up her pace. The chill in the air was affecting her and she couldn’t wait to get to their room and sit in front of the fireplace. “It’s been a long time since I last visited.”

“I understand Madame Nicole tries to keep everything the same,” Olga offered as she led the way upstairs. “Just like when her grandmother was alive.”

“Her grandmother the Marquise.”

**Very astute, Detective,** Alex thought, relieved that all she needed was connect that final dot for her lover. Hopefully, she would find the courage to do so before her mother’s cousin arrived. Involuntarily, she shivered.

Olivia noticed. “Cold, Jaime?”

“Yeah, just a little bit.”

“I’m sorry. This time of the year, the air is a bit damp,” the manager apologized. “And it is impossible to heat an old building this size with modern equipments. We prepared a fire in your room, however; it should be more comfortable.”

“Wonderful.” Alex smiled, pleased that they didn’t have far to go.

“Interesting portrait,” Olivia commented as they reached the landing.

“Yes, interesting,” Olga agreed. “Very realistic. She looks like she’s smiling and watching you.”

“Kind of like the Mona Lisa,” Alex jumped in.

“Yes, like the Mona Lisa.”

The detective watched the exchange between the two women, and then turned her head back towards the painting. “You and she look alike, a little bit.”

“Madame said so too.” Olga smiled. “I think it’s our hair style. She’s much more beautiful. Don’t you love the color of her eyes? They look like turquoise stones.”

“No relation then?”

“No, not that I know of,” she said, and hurried to open a door a few steps away. With reserved drama, she waved her arm. “Here we are, Mesdames. We have arrived at the Elyseé.”

Chapter 4

“That Olga, she’s somethin’,” Olivia said, flopping onto the bed, and patting the space beside her.

Almost hesitantly, Alex approached. Carefully, she sat, on the edge and far from her lover’s reach. “What do you mean?”

Brown eyes narrowed, just briefly. “I don’t know. She seems kinda weird.”

“Weird? She seems friendly to me.”

“I don’t know. Can’t put a finger on it.”

“I’m sure she isn’t any weirder than the normal French person, you know, in the eyes of an American. And vice-versa, I’m sure.” Alex smiled. “Then there’s the language issue. Maybe she was translating in her head.”

“I guess.” Olivia shrugged, and laced her hands across her stomach. “So.”

“So?”

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“You seem nervous. Like you’re hiding something.”

“What possibly could I be hiding?” Alex hedged.

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking.” Olivia sighed internally. **It’s like teeth-pulling. Am I that difficult to deal with?** She wondered. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“Anything?”

The look on her lover’s face, the lift of her brow, they betrayed nothing. “Anything,” she crossed her heart.

“What if I told you this place is haunted?”

“Haunted? As in ghosts?”

Alex nodded.

“I’m not sure I believe in things that go bump in the night.” Olivia laughed. “I’m a cop, remember? Concrete science goes a long way.”

“But you’re Catholic.”

“Recovering Catholic, who doesn’t necessarily believe in the Holy Ghost,” she preempted the blonde.

“What about residual energies? Haven’t you ever been in places where you could almost sense the people who lived there? Like who or what kind of person they were?”

“You can tell a lot by the décor, or the books on the shelves. It’s pure observation and deduction, like which side of the sink they put their toothbrush tell you if he or she’s a lefty,” the detective explained her method. “Sometimes your subconscious picks those things up even when you’re not aware.”

“I guess.”

“I suspected the kind of woman you are when I first smelled your perfume, or rather, perfumes.”

“Oh?”

“You have many...”

“I used to,” Alex corrected. “And some were gifts I didn’t even open.”

“But most people just have one scent. It’s either by choice, or that’s just the way the society taught us,” Olivia illustrated. “Meanwhile, you like variety. You get bored with one.”

Alex shrugged, not denying her lover’s observation. “Okay.”

“The ones you use most often though, they’re all flowery on the surface, elegant and reserved. You used to have one that smelled like someone’s ancient aunt.” She flinched, expecting to be hit.

Predictably, Alex smacked her lover’s leg. “Shut up!”

“Anyway, that was your way of keeping people away. Not approachable.”

“Didn’t stop you.”

“Yeah, well, I have a great nose. I could tell how much you want me, every time I got near you.”

“You did not!”

“No.” Olivia moved in time to block her lover’s strike. She scooted down the mattress, and laced their fingers together. “I found the underlying note.”

“Which is?”

“Something spicy, and sweet. Very, very tasty.” She crooked her index finger at her lover, hoping to sample, and to show the blonde just how delectable she thought she was.

“They should be bringing the luggage up soon,” Alex reminded, shaking her head.

“How’bout a kiss?”

She crossed her arms about herself. “Later, I want more than just a kiss.”

“I see.” Olivia grinned, content with the reply. “Then what do we do now?”

**We can keep talking about ghosts,** Alex wanted to say, but stopped herself. “You want to go see the garden? Maybe we could bring a few flowers for our room?”

“Okey doke!” Cheerfully, Olivia agreed, looking forward to the distraction. Quickly, she sat and swung her feet to the side of the bed. With a huge smile, she accepted Alex’s help, and let her pull her from the bed. And using the momentum, she gathered the woman in her arms, crushing their lips together. Her tongue swept her lover’s mouth and tickled her teeth, previewing the things she would do to other parts of her body the next time they were alone…

Pulling away and gasping for air, Alex whimpered her objection, “Liv.”

“What?” She said with innocent eyes, taking the woman’s slender hand and leading the way to the door.

Chapter 5

“That was mean,” Alex complained as they pushed open the glass door that led to the garden.

Olivia offered another innocent smile. “What was?”

“You know what.”

“Just making sure you don’t get bored,” she justified, her eyes taking in their surroundings, marveling at the picturesque views and the now clear, blue sky.

“Right.”

“Well, then think of it as payback.”

“For what?”

“The frustrating things you did on the damn train. What am I? Made of stone?” Olivia said, turning around to follow a butterfly’s flight. When was the last time she paid enough attention to notice one? She couldn’t remember. “It’s beautiful.”

“Kind of early for butterflies, don’t you think?” Alex squinted towards sky. “Come on, I just played with your fingers.”

“Yeah. You got a bridge you wanna sell?”

“Are you saying…” Alex contended; then abruptly, she stopped. “Henri!” She exclaimed, waving at the figure bending over the rose bushes.

**Henri?** Olivia watched the man straighten; then his face split into a smile. “We’re not through,” she whispered as her lover grabbed her arm.

“Ma puce!” The old man pushed his thick beard against the blonde’s cheeks. He then pulled back, to look up. “Ma petite puce!”

“Not so petite anymore.” Alex laughed.

“Ah, yes, you’re all grown up, but you’re still my little flea, in my heart,” he patted his chest. “And such a beauty, Mon Dieu.” He shook his head, sighing. “She’s smiling right now, so happy to see you, I can feel it.”

**Who’s smiling?** The detective’s brain raced to put everything in place. **He’s clearly the gardener… But what happened to decorum and formality?**

“Oh, Henri, I’d like you to meet Olivia,” Alex said, pulling her lover forward.

The old man took the brunette’s hand from Alex, and kissed the air above it. “My pleasure to meet you, friend of the little flea.”

“Little flea?”

“Her pet name. Always getting into everything, she was. Beaucoup trouble.”

“Like a flea. I can see that.” Olivia laughed, ignoring the friendly blue daggers casting her way. “Your garden, it’s very beautiful,” she admired.

“Merci.” He nodded proudly. “This is my life’s work. My mistress.” His light brown eyes twinkled. “My wife will tell you.”

“Yes, Henri has been the gardener here for as long as I’ve known,” Alex provided.

“Before that, my father, and before that, my father’s father.”

“Wow. That’s amazing,” Olivia sighed. “Not too many people do that nowadays, following their parents’ footsteps.”

“You’re right,” Henri sighed along, stroking his beard, clearly charmed.

Alex had seen this a thousand times before with unsuspecting vendors or witnesses, basically anyone with something or some information the detective wanted. Her lover could talk candy out of a toddler if she tried. And she had to act, before too much conversation could take place. “Henri?”

“Oui?”

“I want to show Olivia the stables before lunch.”

“And the chapel?”

“Maybe, if we’re not too tired. We had to get up early to catch the train,” Alex provided the obvious. ”But you should go… I’m sure…”

“I will, if not today, tomorrow,” Alex said, taking the old man’s hand and holding it between her palms. “I promise.”

“And you will come back to see me?”

“Yes, we will. And maybe we could steal a few flowers for our rooms?”

His smile unwavering, he man nodded. “Come back, before you go in for lunch,” he said, “And I will have some ready for you.”

“Merci, Henri!”

“Merci, Henri. Pleasure to meet you, Henri!” Olivia chimed in, quickly formulating a list of questions to ask.

Chapter 6

“So, who…”

Alex hushed and motioned for her lover to follow. “Come, there’s something I want to show you. Afterwards, you can ask all the questions you want.”

“Where are we going?” Olivia asked, looking around, trying to remember her surroundings while her legs hurried to stay even with the blonde’s long, quick strides.

“To the chapel.”

“Oh?”

“The horses can wait.”

The tone of Alex’s voice had already told the detective that much. “What’s in the chapel?”

“Dead people.”

“Dead people?”

“Well, there’s an altar also, and a few pews, just enough for a close service. Oh, and the most beautiful stained glass windows, telling the story of Joan of Arc.”

“Okay…” Olivia consciously relaxed her brows. “And dead people?”

“Crypts.”

“Crypts?” She felt like an echo.

“Past generations of d’Estins,” Alex provided concisely. “And their spouses,” she added in afterthought.

“I see,” Olivia said even though she didn’t quite understand. **Not at all.** She sighed internally. “This is not about your ghosts, is it?”

Alex stopped. Brusquely, she turned around. “You could say that it is.”

“Jesus Christ, Alex!” The detective insisted, “There’s no such thing as ghosts.”

“Not everything has to be literal, Liv.” Alex explained with surprising patience. “History can haunt. I’m sure many people are still haunted by the Holocaust.” ”I guess.”

“And you’re haunted by your memories.”

“My mother stuck to the floor by her own vomit doesn’t haunt me,” Olivia spat. True, it still at times made her angry, and sometimes even sad, when she thought about how Serena Benson wasted her life, but she didn’t have nightmares about it. No, she had hardly even imagined how the woman had spent the last few seconds of her life, freefalling from the subway stairs.

“No, but me stuck to the sidewalk by my own blood does.”

“How’d you… know?”

“Sometimes you talk in your sleep,” Alex explained. “I could hear the panic in your voice, repeating ‘stay with me’ over and over again.” In a twisted way, it had reassured her how her lover felt. It gave her the courage to ride the speeding train of their relationship.

“I’m sorry, to have kept you awake, during,” Olivia whispered. What else could she say? The woman was right, maybe ghosts existed after all.

“Good God, Liv. Why are you… that’s not something you need to apologize.” The blonde sighed. “And if anyone should, it’d be I… For putting you and everyone I love through that. And for what? A picture of me on the front page?”

“Alex, Sweetheart.” Following her instinct, Olivia tried to console. But where was the sorrow? Or even anguish? “You did what was right,” she repeated the well-rehearsed phrase. Maybe if she said it enough, she would convince at least herself.

“Whatever,” Alex shrugged. The next moment, she was all smiles. “We’re not here to discuss what I did or if I did the right thing, again. It’s the past and there’s nothing anyone can do to change it now.”

“Then why are we talking about ghosts?”

“We’re not. When we started, we were talking about the dead former owners of Mondestin.”

“But you want me to believe they haunt this place.”

“In a way, they do. They’re part of history,” Alex argued, resuming their walk. “Anyway, I just want you to see. Some of the crypts are gorgeous and expertly carved with the people’s likeness. Thought you might find that interesting.”

“Hm. Sculptures and stained glass. Sounds like another museum.” Olivia chuckled, eager to bring lightness to their interaction, strained ever since the morning. Then she assumed it was just her lover hating being rushed as they got ready. Now she wasn’t so sure. “All right,” she sighed exaggeratedly, her cheesy grin plastered on her face. “I guess I can do another museum.”

“Be glad we’re not going to the mushroom museum.”

“We’re not? Dang!”

How unfailingly the brunette made her smile. Alex shook her head and rolled her eyes. “You can try acting a little more sincere.”

“I’m saving my sincerity, just in case I meet your ghosts.” Before Alex could hit her, she added, “Boo!”

“Shut up!”

“Make me,” she challenged, pointing to her mouth.

Alex licked her lips and slowed her pace until they stood, face to face. Slowly, deliberately, she trailed her fingers along her lover’s neck and down her shirt front. **Payback,** her eyes glittered in warning, as her hand returned to cup full heavy breast. She smiled, pleased with the woman’s speechlessness, and closed their distance…

Chapter 7

With her arms wrapped around herself, Alex watched her lover walk from one end of the chapel to another. The woman stopped at every station, admiring every detail. And as if in conspiracy, the bright late morning sun hit the glass just right, exaggerating the window’s brilliance. **Are you done yet?** She wanted to ask, her patience pushed to the limit.

“This is really beautiful.” Olivia’s awe echoed through the small chamber. “Did you see…” She began, looking up at the familiar tableau. But her lover’s sigh interrupted. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. But do you have to look at everything?”

“But I thought you wanted me to.”

Suppose that was true. She wanted Olivia here, so she could see for herself what she was too cowardly to tell. **But does it have to take forever?**

Another one of her lover’s sigh brought the viewing to a stop. The detective walked to the side of the aisle and paused. “Should we be sitting on this?”

Alex checked the cold marble surface for residual dust. Finding none, she shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”

“But it’s a crypt.”

“But it’s empty.”

“But your grandmother…”

“She was never buried here, Liv. This was probably installed just in case she didn’t survive childhood, or something,” Alex explained. “If we sit on the pews, I’d feel the need to be quiet.”

Lacking better arguments, Olivia answered Alex’s shrug with one of her own. Gingerly, she sat beside her lover, feeling more disturbed than she cared to admit. **She was never buried here,** she reminded herself. “So.”

“So?”

“You wanna talk?”

Alex paused. Then she realized what she said about needing to be quiet told Olivia she did want to talk. “I’m ready. Go ahead.”

“Go ahead with what?”

“Freak. You can go ahead and freak.”

The detective held her lover’s eyes for several long moments. Then she smiled. “Why? I hadn’t planned on freaking.”

“You hadn’t? You mean you’re not?”

“I don’t see a reason to. Should I?” She asked, and didn’t wait for an answer. “I can see where you get your looks though. Your ancestors were all beautiful people.”

“That’s it? You’re not going to have a cow about this being my great-grandparents’ house?” Olivia’s reaction or the lack there of, wasn’t what Alex expected at all. She couldn’t believe she had worried for nothing.

“Why should I? I think it’s wonderful, marvelous that we’re staying here. I feel closer to you. And to this place, now that I know it’s not just any random castle,” Olivia explained sincerely.

“You really are not going to have a cow?”

“About what? That your family owned a castle?”

“Owns.”

“All right, owns.” Olivia kept the smile in her voice. “I freaked when you took me to Hyde Park. We knew you were from money, probably came off the Mayflower or something. But a three hundred acre estate? Man, did I feel out of place.” She shook her head, feeling a little incongruous still.

“I know. That’s why I thought you would again.”

“Hm.” Now the blonde had put the thought in her head, she wondered why she didn’t feel the same. Familiarity? Or because she had already gathered from Celine that her family had roots in aristocracy. Seriously, who went around displaying their family crests? How many people had crests to display, for that matter? She tried to explain, “From what little I’ve seen, this place feels like a home, lived in. It’s very different from the other place.”

“Yeah?”

“Okay, let me try this another way: Where you grew up, it’s practically down the street from the Vanderbilt’s, a national historical site. And yours looked even more… posh, for lack of a better word.”

Alex shrugged, and waited for Olivia to continue.

“Sure, this is a castle. But compared to Versailles, this is like a… um, a house. No offense.”

“More like a shed,” Alex provided with a quiet laugh.

“A comfortable, well-loved home for someone. Kind of like your mom’s place in Yonkers. It’s huge compared to the neighboring houses, but it isn’t oppressive.”

Her lover was right, certainly reasonable. “I guess I never looked at it like that.”

“Of course not, you grew up in wealth. You’re used to society reacting a certain way to people with wealth,” Olivia offered, trying to reassure the blonde. “But you know I don’t have that luxury, not with my job. If your mother isn’t your mother, she’d be just some rich broad to me, and I’d arrest her like I’d arrest the next perp.”

Alex laughed. “I’m sure she’d love to hear that.”

“And I’m sure this is between you, me and your ancestors.” Olivia leaned in to nuzzle her lover’s neck. “Right?”

Chapter 8

“We’ll see,” Alex replied, her brows lifting. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to get a little friendly?”

“Are you insane?” She pushed the brunette away.

“Why? Your ancestors can witness our love.”

“No, Liv. No!”

“All right,” Olivia sighed exaggeratedly and pouted. “You’re no fun.”

“You know I hate bugs. Who knows what’s crawling around here.” Alex shivered, just thinking about the potential critters lurking in the dark corners and crevices. “I’m not even sure when the last time they had seriously cleaned this place,” she said, and made a face.

“That’s your worry?” Olivia cracked up. “You kill me.”

She frowned and reflexively touched the bridge of her nose. “What?”

“I thought you were blocking cuz I was being blasphemous.”

“Blasphemous?”

“It’s not the most proper thing to do. Here. In a chapel,” Olivia justified. “Even though it’s your family’s chapel,” she appended. Who was she kidding? She was freaking out. **Maybe just a little bit. Not enough to make a big deal out of definitely,** she had herself convinced. Considering how ill at ease her lover had been, she did not need to add to her discomfort.

“That’s true.”

**Uh-oh…** Her Cheshire cat smile froze when suddenly she recognized that look in her lover’s blue eyes. “Whatcha thinking?” She managed not to squeak.

“Nothing…”

“Don’t gimme that!” This time, Olivia half shrieked, jumping from the empty crypt. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop it.”

“Why?” Alex followed, advancing on the brunette. “I thought you wanted testament of our love,” she said, and wet her lips slowly, seductively.

“Not here, not like this.” Olivia backed up until a hard and cold corner pushed into her shoulder blades. “Jesus.” She turned to check what she had run into, and quickly faced forward again. “Remember the bugs? Alex? I don’t think your great-grandparents would appreciate us…” She gasped, and tried to forget Michelle d’Estin’s lifelike smile hovering over her head.

“Oh, I don’t know. Something tells me they’d think it’s funny.”

“Sweetheart!” She yelped. Her eyes slammed involuntarily shut when pink lips pressed against hers. She whimpered, when soft tongue pierced her mouth. One day maybe she would learn not to put naughty ideas into Alex’s head. **Or maybe that’s part of the fun,** she thought while the blonde robbed air from her lungs. Almost desperately, she clung to the woman’s trim waist, falling into their kiss…

The wet stroke of her lover’s tongue sent her heart beating wildly. It felt like she was trying to reach her sex through her throat. The tingle of guilty pleasure roared into a fierce ache. Her nails dug into the leather of the woman’s belt while she writhed whimpering against her body despite herself. She wanted Alex to make love to her there; it was insane.

**Take me,** she pleaded silently, sagging against the carved marble, and climbing her lover’s legs. She wanted Alex to take her in front of all her dead ancestors. She wanted her to do it under god’s roof and made her hers.

As if reading her mind and choosing prudence, Alex contained the hunger in their kiss, tuning it down to something sweet. Their lips touched; their fingers caressed. They spent the next long minutes tasting each other’s mouth, mingling their breaths. When the blonde finally let go of her face and broke off their connection, she felt empty. “Baby?”

“There,” Alex said, smiling broadly.

“Huh?” She blinked, her kiss-bruised lips quivering.

“We showed whoever’s around.”

The look in her lover’s blue eyes held promise, that she had picked her to be the person to spend eternity with, just like all the couples entombed in this room. “With your ancestors as witness?” Olivia breathed.

“Yep,” Alex replied, glancing up and meeting her great-grandparents’ smile. “Oh, look, Liv.”

Olivia followed the woman’s whisper and turned to see a butterfly perched on top of the monument’s head. “The same one?” She mouthed.

Alex shrugged and kept her voice low, “Let’s go.”

Reluctantly, the brunette followed. When she thought they were far enough away to not disturb the butterfly, she laughed. “I can’t believe… we had a live witness.”

“Witnesses,” Alex corrected and pointed to the one in flight.

“Think they’re a pair?”

“Maybe.” Alex took her lover’s hand. “Or maybe the cliché is true, that when you’re in love, you want the whole world to be, too.”

Olivia fought the giggle rising from her stomach. “Are you hungry?”

“Famished, actually now that you mentioned it.”

“So…”

“Hm?”

“Can I be lunch?” Olivia asked. The way she felt, she wanted to be dinner as well.

Alex licked her lips. “And dessert.”

Chapter 9

“You said I could ask questions,” Olivia said, reaching to tear off a piece of the roasted chicken with her fingers.

“Go ahead.”

She watched her lover, leaning against the pillows, her pearly teeth biting into a mushroom, her full lips moving as she chewed. **How could anyone look so sexy chewing?** She shook her head and returned her attention to her food. She still couldn’t believe Alex actually agreed to eat in bed.

“Well?”

What to ask? Where to start? There were so many things she wanted to know, but none that she couldn’t leave alone. The brunette had mainly wanted distractions enough at least to help her through lunch. “Why did you tell Henri we have rooms?” She began, her voice more accusatory than she intended. To make it up, she rested her tray beside her crossed legs, and extended her hand. “Need help with that?”

“Sure,” Alex moved to relinquish her knife and fork, stopping when she saw her lover fingers poise over the wing. “Go ahead,” she responded to the raised dark brow.

“Breast? Leg?”

Blue eyes scanned the offering.

“I meant the chicken, Sweetheart,” Olivia managed. **God, this is going to be a long meal.**

“I’ll take the other wing, if you don’t mind,” Alex decided. That was the safest choice. “Thank you,” she said as her lover filled her plate.

“Rooms?”

“We do have rooms.”

“We do?” As far as she knew, they had the bedroom and an oversized closet. **Suppose that’s a room by City standards.**

“Through the closet, there’s another room,” Alex motioned with her head. She looked down at her food, and decided to set her silverware aside. It wouldn’t kill her to loosen up a little. “I think my great-grandparents used it as their private study. There’s a set of stairs, from there you could reach the roof.”

“Sounds like an escape.”

“I’m sure it was, to have a little time to themselves to watch the night sky.”

“No, I meant literally. Like maybe during the war.”

“Hm. That’s possible. We should ask Nicole when she gets here.”

“Didn’t they help with the Resistance? This place screams isolation and hiding places and escape routes.”

“All of France would like people to believe they had a part in the Resistance.” Alex shrugged. “Anyway, I’d like to think seclusion. Yeah, it’s definitely a better word.”

The blonde’s dismissive tone about her family’s accomplishments surprised Olivia. “All right, seclusion,” she said, wondering if she should let the topic drop. “You don’t think they helped during the war?”

“I’m sure they did.”

“Your mom told me your great-grandfather was awarded with the Legion of Honor.”

“He was a career diplomat,” Alex replied, seemingly more interested in her food. “You know Edith would kill me if she saw me doing this.”

“What? Eating in bed?”

“And with my hands.”

The twinkle in her lover’s eyes made Olivia smile. “Actually, my mom’s probably rolling in her grave, too. Took her a while to accept that I wanted to be a cop,” she said, as if there were logic to her train of thoughts.

“I really wish I had met your mom. Elliot said she made the best eggplant parmesan.”

Olivia nodded in remembrance. “She wasn’t such a bad mom, at least when she was sober. We had some good times,” she said with a genuine laugh and pointed to Alex’s plate. “More chicken?”

“That’s okay, I can do this,” Alex rejected the brunette’s offer of help. She stared at the bird as if looking for a point of attack. Finally, she pulled off a drumstick. “See?”

The triumphant grin touched Olivia in ways she didn’t expect. It made her unreasonably happy that her lover felt free enough to abandon her ingrained manners. “Very good, Sweetheart!” She offered a teasing praise.

“You’re making fun of me.”

“Yes, I am. Ms-I-need-utensils-with-my-pizza.”

“Shut up!”

“Make me.”

“Oh, you just wait,” Alex threatened. Her seductive smile widened into a grin when her lover sighed and re-crossed her legs.

Chapter 10

“Jesus.” Olivia laughed. “That was a trek,” she commented while closing the door to their room. “Well, at least we’re clean.”

“Probably why people used chamber pots, back in the day,” Alex replied, putting their toiletries on the dressing table.

“You’re probably right. Can you imagine having to go in the middle of the night?” Olivia said and laughed again, just to be funny. Meanwhile, to make sure they would not be disturbed, she slid in the bolt. As she did so, she wondered if that was part of the original décor. Did people lock their doors back then? Was it installed during the war? Or in the present day, for the tourists’ benefit? The detective in her found the entire situation interesting, or maybe it was the romantic notion of spy stories and clandestine intrigue. “So,” she said, and stretched her muscles, ready for an afternoon of delight.

“God, I can’t believe we ate a whole chicken,” Alex sighed, leaning into the pillows once more. “I’m stuffed.”

Kicking off her shoes, Olivia joined her lover in bed. “I’d like to be.”

Alex shook her head at the crude remark and laughed softly. “I think I need a nap.”

“Right now?”

She ignored the whine in her lover’s voice. “I’ll have more energy afterwards,” she said, and closed her eyes.

Olivia sat and stared at the blonde, then at the canopy. She traced the patterns of the heavy brocade while the other woman’s breathing deepened. **Not fair,** she complained, wishing she could be more like Alex. Sleep never came quite so easily for her, especially when she was horny as hell. The repeated teasing from the morning didn’t help either.

Almost roughly, she shucked off her jeans. All the while, she glanced at her lover, to see if the shifting around would wake her. “Nope,” she whispered her frustration and fell back into bed. She felt like she could claw out of her skin.

She thought about the toys they bought in Paris. There were a few things in there, any one of which she could use to relieve some of the pressure. There were other items she would much prefer using on the blonde… And they were easily within reach; they were sitting in her bedside drawer, sparkling in alluring bright colors and fun shapes. Fantasies swam in her mind.

Running her fingers through her hair, Olivia tried to clear her head. She rolled onto her side and gazed at the slumbering woman. “So beautiful,” she whispered her awe, resisting the urge to touch. Sometimes, like now, she wondered if fairy dust would fall if she brushed her finger along the soft golden lashes fanning her lover’s cheeks. She watched her lips, pink and enticing, parting in sleep; and she wanted to kiss them. Even more, she craved to feel them on her, sucking on her hardened nipples, closing around her flesh.

Brown eyes slammed shut; large hands squeezed into fists. She wanted to scream.

**One Mississippi, two Mississippi…** She counted to ten. Then she retraced her steps since this morning, mentally revisiting the parts of the chateau she had been. There were so many places she hadn’t seen, the main library, for instance; she could go fetch a book. A long musty novel would surely dull her senses and numb her mind. **Yeah, with my luck, it’d be Balzac or something.** She sighed and set the idea aside. Briefly, she thought about getting dressed and exploring on her own. It wouldn’t be fun without her lover. It also didn’t seem proper, to go wandering around the woman’s ancestral home, even if it was supposed to be a B&B.

**Is it really?** She wondered momentarily. **The brochures looked genuine,** she reminded herself. **And there’s Olga… It’s gotta be expensive to keep this place up. Renting it out at least part of the year would help.** She looked around room with the twenty-foot ceiling, and rested her gaze on the flickering fire. The stone fireplace was huge, larger than any she had even seen; her whole kitchen could fit inside it. She wondered if there were some sort of ladder inside, so people could climb up or down in a pinch. And she imagined Michelle and Bernard during the war, smuggling people to safety. And she didn’t understand why her lover seemed so blasé. **Really just so I’d feel better about my roots, my less than glorious roots? That’s totally asinine.**

She shook her head, while pieces of childhood memory fell out from nowhere. Her grandparents lived in a big house. At least it seemed big to a child. She could remember the chandeliers and the dark colored furniture, and the colorful chintz that covered everything. She could recall her grandmother’s thin hands wringing the wash cloth she was using to wash the dirt from her skinned knees. If she allowed herself, she could still vaguely hear her grandfather apologizing to his wife for buying their granddaughter a bike, letting her ride it in the garden, and not catching her before she hit the old tree. And there was her grandmother cooing, asking if it hurt, and the family doctor showing up with his leather bag, smelly from medicine and antiseptic, to check on her wounds. It wasn’t just figments of Olivia imagination. If she looked hard enough, she could still see the bumpy scars.

She wish she could remember her past, at least enough to tell her lover, to reassure her that not everything was as lousy as people thought, or as bad as she had let them believe. Why did she let people think the worst anyway? Because it would be easier? It would be easier for her to understand why her grandparents abandoned her? And why hadn’t she tried to look for them? It shouldn’t be hard with her resources. Because they were probably long dead? Or did she fear the rejection? Or was she afraid that it had nothing to do with her at all, and she had to stop feeling sorry for herself?

**It’s so easy to feel sorry for yourself,** Olivia thought, her eyes lingering on the sleeping blonde. **It’s so easy to sit here, do nothing, and blame others for everything that’s wrong with your world.**

Carefully, she shifted closer to her lover. Reaching out, she touched Alex’s cheek, and let her fingertips trail a path to her chin. Then she leaned in and pressed their lips together, softly stealing and tasting the woman’s breath, sweet and more intoxicating than the rosé that accompanied their lunch.

Gently, she brushed kisses against the velvety flesh. Her hand drifted down the pink knit shirt; her fingers deftly un-looped the top buttons from the fabric holes. When Alex sighed and shifted onto her back, she stopped.

Then she raised herself up on her elbows. Slowly, almost gingerly, she maneuvered her body until she hovered over Alex’s. It was hard to keep in the position, with her legs outside her lover’s not touching, her toes holding her up. She had to work fast.

With the tip of her tongue and directed breath, she tickled the blonde’s skin, until her sleeping hand moved to scratch. She remained silent, when slender fingers collided with her flesh. When blue eyes blinked opened, she smiled.

Chapter 11

“What are you doing?” Alex asked. Her lover’s intent should be clear, judging by their bodies’ position, but the look in her dark brown eyes was not. It was everything but clear.

“Trying not to fall on you?”

The reply made Alex smile. With a light laugh, she pulled the woman forward and made room for her between her legs. “Better?”

Olivia shifted, relaxing her muscles, pressing their bodies closer, until she could feel her lover’s heartbeat picking up its pace. She sighed and nodded in appreciation.

Reaching up, Alex touched the brunette’s face. “Got something to tell me?”

“You’re beautiful.”

“Besides that?”

“I love you.”

Gently, Alex shook her head, cutting to the chase. “You were thinking about something else, before you woke me up.”

“How d’you know?” Olivia asked, wondering what gave her away. She was not at all surprised that her lover had picked it up. The woman was perceptive, to say the least. And sometimes she wondered if Alex didn’t know her better than Olivia did herself.

“I just do?”

“There’s gotta be something else.”

Alex smiled, and traced the contour of the brunette’s lips, watching the look fade away. “Just…” She shrugged. “Something in your eyes.”

Olivia laughed lightly; the movement caused her chest to push against her lover’s. “Windows to my soul?” When Alex swallowed, she asked, “Then what else do you see?”

**Hunger,** the blonde thought, as her body melted to the heat. Outwardly, she tried to maintain her control. “I see that you want to tell me what you were thinking. That if you didn’t, it’d start eating you up.”

Olivia laughed again. The woman was amazing. No wonder witnesses cooperated with her. Who could resist that level of tenacity?

“So, give.”

“All right. I was thinking about my grandmother.”

“Oh?”

“Remembering things from my childhood.”

”What kind of things?”

“The place they lived. How I ran into a tree trying to learn how to bike. I think my grandparents actually loved me, at least at some point, at least they tried, even though I was a bastard.”

The word made Alex ache. She wanted to lean up, and kiss away everything that was bad from her lover’s past. She wished she had that power. “Liv…”

“No, that’s what my grandmother called me, before my mom took me home. That was the last time I saw them. I think I was eight or nine,” Olivia pushed the words out, for fear she would lose the courage to tell.

“She called you that to your face?’

Olivia shook her head. “She and my mom were arguing in my grandparent’s bedroom. I overheard them. She called me an infidel, too. An infidel bastard to be exact. I didn’t know what that meant until later.”

“Infidel? You were a kid.”

“I didn’t think it made sense either. But...” Olivia shrugged and let the sentence die. There were no other reasonable explanations for what her grandmother said, or for her mother’s reaction. Anyway, it felt good to tell the secret she had been carrying for almost three decades. Maybe now it would cease to have any control over her.

“Don’t you think maybe you heard wrong?”

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t.”

“But you didn’t hear the entire argument either. Things could’ve been out of context.”

“I thought about that, too,” Olivia admitted. “Anyway, it really doesn’t matter now. It’s so long ago, and everyone’s dead, except for me. And I have much better things to do than dwell on the ugly past.”

How could Alex argue with that logic? Especially with the dark passionate storm now brewing in the deep brown eyes. She arched against her lover’s body, to tell the woman she agreed. “For instance?”

“My beautiful girlfriend, for instance,” Olivia whispered, letting the words slide along the blonde’s throat. “So many things I’d like to do.”

“I thought you wanted me to do,” Alex replied, her eyes closing to her lover’s sucking kisses.

“Later. Right now, I want to. I want to do things to you, nasty things,” Olivia talked dirty, her voice had taken on a honeyed tone, warm and sticky and sweet. “Things that’ll make you feel good, really, really good.”

Alex sighed, a strangled whimper, her fingers gripping the fabrics of the brunette’s shirt.

“So, can I? Can I do nasty things to you?” Olivia asked, dotting kisses along the exposed valley of her lover’s breasts. She smiled when eager hands tugged at her shirt, pulling it from her jeans.

Chapter 12

“You’re asking?” Alex laughed, her eyes twinkling, her neck craning to make contact with the brunette’s lips as she peeled the shirt from her arms.

“Yeah?” Olivia replied, tossing her hair from her face before diving once more into Alex’s embrace, her hands cupping and pushing her lover’s breasts, until they spilled over the lace edges of her bra, until the pink tips jutted out in attention.

“Considering you’d already started,” Alex gasped, and arched, as hot breath seared her skin. “Maybe I should just go back to sleep and leave you and my body alone,” she teased, and hissed when still hotter lips closed around her skin.

“Didn’t think, you’d mind…” Olivia mumbled, her tongue busily circling and pulling and curling around the erect flesh. “Did you?”

“We’re a little beyond that, don’t you think?”

“What d’you mean?”

“Just tell me what you were going to do.”

“Things. Nice things.”

“You said nasty,” Alex arched again, her fingers gripping her lover’s shoulder, feeling the muscles bunch and flex as the woman painted wet kisses across her chest.

“Well…” Olivia paused, and squeezed her lips together.

“God,” Alex sighed, and closed her eyes. Desperately, she held her lover close. “What did you have in mind?”

“It was just a figure of speech.”

“I see.” She bit her lip against a scream. The brunette’s intensity, her frantic moves, they made her head spin.

Then, her hands sweeping down Alex’s body, pulling her closer still, Olivia breathed, “I love you… Want you…”

“Tell me.” Tell me everything you want to do to me, blue eyes urged.

“I, I can’t,” Olivia said, her voice husky and breathless. “Much rather show you.”

“Then show me.” The brunette’s verbal reserve, so completely in contrast with her physical aggression, made Alex dizzy. It was exciting. She demanded, “How much.” Show me how much you want me, her body shouted, pushing against her lover’s, curving into an offering arch.

Rising quickly, Olivia grabbed the pink shirt tails and yanked the placket open. “Oops.” She grinned crookedly, when a button pinged against something made of wood. There was no time for apology. Almost frantically, she unclasped and peeled off her lover’s bra. Then she fell back against the woman, moaning when their bare breasts touched and mashed together.

Alex laughed, bending her body into her lover’s, savoring the sensation. “Animal,” she scolded playfully.

“Grrr,” Olivia growled, matching the blonde’s humor. Then her arms loosened about the woman’s waist. “Turn around,” she implored, her voice high and breathy.

“Mm?”

“I wanna kiss you, all over.”

Alex rolled onto her stomach. “All over?” She giggled when her lover nibbled on her shoulder. When gentle fingers brushed aside her hair and the nibbling traveled to her neck, her laughter shuddered to a stop. Olivia’s intent to mark made her moan; it made her wetter still. She pushed back against the woman’s flesh.

“All over,” Olivia promised, rubbing their bodies together while her hands busied. Blind and almost harried, they unclasped the blonde’s belt. “Christ,” she cursed when the button fly couldn’t become undone fast enough. “Next time, I want you naked before you get in bed,” she half-barked, satisfied when the jeans landed on the floor with a thump. Quickly, her own underwear joined the pile.

“Liv…”

“I mean it,” she demanded, folding her body around her lover’s once more.

“So I can be ready and available?”

“Yes,” Olivia hissed, her hands roaming, spreading Alex’s heat, more emphasizing than seeking proof, “And open and dripping wet.”

“What happened to, anticipation?”

In reply, the brunette pushed downwards, dotting kisses along her lover’s spine.

“Liv?” Arching back, Alex tried to catch Olivia’s eye. She saw hunger, raw and stark in the woman’s countenance. Then brown eyes flicked up, and she found tenderness, rich and strong. Deeply, she sighed; she thought she might dissolve.

“So beautiful,” Olivia admired, stroking blonde fur, watching her lover squirm.

“Please,” Alex heaved, lifting her hips, offering her sex.

“Such a luscious ass,” she said, hovering above the cleft. Impulsively, she lowered her teeth.

“Hey!” Alex yelped. “You bit me.”

Chapter 13

“Always wanted to,” Olivia said, coating the spot with wet kisses. “Reminds me of an apple.”

“Liv.” Alex had to laugh.

“Why do you bother with these?” Olivia tugged at the thin strip of elastic nestled between her lover’s firm cheeks. Really, what was the point of the underwear? It covered almost nothing and she could easily shred it with her fingers. Except, she adored the way the strings emphasized the lushness of the woman’s flesh. And the deepening pink of the fabric made her sex well up in sympathy. “Mm?”

“Because.”

“Because?”

“You could’ve pulled them off with my jeans,” Alex reminded Olivia, telling her in other words that she knew having to remove them added to her lover’s thrill.

Olivia finished peeling off the satiny thong, slower and more deliberate than she needed to be. She watched it reveal the deep pink slit, quivering and glistening like a flower in morning dew. She inhaled, deeply, savoring the heady sweet scent. Her head swam.

“Well?” Alex teased, laughing lightly and shaking her tail to tempt. Her merriment hitched when she felt her lover’s breath near her center. Instinctively, she pushed her legs further apart, as wide as they could go. “Liv,” she sighed into the pillow when the woman’s tongue pushed through her opening, stoking her fire. Then she felt the tongue drag upwards. Momentarily, she tensed, relaxing when the undeniably sexy probing continued. The pressure grew to her lover cupping and kneading her mons. She could feel herself melting; she was certain she would drown.

“Raise up.” Olivia directed with her hands.

“Hm?”

“On your knees…” she half-growled. The sight before her made her tremble; it fueled her need to conquer, to keep. “God, I want… do you mind?” She reached forward and rested her hand on the night stand.

Almost desperately, the blonde shook her head.

“Which? What do you want?”

“Don’t care, your choice,” Alex breathed her reply. Then she thought better. “Everything,” she whispered, her voice shook.

**Everything.** The simple, three-syllable word flipped Olivia’s switch. Somehow she couldn’t see the controlled blonde saying that to anyone else, allowing anybody besides her that kind of power. It was an arrogant thought, she knew; but she was certain of its accuracy. She pushed against her lover’s body, rubbing their flesh together as she yanked open the drawer. Then swiftly, she pulled out the bag.

“Need help?” Alex asked, hoarse with anticipation.

“No.” Blindly, Olivia dumped the contents onto the bed. “Touch yourself,” she instructed, her eyes transfixed on her lover’s undulating movements. She ached to take over; she wanted her hands, her mouth all over the blonde, all at once. Ideas twirled in her mind. “God, Alex.”

“What?”

“Don’t stop.” Olivia ordered, reaching for the leather straps. “Jesus, I feel crazy. You drive me crazy,” she croaked when her lover work fingertips inside herself, pulling out completely from time to time, to show her secrets, to drive Olivia out of her mind. “Finally,” she sighed, relieved, when all the buckles were tight and the silicon plastic stuck out obscenely from between her legs. She yearned to bury it deep inside her lover; she needed to. Instead, she bent forward again, and shoved her tongue once more into the woman’s heat. The sharp moan that filled the tight canopied space made her insides swell.

Hungrily, greedily, she lapped at the blonde. She dragged her tongue against every supple fold and crevice. She could feel the slender frame tensing, the woman’s hot flesh clenching. And she slowed her assault, drawing out her lover’s arousal. Whimpers tingled in her ears.

Then she picked the other toy from the pile, and slipped it between her lips, wetting it with her tongue. Then with swirling motions, she coated it with Alex’s juice. When whimpers turned into strangled, needful cries, she drew the plug out and upwards.

“Liv,” Alex panted in alarm.

“Relax. It’ll feel good; I’ll go slow,” she promised, stroking and massaging her lover’s sex with her palm, while smoothing the silicone bulb forward, watching it disappear into the pink pucker. When it was in, she lowered her lips once more, to kiss around the purple base. When the quivering of the blonde’s legs grew violent, she stopped. Supporting herself on her hand and knees, she teased her lover with the soft ridges of her plastic erection. She asked, “Ready?”

“God, yeah.” To punctuate, Alex reached down and guided Olivia to her gate.

She needed no further encouragement. Slowly, steadily, she nudged forward, feeling the friction, delicious and tight. When their hips met, and her lover’s flesh slapped against her own, she stopped. “Lie down,” she breathed, barely able to control her own excitement, and helped the woman onto her stomach.

Carefully, Olivia arranged their bodies, making sure her weight pressed down on the right places. Then she snaked her arms under, one hand spanning the blonde’s breasts, trapping her nipples; her other hand stroked down her flat stomach to hug her sex. “How’s this?” She asked, nibbling on her lover’s shoulder.

Quite unexpectedly, Alex laughed, her lashes fluttering in amusement.

Chapter 14

“What’s so funny?” Olivia asked, trying to not feel offended by her lover’s mirth. There had to be a reasonable explanation after all.

Alex let out another breathy laugh. “I think I know what they mean, in wild life documentaries, when they say the female got covered.”

**I think they meant the female got fucked,** Olivia thought, amused. Moving her fingers in circles, slowly rolling her lover’s nipples and clit, she asked, “Like this?”

“Yeah.”

“Doesn’t feel good?”

“Shut up,” Alex scolded softly, her eyes hooded in pleasure as she glanced back at her captor. “And don’t stop.”

“You sure?”

“Don’t you dare.”

Olivia wasn’t going to. She would gladly do this forever. Slowly, thrusting upwards, she watched her lover’s face. The pink flush of her cheeks, her quivering lips, they reflected the pleasure she was giving her. “You like the feeling?”

Trapped, as she was, there was nothing Alex could do, or needed to do, but to lie there and take it. Take the brunette’s loving, so thorough, and so tender. She felt subdued, overpowered, yet adored. “Mmhmm…” she murmured, beyond words.

“Tell me how it feels,” Olivia grunted, barely able to contain her movements as she pushed at her lover’s flesh. She imagined her wetness welling up and spilling over, the sexy noises as she stroked in and out of her slippery heat. Hot, fast, that was how she wanted to take the woman, maybe just a little rougher than she should. She wanted her to remember; she wanted to be everywhere, and everything. “Tell me,” she repeated, and held the body tighter, straining to stay still, to keep her emotions under control.

“Nice.”

“Nice?” It was more than nice, she knew. It was a game they play, both of them grasping for the last threads of restraints, drawing out their want, building the intensity.

“Hot.” Alex gasped and arched up, impaling herself deeper on the toy. “Makes me hot.”

“You make me hot.”

“Liv,” she howled when her lover trapped her clit between her thumb and the silicon. “Oh, god,” she moaned, and squirmed, wishing, urging the brunette to go faster. She craved to feel the force of her corded muscles pounding, fucking her.

“I want you,” Olivia demanded, holding the blonde tighter, deeper.

“You have me.” Alex gritted her teeth, wanting more.

“You sure?”

“Yes,” she hissed, her patience wearing thin. “God,” she groaned. **Just fuck me,** she almost screamed. **Just fuck me hard and make me yours.**

Olivia wanted something else. She wanted everything. Rubbing her lover’s hardened bits, stretching and spreading her pleasure, she asked, "Are you mine?"

"Yes,” Alex replied, arching higher.

In answer, Olivia pushed down, her thrusts punctuating her words, "Really… mine?"

"Yes!"

Tersely, she rotated her hips. "Mine?"

"YES!"

Somehow, at some point, the game stopped. And the jerking movements stopped. Olivia insisted, her voice a distorted whisper, "Who do you belong to?"

Alex sighed, and relaxed her limbs, trembling, yielding to her lover’s want, to what they both wanted. "You," she said sweetly, sincerely. She sighed again when the stroking resumed, more subtle, less desperate.

"Tell me."

"You, Liv."

"Again."

"You. Yours. Always." She meant every word. She hoped Olivia believed.

"And I'm yours, too, Alex,” the brunette promised. Her hands tightened, clasping her lover to her heart. “Always."

“Please, Liv,” she pleaded softly, shivering, her own desperation overflowing. “Please, make me… Please…”

Olivia peered at her lover, watching her face and preparing to rock onto her knees. “Want me to move?”

Alex shook her head. Covered, she wanted to feel covered and helpless and overwhelmed. “Just your fingers. I want…”

“What do you want?”

“Feel you. Your weight, on top.”

“Covered?” Olivia caught on. “Like this?”

“Oh, god,” her breath shook.

Chapter 15

“I love you,” Olivia whispered, bearing down on her lover, sliding in deeper with each word. “Love you, Babe.”

“You, too,” Alex gasped, voicelessly, her excitement rising. She arched, higher, spreading her legs wider, almost painfully so. The intensity, the pressure, Olivia sucking her flesh against her teeth, the angry red marks she imagined blooming across her shoulders, they made her breathe faster. And she pushed back, harder. And she grew wetter to the pleasure of the staccato rocking, to the furious circling of her lover’s fingers and thumbs.

Back and forth, carefully, the brunette rationed her movements. She wanted to draw out their passion, to make it last. At the same time, her lover’s compliance, her urgent heaves, they made her greedy. She wanted more. She wanted to be the woman’s past, her future, her everything and more. “Alex,” she said, her voice a strangled cry, her chest swelling in impossible tenderness, her nerves turning inside out.

For a flash, as if lightning, in her mind’s eye, Olivia saw wider shoulders, felt fuller breasts, then none at all, while a different sensation hit her palm. She shook her head and hugged her lover’s sex, squeezing, stroking, searching for the reassuring familiarity, and finding it. “Alex,” she sighed in relief. “God, Alex,” she moaned, confused and kicking herself for the mental infidelity, no matter how brief it was.

“Liv?” There was something in the brunette’s tone. It stabbed through the sensual fog. “What’s…” **Wrong?** She wanted to ask when her lover’s arms tensed around her, pulling her in tighter, pushing deeper into her womb. “Oh, god…” She couldn’t resist. “So good…”

“Yeah?” Olivia sighed, keeping her eyes closed. Maybe the visions were just her mind’s way of letting go. Tabula rasa, she had promised the woman in her arms. Maybe that was it; it had to be. “Tell me,” she said, sinking in, just fractionally. “Tell me,” she demanded, inhaling, letting herself drown in the scent of her lover’s skin, the sweet fragrant undeniably and satisfactorily hers. “How good?”

“Just… good,” Alex replied with difficulty, her insides tightening. “I’m…” She couldn’t finish her thought.

The climax was impossible to miss. So sharp, Olivia swore she could feel it against her fingers, and in her loins. Before the quivering stopped, she pushed her torso upwards, staving off the end. She wasn’t through; she wanted more. And she wished she were taller, so she could reach her lover’s lips. Instead, she kissed the woman’s hair, soft sunny blonde as it had always been. “Love you,” she whispered, for them both.

“You, too,” Alex sighed, purring with pleasure, still dazed by the intensity of the feeling, meltingly delicious, inside and out. Slowly, her limbs still trembling, she responded to the gentle rocking. “God, Liv,” she moaned. **It’s ridiculous. Crazy.** But she wanted… “More. Please?”

Two simple words, they were music to Olivia’s ears. They were a call for action; they made her blood rage. “Baby, I’ve got to,” she groaned, her toes pressed against the plush mattress, her hands holding the blonde’s body close. Her muscles twitched, lurching forward. “Move, I’ve got to, I can’t,” she panted, rocking higher. She needed to ravish, to take; she needed her senses assailed, overwhelmed by her lover’s hoarse cries.

“Ok,” Alex nodded, her eyes closed, her fingers gripping the pillows as the brunette surged in tight, upward jerks she seemed powerless to restrain. “Liv…, God, Liv,” she heaved while their flesh slapped together. “Oh, god,” she shouted; she sobbed. She cried helpless pleasure with her forearms braced against the headboard, while her lover pushed deeper and deeper into her sex, intent on reaching her heart.

Harder, deeper, Olivia thrust, unable to control herself. Riding on pure instinct, driving hungrily forward, she wanted to join their bodies together, to mash them together until they become one - as they should be; as they had always been.

Her heart thundering, Alex held her breath as the sweet pressure grew and spread from somewhere within, a small tight knot that coiled tighter still. Olivia knew where she was, exactly. The woman nudged in, still deeper, filling her desperation. She inhaled, and breathed out her release in her lover’s name.

Unraveling, Olivia jerked, her hips moving in quick sharp moves. She strained, her muscles shaking. Her heart, her sex joined her lover’s in one wonderfully brutal beat.

It seemed the world had stopped moving. Then Alex sighed, sinking into the mattress, her heart, her body too gorged to move. Her head, the room, they were still shrouded by their passion, heavy and comforting. She could fall asleep, just like that, with her lover sheltering and filling, both outside and in. Her consciousness drifted. Then a wet drop hit her shoulder. For a brief instant, she thought she had dreamt it. When the one was joined by another, she wondered if it was rain. Then she heard the unmistakable hitch. And she moved and extracted herself from under her lover, and turned around. “Liv?” She asked, searching the woman’s face for signs of distress.

Shyly, Olivia laughed. Supporting herself on an elbow, she pushed the tears from her eyes, and smiled. “Sorry. Just got a little intense. Was it okay?”

**God,** Alex swallowed. “More than okay.”

Their eyes locked onto each other’s, Olivia’s glittering from her emotions, still dark with unbridled desire. Alex could not believe the hunger this woman had caused in her soul, and how she made her full. It was dangerous; it was insane. And she wouldn’t want it any other way.

“More?”

“Yes,” she replied, her voice raw and hoarse, while her body sang loudly, eagerly. Her hands gripped for Olivia’s hips and pulled her forward. “You make it feel so good.”

Olivia laughed. “Just wait. I read about a new trick, when we were at the store.”

“You’re crazy.” She arched up to tap her lips to her lover’s nose. **And so am I.**

“Just crazy mad, about you.”

Chapter 16

Outside the castle door, Olivia stretched her muscles. The morning air had been good for her lungs; she felt invigorated after her run. And she was in such a good mood, it was almost surreal. She had a smile on her face that she couldn’t wipe off if she tried. At first, she thought it was the hours of sex; knowing she had pleasured Alex always made her smug. But when she saw the woman in the painting smiling at her as she bounced down the stairs, she knew it was more than that.

With a deep relaxing breath, she arched, to loosen her lower back. Her gaze rested on the d’Estin family emblem guarding the doorway. “God is Grace,” she muttered the translation. She could see how easily the inhabitants could believe that. If she had grown up living such privileged and idyllic lives, she would too. The prospect of returning in future vacations made the brunette giddy. Honestly, if one could fall in love with a place, she had done so at first sight. Her eyes traveled to the stag with the crescent on its head. **Yep, definitely projecting.** She laughed, just to hear her own laughter. Even the stone carving looked like it was grinning, smiling with her.

A few more breaths to fill her lungs with air, sweet and unpolluted compared to Paris, or the City, and then she pulled open the ancient door.

“Bonjour, Olga,” she greeted the woman once more.

“Bonjour! Good news, we’re expecting Madame Nicole tonight,” Olga said, appearing relieved.

“Great, I’ll tell Jaime.” Olivia rocked on her heels, eager to get upstairs.

“Your breakfast...”

“We’d like to take it in the garden, if that’s okay.”

“Bien sûr, of course. When shall I have it set up?”

“Hm… I don’t know,” Olivia replied. The look on the woman face made her add, “I mean, in an hour. If we’re ready before that, we’ll just walk around, and enjoy the flowers. Will that be all right?”

“Of course. We’re here to serve. Your breakfast will be ready for you in an hour.”

“Merci!” Without waiting, Olivia quick-walked down the hallway. Maybe Alex was right, Olga was just nervous being new and running the place by herself, and having to see to the needs of special guests. **Sometimes, things are just as simple as they seem,** she decided, rounding the corner to the stairs.

“And sometimes paintings do smile at you.** She chuckled as she passed the portrait. **Whoever painted it did a great job,** she admired without stopping. That her lover was waiting at the end of the hallway made her quicken her pace.

Eagerly, she turned the key, and pushed open the door. “Lucy, I’m home,” she mimicked as she walked in. Then she saw her lover’s frown. “Sorry, is my Cuban accent that bad?”

“I lost my ring.”

“What?”

“I lost my ring,” Alex repeated, burying her face in her hands in frustration. “The claddah.”

“Isn’t it with your watch?” Quickly, Olivia joined her lover by their bed and saw the empty bureau. “Maybe it’s on the floor?” She bent to check.

“I’ve looked all over already.”

“I’m sure it’s here somewhere. Maybe it fell off, or fell behind this thing. Here, let’s me move it,” she grabbed the corners of the table and pulled. “Man, it’s heavier than it looks.”

Alex peered behind the furniture. “It’s not there.”

"Hm…” Olivia searched her memory, while leaning into the wooden edge, to push the small dressing table back in place. “I can’t remember for sure, but I think I saw it earlier too, well, at least something was glinting in the light. It could’ve been your watch though. Wasn’t it there when you got up?"

“It’d be on my finger if it were,” Alex snapped. The she caught herself. “Sorry,” she sighed and retraced her steps for her lover. “After you left, I napped a little. Then I was awake and couldn’t go back to sleep. So I got up, went down the hall, took a shower, came back. Then I put on my makeup, got dressed. And when I went to put on my watch and ring, I noticed the ring was missing."

“Did you lock the door?”

“Yes, Olivia, I did.”

“How’bout the windows, were they closed? Maybe a magpie…”

“That’s not funny, Olivia.”

“I didn’t say it was.” She was trying to lighten the mood, the brunette had to admit.

“It’s just you and me here, and the staff. I know most of them.”

“Not Olga.”

“No, but she’s family, I’m sure. One way or another, everyone here is. It doesn’t matter whether we’re related by blood or not. And they’re all incredibly loyal.”

“Sounds like the mafia.” Olivia laughed, but then she remembered how Edith was related to Destiny’s nanny. It made sense. Family reference was as good as any, if not better. “I’m sorry, that was a bad joke.”

“Yes, it was,” Alex said. “Anyway, no one here is going to steal a silver ring.”

“Except for magpies and ghosts?”

“Liv.”

The shake in her lover’s voice make Olivia’s brows knit.

Chapter 17

"Why don’t you go on down, and I'll stay here and look for your ring. Sometimes a second pair of eyes is all it takes," Olivia tried to console her lover. “Meanwhile, take a walk around the garden, smell the flowers, just relax.”

“How am I supposed to relax, Olivia? My ring is missing.”

“It’s just…” A ring, the brunette wanted to say, but the look on the woman’s face stopped her. Maybe this would be a good time to dig out the one burning a hole at the bottom of her bag, to replace the other. Except she had wanted the occasion to be romantic, and special, and perfect; she didn’t want Alex to remember it like this. In a way, it was sweet for her lover to care so much about the simple claddah; and she decided to ask instead, “It’s just, well, where could it be?”

"I put it on the table last night, Olivia; I’m sure I did. I'm not crazy."

'"I know you're not crazy, Sweetheart. So it didn’t fall behind the table. Maybe it’s under the bed.” She put on a wide, hopeful smile. “Yeah, that’s probably it.”

At the mention of the massive piece of furniture, Alex cringed. “You think so?”

Olivia nodded, and suggested an alternative, “Let's both go down for breakfast. Afterwards, we'll come right back and I'll help you look again. All right?" She reached out to her lover and stroked her hands comfortingly with her thumbs. “Maybe they have a broom or something with a long handle we can borrow.”

“It’s like a giant black hole under there, I looked. We’ll never find it.”

"Then I'll just have to get you a new one.” Olivia ducked her head, to catch her lover’s eye. “One with lots of bling,” she offered, trying to make the woman feel better.

"I’m not interested in another ring," Alex said, pulling her hands back and burying her face in her palms.

“Baby…” Olivia was at a loss. She had not expected her lover to get so emotional over a lost piece of jewelry. Granted, jewelry she gave her; and she should be proud that the blonde cared so much. She sighed, and handed the woman a box of tissue.

“Thank you.”

This was definitely not the time to present the other ring, Olivia decided and stood up.

“Where are you going?”

“To check the bathroom? Maybe you left it there this morning.”

“But I told you…”

“I know what you told me. But how many times have I put my phone on your dresser only to find it in my pocket later?” Never, in truth, at least not while she was clear-headed, but Olivia wasn’t going to bring that up.

“I don’t know.” Alex swallowed and blew her nose. “But I thought the same thing, and I’d already checked.”

“All right then.” Silently, Olivia sighed and got onto her hands and knees. Her lover was right; they would never find anything under the bed, at least not without a flashlight. Even then, it would be hard. With another internal sigh, she brushed the imaginary dust off her pants, and began checking other drawers and surfaces. “Now, if I were a tiny little ring, where would I be?” She asked, while running her hand along the mantel. “Hmm… not here.”

“I’m not sure why it’d be up there.”

“Me neither, but you never know, right?” Olivia smiled widely, hoping to infect the woman with her lighthearted mood, and walked over to the armoire. “Have you looked in here?”

“No? Why would I?”

“Or up here?” She asked, and brushed her palm across the top shelf. Something cold and hard hit her skin unexpectedly. Quickly, she scooped it up. “Aha! Gotcha,” she said and began to step away when a piece of paper fluttered to the floor.

“What did you catch?” Alex winced. “Not a bug?”

Olivia picked up the paper and turned it around. “How strange.”

“What?”

“I found a picture,” she replied, and in several quick strides, returned to her lover’s side. “And this,” she opened her hand.

“My ring!” Alex exclaimed, visibly happy when Olivia slid it back onto her finger. She seemed almost relaxed when the brunette hugged her close and kissed her.

“Feel better?”

She nodded. Then her brows furrowed. “How did it get up there?”

“Maybe it rolled off the dresser and whoever came in this morning found it and put it up?”

“But I didn’t think anyone…” Alex shook her head and smile. “I guess they could’ve. I didn’t leave the do not disturb sign on, and I was gone quite a while.”

“Well then.” Without reservation, Olivia concurred, “That totally explains it.”

“Why did they put it up there though?”

“Maybe they got distracted? Who knows? The most important thing is, it’s back where it belongs,” she insisted, and lifted her lover’s hand, to touch the silver band to her lips.

“I’m never taking it off again.”

“That’s cool with me.” Olivia smiled. “Well, shall we?” She stood. “Breakfast is probably ready.”

“But you said you found a photograph?”

Chapter 18

“Oh, right. Here, here it is,” Olivia replied, and pulled the photograph from her jacket pocket. How could she have forgotten it so soon? She wondered.

“Oh!”

“Do you know who they were?”

Alex looked again at the two young men standing next to the statue of Joan of Arc with their arms around each other’s shoulders. Flipping the photo over, she saw ‘Printemps 1912’, and did a quick mental calculation. “I think that’s Bernard. The other must be Etienne.”

“Etienne?”

“My great-uncle, or great-great? Whatever.” Alex shrugged. “My great-grandmother’s brother.”

“They look friendly.”

“What do you mean?”

“Friendly. I don’t know.” Her lover’s suppressed hostility made her hedge. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“They grew up together, I guess.”

“They did?”

“Well, sort of. Michelle’s father adopted Bernard, unofficially really. After his mother died, I think. For all practical purposes, she was a single parent.” Alex revealed, hesitating along the way. “Anyway, I think he was in his teens when that happened. So it’s not like they grew up, grew up together, you know, he and Michelle.”

“You mean not like brother and sister?” Olivia smiled. Here was an instant where her job affected her less than it did her old ADA. She wasn’t as jaded when it comes to things like that. Maybe it was the romantic in her. Then there was the historical context. At least Bernard wasn’t some old man and his bride, fresh out of the convent. **Or a thirty-one year old man with a sixteen year old girl,** she thought with mild distaste.

“Don’t even go there!”

“I think it’s kind of sweet, actually. They were lucky then, to find each other so young.”

“I doubt they fell in love right away.” Alex stuck her tongue out playfully. “I think she was six or seven years younger.”

“I don’t know.” Olivia spoke slowly, drawing out her words. “Who do you think took the picture?”

“Who cares?”

“Whoever took the picture, sure made him smile.”

“What are you taking about?” Alex refused to see.

“Look at him.” Olivia pointed to the thin curve with her fingertip. “He’s got the same stupid, loopy grin I have on my face when I look at you.”

Alex tried her damnest not to smile. “If you say so. How do you think it got there?”

“Huh?” That question never crossed the detective’s mind. “Probably someone forgot it when they were cleaning out the armoire? Why?”

“I don’t know. I just… I’ve never seen any photographs of them when they were young, at least not that I can remember.”

“Maybe your cousin Nicole has more. You should ask.”

“Maybe.” Alex replied off-handedly. “Anyway, let’s go get breakfast. I’m starving,” she announced, hopping onto her feet and setting the photograph aside.

“Sweetheart?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t you wanna know?”

“About what?”

“Your ancestors? How your great-grandparents lived? That sort of stuff?”

“Not really.”

“Are you serious?” Olivia was shocked. She would give anything to find out more about her great-grandparents, who they were, how they looked like, where they came from. And she told her lover exactly that.

Alex simply shrugged again.

“How can you be so blasé about your ancestry? I mean, you’re descended from Joan of Arc, for crying out loud,” the brunette referenced the various tributes to the warrior saint she saw on the castle ground.

“I’m sure not literally.” Alex sneered. “Besides, I’m sure it’s like my father descended from Sebastian Cabot, the great explorer – a big load of bull crap.”

“Sweetheart?” Olivia simply couldn’t understand. “Why do you…” she began, but her lover cut her off.

“You want to know why I pooh-pooh my magnificently glorious ancestry?”

Chapter 19

The sarcasm in Alex’s voice, even the deaf could hear. But was there also bitterness? Resentment maybe? Olivia wondered as she nodded in reply.

“How would you feel if people treated you differently because of your roots?”

“Well,” Olivia forced a laugh. “People do treat me differently, once they find out who my father was. That’s why I don’t usually tell people.”

“Well, then you should understand why I don’t like talking about my ancestry.”

“But it’s different. Yours is positive.”

“Is it? Bernard was a career diplomat. Every politician is dirty, one way or another, we all know.” Alex picked up the photograph and stared at it before slapping it back onto the night table top. “He was involved with the Vichy government.”

“Undercover, your mom told me. He was doing whatever necessary to gain the German’s trust,” Olivia defended. “So your great-grandmother could…” She would have gone on, but the cold scrutiny in her lover’s eyes stopped her. Perhaps she had revealed that she knew too much.

“My grandfather was a communist.”

The detective had known that inconsequential fact, too. This time, she only said, “The Cold War’s over, Sweetheart.”

“Fine. But my father’s father. Do you know how he made his money?”

Olivia shrugged. She knew Alexander Cabot took over the family business that included some sort of trucking line and had dealings with Bobby Anagapoulos, the shipping magnate and Celine’s friend. “I don’t know. Import export?”

“Not even close.” Alex made a face. “Let’s just say every family has its skeleton in the closet. In Grandfather Cabot’s case, the bones could fill a stockyard.”

“I guess.” What else could Olivia say? It seemed her lover was bent on thinking the worst of her family history. Why? The detective still couldn’t grasp.

“Your mother was a college professor.”

“Yeah?” The sudden change of topic took Olivia aback. “What does that have to do with the rain in Spain?”

“Going to college and getting your first degree was expected of you.”

“It was never a question.”

“Exactly.”

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry.” Olivia shook her head. “I’m not sure I get it…”

“For the longest time, my mother was Mrs. Alexander Cabot,” the blonde explained. “She didn’t have her own name. I can’t even tell you what my paternal grandmother’s first name was.”

“Okay…”

“I grew up wondering when I was going to stop being Alex Cabot, when I would lose my identity.” She laughed. “I never thought it’d be courtesy of Uncle Sam.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be.” Alex patted her lover’s knee. “It’s just part of the deal.”

“What deal?”

“After my father died, I became Celine Cabot the philanthropist’s daughter. Instead of marrying some well-to-do schmuck and make spoiled rotten babies, I was expected to be successful, and self-sacrificing.” Alex laughed again. “You know, a public servant, like my Uncle Jack, if I couldn’t be a servant to God like my Aunt Maureen. My mother’s family took their noble obligations seriously, like you’ve pointed out.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“No, of course not. I’m sure my mother’s secretly happy that her daughter died for a greater cause, like Joan of Arc.”

“Alex.” The brunette started to reach for her lover’s hand. In the end, she let her hand drop to her own lap. “I really don’t think your mom…”

“How much do you know my mom, after spending a few weekends with her?”

**More than you’ll ever suspect,** Olivia thought, recalling the things she found out from the government, and from the woman herself. “I think I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I don’t think…”

Alex had already moved on. “Sometimes I get tired of hearing how successful and wonderful and giving everybody is. And unless I win the Nobel Peace prize or something, I’m just going to be a disappointment.”

“To whom, Sweetheart? Yourself?”

“To everyone.”

“But Alex, your cousins, Jack Francis, for instance, he’s a day trader. There’s nothing laudable about that.”

“Jack Francis doesn’t have Saint Celine as a mother.”

Chapter 20

“Sweetheart.” Olivia could no longer resist. “Don’t you think you’re being unfair?”

“Fair? Is it fair for a mother to harp on her child everyday telling her what kind of person she should be?”

**Probably no less fair than for a mother to inform all her daughter’s teachers that she’s a bastard child of rape.** Olivia kept her counter-argument quiet. This wasn’t about her. This was her time to listen, to lend her lover her ear. It was also a rare chance for her to find out about the blonde, to hear her talk about herself. “Well…”

“No one cared about who I wanted to be.”

**I do,** her eyes conveyed, while she moved her hand to rest on the woman’s thigh. “Who do you want to be?”

“I don’t know,” Alex lied. “Not a judge or a prosecutor. Definitely not the Governor of New York.”

“A photographer. That’s what you wanted, right?”

“At one point, sure. At one point I also wanted to be a doctor.”

“Really?”

“Or a forensic pathologist. Don’t you think that would be interesting?”

Olivia had to laugh. “The first time you went to the morgue with us, you turned green. We took bets on whether you’d keep your lunch.”

“I got better the second time.”

“True. And my money was on you, for the record.”

Alex gave the hand on her leg a gentle squeeze. “Sorry you lost.”

“That’s okay. It was a good thing.”

“How so?”

“It showed us you were human; that you have a heart.” Olivia grinned widely and winced, expecting to be hit. This time, her lover disappointed her. “Anyway, it made me feel protective; made me question my feelings.”

“About me?”

“More about us.”

“’Us’ didn’t exist then.”

Olivia shook her head. “That’s true. Helped it along though.”

“Guess I emptied my stomach for a good cause then,” Alex said and expelled a laugh.

“You were talking about what you wanted to do.”

“Well, it’s moot anyway.” Alex shrugged and gave her lover a smile, more genuine this time. “And I’m not unhappy being who I am, not really.”

“But you feel like you’re a disappointment to your mother,” Olivia stated as a matter of fact. “At least sometimes you wonder.”

“And sometimes I wonder if that’s just who my mom is. That nothing will make her truly happy. Sometimes I think she should take a lover, you know. My dad’s been dead for so long.”

Growing bolder, the brunette reached out, and took her companion’s hands. “The last time I saw your mom, we talked about what she wanted. Well, she told me what she wanted. From you.”

Alex tried to pull away. Failing that, she fired, “Do you two just sit around and talk about me?”

“Eh, I wouldn’t put it quite like that.”

“Then how would you put it?”

“Mm… It’s more like we commiserate. We both love you and miss you. And I don’t really have anyone else to share that with; and I think your mom doesn’t feel like she needs to be strong, since I’m such a miserable mess.”

With that kind of response, Alex had to really smile. She shook her head. “You’re such a charmer.”

“I’m just telling you the truth.”

“So what does my mom want from me?”

“Actually, what she wants, she wants from us.” Olivia admitted. “I don’t think it matters who ultimately does the giving.”

The funny look on the brunette’s face piqued Alex’s interest. Her lover almost seemed… **Shy?** She arched her brow – a signal for the woman to continue.

Olivia fought to keep the squeak from her voice. “She wants grandchildren.”

“Grandchildren.” Alex nearly choked.

“She mentioned both our biological clocks. That they’re ticking.”

“My mother told you she wanted grandchildren.”

“She expects them. And like you, she’s not very patient, she said.”

Alex pressed her forehead against her lover’s shoulder. ’“Jesus Christ,” she muttered, and buried her face.

Chapter 21

For a minute, Alex thought she had it all under control. She hated losing her temper. It made her despise herself and gave her a splitting headache afterwards. Shakily, she inhaled, and then took a deeper breath. “Grandchildren,” she managed, without gritting her teeth.

“Yep,” Olivia replied with a light smile.

Abruptly, Alex pulled away and crossed her arms. When that didn’t help, she stood, and paced along the bed. “Just who does she think she is?”

“What?”

“How dare her, to tell you… I mean, to expect things, from you.”

“I’m not offended,” Olivia said, throwing her hands open, without trying to catch her lover’s eye. She didn’t want to see the woman’s rage, directed at her mother though it might have been. Ever since Celine broached the subject, she had been guilty of watching mothers in the park and on the street, and wondering how it would be like to have a child of their own. Truth be known, she had even decided on at least two children, so their first one wouldn’t be lonely growing up. Blame it on her biological clock. “I, uh, I actually kind of liked it, after I got over the shock,” she added quietly.

Alex spun around on her heels and stood rooted to the floor. “What?”

Seizing the opportunity, Olivia reached for her lover’s hands and held on. “I mean, in a way, she told me she accepts me,” she explained, trying to stay afloat. “As your… um… as your future?”

“I guess.”

“And she just wants what every mother wants, to enjoy her grandchildren before she becomes senile.”

“My mother? Senile?” Alex tossed her hair and laughed. “Somehow I can’t see that happening.”

“Me neither, but those were her words.”

“Her words?”

“Actually, yes.” Sensing her lover’s ebbing anger, Olivia grew bolder. “I think your mom realized she wasn’t a very good mother when you were growing up, and she’s trying to change, and you should let her,” she said, and froze when Alex pulled from her grasp. She exhaled when the blonde sank back onto the mattress.

“Sometimes I just wish I grew up middle class and plain.”

The sincerity in the statement made Olivia laugh. She teased, “Boy, we’re full of ourselves, aren’t we?”

“You’re the one who keeps telling me I’m beautiful.”

“Not just beautiful. A knock out. Drop dead gorgeous.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Your mom said something about having come from good stock… Like you, she seemed kind of bitter about it, too.”

For a long moment, Alex remained silent. Then she sighed. “If my mother were just a Wellesley grad…”

“But your grandfather, he owned a publishing company.” He was educated, he was smart and he had a good job; those were the important things in Serena Benson’s book.

“But he wasn’t Simon, or Schuster.” Alex let out a low laugh. “If my mother were just a printer’s daughter who went to Wellesley, without the blue blood, or this,” she insisted, motioning the space surrounding them. “My paternal grandfather would not have been as accepting of my parents’ marriage. He would’ve much preferred my father married Martha, or someone like her. Someone from the neighborhood, you know?”

“Something tells me if your father were just a nouveau riche playboy, your maternal grandparents wouldn’t have been as accepting either.”

Were they accepting? It never occurred to the blonde to question. Her maternal grandparents were just nice, loving people, polar opposites of her father’s parents. Come to think of it, her father’s family was the epitome of everything the O’Bryan’s or the d’Estin’s fought against. Suppose the little red car parked outside was a testament to that acceptance, in a way. Michelle d’Estin loved that Delahaye. Alex would never give away her own beloved Sun Bird, even if she were never going to drive it again; and they always claimed she was an apple from her great-grandmother’s tree. “Guess not.” She sighed, and placed her hand on her lover’s thigh. “Sorry I sounded like a poor little rich brat earlier.”

Olivia shook her head and smiled. Taking the woman’s hand, she laced their fingers together. “You grew up in what most people would think a pretty picture, an enviable one. Meanwhile, you just wanted to be normal.”

“Yeah, with a mom who made cookies and went to PTA’s. Not paid staff and tutors.”

“Edith loves you,” Olivia reminded. “Like her own daughter.”

“Don’t you think I know that? Although I must admit, growing up, I wondered if she didn’t care just because she was hired to do so.” Alex twisted her lips into a smile of her own. “But now I know better. And I know my mom loves me, in her way. And she’s trying very hard to be the kind of mom she thinks I wanted, or what moms should be, whatever that may be.”

“Someone I interviewed, a victim who didn’t want to press charges, she said every family has a difficult bible, and that I should leave hers alone. I didn’t understand then,” Olivia shared. “I think maybe this is what she meant?”

“That every family is dysfunctional?” Alex laughed, and tugged on her lover’s hand. “We should probably go downstairs and see if we still have breakfast.”

**What about our future? Grandbabies for your mother?** They had time; they could wait to have that discussion, Olivia decided, and shelved the questions. She agreed, “Yeah, we should.”

Chapter 22

Hand in hand the lovers hurried down the corridor, hoping to catch breakfast, when Alex slowed her steps. "Do you hear that?" She asked, twisting her head to locate the source of the sound.

Olivia stopped along her companion’s side, "Hear what?"

"The music. It's beautiful," Alex said quietly, enraptured by the melody.

"What music?" Olivia looked at her lover curiously, wondering if she was playing some sort of joke. “I can’t hear anything.”

"It's Schubert," Alex insisted.

"I wouldn't know Schubert from Chopin."

"It's the Trio," Alex explained with utter seriousness, “You know, the one from the Hunger? I thought you’d remember.”

"God, Sweetheart. That was how many years ago? Besides I don’t hear a thing," Olivia said, and stared, not knowing what to think.

"You really don't hear it?”

“No, Alex.”

“But it's getting louder." The blonde looked around. “I can’t tell where it’s coming from though.”

“Maybe someone left the radio on or something?” Olivia suggested more for her own benefit. She rubbed her ears, and swallowed hard, wondering if that would help her hear.

“Maybe you’re right. Let’s go check it out.”

“What about breakfast?” Olivia asked, but her lover was already moving towards the other end of the hallway. She followed.

They stopped by every room and looked into the opened door. Nothing. As far as the brunette could tell, their footsteps and their conversation were the only sounds on the floor.

“How strange.”

“Alex?”

“It stopped.”

“The music?”

“Yeah. I can’t hear it anymore.”

“Are you sure it’s not just a figment of your imagination?” Olivia kidded without thinking. It was too late to take back now.

“You really didn’t hear it?”

“No, Sweetheart.”

“Huh.” Alex looked around once more, and began retracing her steps. “What I heard was really beautiful. It sounded like it was coming from somewhere, around us.”

“Not from downstairs?” Any reasonable explanation would be acceptable to Olivia at this point. “Or maybe they were playing it for us in the garden?”

“I’m not sure… Can we hear through brick walls? Is that possible?”

“Anything is possible.”

“Hm. The music, it was so beautiful… almost ethereal.”

“Were there celestial choirs too?" Olivia asked with a slight smile.

"You don't have to be sarcastic," Alex scolded, clearly annoyed.

To show her contrition, Olivia made a funny face, and offered sincerely, “The acoustics… If someone had the CD playing on a different floor…”

“I guess. But why did it stop?”

“Maybe it was one of those websites with the music background, and whoever was on the net, navigated from the page.”

“But then why couldn’t you hear it?”

"Could be one of those freak things.”

Alex saw the deep laughter in her lover’s eyes. She asked, "What freak things?"

"You know, like people picking up radio signals in their fillings?" Olivia suggested. The excuse sounded lame, but at the moment, it was a plausible as any. She honestly couldn’t explain what happened or why. “Oh, hell, maybe it was hallucination from hunger.”

The blonde’s stomach chose that moment to growl; the sound echoed loudly through the ancient corridor. Alex stuck out her tongue and smiled. "I thought it was metal plates in your head, and I don't have one."

"Maybe your head's so hard you don't need one."

“You didn’t just say that!”

“Say what? I didn’t say anything. Did you see my mouth move?”

“Olivia!”

The brunette took off down the hallway. “Catch me if you can!”

Alex followed, the incident forgotten.

Chapter 23

“Where are you taking me?”

Alex turned back and smiled at her lover. “Hm…”

“I mean, where are we going?” Olivia rephrased her question, hoping the sun was too bright for the blonde to see her wild blush.

“Nowhere, just here.” Alex looked around and nodded. “Yeah, here’s good.”

“You sure?”

“Yep. Let’s set up here.”

“Good. Finally.” Olivia sighed and sat the old fashioned basket down on the grass. It felt like they had been walking for miles, even though it was probably closer to one. She was hungry, famished. Luckily, Olga was able to pull together a picnic lunch for them without too much hassle or explanation. “Shall I put both down?”

“No, I’ll take that.” Alex walked over, took one of the blankets from her lover, and draped it around her shoulders like a shawl. She stood, and watched the brunette lay out their simple fare. “Sorry I made us miss breakfast.”

“Don’t be.” Olivia smiled and crossed her legs. “This is nice.” She put the cork screw to the bottle and motioned with her elbow the field surrounding them, open and overgrown with wild flowers. “Peaceful. Feels like we’re far, far away from civilization.”

“But we are.”

In no time, Olivia had uncorked the wine and returned it to the basket, making sure it was securely upright. “Voila!” She said, “We’re in a village of thirty thousand. That’s hardly…”

“Yes, but we can pretend otherwise. We’re in the middle of the valley. Reminds me of Elysium.”

The brunette laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“Elysium? You serious?”

“Aren’t you happy?”

“Yes,” Olivia replied, waving the baguette at her lover, “But I’ll be happier with a full belly.”

Now it was Alex’s turn to crack up. “Hunger kills your romantic bone?”

“Yep. Aren’t you starved?”

“Yes.”

“Then why are you still standing up there? Come down, to Earth.” Olivia patted the space next to her. “And eat. You waiting for the engraved invitation?”

“Nope. Just for you to cut up the stuff.”

Olivia shook her head and smiled. “Good God, you want me to feed you, too?”

With a twinkle in her eye, Alex sat. While her lover watched with amusement, she turned and leaned backwards, until her head rested in the woman’s lap.

“You’re so spoiled.”

“Not enough.”

“You’re right,” Olivia agreed. She sliced open an apple and dangled a section over her lover’s mouth. “Would my angel like some?”

In reply, Alex reached for the brunette’s wrist.

When warm lips sealed around her fingers, Olivia closed her eyes. She held her breath when soft tongue tickled her skin. And she felt the emptiness when the woman let go. “Not nice,” she sighed.

“Thought you’re hungry,” Alex teased, “For food.”

The self-satisfied grin on her lover’s face only deepened the brunette’s hunger. “I am,” she said. “It’s just going to be a very long lunch.”

“Why? What do you expect to happen after lunch?”

“Huh? Uh, nothing?”

“Nothing? Not even dessert?”

“Well.” Olivia rifled the basket blindly. “I don’t think we have any, except fruit.”

With a gentle smile, Alex ruffled her lover’s hair. She let her fingers drift down to stroke the woman’s cheek, almost hot to the touch. “You’re so easy.”

“Shut up.”

A laugh bubbled from Alex’s chest. Responding to the furrow of her lover’s brow, “It’s really cheesy,” she offered. Laughter lingered lightly in her voice.

“What is?”

“What just dropped into my head.”

“Oh?” When the blonde remained silent, Olivia encouraged, “Tell me.”

For a moment, Alex hesitated. Then their gaze met. The smile in her lover’s eyes felt like a tender caress, and her own smile grew. “I would so give up my innocence, and fall for you,” she replied, her voice a deep whisper, “If we were in Eden.”

Chapter 24

Eden. Olivia smiled. She couldn’t stop, couldn’t wipe the goofy smile off her face if she tried. Yeah, being here with Alex, to hear those words from her mouth, this was bliss. Absolutely. No doubt about it.

“It’s all right, you can say it.”

Olivia remained tongue-tied, still dazzled by the moment.

“Come on,” Alex rolled her eyes and pursed her lips, ignoring the look on her lover’s face. “Let’s get it over with.”

**Stay calm,** Olivia coached herself and breathed deeply. Then she cleared her throat, hoping her voice didn’t sound as high and squeaky, like she was nervous or overly excited. “Say what, Sweetheart?”

“It’s lame and schmaltzy.”

“What is?”

“What I just said.” Alex frowned and plucked out a leaf of grass, then tossed it away in disgust. “I can’t believe I…”

Olivia didn’t let her finish. She took the woman’s hand, and silenced her with a kiss to her palm, acknowledging the sentiment. “I think it’s sweet.” And many other things she couldn’t describe. It made her feel warm and fuzzy and gooey inside, and gave her a pleasant ache in her chest. She wanted to hold her lover, and wrap her legs and arms around her, and never ever let go.

“Yeah, glucose poisoning.”

“No, I’m serious, Alex.” She smiled into clear blue eyes. “I think it’s sweet.”

The blonde looked away. “You really think so?”

“Absolutely.”

“Why?”

“Because I know you don’t say stuff like that to just anyone,” she explained, engaging her lover’s gaze and grinning as if she was sharing a secret she shouldn’t, and feeling giddy and loopy all over again, or still.

“That’s true, I don’t. Yuck. Gross.”

She watched Alex shrug her shoulders and she touched a finger to silent pink lips. “It’s okay to be mushy.”

“That’s more your M.O.”

“It’s okay, you can blame it on me. I can be your bad influence.”

“But you are.” Alex let her smile grow. “But I think I meant what I said,” she added softly, revealing her truth.

“I know,” Olivia said, and sighed. “Baby?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I have a hug?” She asked, deliberately not containing the squeak. She wanted her lover to see her vulnerability, to know that they were in this together.

In reply, Alex turned around, and dragged her body along the brunette’s, molding their curves, fitting them comfortably together. She pressed a kiss to her lover’s chin, and tucked her head against her neck. “How’s this?”

Olivia remained silent. Her arms circling her lover’s shoulders while her eyes pricked fiercely. This was the love she had always wanted and never dared prayed for. Someone who she could devote her heart to. Someone she could call home.

As if sensing her turmoil, Alex leaned up and nudged their nose together. “Love you,” she exhaled, her smile as bright as sunshine, “And thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being so accepting.”

She waited for the blonde to shift again, and to return to her embrace. Then she pressed a gentle kiss to her hair. “My pleasure,” she whispered, feeling another sort of ache. She felt sad for the woman in her arms, that she felt like she had to hide herself, just to fit other people’s expectations. “And thank you.”

“For what?”

“For sharing yourself with me. For being who you are.”

“Ah.” Deep laughter colored Alex’s words. “My pleasure,” she spoke into her lover’s chest.

Chapter 25

“Sweetheart!” Olivia laughed watching her lover turn around and around, her hair, her blanket-cape billowing in the wind.

Alex joined in the laughter. “What?”

“Stop, before you fall and hurt yourself.” Olivia waved her hand, motioning the woman to join her on the grass. “Besides, you’re making me dizzy.”

“I feel happy. Giddy happy.”

“I think you’re drunk.”

“Not possible. I only had half a bottle; not even.”

That was true. Olivia smiled, and picked up her own bottle of wine, and took a small sip. She felt giddy happy, too. Maybe it was in the air, too much oxygen. Or maybe there was some special ingredient in the freshly baked bread. “Come on, Alex.”

“It feels good to do this. I feel free.”

“That’s good,” she replied indulgently. Inebriated or not, it was good to see her lover acting like a child, to see her lose her inhibition, the joy on her face more intense than the early afternoon sun. “I still think you should stop.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“I think you should join me.” Alex countered in all seriousness, grasping the corners of the blanket with both hands, and increased her speed. “Spinning makes you free. You should try.”

“I knew it; you’re drunk.”

“Am not!”

“Are, too. Now…” Olivia stopped in the middle of her sentence while the blonde tripped and tumbled forward. It had happened so quickly, she couldn’t get up in time to break her lover’s fall. “Alex!”

No response.

“Alex!” She scrambled to her feet. “Are you okay, Sweetheart?” She breathed, getting down on her knees. “Sweetheart! Baby!” She called, grabbing onto the woman’s shoulders and turning her around. “Alex!” She cried hysterically, bending over to check her lover’s pulse. Her brain went into overdrive. It was like déjà vu. “Baby, come on, you’re scaring me!”

Then she saw pale lashes flutter, and felt a wash of relief, until she saw the laughter in bright blue eyes, and then heard the giggle. “Alex?” She said uncertainly against her own pounding heart. “Baby?”

“Gotcha!’

“Wait…” Dark head shook. “This was all… You faked…”

“I did fall. Didn’t fake that,” Alex replied merrily.

“How could you!” Olivia was livid. “You scared me half to death!”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

She refused to be placated. “I can’t. Don’t talk to me, not right now,” she said, and started to twist away.

Alex reached out quickly, to stop the brunette. “Don’t, Liv. I’m really sorry.”

“I can’t believe…”

“At least one good thing came out of this.”

“And what might that be? So you could watch me freak?” Olivia half-spat, holding on to her ebbing fury and boring into still twinkling eyes; she couldn’t really stay angry at her lover if she tried. Besides, she knew the blonde would feel bad enough about the whole thing when she sobered up. She took a deep breath, and softened her shoulders.

Alex shook her head. “I know how much you really care.”

The sincerity in Alex’s voice drove out the rest of Olivia’s anger, leaving only mild exasperation. “Jesus, there are better ways to test me, if you must.”

“But there’s a second good thing.”

“Right. Enlighten me.”

Alex smiled deeper, and reached around the brunette’s neck. “You’re exactly where I want you,” she said, and pulled her lover forward.

“Sweetheart,” Olivia protested, “We’re out…”

“In the middle of nowhere,” Alex completed for her lover. “All alone,” she emphasized, “Just the two of us, unless you count the butterflies following us around.”

Unable to resist, Olivia allowed herself be pushed onto her back. The weight of her lover’s trim frame stole her breath again, this time most deliciously. “Baby,” she managed, before pink lips caught hers.

Chapter 26

How long had they been kissing like this? Olivia didn’t know. She had lost track of time, only aware of the soft tongue, gentle teeth teasing her mouth, the tender hands stroking through her hair and tickling her scalp. Smoothly, unhurried, Alex was kissing her, as if she had all the time in the world. And the brunette liked that, liked how her lover licked across the curve of her lips, how she nibbled on them, so delicately. And the stroke of her tongue, it made her skin prickle with awareness.

Whatever irritation she felt, at the blonde’s trick, and at her own reaction, had since vanished without a trace, leaving her breathless and wanting. It was unnerving, how easily her emotions were manipulated. But part of her liked that. She felt like she was falling, in love, all over again, as always, every time they touched.

She moaned, in anticipation, when slender fingers traced her features and down her neck. When the fingers stopped at the top of her buttons, the moan turned into a whimper.

“Not yet,” Alex whispered, and gave the brunette another lingering kiss. Then she pulled back.

Olivia wanted to hold her lover. No, she wanted to be held, and she wanted to be touched. She needed. But she fought against those urges, and sighed; and she waited.

“Let’s talk.”

**Talk?** Brown eyes blinked. “But I thought you wanted, thought we were…” Then it hit her - the reason in her lover’s gaze, it struck her as clear as day. “But I thought you were…”

“Drunk?”

Olivia nodded.

“I’m not.”

“Then why?”

“Did I act so stupid?”

“Well… I wouldn’t use that word.” She grinned. “I’m not stupid.”

Alex traced the Cheshire cat smile with her fingertip. “I’m just happy. And I’m trying to let go, and be spontaneous.” She tapped her lover’s nose. “And I think you should, too.”

“Let go?”

“Yes. Talk to George, let him help you.” When Olivia tensed, Alex kissed her gently, until she visibly relaxed. “I wish I knew how to myself, but I don’t.”

“Did you get help?”

“They made me. Crash psych sessions.”

“And you felt better afterwards?”

“Better than you do. And one person having the physical scar is enough.”

Olivia pursed her lips together. Why had they never talked about this before, at least not in those words, with that kind of honesty? Because of her own fear, her own instinct to deny that there was anything wrong? Seeking help meant she was weak, and she felt she had to be strong, at least stronger. But she didn’t feel strong, not when it came to memories of that awful night. The fear she felt, it was incapacitating; it made her less than rational. Perhaps her lover was right. “I guess.” She sighed.

“I’m here, not going anywhere. Not unless you want me to.”

What did matter, what she wanted? Everyone she had ever loved ended up going away. Why should this be different? Olivia shut her eyes to fight back the sting.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She forced a smile and rubbed her face in disgust. “Just stupid abandonment issues.”

Knowing what she did about Olivia’s family, Alex could see that. Maybe that was why, in the beginning, her detective fought so hard against letting her in, why there was the running away, the constant push and pull. And it would explain the woman’s ‘love’em and leave ‘em’ reputation. Break it off, before they could break her heart, she understood. “I’m not going to leave you.”

“But…”

“You’ll be the one doing the leaving.”

“Never!” Olivia swore; she would rather her own heart stop beating.

“Then you’re stuck with me.”

“Promise?”

“Thought I’d already?” Alex smiled, happiness gleaming in her eyes. “But yes, I promise. Pinky swear,” she said, and stuck out her finger.

“That’s serious,” Olivia half-gasped, and hooked their fingers together.

“I’m serious.”

“Me, too, pinky swear.” She shook their joined hands to emphasis the point. “God, I love you,” she sighed, and moved to wrap her arms around her lover.

Alex refused to let go. “And you’ll talk to George?”

“First thing, when I get back, to New York.”

“All right.” Content with Olivia’s reassurance, Alex withdrew her hand to trace the brunette’s collar. “Now, where were we?”

“You were taking my breath away,” Olivia admitted, her voice hitching when deft fingers unlooped her top button, then the next, and the next one after that. Closing her eyes, she confessed, “And I was falling in love, with you, all over again.”

Alex laughed gently. “I like that,” she said, pulling her blanket over their bodies, and dipped her head.

Chapter 27

“Your Maman told us what happened,” Nicole said as they exchanged kisses.

Alex smiled and nodded.

“It’s really for the best, she said,” the older woman’s brother chimed in. “C’est vrai, non?”

“How could you say that!”

With another smile, Alex reached for her lover’s hand and addressed her cousins, “Nicole, it’s okay. Maman and Christian are right. It’s true.”

“We used to say,” Nicole turned to Olivia and hooked her arm around her own as they walked towards the dining hall, “You hook them and she fries them. You made a good team.”

Olivia wished she was walking with Alex, and not trapped with her cousin. She heard her lover’s deep laughter, and tried in vain to listen in to the conversation between her and Christian. “Oui,” the brunette could only say.

“Oh, you say ‘wei’ like a Parisienne. And you’ve never been to France?”

**It’s just the two of them,** Olivia reminded herself. **And they seem nice.** She had survived Christmas with all twenty-something members of Alex’s family and close friends in New York, and a weekend in Yonkers with all her scrutinizing mother figures, she could do this. Besides, Nicole was trying to make her feel more at ease. She shook her head, and offered, “I took French in college. My prof was from Paris, a Jesuit priest. And I’ve always wanted to visit.”

“How do you like our country so far?”

“It’s beautiful, especially here, in the countryside.”

Nicole nodded. “I hate to leave here. But business takes me away to Paris. You were in Paris?”

“Yes, for three days.”

“You enjoyed your visit?”

“Yes, absolutely. I’d like to come back some day soon.”

“That’s wonderful. Maybe you would like to live here, some day?”

**Here?** “You mean France? I’m not sure…”

“Oh, I don’t mean permanently, just for longer visits, part of the year perhaps. My grandparents loved to entertain.”

If there were a logical connection to the sentences, Olivia couldn’t find it. “Maybe? I’ve never really thought about living anywhere but the States. But I suppose if Jaime were to…” She fought the urge to twist her head, to look to her lover for deliverance. “I guess if she wants to…”

“You would follow?”

“Uh, sure. Oui.”

“Young people, how romantic.” Nicole sighed. “Things are easier for you these days.”

From the corner of her eye, Olivia observed their hostess. The woman looked to be Celine’s age at the most, possibly younger but for her white blonde hair. **And how difficult could things have been for you?** She wanted to ask, except it would have been totally rude.

“My grandparents, they were apart, on the opposite sides of the world, when my grandmother died.”

“That’s sad,” Olivia replied. Maybe Alex was right; this place was haunted. Except, the only ghosts here were the inhabitants’ attachment to their ancestral past. Suppose it was understandable, to be from a family with such a history. After all, there were people in the States still talking about their DAR and their Mayflower roots.

“Ah, yes, it was. But forgive me, these are happy times. We should be celebrating.” Nicole suddenly switched gear; she was all smiles. “I’m happy to be finally meeting you.”

“Likewise.”

“Celine told me much about you.”

This, Olivia didn’t doubt. She was beginning to wonder if Alex’s whole family had a meeting and voted on her suitability, or at least had a conference call to discuss whether she was up to par. If it were her own daughter, and she had such a close-knit family, she certainly would have considered it, Olivia decided with a tinge of envy.

“We’re happy to have you as a member of our family.”

“Thank you. Merci. Er, Merci beaucoup,” Olivia stuttered.

“Unlike some other members of my cousin’s family… God rest his soul, Alexander was a good man,” Nicole continued, “We’re happy with whoever Jaime brings home, as long as this person makes her happy.”

Olivia returned a blushing smile. “I try,” she said, and felt the slight squeeze of approval in her hand. “I love her, we love each other, very much.”

“We know. There’s a glow about you.”

The twinkling in the deep aqua eyes, so like Celine’s, was unsettling. Olivia let out a giggle, shy and nervous at the same time. **Thank god we’re almost there,** she sighed silently as the corridor opened into a large room.

Chapter 28

Olivia was surprised when Olga and the rest of the staff joined them at the dinner table. It seemed unorthodox. Then again, she shouldn’t have been that shocked; Celine and everyone else treated Edith and Lillian as if they were members of the family. Maybe it was genetic; maybe it was the eccentricity of aristocracy. At least this bunch swung to the left. It was abundantly clear that Alexander Cabot’s family would not have accepted her. After all, they rejected their own sister just because she became a Rabbi’s wife.

It was also apparent that Nicole and Christian could not agree on any one thing. It was as if they were contrary for the sake of goading each other. Olivia had no doubt that the two loved each other and would come to each other’s defense when faced with an enemy. They reminded her of Elliot’s children. She just assumed the bickering and constant teasing would stop once they grew up. **But maybe not… Is this how it’s like, to grow up with siblings?**

“I’m so glad to finally meet you,” Christian spoke from across the table. “Jaime has never brought anyone around.”

“Christian!”

He grinned at his sister. “But it’s true.”

Even their English was different. Nicole had an accent like the Queen of England’s, whereas, her brother sounded like a broadcaster from the States. To divert the attention from herself, Olivia decided to ask.

“Our maman was English,” Nicole replied.

“And I went to live with my Aunt in New York and fell in love with America.”

“Christian had a scholarship to Juilliard,” Nicole added with a sister’s pride. “He inherited all the musical genes of our grandparents.”

“Do you play?” He asked.

“Er, a friend taught me the guitar when I was growing up. Mostly just chords. I doubt I remember how to play now.”

“Music, once you stop practicing, you forget.” Christian nodded. “I still practice, everyday if I can.”

“Wow. That’s dedication,” Olivia said, glancing up to see her lover smiling at her.

“Did you say you could play the guitar, Liv?”

She didn’t think Alex was paying any attention; she seemed so engrossed with her conversation with Olga and Henri. The question made her flush with warmth. “Only a little.”

“You never told me.”

“You never asked.”

“I always wished I could play.” Alex sighed. “Something. Anything.”

“You used to play the piano,” Nicole commented with amazement. “You and Ling, you were very good at it.”

“But not concert level good.”

Olivia laughed; she couldn’t help herself.

“What’s so funny?”

She smiled into narrowed blue eyes. “That’s...” She shook her head. “You’re such a perfectionist.”

“I just would like to know how it feels to… Oh, never mind,” Alex replied with a soft laugh. “I heard music earlier. Schubert,” she added.

“The trio?” Nicole asked.

“Not again, Nicole!”

Olivia arched her brow to mirror her lover’s.

“The women in my family,” Christian explained his outburst, “They are intelligent, and beautiful, and successful. And most of the time, they have sensible heads on their shoulders. Unfortunately, just not all the time.”

“Christian,” Nicole warned. “It’s fine if you don’t believe...”

“In silly nonsense? Non!” He countered. Then the two launched into a whispered argument in French.

Olivia looked around and wrinkled her forehead at her lover. Somehow no one else seemed to be paying attention to the conversation on their half of the table. Were they all used to their employers’ squabbling? Were they merely keeping their place, like the servants in manor houses in the BBC specials that she had seen on television? She tried her best to be polite and not eavesdrop either.

Christian suddenly stopped. “Forgive me, I’m sorry,” he said, adjusting his table napkin, re-tucking it into his collar.

“Yes, pardon us, please, Olivia,” Nicole added, turning to her with a smile of embarrassment and apology. “You must think we’re…”

Olivia didn’t let her finish. “It’s all right.” She returned a gracious smile. “I understand. I envy you, actually. I’ve always wanted a brother, or a sister.”

“You’re an only child?”

“Yes.” As far as Olivia was concerned, she was. If her father had raped other women and sired other bastards, she would rather not know or even think about it.

“An only child with our Jaime?” Christian drew out his sentence teasingly. “That spells trouble.”

“We’re learning.” Alex smiled.

“Yes, we are,” Olivia agreed. She followed willingly when her lover changed the subject.

Chapter 29

“Your cousins, no offense, they’re…” Interesting. Peculiar. Eccentric. Adjectives went through Olivia’s head, but none she thought she should use.

Alex watched her lover fidget with the blankets with amusement. She, too, thought the evening was weird, wrought with tension. Perhaps it was because the last time she saw her cousins was at her great-uncle Etienne’s funeral; and she hated funerals, even if she didn’t know the man well enough to grieve. Or perhaps she was just projecting... “Something?” She said with a laugh, offering reprieve.

“Yeah, that’s a good word. ‘Something.’”

“Sorry if they made you uncomfortable.”

“I assume they don’t do this in front of perfect strangers?”

“Well, perfect strangers on the street, they probably do.” Alex shrugged, and joined her lover on the bed, folding her hands on her thighs. “But acquaintances and social friends, probably not,” she said, wishing they were alone.

“So I should be flattered.”

“Well, yes, in a way. You’re family.” At least that was how she explained to herself. If she had siblings, would they be allowed to bicker at the dinner table? She doubted as childhood memories fell into her head. The last time she and Ling showed their displeasure with each other in public, they both received stern lectures from their mothers. “Yeah,” she reassured, for both Olivia’s benefit and her own.

“Did you hear what they were arguing about though?”

“Ghosts.”

“That’s it? You’re not freaking out?”

“About the ghosts? No, I already told you, this place is haunted.”

“You’re serious.”

“Yeah? I thought we’d already covered this?” Alex replied, surprised with herself. For once, she didn’t get mad at her lover, or feel irritated. She just wanted to let the subject drop, and focus on something else… anything else. “Let’s not get into it again, please.”

“I just thought you meant it figuratively.” Olivia was convinced. Seriously, they couldn’t be having this discussion. Serena Southerlyn, she could see believing psychics and ghosts; she wouldn’t be shocked if the woman attended séances and tried to channel Thurgood Marshall. But her Alex? She was supposed to be methodical, level-headed and full of sound judgments. “Or maybe we were just having a rhetorical discussion… or something?”

“We didn’t have a discussion.” Alex reminded the brunette. “You decided, and then proceeded to tell me I was wrong.”

“I didn’t.” Olivia paused and met her lover’s gaze. The calm in the blue eyes made her admit, “I… I guess I did. I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted.”

Olivia heard the underlying ‘Just don’t do it again.’ She offered, “Let me make it up to you.”

“And how do you propose to do that?”

“I, um, I don’t know.” She wanted to gather the blonde in her arms. Sex was comforting; it was enjoyable; and she was good at it. But something made her stop. “What would you like me to do?”

“Look, we’re on vacation. Let’s just forget about it, all right?”

“Sweetheart…”

“It’s getting late, and I’m tired.”

**We’re grown ups. We can agree to disagree.** Olivia convinced herself. **Not everything had to lead to an argument and then make-up sex.** Unsatisfying as it might be, she had to admit the facts. And facts were her department. **Good, solid, scientific facts,** she insisted silently. Without another word, she began the routine of getting ready for bed…

Chapter 30

People. Olivia felt people staring at her. She heard them murmuring, and felt her own pulse beating, her heart pounding as if responding to some sort of stimulant. A rush. Where was she? She couldn’t see in the bright lights. Spot lights? Was she on some sort of stage? Where was she?

Then thunder, she heard the crack of loud thunder. Or was that the sound of her gun being fired? She remembered the first time she fired a gun, the first time she killed a man… Another loud boom. That sounded, that sounded more like a bomb. Were they under attack? By whom?

Then she saw the subway. A train wreck. Or was it the work of terrorists? Was that the cause of the crash? It didn’t matter… It was just she and Elliot, just the two of them, trying to evacuate the people, trying to keep the riot under control. They fired their guns; she dumped her bullets on the men, a whole group of them, men who were intensely staring at her. It didn’t make sense. She had the wrong gun.

A flash, she saw a flash next, a flurry of flashes to be accurate. Lightning? Didn’t look like lightning. What was it then?

**Alex? Did you see that?

**Did you see them? Did you see the men? They were after us. At least I think they were after us. I killed them. I killed them all for you. Aren’t you proud of me, Alex?

**Alex? Where are you? Alex!**

She heard her own voice calling out, for someone. **Alex? Where are you?** She asked again, reaching out.

Blindly, she felt around. Cold. She was cold. Wait, the space next to her, it was cold. **Alex?

**Alex!** She jerked awake.

Her blood still roaring in her ears, she looked around, at the empty bed, the empty room. Alone, she was all alone. And for a second, she wasn’t entirely sure if she was dreaming. Then her eyes focused, growing more accustomed to the moonlight shining through the window. And she looked down at her hands; there was no blood on her hands. The only red she saw was the dying embers in the fireplace.

Slowly, almost hesitantly, Olivia touched her lover’s side of the bed. It was cold. Too cold. She checked the blonde’s pillow; it looked slept on. She reached for her watch. Eleven forty-two, the hands told her. It wasn’t midnight yet.

They had finished dinner at around nine thirty, the detective remembered. They came back to their room, and got into their non-argument. Soon, they were under the covers. Oh, yes, there was the goodnight kiss, chaste, but sweet. Then her head hit the pillows and she couldn’t remember falling asleep.

Maybe Alex was up, downstairs reading because she couldn’t sleep. Or maybe she was talking with her cousins, catching up.

For minutes, Olivia debated whether she should get up to check. She fell back onto the mattress and contemplated the canopy. If Alex was with her cousins, she should stay in their room and give them privacy. Then again, would they have cared if she joined them? She didn’t think so; but she wasn’t certain. And she disliked uncertainties.

Still, she was restless. She could feel her muscles twitch, raring to go. Finally, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and hopped up. Quickly, she pulled a hooded sweatshirt over her camisole and exited the room.

Briskly, she traveled down the long corridor. At the top of the stairway, she stopped. Then almost cautiously, she eased down a few steps. All the while, her eyes never left the portrait. The woman with the short bobbed hair Twenties style was beautiful. And if Olivia didn’t know better, she would swear that the woman’s smile had grown wider and that her blue aqua eyes were twinkling at her. Who was she? A relative? A random picture of a random subject painted by a skillful artist? Perhaps even someone art history worthy? She would have to ask. **Later,** she decided, and continued on her way.

Before she reached the bottom of the stairs, she heard music. Music from a piano. What was that melody? It sounded almost familiar. The rush of the notes, it sounded like waves, furious waves in a hurricane, angry, passionate. Was that Christian playing? It had to be, unless they had the stereo cranked up, and why would they do that so close to midnight? Although it’s not like they had neighbors in close enough proximity to disturb.

Curious and drawn by the music, she followed the sound…

Chapter 31

Louder and louder, the music grew. Olivia followed its source. By now she had figured according to the tempo that it was a waltz. But if people really danced to it, their feet would tangle up in no time, she was certain. Who would do that to a waltz? In the detective’s mind, the dance was glamorous, and elegant, something the Viennese did on New Year’s Eve, with all the glitters and gold. The melody that filled the hallway was definitely none of that. She could see Christian’s long fingers striking the ivory keys, could see his head bobbing to the rhythm and the frenzied movements of his hands.

**Almost there.** She licked her lips, and quickened her pace, looking forward to joining her lover at the impromptu concert, looking forward to her company, her warmth, her smiles. She hated nothing more than waking up in the middle of the night and finding her bed empty. Sometimes she feared her happiness was all a dream, figments of her fantasy.

Closer and closer she was to the music. Through the opened door, she saw the thousands shards of lights from the brilliant chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. She could imagine the huge ballroom filled with dignitaries and social elites, the champagne flowing and everyone celebrating the liberation of France. With Christian’s thrilling waltz as soundtrack, the once majestic beauty of the castle was still apparent, and its liveliness almost palpable.

The detective’s mind was filled with fantastic images of the past when a shadow reached out at her from the side and pulled her back. Her heart lurched. “Nicole,” she gasped, when she saw the woman’s face. Her eyebrows shot up in question.

Nicole touched her index finger to her lips and made a soft noise, “Shh.”

**What the…**

The woman repeated the gesture and motioned for Olivia to stand in her place. Quietly, the brunette obliged. Then she saw what Nicole was watching, and her jaw dropped. It wasn’t Christian at the piano, not at all. In fact, he was nowhere in sight.

“Alex?” She couldn’t believe her eyes. Yet, those were her lover’s long, deft fingers flying across her keyboard, her pajama clad leg pumping the paddles. **Not concert level good? What was she talking about?** She thought, wanting to march in, to talk to the blonde, to tell her how incredibly talented she was.

Grabbing Olivia by her arm, Nicole mouthed, “Somnam…”

“Sleepwalking?”

The woman nodded.

Olivia looked up again. For the first time, she noticed her lover’s closed eyes, and her calm, expressionless features. **Sleepwalking.** She supposed it was possible. People had committed rape and murder, while they were allegedly asleep; even their own resident shrink accepted the theory. And if twelve reasonable jurors could believe that the accused did not intend to commit the crimes, she could accept something so much less cynical. After all, what other choices did she have? **But the noise… how could she sleep through the music?

**And why is she sleepwalking? Stress? Anxiety? What possibly could she be so stressed out about that I don’t know?** Olivia wondered.

As if reading her thoughts, Nicole whispered, “Don’t wake her, or she’ll…”

“She’ll be disoriented and confused,” she chimed in, preempting the woman. She was in no mood to hear any more about ghosts and superstitions. “No, I wasn’t going to wake her.”

Nicole smiled, and turned her gaze to the performance.

“What’s she playing?”

“Flots du Danube. By Ivanovici.”

“Sounds familiar.”

“My grandmother’s favorite piece. She used to perform with her brother in every concert, before the Great War took him. World War I, I mean,” Nicole provided, in response to the brunette’s furrowed brows.

Absently, Olivia nodded. Pieces of her dream returned to the surface. The bright lights, she could have been on stage; and the scrutiny could have been from the audience. It made sense but it didn’t. **And what about the jeering men? Nazis? But they weren’t in uniform like the Nazis...** Ignoring the bristling hair on the back of her neck, Olivia forced the fragments aside, and returned to the present.

When the music ended, she fought the urge to clap. Instead, she watched her lover lower the piano cover. When the blonde stood, Olivia almost expected her to bow. She forgot to blink when the woman approached the exit and walked pass them, gracefully, as if gliding on air.

“Tiens…”

**Hold it,** Olivia translated automatically in her head. Was her body moving to follow on its own accord? She shook away her bewilderment, and whispered, “I have to go… To make sure she gets back to bed okay.”

“She will; she can’t hurt herself while she’s asleep.”

“That’s just a myth, Nicole. It’s simply not true,” Olivia contradicted. “And it’s a long stairway. Good night,” she said, and hurried after her lover, leaving Alex’s cousin behind to think whatever she wanted. At that moment, she had only one care in the world.

Chapter 32

Slowly, Alex opened her eyes to the sunlight, filtering low through the blinds. **What time is it?** Fleetingly she wondered, too indolent to reach for her watch. Instead, she gathered the blanket tighter around her shoulders and burrowed deeper into the cocoon. Her body instinctively sought her companion’s, finding it against her upper back, and nowhere else. **How odd…** She thought, extending her toes in a lazy stretch as she turned around.

An unexpected sight greeted Alex. Her lover was sitting cross-legged with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. Tiredness shown through Olivia’s features; it was as if she hadn’t slept a wink. Yet, deep brown eyes watched her with startling intensity. **Now what?** Her brows arched in silent question.

“Hi,” Olivia said, ending the syllable with a sigh.

“Good morning?”

“’Morning.”

“When did you get up?”

She fought a yawn. “Earlier this morning,” she decided to say.

“How early?”

“I don’t know.” This time, Olivia was less successful in her fight. She wiped the moisture from her eyes and admitted, “Two? Or one-ish?” That was the last time she checked the clock anyway.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Olivia shook her head.

The deep concentration in her lover’s gaze drove a low laugh from Alex’s chest. “Don’t tell me I kept you up snoring.” She stressed with a playful grin, “Even if it’s true, don’t tell me.”

“No, it wasn’t your snoring. You didn’t snore,” Olivia assured sincerely. “But I really wish you did, considering.”

“Considering what?”

“You were sleepwalking.”

“Sleepwalking?”

“Sleepwalking,” Olivia confirmed. “I woke up, and you were gone,” she began, skipping over her dream. “Your side of the bed was cold. At first I thought maybe you couldn’t sleep and decided to see if your cousins were up, found that they were, and stayed up to talk, to catch up,” she spoke quickly, words falling out of her mouth after having kept quiet for too long. “After a while, I decided to go look for you.”

Alex smiled and curled her arm around her lover’s. “Because you missed me?”

“Mm.” Olivia nodded. “Then I heard music, and followed it to the ballroom. Nicole was already outside, watching you.”

“Me?” Alex blinked.

“Playing the piano.”

She let go of her lover’s arm and sat up abruptly, pulling the blanket with her to fend off the chill. She asked, “I was playing the piano?”

“You were quite a virtuoso, I must say.”

“Me? A virtuoso?” She felt like a broken echo. What else could she say really? Tell her lover she did the same thing sleepwalking when she was a teenager? That the grown-ups had praised that she played like her great-grandfather? Would that make the brunette feel better? Somehow she doubted it.

“I thought you said you weren’t very good.”

“I wasn’t… I’m not. I haven’t played for years.”

“You did seven hours ago. Your performance, it was dazzling.”

“Maybe I was able to tap into a part of my brain while sleeping? Something beyond my grasp when I’m awake?”

That was a reasonable explanation. At least it was one that the detective found acceptable. “You think so?”

Alex shrugged.

Unable to provide a better justification, Olivia decided to move on, “Anyway, you were sleepwalking.”

“Yeah?”

“Usually it’s a sign of stress, or anxiety. Are you stressed out about something?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” Alex replied, perhaps a little too quickly. “We’re on vacation,” she added, “I’m not thinking about work, or at least I haven’t seriously thought about it until now. And there’s really nothing stressful about my job these days. It’s eight-thirty to five, seven-thirty to six on a bad day, you know, and pretty routine.”

“Maybe it’s not your job.” Olivia grasped for the next best straw. “Is being here stressing you out? You know, having to visit with your family and stuff?”

“I don’t know. I mean, it’s always stressful when… well, especially since I haven’t seen them for years.”

“And especially when you’re bringing your, um, girlfriend around for the first time?” Olivia offered her own concern.

Alex sighed. Honestly, she doubted her relative’s acceptance would weigh on her so much. She couldn’t care less if her second cousins never consented to her relationship with Olivia; after all, she didn’t have to see them again if she didn’t want to. The fact that they seemed pleased with the match was only icing on the cake. With a smile firmly in place, she told her lover exactly what she thought.

Chapter 33

“So it’s not your job, and not your family.” Olivia tried the next possible source of her lover’s stress, “Are you worried about Oliver?”

“I don’t think so. I mean, I was a bit worried, okay, a lot worried, before we left,” Alex admitted. “But he’s fine when we talked to Liz. And that was only a couple of days ago…”

“And I’m sure he’s still stalking around the condo like he owned it.”

“And sleeping 21 hours a day.”

“Yeah, okay, so not your cat. Then what…”

“I don’t know what else it could be,” Alex preempted.

Olivia looked into her lover’s eyes, and saw tension. **Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the cause of her stress,** she was forced to look inwards. “I’m sorry,” she said, cutting short her dogged questioning, “I didn’t mean to grill you. I’m just worried.”

“I know.”

“You were sleepwalking.”

“I know. You told me already.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.”

“Why did you stay up all night?”

“Because,” Olivia replied, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

“Because?”

“Well, it was either that or handcuff you to the bed,” Olivia offered with a laugh, to ease the mood. “And I don’t have them with me.”

“Liv!”

“I was worried about you. If you were to go walkies again, I wanted to make sure,” she provided, “I wanted to make sure you don’t hurt yourself.”

Alex let out a small sigh and shook her head.

The laughter dancing in her lover’s eyes made Olivia defensive. “If I didn’t do it, if I had just gone to sleep after following you back to bed, you would’ve accused me of not caring.”

“No I wouldn’t have.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’re goofy,” Alex said, leaning in, pushing her chin down on her companion’s shoulder. “But that’s why I love you.”

“Not the only reason, I hope.”

“I don’t know… it could be.” Alex teased, and threw her blanket over the brunette’s head. “I think it’s time for goofy human to go to bed.”

Olivia peeked out from underneath the covering. “What about breakfast? Aren’t we supposed to be joining your cousins?”

Sometimes her lover acted like such a child. An adorable child, Alex decided, and reached out to tousle her hair. “I’ll just tell them what you did. They’ll understand.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sure. And I’ll try to get you out of whatever else they have planned.”

“But…”

“Shh… No buts.” She tucked the brunette in, and pressed a kiss to her lips. “I’ll make sure you don’t miss anything too exciting,” she said, and got up from the bed.

With tired eyes, Olivia watched her lover pad over to the window and draw the heavy curtain shut. The darkened room heightened her fatigue. She wrapped her arms around Alex’s pillow and sighed. “Maybe I should just get up. Or just give me half an hour to catch a nap.”

“Why?”

“So you won’t have to tell them anything?”

“Don’t worry.” Alex smiled. “I won’t tell them how sweet and lovable you are,” she said, and waited for the brunette’s response. When only silence greeted her, she realized the woman was already asleep. With a light laugh and a toss of her hair, she gathered her toiletries and closed the door gently behind her.

Chapter 34

“Madame la Marquise.”

Looking down, Olivia could see herself reaching out to the man, except the hand was too small, the fingers too slim, to be her own. “Kommandant,” she said, and accepted his invitation to dance. She couldn’t hear the music, but she knew in her mind that it was a waltz, something Straussian, Emperor’s Waltz maybe.

They twirled in the familiar ballroom. With a hand on the small of her back, he kept a respectable distance between them. After all, this was no longer the coarse dance of German peasants, but fashionable and acceptable for nobility of their times. “My grandfather, he was a Baron.” He whispered. “And my father, he served his country. Giving his life wasn’t enough, they took away everything.”

The wistful expression in his cold blue eyes touched her. “Désolée,” she said, genuinely sorry for him; but for a stroke of luck, many strokes really, worst fate would have befallen her family.

“What happened to honor and returning Germany to its former rightful place as a world power?”

Laughter bubbled from her chest; she couldn’t stop herself. “Kommandant, I live in my home, with my family, solely at your discretion and grace.”

“Your daughter, she’s very beautiful.”

Her breath hitched; and she fought hard to remain calm on the surface, and hoped he didn’t feel the tension in her spine.

Unfortunately, he had noticed. Somehow her reaction and distrust meant something to him. “You wound me, Madame.”

She looked him in the eye, and waited.

“Your daughter and my son, they would have made a beautiful couple, and powerful, too, if things were like they used to be.” He sighed deeply. “Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for you, he already married. A commoner. He claimed to be in love with a commoner.”

He said that word like it was synonymous with ‘whore’. She tried to hide her disdain; but who was she to criticize him? As much as she pretended otherwise, her own husband had noble roots, albeit from the wrong side of the sheets. “Sometimes our children do things we disagree. There’s nothing we can do as parents but love them.”

“You sound like my wife.”

“That’s because we’re mothers.”

“Look at her, she’s exquisite.”

Olivia blinked. The man standing before her changed; he was slighter and darker than the last. His slicked back hair had become unruly, while perspiration beaded his brows. She found herself wanting to reach out, to brush the moisture away, but her arms were full.

“And so blonde,” he whispered in awe.

“That may change later.” She glanced down at the squirming bundle of bright pink wrinkles; somehow she thought it was the most beautiful creature she had ever seen. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Can I? Should I?” He said hesitantly, but his hands were reaching out for the infant.

As he held the baby in his arm, she felt a flood of warmth, a sense of pride. How she loved that man, her husband. How stupid she had been for so long.

“Her eyelashes, they look like fine gold threads.” He stared at his daughter. “And her little mouth. It’s like a kiss. Heaven’s kiss.”

“Always the romantic.”

His mustache quivered. “Are you sure she’s mine?”

“What kind of question is that!” She kicked him on his leg and scolded. “You were there when we made her, on our honeymoon night.”

“I know,” he laughed lightly. “But she’s so blonde, and her eyes so blue.”

“All babies have blue eyes.”

“She looks just like you.”

“She looks like your mother.”

“Maman…” He smiled sadly. “Sometimes I can still see her when I close my eyes. I see her smiling down at us.”

“She’s very proud of you.”

“Like I am proud of her.” His features brightened in a way that reminded her of the summer sun. “And you, my little love. I wish you didn’t have to go through all of that. If only men could give birth.”

She laughed, a tinkling kind of laugh. “In our next life, you can be the woman. And carry our babies.”

“And what will you be?”

“The man, of course.”

“Tired of giving birth to my babies already?” His lips drooped. “I don’t blame you.”

“Nom de Dieu! Don’t be an idiot!” She kicked him again, harder this time. “I want as many as He allows. We can have our own tennis team.”

“If I’m the woman, I want to look like you.” He tucked the baby in one arm and grabbed her foot with his free hand. He leaned in, his breath almost close enough to taste. “You’re the most beautiful woman in France, non, in the world.”

The stars in his eyes made her blush.

Chapter 35

“You’re so beautiful.”

The voice of the man had changed. He was speaking English with an accent. Some sort of wishy-washy English accent that wasn’t quite British. His clipped words sounded almost sterile. His appearance had changed as well. Beneath his thick five o’clock shadow, he had an olive complexion, a square jaw, and a wide mouth. He looked vaguely familiar. Who was he? Olivia searched her memories and came up short. She wanted to run away; her instincts told her to. Things were going to get worse, much worse, she knew, and shook her head. But she was stuck, helpless, in someone else’s body, in a twisted dream.

“I love you,” he said, his voice now breathy and hoarse. She felt herself struggle against his embrace, the tweed of his jacket rough against her hands. “No!”

“Yes!” He palmed her breasts, his declaration sounding more like a growl, “I love you.”

“You can’t.” She tried to push him away, to turn away the relentless phantom. “No!”

“Yes, I can. I can and I do.”

“What about your son?” Olivia felt her mouth move; she couldn’t hear the voice that was not her own. Whose was it? She didn’t know; she didn’t want to know.

“You’ll be a wonderful mother.”

“I refuse to be a concubine.”

“I can get a divorce. I’ll divorce all of them. I know you want me. You want this,” the man insisted, pulling up her skirt and her legs apart. She didn’t try to squeeze them close, even though she knew she should. She felt it in her bones, the fierce pangs of guilt, the painful throbbing of her heart.

She had stopped resisting; this wasn’t the first time nor would it be the last, she knew. She could feel his mouth on her flesh, his sweat on her skin, and nothing else. Thank God. It was more than enough that she knew they were rutting like senseless wild beasts. Olivia thought she would gag. She wondered if she would wake to find herself in a pool of her own vomit.

“Let’s make a baby,” he whispered, his voice reverberating loudly in her head. “A little sister for my son.”

Whoever she was, Olivia could feel herself wanting this man, wanting to be the mother of his children. She wanted it more than life itself. Trembling, in lust or in fear of damnation, she clutched at his broad back and squeezed her eyes shut, afraid to see into the future, afraid to let go. She sucked in her breath and willed the dream to stop.

Stop it did, to her relief and surprise.

Then she felt her lover spooning her from behind, felt her fingers laced with her own. Except those weren’t Alex’s fingers; her hands, too, belonged to someone else. She saw strangers’ hands holding and stroking her swollen belly. She was pregnant. Very pregnant, with his daughter, she could feel it in her guts. And she felt fear, unreasonable, inexplicable fear.

**Alex will kill me,** Olivia thought. **Worse, she’ll leave me, if she finds out.**

“Everything will be all right,” he said, his voice honeyed behind her ears. “You’ll see. Just trust me.”

“Everything won’t be all right,” she sobbed.

“I’ve already made arrangements. They’ll all be properly taken care of,” he said. “Soon, we can be a family. A happy family.”

“There’s no such thing,” Olivia replied; this time, the voice was her own.

“Your mother loves you,” another voice said, from nowhere.

“Yeah, she loved me so much, she chose booze over me,” she retorted.

“I love you,” the man insisted again.

“Je t’aime, pour toujours, for always,” Bernard vowed, to her, his knees on the ground, his ear against her swollen middle. “Pour l’éternité.”

Then she heard another voice, deep like Alex’s voice. “Let’s make a baby,” her lover said. “I want a little girl, une petite Liv.”

“But how? C’est impossible!”

“Everything comes from Love,” another voice told her, a woman’s voice. “You only need to listen, and you will hear.”

“That makes no sense!” Olivia argued. “It’s crazy… Psychotic!”

“Everything comes from Love,” the voice repeated patiently. “Remember, l’Amour,” she said, her words dissolving into giggles, giggles that sounded more like jingling bells.

Then Olivia saw herself, with Alex, except they looked different; they looked like opposites of themselves. It was a different place, a different time, she knew but didn’t understand. Her detective impulse kicked in. She tried to run after them. And she could feel her legs moving, as if in slow motion, pursuing the women along the endless green field, but never catching up. She chased until they disappeared.

Still, she kept on running. **Away from something?** She asked herself. **From what?** She didn’t know. And she kept on moving, racing in full gallop. Against time? She was forgetting everything she had dreamt along the way, but she couldn’t stop, didn’t want to stop. Her legs carrying her, her breath catching, she hastened.

Then suddenly she felt her presence. Suddenly, she could taste the sweetness of her perfume. **Alex?** She stopped to look around. **Where are you?**

She blinked. This time, she saw pass the chaos; she saw her lover’s smiling face, her warm blue gaze enveloping her. She closed and opened her eyes, to confirm she wasn’t dreaming. **You found me, or vice versa. We found each other, again,** she thought, without awareness of the full implications of the words, as fair features edged closer.

Softly, she heard her lover’s voice, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Olivia replied, shaking her head clear and smiling back.

Chapter 36

At once, Olivia sat up in bed and extended her hand. Impatiently, she waited for the blonde to settle into the space beside her. “You believe in reincarnations,” she said before she could change her mind.

“Yeah? Maybe?” Alex answered her lover’s statement with a question. “Why?”

“Why? I mean, why do you believe?”

“Why not? It makes sense, well, as much sense as all religion makes.” Alex shrugged. “Who knows who is right? I’d hate to die and then find out I’ve believed in the wrong God.”

Olivia laughed despite herself. “Covering all your bases?”

“Something like that?”

“Hm…”

“Well, it’s really not that difficult to reconcile both. Think of karma as the things you do that get you to heaven, or hell,” Alex explained. All the while, she tried to read her lover through her eyes. She couldn’t. So she continued, hoping her honest reply was enough, “And you reincarnate because you’re neither good nor bad enough for the extremes, or you still have lessons to learn. You’re stuck in the middle, in Purgatory. Voila!”

“It’s that easy?”

“Must it be that difficult?”

“Do you think this is our first time, together?”

Alex paused, and searched her lover’s eyes again. “What do you mean?” She finally asked.

“Maybe we’ve been together once before, in the past?”

“In the past?”

Olivia hesitated. “Our past lives? Maybe even more than once?”

The idea wasn’t new to Alex, but she was surprised. “Why? What makes you ask?”

“Sometimes… sometimes I have dreams.”

“You and your dreams!” Alex sighed, ignoring the funny flutters in her stomach. And she placed her hand on her lover’s thigh. “Did you have another just now?”

Quickly, Olivia nodded. “But these were different. I can never remember them afterwards. And they weren’t particularly stressful, at least I don’t remember them being so.”

“Okay…”

“Sometimes I think they were about us, but the people didn’t look like us.”

“Who did they look like?”

“People?”

“That’s good, Liv.” Alex laughed; she couldn’t help herself.

“I mean, sometimes we were heterosexual, and sometimes we were not,” Olivia offered. “But beyond that, I don’t remember.”

“Huh.”

“What do you think?”

“Interesting,” Alex said, and realized that wasn’t the answer her lover wanted. “I mean, why have you never told me before? That you dream about us, our past.”

“I’m not sure that’s really what I was dreaming.”

“But what if it was? Is it so bad?”

“So you think we’ve been together before?”

“You really want to know what I think?”

Olivia nodded. “Yes,” she added, feeling the need to reassure both her lover and herself.

“I think we’ve always been together.” From the very beginning, and if the blonde could help it, they would be together until the very end, if there should be an end.

“Why? Are we not learning our lessons?”

Alex smiled. “Can one ever stop learning?”

“Oh, god,” Olivia groaned. “Let’s not get philosophical.”

“Maybe it’s not about learning lessons for us. Maybe we just get bored.”

“Bored in Heaven?”

“What’s there to do? Pray? Listen to St. Peter preach? After a while, I imagine even the heavenly choir gets tired of the same old music.”

The mock seriousness in her lover’s tone made Olivia laughed. “You do realize I’m sitting between you and the window.”

“Why? You don’t want to get struck by lightning for me?”

“Er, not particularly.” Olivia made a face, and then she grinned, a corner of her lips higher than the other. “Although I suppose we’d have to get struck together, if we were to spend our next lives together.”

Alex shook her head. Before she could reply with something witty and smart, she saw concentration tightening her lover’s features. “Liv?” She whispered her surprise.

After a moment’s indecision, Olivia revealed, “I do remember something… A part of my dream, from earlier. It’s about love... that everything comes from love. Whatever that means.”

Chapter 37

“Everything comes from love?” Alex arched her brow; to her it was a no-brainer. “All the good things and all the bad things in the world, they all come from love. The nature of the outcome just depends on the object of desire. You love power, you cause war and destruction. You love mankind, you become Mother Teresa.”

“That’s too simplistic.”

“Well, I suppose the way you go about obtaining what you love could be wrong, and the outcome turned out badly, but you still did it out of love.”

“Right, that’ll fly in court.”

“We’re not talking about the law. And crime of passion is a defense in many places.”

**Why do I ask a lawyer these kinds of questions?** Olivia sighed. “You make it sound so logical and simple, but what does it mean in the context of my dream?”

“Liv, I think that’s something only you can answer.”

Olivia knew her lover was right. Maybe it was something her subconscious was working on. Maybe the answer would come in another dream; or maybe one day, she would see it and it would be as clear as day, just like that.

“So, what’s for lunch,” she asked, changing the subject. “Oh, excuse me.”

Alex waited until her companion finished her yawn. Then she stood, and held out her hand. “It’s close to dinner time.”

“You serious?”

“I checked in on you earlier, but you were sleeping so soundly, I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Wow. Didn’t seem like I slept that long.” Olivia rolled back her shoulders, straightened her spine, and let her lover pull her to her feet. “What did I miss?”

“Nothing much. We took a little drive.”

“Oh?”

“So I can get re-acquainted with the land, and the surrounding sights,” Alex explained while she went to the dresser to retrieve her bag. “They’re leaving tomorrow.”

“They are?” Olivia tried not to show her relief. It was selfish of her, but she would much rather have her lover to herself.

“They have to go back to Paris, you know, not everyone’s on vacation.”

“What do they do, if you don’t mind my asking?” Olivia hastened to add, “I’m just curious.”

“Christian serves on various boards, and sort of manages what’s left of the family business.” Alex offered casually, with a shrug, “You know how companies are structured these days.”

“Family business?”

“Something Michelle’s father started, before World War I.” That could be anything, Olivia thought to herself. Was her lover being evasive? Or was her knowledge about her mother’s side of the family really that limited? Was she so focus on being Alexander Cabot’s daughter? Or what everyone expected her to be? Did she not care? She decided to let that go. “And Nicole?”

“She’s a member of the Ministries,” Alex said. She felt her lover’s gaze and met her eyes. She smiled, and offered up an explanation, “Someone has to follow Bernard’s footstep.”

“Is that why you wanted to be in politics?”

“Probably,” Alex replied without giving the answer much thought. “Anyway, I got you something while we were out,” she said, and pulled a plastic tote from her bag. “Catch!”

The move caught Olivia by surprise. “Jesus,” she swore, and thanked her reflexes. “What’s this?” She looked inside. “You got me a shirt, from the mushroom museum.” She laughed.

“Thought you might find it amusing. I’m sure you didn’t want to go.”

“Not really. But the shirt I love,” Olivia replied, “Thank you.” She made an impulsive decision, and unzipped her sweatshirt.

“What are you doing?”

“Why? I thought I’d put it on.”

“You should change, I agree.” Alex opened the closet door, and began gathering their clothes.

Olivia joined her lover, and accepted the proffered hangers, first, her black wool trousers, then a button up shirt, and finally her leather jacket. “We’re going somewhere?”

“The village. They’re taking us out to dinner.”

“That’s nice of them.” She looked at the outfit the blonde was holding and decided to ask, “How come I don’t get to decide what you wear?”

Their eyes locked for a long moment, until finally Olivia wondered if she shouldn’t retract her question. But before she could, Alex smiled; her smile at once inscrutable and seductive. Wide-eyed, she watched her lover turn back to the closet and remove her lingerie carrier from its hook.

“Here,” the woman said, and shoved the silk velvet case in her hand. “You can decide on these, this time.”

“This time? Does that mean there’ll be another time?” Olivia’s imagination raced along her heart. “Or next time, I get to pick everything?”

Alex ignored her query. “I’m going to head down the hall,” she said instead, her voice low and a little bit shaky. “Join me, when you’re ready.”

Chapter 38

Olivia woke with a start, her body jerking upright in reflex. **Not again.** Roughly, she ran her fingers through her hair and sank her elbows to her knees, her hands holding her face.

Loudly, she sighed, and looked to her left. Her lover was still there, curled up on her side and sleeping soundly. With another sigh, she threw back her head and turned towards the window. If her gaze could scorch, the curtains would go up in flames. The apricot streaks in the dull grey sky told her it was barely dawn, and she was wide awake, thrown back to reality from a dream.

Except, once again, she had no recollection of that damn dream.

All this dreaming was getting tedious. Not to mention tiring. And she was wired.

Taking a deep breath, she glanced at her lover again, and tried to visualize curling around the woman’s sleeping form. She imagined the silken softness of her hair, and the sweet comforting scent of her skin.

It wasn’t working.

She swung her legs off the side of the bed in frustration. Before she could stop herself, she was barefooted on the cold wood floor, pacing.

Back and forth, she paced, trying to work off the excess energy. She really should just get dressed and go jog around the castle. That should help. But she couldn’t leave Alex’s side; she just couldn’t.

Instead, she walked back to bed, and flopped onto the mattress, not caring whether she jostled it or not.

Her lover’s slow, steady breath told her she was still asleep. It was unreasonable and inexplicable, but Olivia felt resentment growing in her belly and weighing against her chest. She closed her eyes, took another deep breath and counted to ten. When ten wasn’t enough, she tried twenty. Afterwards, she gave up.

She sighed again, and grabbed her pillow, and punched her fists into it. And what purpose did that violence serve? She didn’t know, especially since it didn’t even help ease the tension.

At the moment, Olivia wished she had her gun. If she did, she could take it into the surrounding woods, and unload the cartridge into a tree. The noise and the sheer force of the shots would surely dull her nerves, or at least relieve her irritation.

Except, even if she had her gun, she couldn’t leave the room. She couldn’t leave her lover’s side, not while she was asleep.

Was that the reason why she felt agitated? That she was worried about the woman she loved and felt helpless to help? Was that it?

It had to be, right?

She was being paranoid, Olivia told herself. As far as she knew, the sleepwalking was a one-time occurrence. Maybe seeing her cousins for the first time after so many years and introducing them to her lover was stressing Alex out. Maybe she just didn’t realize or didn’t want to acknowledge the pressure and the anxiety. Lord knows the attorney was just like her. They were both good at bottling stuff up, compartmentalizing when necessary so they could do their job. That was part of the attraction – they understood each other, they knew how to keep their internal bombs from detonating, until they could lock themselves up in a room. Then they had explosive sex. Or they would start with fiery arguments. Either way, it would end with blazing, intense, cathartic sex. Sex that made the detective feel cleansed and alive afterwards.

Suddenly, an unpleasant feeling washed over Olivia. She felt uncomfortable in her own skin. And she couldn’t pinpoint the cause.

Taking another deep breath, she reached out to her lover. She imagined her warmth, the soothing, comforting tenderness of her embrace. She longed for it. But she let her hand fall before their skin touched.

She couldn’t, shouldn’t touch her lover, not while the woman was sleeping, and definitely not when she herself was feeling whatever it was she was feeling. And she let out another sigh. And she beat the pillow again in dissatisfaction.

A small shuffling noise held back the detective’s next punch. When she saw blonde lashes flutter, she froze. Before blue eyes blinked completely open, she tried to scramble off the bed.

“Liv?” Alex sighed, reaching out for her.

At the soft sound of her name, she stopped moving and nailed her feet to the floor. Where was the flight reaction coming from? She didn’t know and couldn’t understand.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing, Sweetheart. Go back to bed.”

“Then come back.”

“I… um… in a little bit.”

“Liv?”

Olivia saw sleep lifting from her lover’s eyes. She saw her slim arm raising the covers, exposing the thin cotton camisole, and the pair of pink points peeking through the lace edge. The smile tugging at her full lips hinted at the offer. The detective knew she could just jump back in bed and take, and she didn’t even have to ask. But, surprisingly, that wasn’t what she wanted. Not in the least… not at all.

Chapter 39

With disbelief, Alex watched the dark head shake. She had the distinctive feeling that her lover was making herself stand before her, that she would prefer to be somewhere else. She fought her own desire to balk and shifted in such a way that her breasts were practically falling out of her top. “Liv?” She reached out once more.

“Go back to sleep, Sweetheart,” Olivia urged.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re not a very good liar, Olivia,” Alex said and sighed. “What were you doing with your pillow?”

“I’m sorry if I woke you.”

Disbelief turned into confusion into embarrassment and hurt. Alex gathered the covers and sat up. For good measure, she grabbed her glasses and put them on. The rest of the walls dropped swiftly in place. “I thought that was your intent.”

Reflexively, Olivia replied with a question, “What was?”

“All the moving and stomping around, you were trying to wake me up.”

Caught, the detective stammered. “I wasn’t… I didn’t…”

“Well, doesn’t matter. I’m awake. What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing!”

“Olivia.”

She hated when her lover used her given name. The four syllables sounded so formal, her voice seemed so cold. Her defenses kicked in. “All right, you win,” she said, challenge underlining her tone. “I’ve been thinking.”

“About what?”

“Your mother’s cousins, they live in Paris.”

Alex didn’t see where Olivia was going with that statement; she couldn’t anticipate the woman’s next question. She had no choice but show her bewilderment. “Yeah?”

“We were in Paris.”

“Okay…”

“Why didn’t we meet with them in Paris?”

“Excuse me?”

“Why didn’t we see them earlier, when we first arrived in France?”

Alex shook her head and tried not to laugh. “You’re upset because I wanted our first days in Paris to be just the two of us?”

“So you knew about the trip ahead of time?”

“You told me, ahead of time. And so did my mom.”

“Who told you first?”

“What does it matter, Olivia?” And where was the logic in her line of questioning? What brought it on? Alex failed to grasp.

“Just answer me.”

“My mom did, why?”

“I thought it was supposed to be a surprise.”

“Well, the details were. I didn’t know which airline we were flying or which hotels we were staying at, and what or if anything she had planned for us. She just asked if I had time to take a vacation with you.” When the answer failed to pacify the brunette, Alex reminded, “Hello? I had to request time off like everyone else. What’s the big deal?”

“What else are you not telling me?”

“What do you mean?”

“What else are you not telling me?” Olivia repeated. “Look, it’s like pulling teeth when I ask about your family. What are you afraid of? My reaction?”

“No,” Alex replied. Too quickly, she realized, “Listen, we’ve already talked about that.” Her mind raced, attacking all the possible scenarios. “I’m not hiding things from you, nor am I ashamed of you. And I’m not trying to save your feelings because you didn’t come from the same kind of background I did. I admit I’m a little skeptical and cynical about my family’s alleged history because, well because that’s just who I am, and you have to admit, parts of it sound like tall tales. Joan of Arc being our ancestor, for instance. And it’s true: I resent them. I resent them and their accomplishments because I have to live up to everyone’s expectations.”

She sucked in a deep breath and continued. “This is not about you, Olivia. Not everything’s about you. I’ve told you everything, at least everything I know. And if I haven’t, that’s only because you hadn’t asked the question and it hadn’t occurred to me to tell,” she said, in a rush, hoping to have addressed everything that might have gotten her lover’s panties in a wad. “I even told you about this place being haunted, for crying out loud.”

“Oh, god, let’s not go there again.” Olivia rolled her eyes. “No one in their right mind believes in ghosts.”

“Are you saying I’m crazy?”

“No, I’m saying perhaps you’re misinformed,” Olivia offered. “I think you’re under some sort of stress, whether you realize it or not. And the stress is making you hear things that aren’t there and do things in your sleep.”

“You know what’s stressing me out, Olivia?” Alex spat, throwing off the blankets and leaving the bed. “You are. You’re stressing me out big time.”

“Sweetheart…”

“This conversation is over, Olivia,” the blonde declared, grabbing her robe and putting it on in one jagged move. She marched to the door and announced, “I’m going to cool off, in the shower. And I’ll see you at the breakfast table.”

Olivia blinked. “What? What did I say?” She tried to follow, to hold her lover back. The ice in the blue eyes stopped her cold.

Meanwhile, Alex shook her head and closed the door, leaving the brunette standing in the middle of the room.

Chapter 40

Acting. That was another thing they were both good at - Olivia to lure the suspects into confession, and Alex to paint a moving and realistic picture for the jury. And at the breakfast table, they managed to behave like the perfect couple, like they used to pretend they were merely genial colleagues with the best working relationship, even when their private life was on the rocks and they were fighting like cats and dogs.

After their shared meal, Nicole and Christian left for Paris, with the promise that they would return in a few days, both none the wiser about the lover’s quarrel.

**Me and my big mouth.** Olivia sighed. She stood in front of the library, wondering if she should knock.

Reluctantly, Alex acknowledged her lover’s presence. “What do you want?”

“Can I come in?”

Why couldn’t the brunette just leave her alone? Why couldn’t she just let things be? Let her anger cool. Eventually, she would forget and forgive; it wasn’t like she could stay mad at her forever, certainly not while they were stuck in the middle of France. Instead, the detective was like a dog with a bone, gnawing at it, to try to get to the marrow, usually opening more wounds in the process.

Alex looked in her lover’s general direction, purposefully avoiding her eyes. “Sure,” she said, and shrugged.

Hesitantly, Olivia approached. When the blonde didn’t object, she sat next to her on the divan. “May I?” She asked, pointing at the stack of photo albums left by their hosts.

“Go ahead.”

Carefully, the detective turned the leather bound pages. It was as if she was holding something precious and delicate in her hands. Or maybe she feared that any sudden movement or noise on her part would upset the fragile peace in the room.

Out of the corner of her eye, she watched her lover. The woman was intent on ignoring her by burying her nose in her great-grandmother’s diary, also a gift from her relatives. She knew the last thing Alex wanted was to talk. But talk they must; they had no choice. Even more than the four syllables of her given name, Olivia hated when the blonde gave her the silent treatment. She couldn’t stand the gut twisting cold, lonely and lost feeling the situation incited.

With tremendous effort, she reined in her emotion and bit her tongue, until she had turned the last page of the first album. “May I make an observation?”

Alex arched a brow, as if she was surprised by her lover’s voice. “Sure, if you wish,” she replied, making sure her tone lacked any discernable edge.

They were behaving politely towards each other. Somehow the detached civility frightened Olivia more. It was easier for her to clash and wage war, then to sit and pretend they were getting along. At least confrontation required passion; it demanded a certain level of emotional investment. It was a screwed up way of looking at things, deep down the detective knew. But that was the only thing she was used to, the only way she could be certain her mother cared.

And it was time she stopped attributing all her deficiencies to her past or to her upbringing, she knew that, too.

She cleared her throat. “Your great-grand parents, they looked like they really loved each other.”

“They did.”

“That’s something, what Nicole said, about your great-grandfather.”

“What about him?”

“That he died of a broken heart.”

“Statistically, more men die within a short time after their wives’ death than vice-versa, you know that as well as I do.”

“Yes, but I’m not talking about statistics. I think it’s romantic.”

“Sure.”

“You don’t sound convinced.”

Alex closed the diary and her eyes. For a long moment, she was silent. Then she sighed. “Actually, I am. To tell you the truth, I’m envious.”

“Envious?”

“To be with the same person for over half a century? And be so in love until the end? You don’t think that’s amazing?” Again she sought the cover of empirical data. “Considering over fifty percent of marriage ends in divorce these days?”

Quickly, Olivia did the math in her head. They would be in their eighties, but it was possible. Should she tell her lover? This wasn’t about something far-fetched and completely speculative, like reincarnation. This could be a real commitment. “If I have my way,” she began softly, looking down at her own hand, and watched it reach for Alex’s on its own accord. Gingerly, she touched the silver ring, and remembered how distraught the woman was when she thought she had lost it. Suddenly, she felt stupid, stupid and insensitive and ridiculous. “I’m sorry,” she said, and squeezed their fingers together.

“For?”

“Earlier. I was an ass. And I’m sorry for all the times I acted like an ass, and I’m also apologizing in advance. I’m sure it’ll take me a while to learn to be the perfect lover.” Olivia sought her companion’s eyes and smiled a lopsided smile. “Hopefully before our fiftieth anniversary.”

Chapter 41

Unbidden, a smile tugged at Alex’s lips. All it took was some mushy declaration of love, and just like that, her anger dissipated. Her willingness to give in to the woman, her inability to hold onto her self-righteousness and use it as a shield, this was her weakness. This chink in her armor used to scare her half to death; but now she realized it was also an asset. It made evident the power of the love they shared.

She leaned against Olivia, and let her head rest on the woman’s shoulder. For a long minute, she simply enjoyed the sensation, the soft sweet marvel of loving and being loved. At the same time, she was aware of her companion’s inner conflict, torn between apprehension and relief. Right or wrong, that knowledge brought forth a deep feeling of tenderness and grew her smile.

“Will you… forgive me?” Olivia finally spoke.

“Only on one condition.”

“Anything.”

Alex raised her head. She looked into her lover’s eyes and saw sincerity. “Tell me what’s really troubling you.”

“I… I don’t know,” Olivia replied. She had been wondering about that before she came into the room. It was funny how loneliness forced her to think, to put herself under the microscope of self-reflection. “Would it be a cop out, if I told you I got up from the wrong side of the bed?”

“Are you sure that’s all?”

Olivia shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“Does my opinion about my family really bother you so much?”

“You have your reasons, and I accept that. But I wish, for your sake, that you didn’t feel that way.”

“I really don’t think about it that much.” Alex shrugged. “Besides, I agree with you. Which is why I’m reading this,” she pointed to the diary. “I want to know them better. I need to stop blaming my family for my own incompetence.”

Olivia’s first instinct was to contradict, to reassure her lover. The slight shake of the blonde head stopped her.

“My inability to say ‘no’ to their expectations, or what I perceived to be their expectations. I’m sure both my parents would have understood if I told them how I felt, and they would’ve been supportive of my decisions, regardless of the matter.” Alex explained with a deep laugh. “After all, my mom was willing to let me be a Bohemian in Paris. Anyway, back to my ancestors, I’d really like to be proud of them. In fact, I’m extremely proud of my maternal grandparents, they did a wonderful job raising their children.”

“Yeah,” Olivia had to agree. “Your mom and your Uncle Jack… and your aunt, the nun… They all have very noble callings.” Which was precisely why Alex thought she had to have one, too, the brunette understood. She had made that connection before, but somehow it didn’t stick. Was it her thick head?

“Whatcha thinking?” Alex asked, in response to the furrow between her lover’s brows. “Something wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Olivia again replied. This time, she tried harder to explain. “It doesn’t make sense, but I feel like I’m in some sort of a loop. It seems like we keep having the same arguments.”

“Well, it’s true, we have. But I guess that means we haven’t resolved whatever it was causing the arguments, at least not completely. So we kept revisiting those issues.”

“I guess.” Olivia sighed. “And I’ve been having dreams, dreams most of the time I can’t remember. Except that they were weird, and I couldn’t understand them, although I’m not sure I really want to. Anyway, it gets frustrating, and annoying,” she admitted. “I’m sorry I took it out on you earlier.”

“Okay.”

“Whatever’s causing these stupid dreams, I wish it would stop.”

“Maybe it’s your subconscious trying to work things out,” Alex tried to suggest without touching the sore subject between them. Everything had a scientific explanation anyway. “Sometimes your subconscious picks up things, things that your consciousness can’t see, or remember.”

“I guess. What else can it be, right?” Olivia grinned crookedly. “Anyway, sorry for interrupting. We were talking about your grandparents.”

Alex shrugged and offered an open smile. “No big deal. I was just telling you how wonderful they were as grandparents. They made each of us feel we were special, that we were the only apple of their eye, and we could do no wrong.”

**Maybe they can be our example,** Olivia thought and squeezed her lover’s hand.

“I mean they were indulgent,” Alex rushed to explain, misinterpreting the brunette’s reaction, the funny look on her face, “But they made us mind. And none of us were truly bad. Although one time Jack Henry and Jack Francis got in so much trouble. It was Halloween.”

“Let me guess, they TP’ed the neighbor’s house.”

“And their car… and their cat.”

“Their cat?” Olivia laughed.

“Yeah, poor cat. They wrapped her up like a mummy, even her tail. And as punishment, they spent weekends volunteering at an animal shelter, cleaning cages.”

“Ew.”

“Yeah, ew.”

“Just punishment though, I suppose.”

“Yes, but seeing how the animals lived, and died, taught them never to be cruel. I think that was the actual point.”

“I wish I had known your grandparents.”

“Me, too.” Alex snuggled closer to her lover and sighed. “My grandpappy had a wicked sense of humor. You would’ve enjoyed outwitting each other.”

Chapter 42

“Sweetheart?”

Hearing the falter in her lover’s voice, Alex raised her head, and searched the woman’s features. This time she saw the want. It made her heart flutter. There was no mistaking where the conversation would lead, should she allow it. “Can I ask a favor?”

“Sure. Anything.”

“Can we start all over again?”

“Yes, of course. That’s what I was hoping for, when I came in here.”

“I don’t mean just today, Liv.”

“Not just today?” Olivia repeated. She didn’t know if she understood; she didn’t know if she wanted to. Maybe ‘anything’ was too grand a word to use. “What do you mean by that?”

“Can we pretend that we’ve just met?”

“Why? Why would you want to do that?”

“When you first visited me, in Chicago, we talked about how I’ve changed.” Alex explained as gently as she could. “I’m not sure I like me yet.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying not everyone has the chance to start over, and I’d like to take advantage of it.” They had had this discussion before, less than six months ago. Olivia claimed to understand where she was coming from, but since then, some of her actions said otherwise.

“But…”

“I thought you wanted me to explore…”

Without thinking, Olivia pulled away. Her sudden movement stopped the blonde in mid-sentence. It was just as well. Instead of waiting for her lover to finish, she stood, to put extra distance between them. “But there’s a difference between exploring and a hundred eighty degree change,” she said, and shoved her hands in her pockets.

Her lover’s defensive stance took Alex by surprise. “God, Liv, it’s always all or nothing for you, isn’t it?” She let her exasperation show.

“What do you mean?”

“And you always expect the worst of everything and everyone.” Alex charged, “It’s always guilty until proven innocent for you.”

The holier than thou look on the blonde’s face riled Olivia. Acting on pure instinct and habit, she stormed out; it took everything for her to not slam the door shut on the way. Half way down the hall, she came to an abrupt halt.

**Fuck.** She squeezed her eyes shut against her memories. How many times had she jumped to the conclusion, so ready to believe a suspect was guilty, even when the suspect was a fellow cop? Every complaining witness was a victim unless proven otherwise was her motto.

Olivia heaved a deep sigh and turned her heels. This time, she didn’t bother to stop at the door or ask for permission to enter. She just stepped right in, and sank down next to her lover, whose only reaction was a raised brow. “I’m sorry.” She conceded, “You’re right, as usual.”

“It’s not my intent to prove you wrong.”

“I know,” Olivia admitted. “I, um, I think I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“I don’t like change very much.” She sighed. “And part of what I like about my job, is that I always know I’m on the side of the good guys, the victims.” When Alex remained silent, she continued, “I like the certainty. It’s easiest when things are black or white, guilty, or proven innocent.”

“Okay…?”

“I’m not saying it very well, am I?” Olivia pressed her lips together, while her brain scrambled for the right words. In the end, she decided to speak from her heart. “I’m not very good at this,” she prefaced. “Acknowledging my fears, I mean, well, or my feelings, for that matter. Look at how long, and what it took, for me to admit that I love you, that I’m in love with you.” To Alex’s responding nod, she offered a sheepish smile. “I know you’ve reassured me before, and it’s not that I don’t believe you, but somewhere deep down, there’s still that fear. What if you decide to completely get away from your past, now that you have the chance?”

“Didn’t you hear what I asked earlier?”

“What?”

“If we could start over. I’m not going to let go of my past completely; I can’t. No one can do that, at least not realistically, well,” Alex amended, “at least it wouldn’t be me. You are my future, Liv. I thought you were just talking about our fiftieth year together.”

“Well, I was. But you didn’t say anything back.”

“I’m sorry; I didn’t think I needed to.” With the tip of her finger, Alex tapped her lover’s nose. “I told you already that you’re stuck with me, forever.”

Olivia smiled. “I like forever.”

“Me, too.”

“We’re starting over, huh?” The brunette extended her arm, to pull the blonde close. “You’re not going to make me wait another six weeks, are you?”

“Six weeks?” Alex twisted to face her lover, her blue eyes twinkling. “Did I really make you wait that long?”

“Felt longer, to tell you the truth.”

“How about six minutes?”

“Six minutes?”

“Enough time to get back to our room, and get undressed,” Alex explained with a sultry smile.

“You’re on!”

Chapter 43

“Well?”

Alex smiled down into her lover’s eyes. “Well what?”

“It’s been over six minutes,” Olivia reminded, glancing at her watch on the dresser. “You’re still dressed.” Meanwhile, as soon as the door closed, she had begun throwing off her clothes, her body eager to make up for lost time. Now she was down to her skivvies and they felt constricting, but not as much as the sudden seeming change in her lover’s mood.

“I know.”

“You’re gonna make me wait,” she tried not to sound too accusatory.

“Not for long, I promise,” Alex replied, mischief dancing on her lips, while she straddled the brunette’s hips. “One of these days, can I tie you up?”

Olivia widened her eyes and swallowed hard. “Excuse me?”

Alex ran her palms down her lover’s side, and up her own legs, to capture the woman’s hands. “You heard me.”

“Why do you want to tie me up?”

“I let you tie me up,” she reminded, stretching the truth a bit. She was barely awake when that happened, and she protested, as much as she could or had the will to. “You tied me up and tickled me to death. In my mother’s house, I might add.”

“Okay?”

“It’d only be fair.”

The blonde had a point, Olivia had to admit. “I, uh, I guess, if you really want to…” She acquiesced even though the whole idea made her nervous. Why? She didn’t know. Maybe it was the loss of control.

“And I promise not to tickle you, at least not a lot,” Alex offered with a smile. Then the smile turned into a half-pout. “Do you not trust me?”

Olivia had the distinct feeling she was being manipulated. Still, she replied, “Of course I do. I trust you with my life.” That much was true. Then why was she so apprehensive? And so confused? “You wanna blindfold me, too?” She asked, and watched her lover’s face.

“No.”

“No?”

“I like looking into your eyes when we make love.”

“I see,” Olivia liked that, too, the ability to witness the passion, the tenderness. And the trust and honesty that freely flowed between them, she thought, and smiled. “All right.” She tossed her hair to indicate the bedposts and offered bravely, “If that’s what you’re waiting for, go ahead.” To her surprise, her lover shook her head.

“Not right now,” Alex replied. “I don’t feel like doing that right now.”

She filed away the unexpected disappointment, and took a deep breath to calm her nerves. Why was she in such a hurry anyway? They were alone in their room; they were on vacation with nothing planned and nowhere to go. They had time, she told herself and asked, “Then what do you feel like doing?”

“Do you remember the first time we made love?”

The reminder brought a lop-sided smile to the brunette’s face. “Every time we make love is like the first time.”

“Oh, god,” Alex groaned. Then she realized the woman was completely sincere. “You can’t be serious,” she protested, and bit her lip. She could feel herself melt. To regain control, she pulled a rubber band from her pocket and tied her hair up in a knot. Then she shifted onto her hands and knees, and leaned in to kiss her lover’s mouth. She painted a line of kisses down her throat, to the deep valley of her chest. “So tell me something,” she bent back and said.

**Patience.** Olivia closed her eyes, and kept them closed until she had a handle on her urges. Her nipples tingled against the fabric, still reacting to the phantom pressure of her lover’s kisses. After the argument they had, where she was completely in the wrong, Olivia didn’t want to push. Meanwhile, her mind traveled to the last time the woman took deliberate charge of their love-making, and the elaborate seduction. **It wasn’t so bad. No, not at all.** Her body flushed warmly at the remembrance. Maybe this was a side of the new Alex, a part of her self-discovery process. And the brunette needed the proof she could handle her role. “Yes?”

“What went through your mind during that time? You know, while we waited?”

“You mean all those nights we spent together?” Olivia sighed and stared at their linked hands resting once more on her lover’s slim thighs. The denim felt exceedingly rough against her exposed skin. “Torture. Absolute, god awful, torture.” Like now, her eyes spoke.

“That was how you felt, I understand.” Alex rubbed her thumbs against the brunette’s knuckles. “But what were you thinking?”

This time, Olivia laughed. “You don’t wanna know. Trust me, you really don’t.”

“But I do.”

“Then I plead The Fifth.”

“We’re not in court, Liv.”

“It’s for your own good. You don’t wanna end up in the hospital.”

“With hyperglycemic coma?” Alex laughed. “That sappy, huh?”

“I’m just a big sap when it comes to you.”

“Sweet, juicy sap?”

Chapter 44

Her lover’s slow smile, and the wicked glint in her eyes, they made Olivia’s breath catch. “Are you asking?” She whispered certain that the woman already knew the answer. She felt awkward, still more accustomed to the role of the seducer than the seduced. Being equal was easier to accept on a logical level. In fact, her reason, her sense of fairness demanded it.

Yet, she was thinking how easy it would be to reverse their position. It wouldn’t take more than a twitch of her muscles, and the slim, delectable body would be trapped between the mattress and her own. Oh, hell, she didn’t even need to do that; there were many ways she could ravish from the bottom. She doubted Alex would object too much; if she objected at all. **But it’d be wrong…**

“You want to know what I was thinking during all those nights?”

Alex’s voice eased Olivia from her temptation. She rested her gaze on the shiny silver peaking through their joined fingers, and focused on how cold the metal was. Then, before she could stop, she remembered how it seared her skin, how sexy it felt pressed hard against her nether flesh. “Raging hormonal thoughts, I hope.”

“Besides those.”

“What?”

“How sweet you were, and how nice it was to fall asleep in your arms. And I knew I’d be safe.”

That made Olivia smile. It was her job to keep people safe, and she knew she did her job well. The trust in the clear blue eyes though, made her pride swell more than any medal would. “Liked having your own personal security detail, huh?” For the first time, she forgot to blame herself for her lover being shot.

“Something like that.” A shy grin lifted Alex’s lips; she untwined their fingers to trace slow circles around her companion’s navel. “And I wondered who was going to make the first move.” She swallowed in turn to the flutter under her touch. “And what would happen afterwards.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you’d stick around.” She let her hands drift up the woman’s sides, and marveled at how the smooth muscles tensed to her touch. She pushed forward, and watched her lover watch her align their bodies slowly. “But more than that, I wondered if things would change between us. If we’d still be friends… I liked being your friend.”

“Likewise,” Olivia said, focusing hard on the heartfelt words, on the fullness of her lover’s lips. “But what brought this on?” She asked, her palms moving in their own accord, drifting higher and higher under the soft cashmere, to caress still softer skin.

Alex shrugged off her sweater with the brunette’s help. She sighed when deft fingers released the clasp of her bra. Her insides quivered when the woman’s pupils expanded and her hungry dark gaze fell on her uncovered breasts. “Liv,” she breathed. Eyes up here, she wanted to remind but she didn’t need to; her lover’s unapologetic stare flicked up.

“Mmm?”

“Sometimes you drive me crazy, and I’m sure I do the same to you,” she explained quickly. Soon, the time for talk would pass, and she wanted to express her feelings while she could. “But I like you, a lot, and I enjoy your company, and sharing with you. You’re my best friend.”

“Yeah?” **What about Ling?** Olivia blinked at her lover’s nod. “I mean, you’re mine, too…”

“So, when we’re old and arthritic and can’t spend our days making love…”

“We can read together? Do crossword puzzles?” **Play with our grandchildren?** She held back and said, “I’m sure we’ll manage.”

“I hope so.”

“We will, Sweetheart, I promise.”

“Fifty years is a long time.”

Olivia smiled a smile too wide for reason or propriety. She laughed outright. “Not nearly long enough.”

“All right,” Alex sighed happily, and leaned in, until their noses touched.

“All right?” Olivia repeated, her voice higher than it should be. She tried to keep her eyes from crossing as she searched the blonde’s. In the end, she let them close.

Softly, Alex pressed kisses to her lover’s face, her jaws, her throat, then finally back up to her lips. While her tongue dipped into the brunette’s mouth, her hands roamed. She massaged the powerful thighs and felt the muscles danced to her touch. When her palms pushed up to the feminine hips, the woman arched, elevating both their bodies so she could reach around, so she could squeeze her firm flesh. The rush was incredible, to know the power she had over the strong detective. Then she tasted her lover’s moan.

“Liv,” she breathed. Almost urgently, her hands pushed up, up along the brunette’s sides. Almost roughly, she grabbed the straps while the brunette unhooked her own bra. As soon as the tension slackened, she pulled the garment away.

Patience, Olivia wanted to tease; she could scarcely contain her giggle. It made her crazy, crazy nervous and crazy hot, when her lover acted the ardent aggressor. And she loved the feeling, her body readying, anticipating the hard, fast ravishment, the adrenaline blitz that was sure to come. When their breasts touched, she moaned again.

Chapter 45

Olivia moaned again. It took her everything to not curl her toes and arch herself open. For the second time that morning, her body rebelled.

She took a deep breath, and willed her mind to focus, to adjust to her lover’s changing pace. What happened to the urgent hunger from only scant moments ago? Suddenly, Alex was all sweet and gentle and slow. In her mind’s eye, Olivia saw rolling green meadows and fluffy cotton candy clouds, and centaurs prancing to sugary pastoral air. She swallowed the saccharine image and sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

Olivia shook her head and kept her eyelids shut, her nerves centering on the warm hand covering her heat, the probing fingers teasing her arousal – the gentle, exquisite touch that drove her closer and closer to the edge, but not quite enough.

She sighed again, her breath shook with longing.

“Liv?”

“Alex…” She replied and moistened her lips.

“Liv.”

This time, Olivia had no choice, but to meet her lover’s gaze.

“Please,” Alex whispered, her voice a sultry request, her middle finger stroking the cleft of her companion’s sex, back and forth, and alternating with tight little circles that made the brunette dizzy with need. “Tell me, tell me what you want.”

Gripping the sheets, Olivia remained silent.

The panic was fleeting, but Alex saw it in her lover’s eyes. She could taste the tension oozing from the woman’s pores. “Just tell me,” she encouraged.

The manipulations slowed; it was deliberate, Olivia knew. She could scream. Instead, she pulled harder at the bed linens. Images of herself with her fists over her head squeezing the pillows, her spine curving for release filled her mind. It was a pose of unequivocal submission; she wished it weren’t as appealing as it seemed.

“I want to please you.”

Somehow the statement gave Olivia power she could not resist. “More,” she said hoarsely.

“Like this?” Alex added another finger to the circling.

The slow touch was torture. The brunette furrowed her brows.

“Then tell me how to please you.”

Her lover had to know, Olivia was convinced. She was certain this was another play, Alex’s way of making her desperate. **Like I do to her, all the time,** she groaned. **Paybacks a bitch, huh?** A corner of her lips curled. “Harder,” she gasped. Alex complied; she adjusted her body to create more leverage. And the brunette could feel the woman’s breath on her skin. She arched up, to offer her breasts.

“God, yes,” Olivia hissed to the friction of teeth against her nipple, the pain just sharp enough to be sexy. It made her head swim, and her body tense. She clasped her lover’s shoulders and held her close.

“More?”

Speechless, her senses ablaze, Olivia nodded.

“Tell me.”

She shuddered and swallowed. “Harder. More,” she added, and drew her knees higher, to underline her need.

Alex obliged. Her thrust went deeper, higher. She wanted to be a part of her lover, wanted to be everywhere and everything for her. The woman’s pleasure lapped and fueled her desire to please. “Toy?” She groaned, in between nips and licks, mindful of the marks brightening the olive skin. The brunette’s reaction only drove her on.

Her lover’s hungry moan made Olivia crave more, impossibly more. “No, you, just you,” she panted, her limbs clutching the blonde’s body, while slender fingers bunched and stroked. She pushed back, hard, adding to the piston-like movements. She wanted the passion, she craved the pain. Just like she wanted for the blonde, she needed to remember afterwards, needed to be touched in ways she never had before. “Alex?” A cry wrenched from her throat.

“Mm?”

“Tuck your thumb in,” she let go, just long enough to demonstrate. “Like this.”

“You sure?” Alex stopped, dead frozen. Her eyes searched her lover’s.

In response, Olivia shifted. Holding on to the blonde’s gaze, she reached blindly into the drawer. Her fingers clamped around the small cylinder, the freebee from the store clerk that they had accepted only to be polite. She snapped the lid and squeezed in the general direction, and she shivered to the slippery cold. She had expected her desperate antics to rouse a laugh. Instead, her lover’s eyes darkened to a stormy blue. She held herself still, and waited. Alex didn’t leave her hanging long.

Her body’s eagerness for the intrusion surprised the brunette. She felt herself opening, melting to her companion’s touch. It was strange, strange and magical, but she felt like the woman’s fist was holding her heart. For a moment, she remained motionless, while the fullness swelled. Something, beyond words, coursed between them; it made her feel free, free and lightheaded, and whole…

Then she sighed, a happy contented sigh, and closed her eyes. Her lover understood the cue and began slowly moving, shifting her wrist and arm, testing. Together, they found the rhythm, and stirred pleasure lapping pleasure.

Peak after peak the tension grew and broke within Olivia. Until her limbs went limp. If she weren’t already in bed, she knew she would fall; she was equally certain her lover would catch her. The clarity was remarkable, and it was sweet.

With regret limited only to the physical, she felt the slim hand leave her body. When it slid up her side to caress and hold, when the gentle weight of her lover’s head settled against her chest, the corners of her lips curled, unbidden, into a smile. And without restraint, she yielded to the comforting repose…

Chapter 46

**Pathetic!** Alex shook her head in disgust. They had not been apart for more than ten minutes; and Olivia was only talking to the kitchen staff to make dinner arrangements. Already she felt like a part of herself was missing. **God!** She shook her head again, and picked up a photo album for distraction.

Images of her great grandparents filled the pages. Judging by the period of their dress and the fine lines on their faces, they were only slightly older than Alex then. Already they had accomplished so much, and what had she done?

Even more disheartening were the stars in their eyes, shining even in black and white. Would they be able to love as freely as Michelle and Bernard? Neither one of them were overtly demonstrative people. Was it simply upbringing? Did they feel shame, somehow?

Like now, why was she embarrassed about missing her lover? So ready to nib the codependence bloom in the bud?

**Is it really codependence?**

A knock on the door provided relief from her musings. “Oui?”

Louis, a member of the serving staff, entered with a cart. “Mademoiselle Benson requested I bring these,” he said, and began uncovering plates of snacks and setting them out. “She said to tell you she will join you shortly. She is making arrangements with the chef.”

“Merci.” Alex smiled, wondering what special dishes Olivia was ordering for dinner. She loved when the brunette took charge of everything; she felt pampered. Mostly though, she enjoyed not having to think and make decisions. Sitting back, she watched Louis twist open an Orangina and pouring it over ice for her. Then he placed the remaining bottles in the cooler and straightened.

“Does Mademoiselle require anything else?” He returned Alex’s reply with a nod and a charming smile. Then with a dashing turn of his shoulders, he departed with his cart.

Alex picked up her drink and took a sip. Then, cradling the cold glass in her hands, she looked around the library. For the first time, she remembered how small this room used to seem when she was young, which didn’t make sense at all. Spaces usually shrank when one grew up, not the other way around. Perhaps, back then, she felt caged by the floor to ceiling shelves and the sheer volume of books. Now she thought this room would be a bibliophile’s delight. Maybe when she and Olivia were ready for retirement, they could spend part of the year here.

To think, less than a year ago, she was still questioning Olivia’s feelings towards her. Even less than six months earlier, she was ready to throw in the towel. Now, they talked about their future as if it was the most natural thing in the world. And her mother, and apparently also her lover, wanted children.

**Imagine little Liv’s running around the garden!** Alex smiled at the thought. It all seemed so surreal.

Then she realized she hadn’t told Olivia about Rohde’s house, next to Ling’s, which her mother had bought on her behalf. It appeared to be a foregone conclusion that she would return to New York, whenever it was safe enough to do so - a foregone conclusion for everyone except her and maybe her lover. Would she want to? Chicago wasn’t a bad place to live, she was growing fond of her jobs and pro bono work and making friends and developing allies. Or she could live out her teenage dream and settle in Paris. Surely, Lillian would not object to the two of them staying in her penthouse apartment. **View of the Seine could be lovely, especially from behind closed windows...

**Lillian!** Alex remembered. **And Ling!** She hugged the still cold glass closer to her chest. How could she explain to Olivia that Lillian was the granddaughter of her great-grandfather’s half-sister? It sounded convoluted just thinking about it. Would her lover understand why she and Ling both chose to forget that they were related? Or would she think the reasons were fucked up, or that they were fucked up?

**Oh, well. Guess we’ll cross that bridge if necessary.** Alex shrugged. **Never offer more information than required, right?** She half-scoffed, and fell back on her legal training.

Then she thought about the ring in her jewelry case. Her grandfather’s ring – an anniversary gift from her grandmother, at least so she was told. For the longest time, she thought her Uncle Jack had it; but then she received it from her mother. In a way, she was touched, as she ought to be, touch and excited about the prospect. And she couldn’t wait to see the look on Olivia’s face. On the other hand, she couldn’t ignore the doubt that shrouded her each time she considered presenting it to her lover. Would she reject it like she did Michelle’s amethyst set? Turning down baubles, she could handle, but her grandfather’s ring and its significance? It would not be mere speculations and fantasies about the future; this would be a concrete, a ‘‘til death do us part’ promise. She didn’t think Olivia would really reject the commitment, though she might the ring. And somehow, for reasons Alex couldn’t understand, it was as important to her as the promise itself, and she wasn’t about to take any chances.

An unexpected sharp chill permeated the room. Burrowing deeper into sofa, Alex tried to avoid the draft that must have crept in from the door. **If only she were here,** the blonde thought wistfully, and imagined her lover’s warmth. With a small sigh, she sat down her glass, and picked up a slice of cheese and smeared it on a melba toast.

Suddenly, a slight noise caught the blonde’s attention. Slowly the sound grew, louder and louder, into a steady squeak that she could not ignore.

The room was absolutely chilly now. Shivering, she looked up in the direction of the noise and nearly dropped the snack. The rocker in the far corner was moving gently back and forth. “Very funny, Olivia,” she called out and stood. Carefully, she looked around, wondering if her lover had hid somewhere and somehow rigged the rocker with a wire or thin rope. Maybe the brunette had opened one of the many trap doors and it was the source of the cold.

“Stop it,” Alex ordered.

The rocker only moved faster and the squeak louder.

“You know, I’m going to find you, and when I do, you’ll pay,” she taunted. “I swear, it’s not going to be pretty.”

The prank continued on, still faster and louder, as if to goad. “Look, Olivia, I mean it,” Alex said, and walked towards the rocker. Close up, she realized it was simply moving by itself, that there was nothing else out of the ordinary. Curious, she reached out and touched the back of the chair. It felt normal, like regular wood, except ice cold. **But it’s by a window,** she justified, **And it’s April, and it’s been chilly.**

Since the chair stilled without any resistance, Alex let go. Almost immediately, the rocking resumed.

Deep down, the blonde knew what was causing the movements. Strangely, she wasn’t afraid. Instead, she wondered what would happen if she sat in the rocker. Would it stop moving? Would she feel someone else already sitting in it? Who? Her great-grandmother? Why was Michelle doing this? To catch her attention? Was there something she wanted to tell her? That Olivia was wrong and she was right about ghosts?

Or had she imagined all of this? Was she simply out of her mind?

Chapter 47

"I am not seeing things; it’s really rocking, by itself," Alex said, letting the sound of her voice dispel any skepticism she felt.

For a few long moments, she observed the back and forth movement. “Who are you?” She asked, unsure what to expect in reply. Would she really hear voices back? Like voices that led Saint Joan to her sword? Alex shook her head. She doubted her family’s patron saints were talking to her now, and showing her how to wage war. “What do you want?”

“Excuse me?”

Alex nearly jumped out of her skin. Quickly, she turned around. “Liv!”

“Sweetheart!” Olivia laughed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“That’s okay.”

“Who were you talking to?”

“No one? Why? Do you see anyone here?” Alex twisted her head slightly, to glance back at the chair. She was oddly relieved to find the rocking had stopped. So whatever message, whoever it was trying to send, was meant for her only.

“No…” Olivia looked around. “But…”

Alex provided a self-conscious smile, and walked towards the brunette and into her embrace. “You caught me,” she said, and threw her arms around the woman’s neck.

“Jesus! Your hands are freezing,” Olivia yelped as a chill shot down her spine. She pulled her lover closer still. “And so are your clothes. Did you have the window open?” When Alex shrugged, she pursued. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“I, uh, I don’t know.” What did she mean? Really, Olivia wasn’t sure. Something wasn’t right, she could feel it in her bones. She just had no idea what it was. “You were talking to yourself?” She asked, rubbing up and down her lover’s sides, hoping the friction would warm her up.

“Yes,” Alex replied softly, exaggerating her hesitation. Her mind raced for her next move.

“Oh?”

“You’ll laugh,” she said to stall.

“I won’t.”

“Promise?”

Olivia nodded. “Cross my heart.”

“You really need to stop saying that.”

“Why, Sweetheart? It didn’t seem to bother you before.”

“Well, I wasn’t asking myself those questions before.”

Olivia asked, knowingly playing into her lover’s hand, “Which were?”

“What I want, I was asking myself what I want when you walked in.”

“I see. Are you going to tell me? I promise I won’t laugh,” the brunette added, to preempt further circular dialogue that led nowhere. “What is it that you want?”

Satisfied that she had her lover hooked, Alex said the one thing that popped into her head, that she knew would distract Olivia, and had her convinced. “What you and my mother were talking about…” She dipped her head shyly. “Children. I was asking myself whether I wanted them.”

“And do you?” Olivia asked, more excited than she had any right to feel.

“You know there are many unwanted children in the world.”

“We can adopt,” Olivia offered quickly. “I don’t think that’s what your mom had in mind, but I’m sure she’d warm to the idea as soon as we explain. She of all people should understand, since children are her causes.”

“So you don’t mind if we adopted?”

“No, not at all. Maybe your mom could hook us up even. Isn’t she on the board of an orphanage?”

“A few, actually. But we’re closest to St. Dominic’s; that was my Aunt Maureen’s order.”

**Tell me more about your aunt?** Olivia wanted to ask. And maybe Alex threw that out precisely for that reason. She refused to be distracted. “That’s cool. I don’t really care where they come from.”

“They?”

“We have to have more than one. Everyone needs a sibling; you and Ling were like sisters, you said so yourself.” Hastily, she added, “That is, if you decide you want any kids. You do, don’t you? Otherwise you wouldn’t be having issues with me saying ‘cross my heart’, right?”

With a slight smile, Alex searched her lover’s eyes. “And if I want little Liv’s?”

“Me? Pregnant?” Olivia blinked. “Er, I suppose I could ride a desk for a couple of months,” she said, forgetting her reservations about propagating her genes. “It’s for a good cause.” She smiled widely. “Sure, that’ll be fine.”

Alex saw the happiness on her lover’s face, but even more, she saw the woman’s eagerness to please her. She ought to be ashamed, manipulating the situation this way. **But the outcome’s positive. We needed to talk about this,** she justified. “It’ll be more than a couple of months if we have plural children.”

“That’s a little redundant, isn’t it?”

“You’re nervous,” Alex pointed out. “Are you changing your mind?”

Olivia inhaled and swallowed. “No, I’m just thinking, that if we’re not adopting, that we could have little Alex’s, too? Or at least one little Alex?”

Chapter 48

“Well?”

“Well what?”

Olivia tried to keep the whine from her voice. “You haven’t answered my question. Can we have little Alex’s?”

“I don’t know…”

As much as she tried to convince herself otherwise, she felt hurt. Her instincts told her to bolt, to get away before the wound got bigger. Again, she stopped herself, and she demanded, “Why?” She wished it would get easier; she wished her fight impulse were always stronger than her flight.

“Because. I’m not sure I want to give up my figure.”

It was then that Olivia heard the mischief in her lover’s voice. She was glad she made herself stay and pursue the truth. “Meanwhile, it’s okay if I give up my figure,” she replied, and laughed.

“You have good hips, and, um, other nurturing attributes. Meanwhile, I look like a stick.”

“Which is why we should have a little Alex.”

“Are you saying my body leaves something to be desired?”

The playful challenge in her lover’s eyes only made Olivia laugh harder. She wrapped her arms tighter around the trim blonde and nuzzled her ear. “Only that it’s hidden underneath layers of clothes.”

“Stop it!” Alex scolded, but made no move to pull away.

“Honestly, who would you rather be – Jessica or Roger Rabbit?”

She laughed a breathy laugh. “You know what, Roge? You got a point.”

Olivia pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek. Then happily, she sighed. “You still cold? Should I run up and grab another sweater for you?”

“I’d rather wear you.”

“Here?”

“Don’t be rude.” Alex eased away reluctantly from her lover’s embrace. She took the brunette by the hand, and guided her towards the couch. Smoothly, the women settled comfortably, holding each other near.

“Better?”

Alex wrapped the strong arms tighter around herself and smiled contentedly. “Much.” Then she thought better. “Hold on a sec,” she said, and took a plate from the table and leaned back. “Okay, resume blankie.”

Without missing a beat, Olivia pulled the woman close, and enveloped her in her warmth. She watched with amusement as her lover broke the snacks into bite-size pieces and began methodically assembling them. Soon, the content was rearranged into neat little mounds. She shook her head; but before she could say anything, Alex reached back with one of the morsels. Silently, she accepted offering. The feeding continued, until the plate was empty.

“Drink?”

“Maybe later,” Olivia replied, simply enjoying their closeness and unwilling to let go just yet. She did, however, decide to pursue her observation. “Penny for your thought?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been staring at the rocker. You waiting for it to move or something?” She teased, not knowing how close she was to the truth, “You know, boo?”

“Shut up!”

Successfully, she prevented the elbow in her gut. “Casper the friendly ghost?”

“Olivia!”

“So tell me.”

After a pause, Alex released a long breath. “Sitting here, and looking at the rocker, I don’t know what it is, maybe just being in the room, but I remembered something. At least I think it’s a memory.”

Gently, Olivia closed her arms tighter about her lover.

Alex took in the wordless encouragement and support and continued, “I think I was four, or five? Couldn’t have been much older. And I was sitting in my mom’s lap, in the rocker. It was right there, just like it is now, in this room. And she was humming a song. At first, when the memory just surfaced, I assumed it was Edith, you know, that would’ve been expected and it’d make more sense. Then it became clearer, and I saw my mom’s hands around my middle, and I heard her voice. The song I think was Maurice Chavelier, she likes him, or at least she did.” She finished her story with a smile. “Anyway, thank you.”

“For what?”

“Helping me remember,” she replied, silently extending her gratitude to the unseen force. “I don’t have too many memories about my mom from when I was little.” Her smile brightened. “I’m glad I got that one back.”

Olivia’s heart ached; she wanted to kiss away the shimmer wetting her lover’s eyes. Instead, she provided what she knew the woman needed more. “Me, too. Maybe more will come back, it’s only our fourth day here.” She got the feeling that somehow, being here, in her ancestral home, was easier for Celine Cabot to display her maternal affection. **Away from public eye? And expectations from others around you, including your spouse?** She began to understand.

“And a penny for your thought?” Alex spoke. “You’ve been staring at the rocker, too.”

Chapter 49

“I have?”

“Liv!”

This time Olivia accepted the slight nudge of her lover’s elbow. “Okay, you caught me.”

“Well?” She mimicked the brunette’s earlier tone.

“Well what?”

“You’re blushing!”

“No, I’m not!”

“Oh, my god! If it’s something lewd, Liv, I don’t want to know!”

Olivia felt her cheek flame. “It’s not lewd!”

“Then it must be something really nauseatingly sweet. Tell me.”

“You sure? We don’t want you in sugar shock.”

“Just tell me,” Alex said, with her voice sincere and the smile on her face reassuring. “I won’t make fun of you.”

“You just did,” Olivia reminded, trying to hide her grin.

“All right, I won’t make any more fun. Okay?”

“Okay,” the brunette agreed. Maybe one day she would learn not to give in so easily, or better yet, she would stop being hesitant about sharing her feelings and her dreams. Maybe someday she would stop being too afraid to have dreams, period. “I was just thinking, fantasizing really,” she began, intentionally blocking the uncertainties from her voice.

“About what?”

“You. And us.” She swallowed. “And the baby for your mother.” The way her lover shifted, to mold their bodies still closer together, gave Olivia courage. “In my head, I saw you, sitting in the rocker, with a little bundle, rocking slowly, back and forth. And the sun was filtering through the curtains and hitting your hair just right, so you, both of you, looked like you had halos, you know, ‘cuz of your hair.”

“You saw a blonde baby?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure you want to inflict another egotistical lawyer on the world?”

“There’s nothing wrong with being self-confident, and he or she may grow up to be something else, although, if I had my way, it’ll be a she. And there’s nothing wrong with more justice.”

“And you saw me in the rocking chair.”

Olivia furrowed her brows. “Yeah?”

“Where were you in this picture?”

“I don’t know, sitting over here? Chasing down pervs? I don’t know. It was just a fantasy, a snapshot. I didn’t figure out every aspect of our live yet,” she defended herself. “But give me time, I will.”

The cheesy Cheshire cat grin made Alex laugh. “Oh, I’m sure.”

“Well?”

The word, the expectation on her lover’s face, the look in her eyes, they sped up her heart. “Well what?”

“Sweetheart, the picture I just painted, my fantasy, what do you think?”

“I’m not sure I’m the nurturing type, you’ve seen me with kids.”

“Yes, and I think you’re great with them. You’ll be a good mom, you’ll see.”

“And what will you be? The dad?”

Olivia saw through the joke; this time, she understood the question. “I’ll be with you, right by your side. I’m sure we’ll both make mistakes, but hopefully, not the same time. We’ll be each other’s check and balance or something. If we did nothing else except learn from our moms’ good examples, we’ll be good parents, good moms. We’d be awesome.”

“You sound so confident.”

Her certainty surprised even herself; she latched onto it. “You know what? I am. It’s the second thing I’m most certain of, right after my love for you.”

“God, you’re doing it again,” weakly, Alex protested. “It’s not fair. You know how your mushy, sugary talk affects me.”

“It’s not just talk.”

Alex took a deep breath. Did she dare share her dream with her lover? Whether Olivia realized it or not, she was asking and offering something the blonde had wanted, for as long as she had adult ambitions and goals. The picture she painted was not only beautiful, but one she would give anything to make real, for both of them. But Olivia was right, it was but a snapshot. What about all the pieces that made the picture?

In the end, she hedged, “Let me think about it? It’s a big decision, and there are so many… things, we need to consider. Whether to have little versions of ourselves or adopt, for instance.”

The example was enough for Olivia. In truth, she didn’t know why she had pushed so hard. After all, there were so many uncertainties, so many things about their lives they needed to settle before building one together and contemplating children. For crying out loud, they didn’t even live in the same city. What was she thinking? Except, it was out in the open – what she wanted, and Alex appeared amenable to the idea. It was good. “You’re right,” she agreed, “We’ll revisit when it’s… when the time is ripe.”

“In the meantime, you may report the initial findings to my mom.”

Chapter 50

“You know? That sounded familiar,” Olivia spoke after a moment’s hesitation.

“What does?”

“What you just said. Do you think I tell your mom everything?” Alex stiffened. She turned, so she could watch her lover’s face. ”Don’t you?”

“No. What gave you that idea?”

“I don’t know.” Consciously, Alex let her shoulders sag. “My mom has a tendency to turn everyone into her lackeys,” she explained, more to herself than to Olivia.

“That’s not a very nice thing to say.”

“But it’s true. She has Ling working for her, and Edith and I’m sure Marty does her bidding, and now you.”

Why was her lover so harsh about her mother? Olivia couldn’t understand. Was Alex really that bitter? Or was she looking for reassurances from her that Celine Cabot had changed, that she deserved a second chance? “She needs Edith to help with running the household?” Olivia countered.

“Actually, Edith runs the house. All right, she’s a bad example, and Ling’s her attorney, fine. But what about you?”

“What about me?”

“She relayed the message about children through you.”

Could she really promise her lover that if given the opportunity, her mother would become the type of mom that every girl wanted? Was that even what Alex hoping for? She didn’t know. “Well, I think she was also asking that of me, as the other mother of the children,” she speculated.

“Or maybe she thinks you have more influence over me,” Alex voiced the truth.

“What’s eating you, really, ‘cuz, no offense, but this conversation’s really not making much sense.”

“You’re right. I don’t know. I just don’t want to be manipulative, like my mother.”

“I hate to tell you this, Sweetheart, it’s too late.” Olivia tried not to laugh too hard; she was sure her lover didn’t find this as comical as she did. “You manipulate people, it’s your job. And you do it with me, except I usually know when I’m being manipulated,” she said, and added, just in case the blonde was fishing for reassurances, perhaps even unaware.

“You do?” Alex laughed with her lover; she just assumed that both of them knew when one was pushing the other’s buttons. “Of course you do, it’s your job to manipulate, too.”

“Yep.” Olivia nodded and tried not to smile too widely. For some reason, she felt smug. She couldn’t help it. “And you know when I try to manipulate you, to get you to let go.”

“I guess…” Folding her arms underneath her breasts, Alex sighed. She leaned back heavily into her lover’s arms. “Anyway, I don’t know where I was going with this, so let’s change the subject.”

“Okay,” Olivia agreed, even though she didn’t understand the blonde’s brooding. The woman seemed agitated, about what though, she couldn’t even begin to guess. And she doubted it was any clearer to Alex herself. Meanwhile, she felt the sword of Damocles was hanging over her head. In truth, she had felt like that since she got up that morning, and that at any moment, the string holding the weapon up would break. “So what do you wanna talk about?” She asked, despite her own apprehension.

“I don’t know.” Alex signed again. Then she turned, and shifted their bodies, until her head rested on her lover’s shoulder. She squeezed Olivia’s ribs, as if for anchor. “What do you want to do for the rest of the day? We still have, what, three, four hours before dinner?”

“Some’ like that.” Following instincts, Olivia pulled her companion closer and pressed a gentle kiss to her hair. “What would you like to do?”

“I don’t know,” Alex replied with yet another sigh. She fought the tightness in her chest, and the impulse to tell the brunette about the ghost. She wished they could share everything; she wished she didn’t dread her lover’s reaction so much. Blinking away the sudden prick in her eyes, she asked, “You want to go visit the horses?”

“As long as we’re just saying ‘hello’.”

“No riding?”

“Uh, no.”

“Sore?”

Olivia shifted. “Beside the point. I don’t know how to ride.”

“I’ll teach you.” Alex lifted her head to watch her lover’s profile. The woman was beautiful, her large dark eyes so tender and her wide lips so expressive. Suddenly, she remembered how those features looked, how strangely beautiful they were twisted in passion. She kissed Olivia’s jaw and smiled. “You know we haven’t talked about earlier... what we did…”

“What about it?”

“Are you okay?”

“More than okay. It felt good, intense, and really good,” Olivia promised. She could still feel her lover’s touch in her womb, and it made her ache with tenderness and wet. She crossed her legs to change the pressure. “Maybe not everyday, but I liked having you inside me like that.”

“I swear I could feel your heartbeat around me.”

“Yeah.”

They both let out a long breath. Whatever uneasiness that was in the air dissipated as if by miracle. All it took was the reminder of their intimacy, the fundamental trust they have for each other, and the love they shared. Alex pulled her arms tighter around her lover’s waist, drawing their bodies together. Any space between them, no matter how small, was too great. Her mouth opened and shut. When she finally felt she could trust her voice, she asked, “Liv? Will you do that, to me, one of these days?”

Chapter 51

The idea of being inside her lover like that made Olivia dizzy. It made her melt. “You sure? My hand’s bigger than yours.” A lot wider, she managed not to say, while she squeezed her fingers into a ball.

Almost gingerly, Alex touched Olivia’s hand. “I know,” she said, her voice dropped to a whisper as she cradled the woman’s fist in her palm, wondering how it would feel. Would it fit? Would it hurt? But it must be a good type of pain. It surely couldn’t be more than the metal knob pressing into her back when the detective had her up against the door. And the intensity, it must be incredible. Her sex fluttered at the thought.

“And you’re so tight…”

“We just need practice?”

“Practice?” Olivia echoed. The book of bedroom tricks she read did mention that being helpful, along with intense arousal. She swallowed.

“If a baby can come out, you should be able to…”

Before she could stop, she saw herself between her lover’s legs. She could feel the woman’s thighs trembling against her shoulders, and her slender fingers winding delicately in her hair to urge her on. Abruptly, she shook her head and said, “This is crazy.”

“What is?”

“We just got out of bed, not even an hour ago, and…”

The brunette didn’t need to finish her sentence. Alex could read the deepening want in her dark eyes, and see the embarrassment coloring her face. “Aha! Finally!”

“What?”

“You have the same issues I do!”

“What issues? I don’t have any issues,” Olivia denied hotly.

“You’re blushing again.” Alex grinned, and straightened in her seat. She cupped her lover’s cheek and licked the lobe of her ear, and had the pleasure of watching the woman squirm. “We’re like hormonal teenagers.”

It took Olivia everything to not push Alex back and get under her shirt. She inhaled, to steel her resolve. “I’m still not sure it’s such a bad thing,” she said, ignoring her shaky breath.

“Then why are you embarrassed?”

“Am not!”

“Are, too.” She stroked her lover’s face. “You’re hot, like you’re having a fever.”

“Shut up.”

Her detective’s tough act made Alex laugh. She tossed her hair and resettled against her companion’s shoulder. “So you want to go visit the horses? Or can you walk?” She asked softly, twining their fingers together.

Olivia gave the gentle hand a firm squeeze. “I’d rather walk back upstairs and molest you.”

“Let’s try to control our hormones. Okay, Liv? I want to know we can do it.”

“Now who’s goofy?” She used the adjective the blonde favored for her and received a pensive stare. “But okay,” she agreed. A few moments of silence later, Olivia asked, “Penny…”

“You know? There’s a place, a chain really, called Penny Noodles. There’s one in my neighborhood, actually,” Alex said with a smile. “I think we should try it when we get back. It’ll be fun.”

“Oh? Do they serve special noodles?”

“I don’t know. But we could find out.”

“Sure, okay. But I was asking you what you were…”

“Hm…” She eased away from her lover’s arms and pulled a bottle from the ice bucket. She reached back, holding out the drink. “You want your other Orangina?”

“So you’re just going to avoid telling me what you were thinking?”

Alex turned and gave the brunette a wilting look.

“What? Now what did I do?”

“You know what you did.”

“Why?” Olivia had the distinct feeling that her lover’s earlier preoccupation was about something else. Still, she grinned. “Is somebody’s sexy beast out of the cage?”

Instead of replying, Alex stood, and held out her hand. “Let’s go visit the stable. I’ll show you my horse.”

“You have a horse here?”

“Well, not really. More like he thought I was his. Last time I was here, he followed me everywhere, I mean, whenever I visited the stable. He was a foal then; I doubt he remembers me now.”

“He thought you were mommy?”

“Not sure.” Alex shrugged. “I mean, the mare, its real mother, was around. So he couldn’t possibly.”

“Okay.” Olivia stood, and tried not to wince. “Let’s go see your horsie,” she said, and smiled, and took her lover’s hand.

Chapter 52

“Are you sure you don’t want to…”

Olivia looked up to her lover and imagined herself on the horse. The height made her dizzy, and the lack of saddle added to her wooziness. “I’m fine down here. I can walk. I need the walk, to stretch out my legs and everything.”

“He’s really very gentle.” Despite that he had stomped his feet and pushed the brunette aside with his muzzle. Considering the circumstance and his strength, he could have easily knocked her off balance, but he didn’t. “Nice Milou,” Alex said and patted his shoulder.

The horse’s snort made Olivia jump. “I know, Sweetheart,” she said, despite herself.

“My first horse was bigger and taller.”

“That’s nice, Alex. But I’m still staying down here.”

“All right.” Alex decided let the subject drop. Then her memory flashed once more to when they had first found the foal, now a gelding, behind the fence, and how he had immediately stopped grazing and approached them. “I still can’t believe you tried to get between me and Milou.”

“Look, I didn’t know what he was doing. He was baring his teeth.”

“He was just smelling me.”

“I know that now, okay? Next time I’ll just watch you get trampled, and do nothing, all right?”

“Aww. Come on, stop sulking,” Alex coaxed with a smile. Her lover looked so adorable at that moment. A little Quixote-like but still, her hero. “That was a very sweet gesture.”

“Yeah, then why are you making fun of me?”

“I’m not. I just thought… What were you thinking anyway? He’s almost a thousand pounds. You think you could’ve stopped him?”

The thought made Olivia’s blood run cold. But she was acting on sheer instinct at that moment, when she thought the animal was going to bite her lover. “Well I didn’t think about that. He was making weird noises.”

“They all do when they smell.”

“I didn’t know that. The only horses I’ve ever been around were the mechanical rides outside of grocery stores.” Olivia remembered all the times when she was little that her mother would stop before shopping and give her a handful of change to play. And sometimes, when there weren’t other women already out there keeping an eye on the kids, or if she didn’t know any of the other mothers, she would stay. And she would watch her daughter go around and around and wave back at every turn. The long forgotten memory made the brunette smile. Then she noticed the silence settling over them and she cleared her throat. “And well, I didn’t know you’re such a pied piper.”

“I did tell you Oliver followed me home, didn’t I?”

“Fine. Whatever.”

“Come on, Liv. Don’t sulk.”

“Hmpf.” She played it up.

“What you did… It’s one thing to stand between me and an irate mother…”

“If you ever doubt my love for you, just remember that. And if you ever need a laugh, too.”

“Liv,” Alex said and then stopped the horse.

Olivia watched as her lover grabbed a handful of mane for support. Chivalry told her she should help the woman down, but she didn’t want to frighten the animal. Besides, she looked mighty capable as she swung her leg over and jumped. Her brows rose in admiration; she couldn’t help it. When Alex hooked her arm through hers, her pulse quickened.

“I love you, too, Liv.”

Suddenly, Olivia felt uncomfortable, off-balanced. She laughed a nervous laugh.

It was Alex’s turn to arch her brow. She waited for her lover to explain herself.

“Promise you won’t make fun of me?” She said, and waited for the blonde’s smiling nod. Then she continued, “When you were up there, on the horse, you looked, er, really good. I mean really, really good.”

The tint of rose under the olive skin made Alex curious. “Go on.”

“At one point, the sun was lighting up your hair.”

“Not the halo thing.”

“No, no, more like, um,” Olivia hesitated, not entirely comfortable with the imagery or the feeling it incited. “I could see you wearing full armor, like the statue, you know, outside the chapel?”

“Joan of Arc.”

“Yeah, like a knight, a warrior.”

The awe in her lover’s eyes made Alex gloat. It was childish, she knew. Still, with a deep laugh, she said, “With my sword of justice?”

“Some’ like that.” Olivia took a shallow breath and barreled on. “There were moments, when you were concentrating on the riding, the way you looked… it reminded me of my last visit.” She swallowed. “After the comedy club. Well, throughout the evening, actually.”

“You mean when I took charge?”

Chapter 53

“Yeah,” Olivia replied, her confession sounding more like a whimper. She hardened her jaw. “It was like you were on a mission.”

“That I knew what I wanted, and I was going for it?”

Whether the blonde realized or not, she was throwing Olivia off balance. Her arrogant little smirk, the pride dancing in her eyes, the woman exuded confidence and power. It was as if she was daring her opponent to make the next move; and whatever move it might be, it would be the wrong one. It made Olivia’s knees weak, but not because she was scared. Still, she gritted her teeth, and made sure she had control of her voice. “Yeah.”

“I was going for what I wanted, Liv.”

“So you were.”

“You liked it, didn’t you?”

“You know I did.” And she was determined to ignore the flutter in her stomach. Why did she start this conversation? If she hadn’t, they would still be walking along, well, Alex would be riding and she would be walking, and enjoying their afternoon stroll in the countryside. Meanwhile, this felt more like a surreal carnival trick, with the funhouse mirrors, where she couldn’t help but stand and stare at her own reflection.

“But it made you uncomfortable.”

“Well…” Olivia shifted her feet. What her lover said, it was a statement, and not a question. There was no point denying, so she admitted, “Maybe just a little.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Because?”

“Because what?”

“I don’t know… You’re my girl.”

“And you’re mine, too. That you’ve always been, or so you said.”

“I did, and I meant it.” Olivia sighed. She didn’t know how to explain her feelings. Sometimes she wished her lover would just ask questions like normal people. It was almost like she was examining a witness on the stand and trying not to lead. And being the witness, Olivia had to come up with all the answers by looking into herself. She had to be truthful to herself and to Alex, and it was hard. “You know, we never really talked about what actually happened,” she began, hoping the example would clarify everything for everyone. “And I don’t know if you even remembered, or how much you remembered, but the night after the case, the Avery case, in my apartment…”

“When I raped you.”

The tone of her lover’s voice told Olivia she remembered more than she wanted to. She blinked, and jerked her head up to meet Alex’s eyes. “Rape? You didn’t rape me.”

“How many times did you say ‘stop’, Liv?”

Suddenly, the gear shifted. Her discomfort no longer mattered; she needed to make the blonde understand. “It wasn’t rape when I consented, Alex, and trust me, I consented. More than just because I thought you needed to exorcise your demons and I wanted to help. Much more. I wanted it.”

“But you told me to stop and I didn’t.”

“Look, things are not just black or white, you told me yourself. We’re not a case; we’re us. And you know me, and you know you weren’t raping me. In your heart you knew, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. We’d be through because of your guilt.”

“You know me that well?”

“I know you think sometimes I see only what I want to see,” Olivia said. She smiled and stepped forward, to close the distance between them. When that wasn’t enough, she placed her hands on her lover’s waist. “But once in a while, epiphany strikes.”

Alex laughed. “So you really liked it?”

“Yeah. I, uh, I wanted it. Craved it, really, and I couldn’t stop, didn’t want to stop.”

“You like being my girl?”

Asked and answered, counselor, Olivia wanted to tease. Instead, she swallowed her discomfort, and smiled earnestly. “I adore being your girl.”

“You want me to take charge? Completely?”

Something in her lover’s voice sent goose bumps across Olivia’s flesh. “Well, maybe not all the time, but maybe sometimes?” She tugged their bodies closer still, and laced her fingers against the small of the woman’s back. “You know how you like giving up control, so you don’t have to think?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t stop thinking about the hand-cuff thing,” she got off her chest while she had the courage. ”It’s kind of the same. Except I think it’ll make me feel like I’m yours. Totally and helplessly.”

“And you like that?”

“Don’t you?”

“Well, yeah, I like knowing you’re totally and helplessly mine.”

“And do you like the same feeling for yourself, Alex?” She asked, with their breaths, their hearts almost touching. “Towards me?”

Chapter 54

“Sometimes,” Alex said, knowing she wasn’t giving the answer her lover wanted, or even answering the question she asked. But she wanted to tell her, “I mean, emotionally all the time, since we’re being completely honest with each other. But sometimes that’s not quite enough.”

“Quite true,” Olivia went with the flow. The woman was telling her what she was dying to hear; she wasn’t going to argue semantics.

“And sometimes I like being pampered, like feeling I’m the center of your universe.”

“All your needs anticipated and fulfilled?”

“Yeah,” Alex half-sighed, keeping her eyes locked on the brunette’s. “Do you…”

Olivia nodded. “Sometimes I feel the same way.”

“I’m glad.”

She returned her lover’s smile. “Then we’re in agreement,” she said, marveling at their compatibility, even more at their honesty. Was it the foreign land? The wide open space with nothing but grass and trees and a clear blue sky?

“Good.”

“Good.” Clear blue sky and a horse, Olivia abruptly remembered. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the animal had stopped when they did, and now he was lazily grazing. “Milou doesn’t have a leash,” she voiced her concern.

“A lead, Liv, or a...” ”Whatever.” She cut her lover short. “What if he runs off?”

“I’m sure he knows his way back to the stable. He’s a smart animal, and domesticated, and animals always go back to where there’s food.”

“So we don’t need to worry about him?”

“You saw the height of the gate. There’s no way he could jump over that and get off the castle grounds. And I’m sure he won’t jump off the cliff.” Alex offered her reassurance, her brows arching, and the corner of her lips curling in amusement. “Why? What do you have in mind?”

“How’bout we stop, and take a little nap?”

“A nap-nap?”

Olivia didn’t answer. Why bother? She let her muscles carry both of them, back, to the nearest tree. She didn’t give the blonde any chance to protest, not that she thought she would. And her mouth was on hers, and her tongue piercing her lips apart. She swept across her woman’s teeth, her tongue; she tried to reach her tonsils while her hands rushed under her clothes to cover her skin.

No, Alex definitely wasn’t protesting. She was moaning hoarse, throaty moans that told her need, and she was clawing at her lover’s shoulders, desperately pulling her closer.

Then unexpectedly, something her partner said involving a case popped into Olivia’s head, “Married people don’t have sex in parks.” And here they were, having sex out in the woods, with legitimate access to a bedroom less than a mile away. At the time, she gave deference to his experience, now she felt sorry for Kathy. Sure she and Alex weren’t married yet, but they had already pledged forever to each other, with those very same words. And she couldn’t see the two of them being any differently, she doubted they would be less hungry for each other, no matter the length of their marriage.

**Poor El.** She chuckled in her throat while she brushed away Alex’s helping hand at her fly. She could feel her teeth against her lover’s skin, and she knew her lips would be swollen and red before they were through. And she loved that kiss ravaged look on the woman, even though she felt bad, but never bad enough to stop. And she couldn’t stop even if she tried. She wanted, needed to show her dominance, her dominion, she didn’t understand it, nor could she help it.

Almost roughly, Olivia kicked the long legs apart, or at least as far as they would go under the constraint of the woman’s pants. She wished they were naked, so they could feel each other, skin to skin, but the fabric added to the friction, and the open air prickled her skin. She pressed closer, and with the strength of her upper body, she pinned Alex tighter to the tree. She mashed their breasts together, and pushed her fingers into her lover’s soft, yielding wetness. The hot slipperiness made her heart skid.

She would make love to Alex in the park, on her captain’s desk, in the middle of Time Square if she could get away with it, until the end of the world and the beginning of the next if she could. “I’m so effing in love, with you,” she pulled away enough to pant. Then her mouth was on the blonde’s again, sucking air from her lungs. Her need for this woman used to frighten her. Now the thought of not having it for the rest of her life scared her more.

Almost frantically, she tried to push away the fear, by shoving in, thrusting, heaving all the love she had for the woman through her womb. She hoped Alex could feel it in her heart, feel it grow and swell and let it fill her. She hoped it would be enough. Meanwhile, her thumb worked, pressing hard, pushing up the hood and rubbing against the blonde’s clit. She worked as if she was trying to imprint her mark, so they couldn’t be torn apart.

Alex squirmed against her, grinding herself into her palm. Broken whimpers escaped her throat as she tried to free her lips for air. Finally, Olivia let go. She used the change of position for leverage and reached deeper. Then she heard the sharp inhale; then she felt the pain on her shoulder. She almost laughed when her lover bit down to stifle her scream. When her slim arms hung on and clasped her tight, her heart rejoiced. She loved being Alex’s rock and anchor as much as she needed the woman to be hers.

Swiftly, she pulled out, and then sailed back in, adding another finger. “God, Alex,” she groaned against her lover’s neck, breathing in her sultry, heady scent with every ragged breath she took. With every staccato thrust, she drove deeper, while her lover pulled her still deeper into her sex. And she felt the fierce, rhythmic throbbing; it beat a path from her hand to her own core.

“God,” she moaned again as the vibrations gripped and ensnared her. And still harder and faster, she rocked and stroked, demanding, exacting everything from Alex, from herself. Until all she saw was white lights, all she felt was the electricity that coursed between them, fusing them as one.

Chapter 55

Olivia swore she felt the earth move, her release was so intense. Her legs gave out as they slid down the tree trunk to the grass. She vaguely remembered closing her arms around her lover and pulling the blonde head to rest on her shoulder. “I love you,” she whispered, and then everything went dark.

Then she found herself in the corridor, the one that led to the ballroom, just like she did the other night. And just like that night, there was music. A different melody this time, she realized as she approached the sound. What was it? It seemed familiar; she felt she should know the piece. Dvorak? Tchaikovsky? The names dropped into her head, and she shook them away.

Just outside the room, she paused, before peeking in. She loved the music; she could feel it in her blood. Then she poked her head through the door, like a curious child would. And she saw a young man at the piano and another playing the cello. Instantly, she recognized them. She felt a strange stirring in her belly as she listened to the duet. What was that feeling? Pride? A sister’s pride? Was that how it felt to have an older brother?

Then she felt eyes on her, and she looked up. She looked into deep brown eyes that were smiling at her. The smile spread to his lips. Then the music stopped.

“Amourette,” he called to her. “Hey,” he said in her lover’s voice.

Then she felt a hand on her shoulder, a woman’s hand, and she shifted her bones.

“Liv?”

Slowly, she blinked her eyes open. “Huh?”

“You fell asleep.”

“I did?”

“Actually,” Alex said with a smile, “We both did.”

“Huh.” She blinked again, to regain her focus.

“What’s wrong?”

“I had the strangest dream.”

“Really? What was it about?”

So Olivia told her lover. She told her everything, including the pride she thought she felt. “Weird, huh?”

“Actually, I had a dream, too,” Alex began uncertainly. “It was interesting though.”

“Yeah? What was it about?”

“Michelle, and the woman in the painting, riding. That was it.”

“That was it?” Olivia repeated, as if she didn’t believe in the story.

“Yeah,” Alex replied, with equal amount of uncertainty. “Well, I got the feeling they were friends. Very close friends.”

“Closer than you and Ling?” Olivia probed. “Like us?”

“I don’t know. Actually, I’m not even sure that was them. And I don’t know where they were, or where they could’ve been.”

“What do you mean?”

“They were just going and going and going. They covered a lot of grass. Or I was dreaming in a loop.” Alex laughed. “Well, you know how dreams are.”

“I wonder what it meant.” Olivia pressed her lips together to gather her thoughts. “I wonder what both our dreams meant.”

“Do they have to mean anything?”

“I guess not,” she said. Then another idea occurred, and she voiced it without deliberation. “You think we were picking up residual energies or something? Or your ancestors were trying to tell us things?”

“You don’t have to make fun, Liv.”

“I’m not,” she said in reflex and immediately realized the significance of her statement. “Huh.”

“What changed your mind?”

The skepticism in her lover’s voice made Olivia pause. “I don’t know. My head, it felt like it got switched around while I was sleeping, and not paying attention.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sure, it’s not physical. Not per se. I don’t feel dizzy or anything,” Olivia rushed to analyze. “Although now that I’m thinking about it, I might be a little hungry.”

Alex laughed. “Well, we’ve been energetic.”

Then the detective remembered. She remembered the dream about the Gestapo, and the one about the birth of… Marianne, Alex’s grandmother. She was certain that was who Bernard was gushing over. Then she remembered another dream, just pieces, with the child’s father. Even just the pieces made her cheeks flame. Almost reflexively, she looked into her lover’s eyes, and for a fraction of a second, she felt like she was looking into a mirror, but not quite. But it was enough to make her shiver.

“Liv?”

She shook her head. “You know what? It’s getting late, almost dinner-time. Let’s go back,” she said, and jumped up onto her feet.

“All right,” Alex agreed, and accepted her lover’s hand.

Chapter 56

Black and white, and shades of grey. Those were the colors of the photographs in the album. Those were the colors she and Olivia saw, that everyone saw, when they went about their lives. Reaching into the past, Alex could still remember the days when she thought the detective was the one who saw shades of grey, while she herself saw only black and white. Yet only this morning, she had accused the brunette of being all or nothing, of being closed minded. What changed? Had they both? Or was it just dependent on the subject matter, that what color they saw, that they were willing to see, varied based on what they were looking at?

What was Olivia seeing now? Alex wondered.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist or an FBI shrink to know something was troubling her lover. The woman hadn’t stopped cracking jokes since they woke up from their nap. And when she wasn’t joking, those rare moments, she would appear sullen. Or maybe somber was a better word. What grave thoughts occupied her mind? Alex wanted to know.

She wanted to know what Olivia was remembering from her dreams. Did they have similar dreams, dreams that were parallel, that told of things they should know? Perhaps it was just residual energies, she second guessed.

Still, what switched her lover’s head and changed her opinion about ghosts? Was it something she dreamt? What happened? She should ask; god knows she wanted to. But why rock the boat when Olivia was already coming around? She was sure the brunette would tell her. Or sooner or later she would ask questions, and then Alex could piece together the answer herself.

As if on cue, Olivia cleared her throat. “Say, your dream earlier…”

“Yeah?”

“You said you saw your grandmother and the woman in the painting riding…”

“Well, they looked like them. But I’m not sure…”

“And you don’t know who the woman was?”

“No.”

“You never asked? Or was the painting not there before.”

Oh, it was. It had always been there for as long as Alex remembered. Somewhere in the albums, there were photographs of it, too, she and Ling saw them once. For some reason, the painting never interested her. If anything, it made her uncomfortable to stare at it for too long. Since she had no explanation for her reaction, she ignored it. “Sure, it was there.”

“And you never asked about her? Or who the painter was, or anything?”

“Nope,” Alex replied.

Her lover’s nonchalance wasn’t forced, Olivia could see. “You don’t care?”

“Nope.”

“Wow. I would want to know.”

“Maybe that’s why you’re the detective, and I’m not.” Alex smiled.

“I’m not sure being a cop has anything to do with it.” Olivia wrinkled her forehead at her lover. “, “If a painting were hanging in my ancestral home, I would wanna know all about it.”

“Well, I’m sure she was somehow related to the family. Or maybe it wasn’t the model, but the artist, maybe whoever painted it was important. Kind of looked like a Sargent to me.”

“Who?”

“John Singer Sargent, an American painter,” Alex replied. “I mean, I don’t question why there’s a reproduction of a Delacroix in the upstairs library. Or why hotels everywhere have the same god awful pictures.”

“But you dreamt about her.”

“Or someone who looked like her.”

“You really don’t think that’s her then?”

“I don’t know. I suppose back then, thing weren’t as developed, places weren’t as populated. But like I said, it could’ve just been the dream, the way my head put it together,” Alex provided as best she could. So far, she still didn’t know why her lover was asking those questions. “The horses were different, not anything they’ve ever kept here. The woman in the painting, she was riding a draft horse, and it wasn’t a Percheron, which is the breed we have here.”

“And Michelle?”

“A bay, nothing really special.”

“What’s a bay?”

“Dark brown. Generic. One of my practice horses when I was little was a bay.” Alex shrugged. “Which is why I think my dream was at least partly something my head concocted. My great-grandmother loved her Camargues. Milou was descended from her favorite horse actually. Anyway, why are you so curious about my dream?”

“I don’t know.”

“Did you dream about the woman in the painting?”

“I don’t know,” Olivia repeated, a deeper furrow forming between her brows. “She looked familiar. Don’t get mad, but I think she’s kind of attractive.”

“She is? Well, I guess she is. Actually, now that I think about it, she reminds me of Abbie.”

“Abbie.”

“Abbie Carmichael, my predecessor.”

“Oh, that Abbie…”

Chapter 57

“She really wasn’t your predecessor. I mean, she just handled our cases, when she had time,” Olivia rushed to explain, “Anyway, I don’t think she looked like Abbie at all. The woman in the painting was fair, and she had blue eyes. And…”

“It’s all right, Liv.” Alex laughed, and reached over to touch her lover’s hand. “You can find other women attractive. I’m not mad.”

“You’re not? Of course you’re not. Why should you be? It’s you I’m crazy about, and who I want to spend eternity with.”

“Yep.”

Olivia laughed. “You’re so sure.”

“Shouldn’t I be?”

The look in her lover’s eyes made her swallow even though she knew it was nothing more than an act. Again, she raced to reassure. “Of course. You have every right to be. I’m here with you, aren’t I? I can’t see myself taking time off to be with anyone else, can you see me doing that?”

“Well, then, we’re settled.” Alex smiled happily, her gaze once more warm and reassuring. “You don’t really want me insecure. It’s really not a pretty picture.”

“I liked owing you kisses though.”

“You can owe me kisses for other things.”

“But sometimes it’s nice to know I’m not the only one besotted.”

Were they strictly playing now? Alex wasn’t certain. She ruffled her lover’s hair. “So you want me to act insecure for your ego? Is that why you’re so jealous? You’re helping my ego?”

“Maybe?”

“Oh, so the night you mauled me, after my dinner with Trevor…”

“That wasn’t jealousy; it was more a reminder,” Olivia insisted, sliding closer to her lover.

With her hand on the brunette’s chest, Alex kept their distance. “That I’m yours?”

“You looked so damn hot in that dress.”

“I see. So it was lust.”

“Good lust.”

“And a reminder.”

“Sometimes it’s a good thing, whether or not we really need it.” Olivia tried to give reasons for her actions and reactions. “And maybe I was just reminding you not so much that you’re mine, but that I care. I care about you a lot. And sometimes the caring makes me do rash things…” She said apologetically.

“Like me, in the janitor’s closet?”

Olivia laughed. How did her lover do it, to be less than prim and proper and yet her smile, it seemed so innocent? “Only because I care.”

“I know.”

“Good, I’m glad we straightened that out.” She let out an exaggerated breath. Truth be known, she was grateful for the teasing. It had distracted her from thinking about the stupid dreams. She didn’t want to believe that the place was haunted, that there were things that defied hard science and logic. But she had no reasonable explanations for her experiences. And what were they trying to teach her? The joy of motherhood? She already suspected that. Every time she held a baby in her arms, she felt her own emotions change. She used to tell herself it was nothing more than sympathy for the victim. Then she acknowledged her ticking biological clock. In any case, why did the ghosts care whether they had children or not? And if it wasn’t about that, then what was it about? Her faith? Her skepticism towards things she couldn’t touch, feel, see or taste?

“Hey.”

Her lover’s voice brought her back to the moment. “Sorry.”

“S’Okay.” Alex brushed off the brunette’s sheepish grin. “You know you still owe me a penny.”

“For what?”

“You wanted to know what I was thinking earlier.”

In a hurry, Olivia dug deep into her pockets. “Aha!” She pulled out a coin. “Will this do? It’s more than a penny, I’m sure.”

“I’m sure.” Alex laughed, and took the change. “So I guess it’s my turn.” She laughed again, at her lover’s eager nod. When Olivia looked at her like that, her attention completely focused on her, she could believe she was the center of the woman’s world. It was worth it, the waiting, and the doubt, and everything else they might face in the future. With a deep smile, she reached out, and waited for the brunette to take her hand. “I was thinking about you, and us. The first time we made love; it seemed so long ago. And you’re still addictive, if not more. And I just hope it’ll last. But then sometimes I look at you, and I think about the things we do, and I know it will. I know we’ll be so happy together, no matter what happens.”

Olivia opened her mouth, but her voice failed her. Her brains too for she didn’t know how to reply. Her normal gut reaction would be to act like a smart aleck and say something funny, but she didn’t want to do that. The moment, the sentiments, they were too precious for that. “No matter what happens,” she finally echoed. “And fifty years would be too short,” she added from the heart.

Very gently, very softly, their lips touched, to seal, to taste the promise. Then just as lightly, they pulled apart. Their eyes held each other for a moment longer.

“Thanks,” Olivia said and cleared her throat.

“For what?”

“For not pushing, about what’s going on in my head.”

Chapter 58

“Oh, that.” Alex shrugged, and told her lover the truth. “I just figured when you’re ready, you’ll tell me. You usually do.”

“Yeah.” Olivia looked into the clear blue eyes and sighed, remembering all the times she went to the attorney’s office and bared her soul. She couldn’t do that anymore. Well, she could still do the latter, and with the blonde’s encouragement, too. But their time together would be better spent in ways other than talking about her cases. Besides, when she stepped on the plane, she would rather leave everything about her job at the airport.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said, but Alex knew better, so she added, “Just thinking. Sometimes I miss our chats in your office, or over coffee, or whatever. You know?”

Alex nodded. “They were cathartic, to say the least.”

“But, these days, when I get you on the phone, I just, well, I really would rather talk about other things.” Then she remembered what she had told her partner, and she wanted to reassure the blonde. “It’s not that I’m intentionally shutting you out… or that I think you can’t handle it…”

“But sometimes you’d rather talk dirty and feel alive, and not just be a robot cop.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Olivia beamed, feeling lucky that her lover understood. “So, anyway, can we talk?”

**Finally.** Alex was relieved. With luck she would find out what caused Olivia to change her mind about the ghosts. “Sure.”

“How’s the diary going?”

“Good,” Alex replied, dragging the syllable out, while trying to make sense of the question and its relevance. She gave up, and offered, “I’m mostly just skipping around. Some of the things she wrote about were interesting, with historical values. Other things, not so much.” Some of the things her great-grandmother wrote about were scatty and trivial, not something one would expect from a diplomat’s wife, one of the principals of the Resistance. Alex found it difficult to reconcile the two personas.

“Can I ask a question?”

“Fire away.”

“It’s going to sound really rude,” Olivia hesitated. “Really, really rude.” Her lover’s raised brow told her to continue, “Did your grandmother Michelle, did she write, um, was there an entry about her honeymoon?”

“Her honeymoon?” Alex repeated. She narrowed her eyes at the brunette. “Why are you asking about that?”

“Actually, I’m kinda wondering about her wedding night.”

“Excuse me?”

“Do you think it was possible that, if maybe, they waited?”

“What?”

“That they didn’t, you know, before?”

“You want to know if my great-grandparents were virgins when they married,” Alex asked, incredulous.

Her lover’s outrage told her she didn’t know the answer either. “Or maybe they just abstained, which I suppose could be expected of the period, except you read about the 20’s being decadent and the French had always seemed freer, at least in the novels. Anyway, do you think it’s in the diary?”

“Well, if she described it, I’m sure I wouldn’t want to read it.”

“Well, I don’t blame you.”

“Then why are you asking?”

“You’re going to think it’s crazy, but I think I had a dream about it.”

“You dreamt about their wedding night.”

“I think so. I could actually feel Michelle’s emotions. It was weird. I mean, they were definitely not my emotions.” She most certainly didn’t feel that way the first time she had sex. In fact, she was too drunk to feel or remember anything. “And if it’s just my subconscious manifesting in my dreams, I’m not sure… Well, I doubt I would concoct something like that in my head. It was almost like religious ecstasy, or something.”

“Okay, too much information.”

“Sorry.” Olivia laughed. Her lover’s visible shiver and the face she made were almost comical. Somehow, they put the brunette at ease. “That wasn’t the only dream I had,” she revealed, and proceeded to describe the other dreams.

“Interesting.” Alex chewed on her lower lip. “Those are the only ones you had?”

“Only ones I remembered.”

“I wonder what they’re trying to tell us.”

“I don’t know.”

“But you believe?” Alex rephrased her question, to make sure there was no misunderstanding. “You’re willing to accept that this place is haunted?”

Chapter 59

“I don’t know what I believe.” Olivia sighed deeply. “I just know that things don’t make sense, at least not the way I want them to.”

“Not everything makes sense, Liv.”

“What happened to wanting things notarized and all that? A judge would never allow haunting into evidence.”

“Wouldn’t she?”

“It’s not reasonable.”

“But if there are enough witnesses testifying to the same things. I’m sure there are precedents. We could hop on line… I think there’s an internet café in the village,” Alex offered, eager to convince her lover. There had to be cases, in real estate dispute, perhaps some sort of breach of contract? She felt like she was attempting to pull rabbits out of a hat.

“That’s okay, Sweetheart. I just, I just find it unsettling.”

“So you dreamt about my great-grandparents having sex?” She tried not to cringe.

“And the birth of your grandmother, I think,” Olivia said, feeling once more the intense emotions. “I’m pretty sure.”

“What else did you remember, maybe more vivid than the rest?”

“I remember Bernard saying that he wanted them to make a baby, a girl, one who looked like Michelle, and I, I mean Michelle really wanted to give him what he wanted.” Briefly, Olivia paused, surprised by her slip. Then she continued, slowly, careful about her word choices, tasting every syllable, “And I felt the love she had for her husband. It was like her heart was so full; it was going to bust open.” Her lover’s soft responding gasp made her laugh. “It’s corny, I know, but there are no other ways I can explain that feeling.”

“I know that feeling, Liv.”

“You do?”

“How do you think I feel about you?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I know you love me, but I didn’t think, I don’t know.” Why was it so difficult for her to put together a sentence, to put her feelings into words? “Sometimes I think I love you more. And I want to love you more.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I just feel like I should. And I want to. I can’t tell you why.” Was it wrong to feel the way she did? Olivia didn’t think so, but she wanted reassurance. “Is it a bad thing? Do you mind?”

“No, I guess not.”

“Somebody has to be the satellite, the acolyte, the sidekick, and I’d rather it be me.”

Alex smiled and squeezed her fingers against her lover’s larger hand. “To serve and protect?”

“I think it’s in my blood. It’s what I live to do, what gets me up in the morning, and makes me feel good about myself,” Olivia admitted. “Besides, you’ve already given me so much.”

“I have?”

“My sanity, stability, and you’re sharing your family. Oh, and a vacation in a chateau in France.”

“Well, my mom gave you that, and you earned it, doing god knows what for her.”

“Yes, but she’s your mom, ‘yours’ being the operative word.”

“All right,” Alex agreed, and sighed. She felt uncomfortable with the conversation and was eager to get back on point. “Anyway, we were talking about my ancestors. And whether you believe in… whether you think someone’s trying to send us messages…”

“I don’t know, Sweetheart. I don’t know if I can, completely. But I promise, I’ll have an open mind about it, or at least try my best, and I mean it.”

“Okay.” Alex nodded, accepting things as they stood. After all, Olivia’s stance was different than before. It was progress. She took a deep breath, and exhaled. “So, what should we do now?”

Olivia jerked her brow up and smiled a crooked smile. Holding blue eyes captive, she eased her finger behind the woman’s knee.

Her lover’s grin made Alex laugh. She knew this was the brunette’s way of telling her that she wanted to drop the subject, that she wanted escape. She accepted the diversion. “Sorry, doesn’t work,” she said, laughter lingering on her lips.

“How about this?”

“Nope. Sorry.”

“It’s the fabric, then.”

“Sorry, Liv, I don’t think clothes have anything to do with it. I just don’t respond like you do.”

“That’s not fair!”

“Who told you anything about fairness?”

“I thought that’s what you’re all about. Justice.”

“Not with you.”

Olivia allowed the blonde’s grin to goad her on. “Double standards!”

“Yep.”

“How come you can do it to me and I can’t to you?”

“Oh, baby, I have you so trained.”

“Trained?” She mocked outrage. “You’re treating me like a puppy!”

“I only learned from you.”

“How?”

“By watching you and Oliver,” Alex explained and held out her hand. “Shake?”

There was no mistaking the sultriness in her lover’s voice. Olivia knew she was getting to her. “Let me show you the other tricks I know.”

“Oh, no. Not here.”

She hopped onto her feet and held out her hand. “Let’s go upstairs then.”

“But I want to read.”

“A good puppy needs to be rewarded. Didn’t you see all the treats I give your cat?”

“Don’t remind me,” Alex said and smiled. She shoved the diary into the brunette’s pocket and grasped her hand. She was almost at the door when she felt the urge to look back. She held her breath, and turned her head. At the rocker, she saw her mother holding an infant and her father standing behind them. She squinted, to look closer at the unexpected tableau. In a flash, the image was gone.

Chapter 60

“You know what they say about watched pots, Benson,” the detective told herself. If at all possible, the hands of her watch were moving even slower. How long had it been since she awoke to find her lover’s side of the bed empty? Five minutes? Ten minutes? The lingering warmth had originally told her Alex hadn’t been gone for that long, but now the sheets were cold, and so was the brunette’s blood.

“Maybe dinner didn’t agree with her,” Olivia said, hoping the sound of the spoken sentence would make the statement more convincing. Maybe because the voice was her own, it didn’t help one bit. All she could think of was her lover sleepwalking. The types and degrees of trouble the woman could get into in the vast space, the brunette would rather not imagine.

“But she’ll get mad,” she reminded. “She’ll think you’re paranoid.”

Then ten minutes became twenty. Olivia promised herself she would wait another five; she would need that time to get into character, and pretend that she wasn’t freaking out. By the time she grabbed her sweatshirt and slipped on her shoes, thirty minutes had passed.

“It’s enough time for any reasonable person to get worried,” she reassured, and opened the bedroom door. Whatever Alex was doing, wherever she went, she had made sure the door was closed. That was a good sign, wasn’t it? The detective rationalized as she padded down the hall.

“Alex?” She whispered outside the bathroom door. “Baby?” She spoke a little louder. When no one replied, she knocked. The door creaked open and the automatic light came on. “God, they tech-ed out this place and they couldn’t do anything with the heating,” Olivia grumbled while her mind worked. **She probably couldn’t sleep and went to the library,** she decided, avoiding the alternative.

At the top of the stairs, Olivia looked down and saw empty semi-darkness. Almost forcefully, she expelled the breath she had been holding, and continued on to the ground level. With relief, she greeted the heavy silence, broken only by the shuffling of her feet.

“God,” she muttered when a bone-permeating chill hit her halfway down the corridor. “Damn medieval heating.” Without a second thought, she jerked the zipper to her neck and quickened her pace.

In front of the library door, she paused, to even her breath. Then she saw her lover in the rocker by the window. Alex appeared to have dozed off, judging by the funny angle of her neck.

“Jesus.” Olivia shivered in anticipation of the draft. “Baby?” She called softly, looking around the room. Almost immediately, she spotted the wool throw on the back of the sofa. “Sweetheart,” she called again, louder this time. As she approached, she noticed the small book in her lover’s hand; she almost laughed out loud.

“Alex,” she said, draping the blanket over the woman’s shoulders. When there was no response, she began shaking the slender body. “Sweetheart.”

“What? Whoa. Huh?”

“Hey.” Olivia smiled as blue eyes blinked into focus.

“What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“Where are we?” Alex asked.

“In the library?” Olivia cocked her head. “I woke up, and found you here. You don’t remember? You looked like you were reading and fell asleep.”

“I did? Oh, right, I guess I did.” Alex shook her head to clear the fuzz. “Yeah, I did. Couldn’t sleep, earlier, so I came down,” she said.

Olivia wasn’t sure who the blonde was trying to convince. “Why?” She asked, ignoring the obvious. “That’s not like you,” she said instead. Her lover usually slept like the dead as soon as her head hit the pillows. “You feeling okay?”

“It’s the food I think. Too much butter and spices, you know?”

“Yeah. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss nouveau French.”

“Sushi. Sushi would be better.”

“Yes, definitely.” Olivia chuckled, relief washing over her despite her suppressed concern. Maybe it was just her suspicious nature. Maybe Alex was disoriented from slumber and had to gather her wits. That was certainly not far-fetched. “Maybe we can go back to the village tomorrow, or, actually, later today, and see what kind of restaurants they have.”

“Okay. That would be fun.”

“Great, then that’s settled,” she said, and helped her lover up by her elbow. “Come on,” she straightened. “Let’s go back to bed. It’s probably 3 o’clock by now.”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed, unable to stifle a yawn.

“So what have you got there?”

“I don’t know. Some book I must have grabbed from one of the shelves.”

“You don’t remember?” Olivia asked as she took it from her lover’s hand. “It looks like some sort of diary,” she commented on the handwriting as her flipped through the pages. “Hm,” she skimmed the words. “It reads funny. The language, it’s almost Archaic.:”

“Huh. Interesting.”

“I don’t think it’s your great-grandmother’s.”

“I wonder whose it is then.”

“It’s kind of weird you don’t remember…”

“I was half awake,” Alex insisted. “Anyway…”

“Anyway,” Olivia cut the blonde short, “Let’s wait to find out; we’ll read more tomorrow. Right now, I think we need to go back to bed.”

As if on cue, another yawn fought its way to the surface. Alex wiped the tears from her eyes, and conceded, “Okay. You’re right. Let’s go.”

Chapter 61

Olivia awoke with a start. How many times had she done that lately? It was definitely getting old. She looked to her left, to the empty space beside her. That, too, was unnerving. She tried to focus, and immediately, events from earlier that morning pushed their way to the forefront of her consciousness. And she could feel the beginning of another adrenaline rush.

“Ugh.” She groaned and let her eyes register the light filtering through the curtains. The hint of peach told her the sun had already risen. **Or is it setting?** Suddenly, she wasn’t sure. She tested her muscles, and tried again to shake off the grogginess. Did she somehow manage to sleep through the day?

As she turned towards the night stand, to reach for her watch, she saw a piece of paper underneath. Quickly, she pulled it out. It was a note to her in her lover’s handwriting, telling her she had gone for a walk, and that she would be back before breakfast.

Letting out a long sigh of relief, she contemplated going back to sleep. Her body certainly needed the rest. She stretched, and pulled Alex’s pillow into her arms. A faint floral scent lingered, and she inhaled deeply, and dwelled in the feeling that surfaced. She could honestly say she had never felt this happy in her adult life. The little disagreements they had, the strange dreams and occurrences, she could easily brush off as inconsequential… especially when they had grown so much closer in a scant few days.

**What day is this anyway?**

More importantly, how many days of bliss did they have left before they had to go back to the real world? And their jobs and lives in different cities… Olivia tried not to remain along that line of thinking.

For some reason, time, and everything else, seemed to go by in a blur. She remembered conversations she had with her lover, their outings, dinner with Alex’s cousins. Five days went by in such a way that she felt completely removed from Paris. They had been on vacation for over a week, she realized. At times, it seemed much shorter; and other times, the complete opposite. She laughed dryly, recalling the story of Odysseus, on the island with Circe. It would be weird, and she knew it was impossible, but if time warp did exist, she wouldn’t be at all surprised if she was in one.

Slowly, drawing on a hint of restlessness, she moved again, to a sitting position. She pulled in her knees so that her soles touched, and bounced her legs a few times. Then she touched her forehead to her toes, to release her spine. Finally, rolling her shoulders back, she was ready to hit the shower.

Soon, she was greeting the staff bonjour and on her way to find her lover.

**If I were Alex, where would I be?** She asked, looking around. Each destination would require that she took a different path.

**She did say a walk,** Olivia mentally went over the short note her lover left. Still, she stopped by the garage. The red Delahaye told her Alex hadn’t changed her mind.

Next stop, the stable. Apparently, the detective was the first visitor of the day. It was then she realized locating her lover wasn’t as simple as she had imagined. It was like déjà vu. She had looked for the woman at the most obvious places then, and ended up finding her at home. That should have been the most obvious if she had thought more like Alex, instead of going by her own assumptions and expectations.

“All right,” she said with a sigh. “Let’s try this again. If I were Alex, I’d be…”

The answer seemed clear. She re-traced her steps passed the chateau, and walked around the path. The golden glimmer of the statue made her pause. She ran her fingers along the smooth surface and admired the strength and determination on the warrior’s face. Strangely, she didn’t find it that difficult to believe that Joan of Arc was more than just the d’Estin family patron saint.

At the entrance to the chapel, Olivia stopped. Not wanting to interrupt any private moment her lover might be having with her ancestors, she poked her head in.

“Alex?” She called out softly, when the place seemed deserted. “Hello?” She walked in, and looked around. “Are you in here?

“Well, guess not.” She sighed and stepped out. **Where could she be?** Olivia wondered, surprised that she had failed. **Maybe I should just go back and wait. Yeah, that’s probably what I should do.** She almost had herself convinced.

As she wandered back to the statue, a flash of color caught her eye, and she looked towards the cliff. “Alex!” She gasped as an irrational fear flooded her senses. Immediately, she took off down the path.

“Alex!” She called, but received no visible response. That made her legs move faster.

“Sweetheart!” She panted, when they were finally feet apart and face to face.

“Hey,” Alex returned the brunette’s greeting.

“What’s up?”

Instead of replying, she pointed to the view below. “Isn’t this beautiful?”

“The river? Sure,” Olivia said, still breathing hard.

“How was your jog?”

“I ran, when I thought… never mind.”

“When you thought what?”

“Nothing. It’s stupid.” Olivia shook her head. “Don’t worry about it,” she said, and looked down passed the jagged rocks to the serene river.

Alex watched her lover for moment. Then she laughed, and pushed her hand into the woman’s pocket, to link their fingers together. “I wasn’t thinking about jumping.”

“That’s not what…” She began to deny. “Anyway, whatcha doing here?”

“Just enjoying the peace and quiet, and waiting for you.”

“Waiting for me?”

“Yep, something told me you’d find me.”

“Really.”

“Yep.”

“You wanna go back? Soon?”

“Why?”

“Breakfast?” Olivia fibbed. “I’m kinda hungry. Which means you must be starving,” she said with a winking smile. She wasn’t going to let her lover see her discomfort.

Chapter 62

“The diary you picked up,” Olivia decided to tell her lover, as they rounded the corner. “I asked Olga about it when I stopped by to say ‘hello’ this morning.”

“Yeah?” Alex continued walking along side the brunette.

“She doesn’t know anything about it.”

“I doubt she’s familiar with every volume in the library.”

“Guess not.” Olivia had to laugh with her companion. “I think, if you don’t mind, I’d like to read more, to see what it’s about.”

Alex shrugged. “Why should I mind?”

“I don’t know.”

“Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“Nothing.” Fair head shook. “Must be my imagination.”

“Why? What do you hear?”

“Tango music.” Alex unfurrowed her brows and smiled. “When I was little, the only time my mother didn’t yell at me when I get into her makeup was during my dance lessons,” she offered, to change the subject.

“You dressed up for your lessons?”

“We did. To create the mood, and learn how to move in the clothes, my mom said. It’s different dancing in dress and heels than jeans and tennis shoes.”

“I’ll bet you were adorable.”

“I couldn’t wait to grow up. I thought grown ups have so much more fun.”

Olivia laughed. “So you were adorable and naïve.”

“Whatever.” Alex laughed, and placed her hand on the banister. “I’m sure my mom knows who she is. You want me to ask?”

“You going to call her soon?” Olivia’s gaze followed her lover’s, and rested on the painting.

“I’m surprised she hasn’t called already to check up on us.”

“I guess, if you want to.”

She could tell that was what the brunette wanted. Sometimes she wondered why the woman bothered to be so polite, at least about certain things. “Okay, she agreed, and continued climbing the stairs. “So what do you want to do for the rest of the day?”

Olivia smiled up at the shapely view. “It’s not a ‘what’.”

Alex looked back, and engaged her lover’s eyes. “Liv.”

“Hey, it’s been over twelve hours!”

“Okay, when we go back to the States, and our friends ask us how we spent our vacation, I want to have something to tell them.”

“What do you want to do then? You already went to the mushroom museum without me.”

“I thought you’d be pleased.”

“I am, ecstatic. Last thing I want is to see mushrooms in the shape of Marie Antoinette or the Eiffel Tower,” Olivia said, and grinned at her lover’s responding sigh. “What do you want to do then?”

“I don’t know. You want to take a drive? Go out to the vineyards? Or into the village? Shopping? Find a coffee shop and sit?”

“Are we feeling cooped up?”

“Maybe a little?” Alex didn’t want to tell the woman the truth that she could still hear the music, and it was getting louder. Clearly, it was just in her head. She stopped in front of their room, while Olivia continued walking. “Where are you going?”

“Next door, to the library. Thought I saw a record player there before.”

“What?”

“I’m sure it’s just part of the décor, but maybe they have records to go with it.”

**Oh. Did you really expect her to say someone left the music playing or something? And what if it wasn’t music from the turntable, then what? Do you really want to have another discussion about it?** Alex shook off the thought and set aside her mixed feelings. “Why?”

Olivia walked back to her lover, and took her hand. “Maybe there’s some sort of dance collection. You can teach me tango.”

“That’s a really bad pick up line, Liv.”

“I’m not trying.”

“You’re not.” Amusement lingered on Alex’s lips.

“Nope, I’m sincere. We can even dress up, if you want.”

“Hm…” Ideas and possibilities filled her mind as she followed the brunette down the hall.

Chapter 63

Alex stared at the old style gramophone, and thought about the dog on the record label. Before that, she was counting the dead bodies in the Delacroix reproduction. Why there was a painting of a massacre on the wall was beyond her. And she remembered when she was little, she and Ling would run around the entire castle, but avoid the upstairs library because they were afraid of the gruesome tableau…

She forced her mind to wander, to focus on anything but the feel of her lover’s body brushing against her front. The woman’s strong back and the sway of her feminine hips, they were overloading Alex’s nerve-endings. She tried to focus on the lesson, knowing it wasn’t her lover’s intent to distract her. Or maybe it was. But Olivia looked so focused and seemed so eager to learn..

“Ready for the next set?” she spoke, commanding her voice and letting the sound divert her attention. Meanwhile, she repeated what her lover had said and justified, **It has been over twelve hours.**

“All right. Give it to me.”

Alex kept her eyes opened, and swallowed her sigh. While Olivia followed her lead and turned around so that they were facing each other.

She watched as the brunette concentrated on the steps. By the small smile dancing on her lover’s lips, she could tell the woman was growing confident. When brown eyes fluttered closed in satisfaction and enjoyment, Alex almost leaned forward and kissed her then and there. Somehow she managed to keep her lips to herself.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked when the small smile widened.

“Just paying attention to our connection and listening to your body like you told me,” Olivia replied, her eyes still closed.

“And what are you hearing?”

“How much you want to dance me over to the couch and get under my skirt.”

Alex laughed, “Don’t forget to resist, just a little bit.”

Olivia chuckled. “Is that why you try to resist me sometimes? To help me lead?”

“Hmm… I never thought about it in tango terms, or even consciously… Maybe… Certainly makes it easier for me to follow.”

In a very natural move, Olivia brought her left foot in to sandwich Alex’s intruding foot.

“That’s good.”

“Are you going to show me the other adornos?”

“Do you want to try leading?”

Olivia shook her head. “I like how you lead, when we dance.”

“Hm.” Alex smiled back at her lover, and decided not to think too hard about the silent exchange. “More adornos then.”

“Instead of demonstrating, why don’t you tell me what to do.”

Alex stopped in the middle of a sidestep. She straightened her body and while her right leg remained extended. “Wrap your free leg behind my upper leg,” she said, and steeled herself against the anticipated touch. “Yeah, like that. And just slowly let it slide down.” She closed her eyes, feeling the caress. “I definitely did not dance like this with my mother or Ling,” she whispered, answering the question Olivia posed at the beginning of their lesson.

“I should hope not.” Olivia laughed as she finished the step and continued moving. “I’d have to arrest somebody.”

“Don’t be gross.”

“Just gallows humor. Sorry.”

Alex just shook her head and smiled. She gave Olivia another gentle cue, and insinuated her leg between her lover’s knees. She felt the constraints of the woman’s skirt, and her own regret as she pressed forward. Her leg extended further, to hook behind Olivia’s.

Olivia closed her eyes, and cursed as shapely calf slid down hers. The soft wool seemed rough against her skin.

“What was that?”

“Should I have slapped you?”

“Probably.”

Silently, the women followed the music. After a while, her lover’s breathing was the only thing Alex could focus on. Then, unexpectedly, Olivia began humming against her ear.

“Liv?”

“Y es tu son la religion, la fiesta de vivir adorandome…” She sang along to the song.

“You know my Spanish sucks.”

“Dulce encanto.” Olivia began speaking, softly, translating the words, “The sweet mystery of your body, your passion is like a tango, like a grand sensual poem.”

“That’s really corny.”

“That’s burning and quivering,” she whispered and added with a smile, “Then sue whoever wrote the song.”

“Are you trying to seduce me?” Alex asked as the popping sound increased, signaling the end of the music.

“Por vos mi amor.”

The sentiments, the words sliding like warm honey down her neck, they made her tremble.

“What about your lesson?” She asked, as she led her lover to the settee.

“Dulce encanto…”

Chapter 64

Olivia leaned her head on her knee and reached for her shoe laces. “First, you make a tree,” she heard her mother’s accented voice in her head. “Then the squirrel runs around the tree. He crawls under the roots, and comes out on the other side.”

“Why a squirrel, Mommy?” She heard her squeaky five year old voice ask. “Why not a mouse?”

“It could be a mouse, if you like.”

“Or a puppy?”

“Or a puppy, or a kitty, or a rabbit, whichever you like, Honey.”

Pushing her lips together, Olivia shook off the memory. She moved on to her other boot, and attacked the knot, pulling it tight with a snap. Slapping her hands on her thighs, she stood, and joined her lover at the vanity.

“Were you and Ling ever together?” She asked, while unzipping her makeup bag.

“What do you mean?” Alex paused, and glanced at the detective. Their eyes met briefly in their reflections. Then she resumed brushing out her hair. “We grew up together and went to school together… We did many things together.”

“No, I meant together, together.” Olivia tried to make the next two words sound as blasé as possible. “Like lovers.”

Alex sought the brunette’s eyes once more. “Lovers?”

“Yeah?”

“Eww… That’s disgusting.” She cringed and made a face, and continued styling her hair. Then she thought about the wind, and where they were going, and decided to pull it into a ponytail. Meanwhile, she watched her lover apply her lipstick and waited for her next comment.

“Why so disgusting?”

“It’s like incest. We grew up together, like sisters.” Alex made another face. She felt like they were dancing again, each carefully taking her steps, overly concerned with the other’s toes. “Yuck!” She added more passionately. “How can you even think that? Ugh. Where did that come from?”

“I had a weird dream.” Olivia leaned in, and pressed her lips together. Satisfied with her makeup, she ran her fingers through her hair. Her companion’s silence told her an explanation was in order. “In my dream, you two were kissing and touching each other’s breasts,” she offered with an off-handed shrug.

Alex thought about matching her lover’s nonchalance. “Actually we did do that when we were little. We were curious, and we wanted to practice kissing. It wasn’t sexual. Yuck,” she said, and shivered.

Olivia laughed. She stood back, and watched the blonde brush color onto her cheeks. “You mean I have Ling to thank for your kissing skills?”

“And Leon.”

“You kissed both of them? Brother and sister? Now that’s yucky.”

“Just kissing and little stuff. I wanted to know the difference, and they were convenient and safe. It’s not like I slept with either of them.”

“Eww.”

“Exactly.” She smiled, and reached for her lipstick. “Ling and I, one time our braces got stuck together and Edith found us. It was funny. Embarrassing. But funny.”

“So was there a difference?”

“Was there a difference for you?”

“I asked you first.”

Alex tried to read her lover’s eyes through the mirror; she weighed her answer. “Not nearly as exciting as kissing you, definitely.”

**How does she do that? To always know what to say?** Olivia thought as her mouth split spontaneously into a smile. “Me, too,” she said, and stepped behind her companion. Wrapping her arms around the woman’s middle, she asked, “Did she tell your moms?”

**Finally.** With an imperceptible sigh, Alex relaxed into the embrace. She hoped for the change of topic to stick. “If she did, we didn’t hear about it.”

“You think she’s told on us?”

“I don’t know. I hope not.”

“Hmm…” Olivia nuzzled the crook of her lover’s neck. Her grin widened when the blonde gave her a horrified look and pulled away.

“Whatever you’re thinking, I don’t want to hear about it.”

“How do you know what I’m thinking?”

“You have that up to no good look in your eyes, Liv.”

“Think of the excitement, Sweetheart.”

“Not listening. Let’s go.” Alex checked their reflections once more, and picked up her bag.

“And the fun we could have.”

“No.” She began walking away.

Effortlessly, Olivia caught up. She opened the door, and whispered her argument in her lover’s ear. Taking advantage of her lover’s shock, she stole a kiss.

Recovering quickly, Alex pushed the brunette forward and pulled the hood of her sweatshirt over her head. Racing ahead, she yanked on the strings. Laughing, she whipped out her camera and snapped a picture.

Chapter 65

**Why do people do that?** Alex wondered as she looked around the soft shell stone walls. The light filtering through red and orange glass lamps only made the bathroom seem dimmer. **If it were anywhere else, it’d be mysterious. But this is trendiness run amok.** She didn’t understand it when she was in New York; she understood it even less in a supposedly elegantly bourgeois town like Saumur.

With a small shake of her head, she pulled a paper towel from its dispenser and wiped her hands. Then her attention returned to her reflection. Leaning in, she checked her mascara, begrudging her inability to see the state of her eye-shadow or blush. Just as a precaution, she touched up her lipstick. Why she bothered, she didn’t know, considering it was even darker in the dining area of the “Troglo” restaurant. No one could see, and no one would care.

After she finished with her face, just as carefully as she had taken out her makeup, she returned it to her bag. **It’d be difficult to find anything on the floor,** she justified, while she ran a brush through her hair and retied her ponytail. Then she straightened her clothes.

Just as she was about to leave, she noticed the splash she had made around the sink, and she drew out another paper towel. She didn’t want to be one of those inconsiderate people who left messes in public places.

Satisfied that everything was in order, Alex checked the mirror one last time, and watched her cheeks inflate as she blew out a puff of air.

**Well, let’s go,** she urged, and moved towards the door. As she passed the kitchen, she ran into their waiter, and she took the opportunity to order another bottle of wine. When she finally reached their table, she noticed their neighbors had finished their dinner, and the bus boy had just begun clearing their dishes.

“Hi,” she said, to greet her companion, and to release a sigh.

“Everything okay, Sweetheart?” Olivia met her lover with a smile. “You’ve been gone a while.”

“Yeah, had a hard time trying to fix my makeup. It’s like a cave in there.”

“It’s like a cave in here, too.”

“Oh, and I talked to our waiter, and ordered a bottle of dessert wine, hope that’s all right.”

“Sure.” Olivia laughed lightly. “That’s fine. I just hope they bring our dinner soon.”

“Hungry?” Alex looked at the half-eaten appetizers and offered, “Here, have some of mine if you want.” For emphasis, she pushed the plate forward.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m not that hungry, and I’d rather wait.”

“Cool,” Olivia smiled her gratitude and picked up her fork.

“So they left,” Alex said, and tried not to cross her arms. Instead, she picked up her wine glass, and twirled the deep red liquid around. “The family next to us, I mean.”

“Yeah, cute little boy, huh?”

“Sure, Liv.”

“You don’t think so?”

“No, he was cute, I agreed.”

“What’s wrong? Did I pay too much attention to him? I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t embarrass you,” Olivia offered quickly. “I mean, they’re just so friendly.”

“I know, it’s okay, Liv,” Alex reassured her lover. “Would you want to visit some of the places they suggested?”

“Tank museum?”

“That, or the Chateau and Notre Dame de Nantilly, or we could drive out to the Abbey and see the tombs of Eleanor of Aquitaine and Richard the Lionheart.”

“Or we could go see the lewd carvings.”

Alex nodded. “Or we could go see that, too.” She laughed, and pulled a large sip of her wine. With her smile still lingering, she asked, “Do you really want one?”

“One what?”

“You know we could get a puppy. It’ll be the same amount of work.”

“What?”

“We could even get a yellow lab if you really want blonde.”

Olivia hung her fork in midair. Then she realized what she was or wasn’t doing, and she put down the utensil, and reached for her lover’s hand. “Are we talking about kids?”

“You were bonding with that little boy,” Alex observed, remembering her companion’s high and breathy voice as she talked baby-talk. It had charmed the parents to no end. “It was kind of cute, the two of you,” she had to admit.

“Well…” Slowly, Olivia drew out the syllable, hoping the extra time would help her read between the woman’s lines. “I thought we decided it was too early. We don’t even know, I mean, there are so many things we need to figure out first.”

“But you really want one, eventually. Well, at least two, based on what you said.”

“But I’d be just as happy if it were just the two of us,” Olivia promised with a smile. “You, and us, those are most important. The other stuff, not so much.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sure, I’m sure,” Olivia reassured. She ignored the unexpected tinge of disappointment and held her lover’s hand in both her own. “I have you, we’re together; that’s more than enough. I mean, seriously, and realistically, who’s going to take care of the kids. And we should probably get a puppy first, to make sure we can handle the commitment.”

“Liv.”

The woman’s smile, how she squeezed her fingers in return, the way these little gestures made her feel, they were enough for Olivia. She knew she was being greedy for wanting any more. “I love you, Alex…”

Chapter 66

“And I love you, Liv.”

“Well, then, Sweetheart,” Olivia smiled as brightly as she managed, “It’s settled.”

“What’s settled?”

“We worry only about us, and nothing else.”

That really wasn’t the response Alex wanted. Well, it was, but it wasn’t. She wanted Olivia to reassure her that their love was paramount; but she was also hoping she would say all the right things and convince her that they should have kids. More than that, she wanted Olivia to persuade her that it would be safe to dream her dream.

Could Jaime O’Brien finally live Alexandra Cabot’s dreams?

She let the silence hang between them for a moment longer. To increase the intimacy, she brushed her leg along the side of her lover’s calf; and she watched her lover’s expression change.

“You know I really love you,” Olivia said, her sentiment a strangled whisper.

Alex let her voice drop. “Really, really love me?”

“Really, really love you.”

“That’s good.”

“Good,” Olivia agreed, and let the blonde’s sweet smile warm her heart.

“I know we’re only going to focus on us,” Alex prefaced her question. “But, about the kids… Aren’t you afraid?”

“That something bad’s gonna happen to them? Of course, that’s my job, Baby,” Olivia replied quickly. If they were to concentrate only on their love and themselves, then she wanted to drop the subject. “Elliot stays up at all night worrying about his kids all the time; it’s just something he has to learn to deal with.”

“Is that what you tell him?”

“And what he tells himself. Being a cop didn’t stop him from having the rest of the kids.”

Alex laughed. “I think that had something to do with sex and being Catholic.”

“That too, I’m sure.” Olivia laughed with her lover. Then she slid her fingers along Alex’s hand, to caress her soft skin. “Anyway,” she said, ready to move on. “About us…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad we’re here, together, that we’re taking time off together. I’m sorry we didn’t do much of that before.”

“Me, too.”

“I don’t think Jersey or extradition hearings count.”

Alex shook her head in agreement and laced their fingers together. She wondered where her lover was going with their conversation; she felt like she should hold her breath.

Almost hesitantly, Olivia asked, “Can we do this again sometime?”

“Visit France?”

“France, or anywhere, away from our jobs, and everyday responsibilities.”

Alex laughed; she couldn’t help it. “And you want to have kids? That’s a lot of responsibilities.”

“Okay, not right away,” Olivia had to acknowledge. “If we decide to have any at all,” she added as a reminder to herself. “Anyway,” she said again, to redirect their dialogue. “I hope you’re having a good time.”

“I am.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah?”

“Got enough stuff for our scrapbook? I saw you take a matchbook earlier…”

“That’s going in there, too.” Alex smiled and watched her lover’s face. “But yeah, I think we’ll have a good scrapbook. Our first scrapbook of our first real vacation together.”

“I’m sure we’ll find more stuff before the trip is done.”

“I’m sure.”

“’Cuz I don’t want you to have any regrets.”

“Regrets?” Alex repeated; she had a sneaking suspicion her companion was talking about something else. But what? More importantly, why? “That’s a serious word.”

“I’m serious. I want our first vacation together to be perfect,” Olivia explained. “Well, as least as perfect as it could be,” she sighed, and caressed her lover’s hand. This time she allowed the digression, “I’m sorry about our arguments.”

“It’s all right; we agreed to disagree.”

“And I’m trying to have a more open mind about… these things, things I can’t explain.”

“I know you are, Liv; and I appreciate you trying.”

“But…” She hesitated.

Chapter 67

“But?”

“The diary you found in the library, that belonged to Ava, whoever she was…”

“That you commandeered?” Alex smiled up at her lover through the wine glass. “That you kept complaining about?”

“Well, it’s hard to read. So nauseating.” Olivia wrinkled her nose. In truth, she could imagine herself writing like that, all mushy and sweet, especially if she were writing about her lover. Then she remembered the little notebook she had been keeping, on and off, logging her random thoughts and mainly about how much she loved and missed Alex, and she added, “And the language, it’s archaic.”

“And it’s gibberish according to you. I don’t know why you’re still reading it.”

“I don’t know either,” Olivia spoke honestly. “Just can’t seem to put it down. Anyway, I’m at a point where she’s pregnant.”

“Pregnant? But I thought…” Alex shrugged, and allowing her pragmatism to show, she decided, “But I guess if that’s the only way they can get an heir.”

“Supposedly she didn’t know what or how it happened.”

“What do you mean?”

“She just turned up pregnant. She hadn’t been unfaithful, with her partner’s consent or otherwise.”

“Oh.”

“’Oh’?” Olivia did not hide her surprise. “That’s all you have to say? ‘Oh’?”

Alex shifted in her chair. “What else would you like me to say, Liv?”

“Why aren’t you surprised?”

“I am,” Alex said, and looked around the crowded restaurant. She wished their food would arrive already; and she told her lover just that, hoping she would accept her excuse.

“Should I go talk to someone?”

“It’s okay.” Alex sighed. “They’re probably just busy.”

“And we’re not in a rush,” Olivia agreed. She smiled. “I like sitting here with you, just us. Beats dealing with the staff at your family’s chateau. No offense, but for some reason, they make me nervous.”

“Actually, me, too. I think I like staying at the hotel in Paris better.”

“We could always stay here, find a room in town. According to the guides, there are at least half a dozen hotels.”

“Is that what you want to do, Liv?”

“I want to do whatever you want to do.”

“Then we should just go back, I don’t want anyone to get insulted. We could just be really late. Not like it’s a school night.”

“God.” Olivia laughed. “That brings back memories.”

“Good ones?”

“Some of them.” Brown eyes glinted in the candlelight. “Before you ask, I’m pleading the fifth.”

“Liv!”

“Anyway,” Olivia decided to take the attention away from her delinquency. “We were talking about Ava’s diary.”

“Oh, right.”

“’Oh’ again?”

“Well, what do you want me to say?”

“That it’s impossible? Virgin birth?” Olivia rolled her eyes. “Jesus.”

“Exactly, Liv.” Alex lifted a corner of her lips. “It could be a miracle.”

“Yeah, right, ‘miracle’ my ass.”

“Millions of Catholics believe in it,” she said, and looked at her lover.

The blonde didn’t have to say anything else; Olivia heard the comment loud and clear. “Just because my mother was too religious, rather than too law abiding, to abort me, and sent me to Catholic schools all my life doesn’t make me Catholic.”

“All right...”

“There was a time, if someone asked me about the Annunciation,” Olivia began. Brushing away the surprisingly strong emotions she felt towards the subject, she continued, “I would tell them it was a glorified cover-up for a heinous crime.”

“And if they asked you now?”

“I’d tell them to read the newspapers. Then if they still want to, they can show me clear and convincing evidence.”

Chapter 68

Was it just the nature of their jobs that made Olivia so skeptical? Alex wondered. They did know too much about the ugliness people were capable of. “So millions of people are basing their faith on some cynical cover up?”

“If you ask me, faith is like trust, it has to be earned.”

“Then that’s no longer faith.”

“Aren’t you the last person who should be talking to me about faith? Ms. Control?”

“There’s a difference between not having enough faith in myself and having faith in something I know I have absolutely no control over,” Alex half-argued and half-explained. She felt like she was justifying her entire existence to her lover. The melodrama was too much; but she couldn’t stop, “I have control over my own person, I don’t have to rely on faith for that.”

“So you have faith in other things.”

“Yes. Mostly the big picture things.”

“Like what, Sweetheart?”

“I believe that there’s a higher being, there had to be, even if we’re just some advanced alien’s experiment and the world is their Petri dish,” Alex replied. She knew many Christians were rolling over in their graves.

Olivia laughed. “What else?”

“I believe people are born good,” Alex said, and watched her lover’s brows lift.

“Not tabula rasa.”

“No, not totally. There’s innate goodness in everyone.”

“That doesn’t sound like something Alex Cabot would say.” Maybe that was the only way the attorney could stand to work for the other side. Olivia thought deeper. Or maybe that was why Alex always had a soft spot for some of the criminals she tried, even after seeing what they saw everyday.

“Maybe not the old Alex Cabot.” Alex sighed and looked away briefly, to check the progress of their food, she made it appear. “But she was still searching for herself.”

“But so is Jaime O’Brien.”

“Yes.”

“Are you saying she’s closer to finding the truth?” Olivia hoped. “Maybe she could stop looking all together soon?”

“No. I doubt I’ll ever stop looking all together, or if I can. There are always questions that needed answering and answers to be found.”

The detective supposed that was true, for everyone really. She should have expected it from her lover. She should not have felt so disturbed. “I guess,” she said, her feelings written all over her face. Alex saw that clearly, she knew, for the woman had uncrossed her arms and reached for her hands once more. She missed the connection; she squeezed the slender fingers back.

“But I have found one thing.” Alex smiled from her heart. “Something I didn’t think I needed or wanted until I met you.”

“What’s that?” Olivia held her breath.

“Love.”

“Love,” she repeated the answer she fantasized but never dared hope for. It was entirely too egotistical. Everyone wanted love, and spent their whole life searching for it, didn’t they? That was what she had done, until Alex showed up. Since then, all she wanted was to box up the love she had found, and tie it up with a bow and hoped she could keep it forever and ever. “Really?” She tried not to squeak.

“And I have faith in our love.”

“I’m glad.”

“Don’t you?”

“Yes. I have faith in our love.” Olivia cleared her throat. “But this discussion wasn’t about our love,” she said; she much preferred the direction it had taken. She could talk about their love and dwell on it, live it, until the sky stopped being blue.

“The entire new testament is about love, Liv. God is love.”

“God is love.” Laughter bubbled from Olivia’s chest. “Then how can you explain all the suffering in the world?”

“So we could learn our lessons? Everything comes from love, like your dream, remember?”

“Right. Stupid dreams,” Olivia muttered under her breath, but loud enough for the blonde to hear.

“Faithful people developed stigmata because of their love for God,” Alex said without thinking. When it came out, there was no way to stop. And she braced herself for her companion’s response and her own reply.

Chapter 69

“What?”

“Faithful people developed stigmata because of their love for God,” Alex repeated her statement. It gave her time to decide what to tell Olivia.

“Stigmata, Sweetheart? Where did that come from?” Was it even a logical flow? The detective didn’t think so, but she wasn’t going to bring that up. Meanwhile, she remembered the awful movie that her lover had wanted to rent, that they saw. She recalled telling Elliot afterwards, about her date with ‘Michael’. Michael, Michele, Michelle. Was there a connection, or was it purely random? Or just because Michael was the patron saint of cops, like Alex had jokingly said? She had to remember to ask.

“You’ve seen pictures of my Aunt Maureen.”

“I’m sorry?” Olivia pulled herself back into the conversation.

“My Aunt Maureen, you’ve seen photographs of her.”

“Yeah?”

“She always wore gloves, padded leather…”

“Yeah, I noticed that too, in all the photos,” Olivia chimed in. “And I wondered, but thought it might be rude to ask, or too unpleasant, if she had some sort of accident.”

“No, no accident.” It would be easy to explain an accident. Instead her poor aunt went through all sorts of medical tests and scrutiny. Even as a child, she could see how other people’s doubts wore on the woman. “I remember playing with her fingers when I was little…”

“Like this?”

Alex smiled, and gave Olivia’s hand a warm squeeze. “Sort of,” she said, while falling into her lover’s eyes so open and deep. Despite the detective’s skepticism, she didn’t hesitate, “Sometimes even the bandages and the gloves weren’t enough.”

“Bandages?”

“The gloves hid her bandages. Most of the time, they worked. But once, she bled through. Her blood was on my dress. I freaked out, started crying. I thought I was hurt; then I thought she was.”

“And?”

“She called my mom. My grandmother came. They showed me.”

“They showed you? What did they show you?” Olivia asked, even though she suspected the answer several sentences ago. It wasn’t hard for her to put the puzzle together, once she had the right pieces.

“The signs of grace.”

Olivia dropped her voice to match the blonde’s. “She had stigmata.”

“Yeah.” Alex nodded, and let go of her lover’s hands. A sudden chill made her hug herself. “They said she’d always been special, even when she was a little girl.”

“She didn’t bleed then.”

“I don’t know; guess I never thought to ask. I only knew they judged her.”

“Who ‘they’?”

“Everyone. Everyone except our family, and a few nuns at the convent. Everyone else ostracized her.”

“Wow.” Whether or not she herself believed in Alex’s tale, Olivia knew what it was like to be an outcast. And she knew her lover didn’t make up her aunt’s wounds; maybe human psyche was just that powerful. “That’s gotta be hard for her and your family.”

“I don’t know. She had her faith.”

“You miss your aunt?”

“Sometimes. When I think of her I do.”

“I’m sorry,” Olivia sighed.

“For what?”

“That she died. She was young.”

“Yeah, she was.”

Olivia looked at her lover and felt her heart breaking. Even in the darkness of the restaurant, she could see the sadness in Alex’s eyes, and the regret, despite the woman’s allegations that she didn’t have any. They drove her to admit, “I guess faith can be a very powerful thing.”

“Faith and love.”

The slight curve lifting pink lips made her smile. She longed to lean across the table, to taste it, to grow it. Instead, she kept to her seat and agreed, “Faith and love. And I love you.”

“And I love you, too, Liv.”

“Maybe one of these days you could help me work on my faith.”

“Really, you mean it?”

“Really, Alex.” She held her companion’s gaze. “Although I think your love is the only faith I’ll ever need.”

“Oh, my god.”

“What?”

“You didn’t really say that. That’s mushy.”

“And corny, and nauseating, but I mean it.”

“I know you do, Liv, I know you do.”

Chapter 70

She could hear the roar of the crowd. There were just all these people, but she couldn’t see anyone. Where it was happening, she could only see that it was bigger than a football field; it was like two or three football fields. It was a huge square. Tiananmen Square? But it didn’t look like the one she knew from the news, the one with Mao’s photo hanging on top. Where was this? Where was she?

Looking around, she could see people dressed in all these beautiful, wonderfully ornate robes. She could tell they were made of fine materials with gold and red threads, finely woven silk brocades perhaps. They looked Asian, like robes that maybe the Buddhist wore, but not like the saffron or burgundy colored ones she often saw near Chinatown.

The people, they were waving all these flags, banners maybe. There were women holding the banner flags that they spun over their heads with incredible skills and speed. They were celebrating… something. A Chinese New Year celebration? Did one of the PBS specials get into her subconscious while she was sleeping with the television on? But it was something greater, grander, she knew. She could imagine it being an Olympic opening ceremony, or something equally historically significant.

There were gongs, huge gongs that would fit into the fireplace in her room, her Elysium. The light of the sun reflected off of them. They looked like miniature suns illuminating the place, bright, blinding discs that made her squint. The frames holding the gongs, they were made of wood painted red and gold with symbols written on them. They looked like they could be higher than her ceiling, possibly even higher than her home. Her home, how was it possible?

She didn’t dwell on it for long, for beats from a series of little gongs caught her attention. The little gongs went off at different times than the big ones. Every time the gongs sounded, all these spiraling incense rockets would go off. There were dragons; they could’ve been Chinese dragons, or lions, or garudas, or some other mystical Asian creatures.

In the background, there were dancers, men and women, but the men weren’t dancing with the women. The men were beating the gongs and setting off the rockets. Then an orchestra came on. She could hear music, Western music that sounded familiar, that she had heard before. Whatever it was, it gave way to fanfare with trumpets playing, and people marching up and down on either side of the square. And the crowds were cheering, like when a quarterback threw a touchdown during the Super Bowl.

She looked beyond the crowd, to the end of the square. There was a dais. Was there someone sitting in it? Or maybe a statue? Was it a place for humans or for the divine? She wondered as her sight zoomed in towards the platform. It was surprising, and yet it wasn’t, that she saw rows of chairs, where important people would sit. And there was a podium, where someone would speak. Any moment now, she knew he, and she knew he was a he, would appear, and he would begin the real celebration.

Quite unexpectedly, she heard music. Piano music, seemingly coming from afar. Beethoven, she recognized too easily; she didn’t let that realization stop her as she looked around for the source.

She felt her head turn, and she blinked her eyes open.

The music, it was still there, she noticed immediately. Closing her eyes, she sucked in a deep breath and held it as she felt the space to her left. Empty. It was empty, just as she had feared, as she had expected.

“Alex,” she gasped while her muscles took action, and she scrambled off the bed.

Louder and louder the music grew as she flew down the stairs, skipping several at a time. She raced down the darkened, abandoned hallway towards the ballroom. **What time is it?** She suddenly thought. **Where’s everyone? Why isn’t there anyone around?** It had never occurred to her how she could hear the music in the first place.

Finally, she reached the source. Just before the door frame, she paused, to calm her breath. In the event that her lover was awake, she didn’t want her to know she had run all the way there. She just didn’t. Then she exhaled again deeply, and looked in.

**What? Who?** She almost said out loud when she saw the top of the dark head. Then he looked up, and she recognized him from the photographs, his likeness in the chapel and in her dreams. She could feel her heart flutter when their eyes met, when his full, expressive mouth curved into a smile. She could almost feel his neat mustache tickling her skin. Involuntarily, she walked towards the music, towards the man at the piano.

“Bernard?” The name slipped from her lips, then something else, in French, that she couldn’t hear. Suddenly, out of the blue, she remembered the music in her dream. The piece performed by the orchestra, it was La Marseillaise. Her French teacher had played it for the class in high school.

Was she with him then? Watching some sort of ceremony, celebrating the valor of France, at the end of the First World War maybe? Or the Second one? The idea seemed absurd to Olivia, and she shook her head. And she felt her head shake. Once more, she blinked.

Slowly, her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room. Even before that, she heard the soft, rhythmic sounds of her lover’s breathing. She was dreaming. “Thank God,” she whispered out loud. Then, rashly, she touched her companion’s shoulder. “Alex? Baby?”

“Hmm?”

Alex’s sleepy reply urged her on. “Sweetheart? Are you awake?”

“Not really.”

“Can you wake up?”

“Do I have to?”

The whiny little girl voice brought back memories for the detective. She remembered all those nights she had to call their ADA in the wee hours of the morning, so she could wake up a judge to sign a warrant they needed. And she shut out that mixed feeling to focus on the present. “Please, Alex? Can we talk?”

Alex sighed. “Can’t wait until the morning?”

“I’d rather not.”

“All right.” The blonde sighed again and sat up against the headboard. “You want to turn on the light?”

Olivia did as she was asked, and joined her lover, her back pressing into the cold wood as she hugged her knees. “Can I ask a question?” She didn’t wait for her lover’s reply. “When did you say your great-grandparents died?”

Chapter 71

Alex yawned and rubbed her eyes. “Before I was born, why?”

“When? I mean, what year, what date?”

“Excuse me? You woke me up in the middle of the night to ask me that?”

“I didn’t want to wait.”

“Why is it so important? You could easily figure it out for yourself in the morning,” Alex looked up at the canopy and sighed out her exasperation.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think to check the chapel. I should have.”

Something in Olivia’s voice caught Alex’s attention. Suddenly, she wasn’t sleepy any longer. She asked, even though it was more a statement, “And you would’ve gone out there, in the middle of the night.”

Olivia hesitated for a moment too long, and finally admitted, “Yeah?”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“I know you never met them,” she stammered, her brain working overtime. “Well, I mean I knew even before you said it just now.”

“Well, I think I told you before just now.”

“How much before?” She asked. She wished she had a drink; she could use a drink, a very stiff one, maybe even two or three. She shouldn’t have awoken her lover. She should’ve just racked it up to indigestion and gone back to bed. But no, her stupid brain had to think, it had to stop being rational and logical. She took a quick breath and amended her question, “I mean not when you first told me, but when they died.”

“Are you all right, Liv?” Alex tried to follow her companion’s incoherent speech and watched her twitch. “What’s going on?”

“I’ve, I had another dream.”

“You and your dreams, Liv.”

The blonde’s low laugh normally sounded like music, but presently, it made Olivia nervous. She rushed to defend something she had no control over, “I wish I could stop, trust me, I do, but…” Her lover’s hand on her knee made her cease rambling.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed.”

“It’s okay.”

“You’re squeaking, Liv. Maybe you should take a deep breath before you hyperventilate,” Alex suggested, and encouraged her lover with her smile. Finally, the brunette looked like she had a handle on herself, so she continued, “You want to tell me why you woke me up in the middle of the night to ask about my great-grandparents?”

Suddenly, Olivia didn’t want to answer the question. Suddenly, she felt stupid for even thinking what she was thinking.

When the brunette remained silent, Alex pursued, “Did it have something to do with your dream? Come on, Liv, you owe me.”

“How?”

She lifted her brow at the time. “Give.”

Olivia licked her lips. “I dreamt about your great-grandparents again. Actually, to be specific, I dreamt about your great-grandfather.”

“And Michelle?”

“I was Michelle. In every dream, I’ve been her. I don’t know why.”

“The dreams, they weren’t unpleasant, were they?”

“No,” Olivia hesitated, “Well, not exactly.”

“Then what exactly? What have you been holding back?” There was something disturbing in her lover’s eyes; it made her assure, “It’s all right, I won’t freak. I mean, you should be mad at me, really, since it’s my great-grandparents who are haunting you.”

“What if it’s not haunting?” There, she said it. Now if she could only take it back.

“What do you mean, Liv?”

“In my dreams, I felt things.”

“What kind of things?”

“Promise you won’t get mad?”

“Why? Should I?” Alex narrowed her eyes briefly. “All right, fine, I won’t get mad. Go ahead, tell me.”

“But I feel bad; I feel like I’m…” Olivia mumbled under her breath.

**Just spit it out,** Alex wanted to scream. Instead, she gave her lover’s knee another squeeze and smiled another warm smile. “Yes, Liv?”

“What if, what if I’m not dreaming? What if I’m remembering?”

“Remembering?”

“That’s why I wanted to know when exactly they died. Maybe there was enough time for us to be conceived and be born again? Was there?”

“Are you listening to yourself, Liv? Do you know what you’re suggesting?”

Chapter 72

“I know what I’m suggesting. Just answer me, was there?”

Alex locked eyes with her lover for a long moment. Then she looked away, and sighed. “Actually, there was.”

“Well, do you think it’s possible…?”

Alex didn’t let her lover finish. “I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you’re thinking what you’re thinking.”

“Why?”

“Just a few hours ago, you were questioning faith.”

“What does faith have to do with anything?” Olivia argued, not expecting her lover’s reaction. She had expected… she didn’t know what she had expected. Smiling agreement? Pat on the back for believing? She certainly did not expect this. “Besides, I have faith in our love, and I have faith in you.” You believe in reincarnation; your rationale for it sounded plausible. You’re the one who said we’ve always been together.”

“But that is my belief, Liv, for me.” Alex sighed again and, with effort, leaned back against the headboard. Was it to relay openness or was it to put distance between them? She wasn’t sure. “I don’t want you to believe in something just because I do.”

“Why not?”

“You wanted me to help you, not brainwash you.”

“I didn’t, you didn’t,” Olivia was so flabbergasted, she couldn’t finish her sentences. “Where did that come from, Alex? I thought you’d be happy that I, that I thought we...” She stopped. Once more, she wrapped her arms around her knees, to pull them in further.

“You thought we were Bernard and Michelle, reincarnated.”

“You know what? Forget it. Forget I said anything. Just go back to sleep. I’m sorry I woke you up,” she said, and pressed her cheek to her leg, facing away from her lover.

“Forget it? That’s it? You’re just going to sulk?”

Olivia kicked her legs out, to propel her body forward. When her head hit the pillow, she let her arms fall hard onto the bed, to emphasize her frustration. “What do you want me to do, Alex?” She asked the canopy. “You want me to believe, to have faith, and you’re not happy when, finally, I tell you I do, when I think I do.”

In silence, Alex looked at the brunette; she tried unsuccessfully to catch her eye. So she looked inwards. And she released a long breath. “It’s just, it’s so sudden, Liv. I just, I wasn’t expecting it. I’m sorry.”

Her lover’s quick apology, it caught Olivia by surprise. She pressed her mouth closed, and turned her head. Then she let herself smile, just a little. “It’s really not that sudden, Sweetheart, I told you I’ve been having dreams, dreams about your great-grandparents.”

“And based on the dreams, you think we’re them?”

“At first I didn’t; I thought that was just part of the haunting, or something, something I picked up, something my brain concocted... something. Anything.”

“What changed your mind then?”

“The feelings. I may not always remember the dreams, but I always remember the feelings. I feel things about him, Bernard, your great-grandfather…” She let her words trail to a stop.

“What kind of feelings?”

“The same kind I have for you,” Olivia admitted. “Like I said earlier, I feel bad. It’s like I’m cheating on you, but if we’re them, then I’m not, not really.”

“That’s why you wanted us to be them?” Alex laughed lightly. “So you can stop feeling guilty?”

Olivia’s temper was boiling again, but she slammed it out. She saw that her lover wasn’t making fun; she was uncertain. And the way the woman was biting down on her lip, it showed her hesitance, her nervousness. “It wasn’t that. I said I felt bad, I didn’t say anything about guilt. Weird, definitely, but not guilt,” she offered the reassurance she thought her lover wanted. With a smile, she patted the mattress and extended her hand. “Join me?”

After a moment’s hesitation, Alex returned her companion’s smile. She moved along the bed until her body aligned the other woman’s. Drawn, irresistibly, by the undeniable warmth she felt both outside and in, she snuggled closer still.

Patiently, Olivia waited for her lover to settle in; then she pressed a gentle kiss to the blonde head pillowed on her arm. “They really loved each other. I mean really, really, I mean there are no other words for that level, that depth of emotion.”

“I know. That’s what they kept telling me, my mom, my grandparents, my cousins,” Alex explained even though she knew the brunette understood who ‘they’ were. “You know, everyone who knew them talked about it.”

“In my dreams, when your great-grandfather smiled at me, I felt my heart skip, just like when you smile at me,” Olivia revealed. “And when he touched me, it’s like when you and I make love. It’s not the sex, and it’s not just the pleasure, I want to be a part of you. I feel like you are a part of me, we’re part of each other. I feel… complete?” She said, and chuckled. “I know, you’re thinking it’s corny.”

“But that’s how you feel?”

“And also how she felt, Michelle, I mean,” she, too, felt necessary to append. “At least in my dreams, and the feelings were very similar.”

“Do you really love me like that?”

Chapter 73

“Yes, Alex, I do.”

“And Bernard?” Alex asked. “Could you feel his emotions, too?” She wondered why her lover was the one having all the dreams. Were they really them? If so, then who was rocking the chair the other day? Sometimes she swore she could sense her great-grandmother’s presence…

“I could see it in his eyes, the way he acted around her. He adored her, to say the least.” After all, in her dreams, the man cried on their wedding night, she remembered. The idea was archaic, but it was sweet. It was as if he had loved her for his whole life and finally she was his. “She was the mother of his children, his everything,” she shared only what she felt comfortable. “He seemed head over heels.”

Alex argued, she couldn’t help it, “But he wasn’t around when she died. He was trying to fix the world.”

“He was a diplomat to Vietnam, right?”

“Back then, it was Indochine,” Alex corrected; she couldn’t help doing that either. She had to work on that, one day, she promised herself. “But yeah?”

“The communists, the civil war, there was a lot at stake for France, back in the sixties, right before we were born,” Olivia added. She was sure Alex knew the history, but the words were for her own benefit. Somehow hearing them made them more real; and the reality emphasized the possibility that they had been Michelle and Bernard. Truth be known, she really liked that idea, that they had lived lives together before this. “I’m sure he wouldn’t have gone abroad without her permission or urging. Michelle, she was also very patriotic,” she added when her lover remained silent.

“But they had already done so much for France.”

“Can you ever do enough for your country, or for the greater good? Somehow I can’t see your great-grandparents walking away, not if they thought they had any chance of helping.”

“Helping what? Propagate Imperialism?”

“Peace. Peace and stability and eventual prosperity. And equality.”

“Right.”

“The rest of France may not have thought that way, but your great-grandfather did,” Olivia argued; for some reason, she felt an intense need to defend him, to make his great-granddaughter see what an exceptional man he was. “You read the letters he sent Michelle, talking about the things he saw and how miserable they made him.”

“And that she was the only point of brightness in his life,” Alex said, and shook her head. “That every time he looked up and saw the moon, he thought about her. Say, you think that’s why they named my mom Celine?”

Olivia saw through her lover’s attempt to manipulate the flow of the conversation. She said, “I understood when you left.”

“No, you were mad at me, and you hated me, you said so yourself.”

“Only for that little bit, Sweetheart,” Olivia soothed. “Then I got hold of myself. I understood you had to do what you had to do.”

“Would you, Liv?”

“Would I what?”

“Give your life for the greater good.”

Olivia paused. Didn’t she put her life in danger every day for the greater good? Clearly, they weren’t talking about her job, not just risks. What did Alex want from her? Valor? Devotion? She decided the blonde would want truth. “I don’t know. I’d like to think that I would, that I’m not so selfish that I can’t see past my own wants and needs?” She couldn’t help but notice her statement ended with a question mark.

“But what about my wants and my needs?”

“If you had known then, if I had told you then, how much I love you, would you have stopped and dropped the case?”

“I don’t know, Liv,” Alex sighed. “I’d like to think that I would.”

Olivia widened her eyes. “You would?”

“Sometimes I think it’s harder to love one person than to love the world. The latter is grander, and so easily justifiable. Nobody would fault you if you died a hero. And you can find courage to do great things, especially when…” Alex let out another sigh and stopped.

“Especially when?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know, Liv, I just don’t know,” she had to admit. She hoped her lover could see how difficult it was for her, and just let the subject drop. “Anyway, you didn’t wake me up in the middle of the night to talk about justice, or altruism…”

“No.” Olivia smiled and gave the blonde a warm squeeze. “I wanted to talk about our love.”

“So tell me why again you believe that we’re them? Or were the dreams and the feelings really so convincing? I mean, you’ve got to admit, your sudden change of heart, it’s…” She felt another warm hug. Then their bodies shifted, and she could see her lover’s face, could look into her eyes. What she saw made her breath catch.

“Far-fetched? Surprising? So unlike me?” Olivia offered. “Sometimes the only reasonable explanation is the least logical. It’s okay, I think I can accept that. Besides, I think it’s romantic, the whole idea that we’ve lived lives before now, and that we had loved each other so deeply before.”

Almost tentatively, Alex reached up, to touch her companion’s face. Her smile was much less hesitant; she teased, “And you’re all about romance.”

“Yep, a hopeless romantic, that’s me.”

“And a hopeful one, I see.”

“That, too,” Olivia grinned and leaned in…

Chapter 74

One kiss. A single kiss. That was all Olivia had wanted. It was the middle of the night. They had been making love like bunnies. She promised herself she would be reasonable, that she would stop at a kiss.

The look in her lover’s eyes though, its depth, its warmth, they made her want more. Even Alex’s touch, the simple caress of her hand on her cheek, somehow it felt less than innocent, even though everything about it said it was.

She was happy she wasn’t the only one feeling the want, the need. Her body buzzed with eagerness when Alex pulled her in and made room for her between her legs. She loved how the woman’s thighs glided along hers; she was already thinking about the way they would feel wrapped tight around her hips.

“You drive me crazy,” she whispered as she nuzzled her lover’s neck, the curve so elegant, the skin so soft.

“How?” Alex gasped with laughter in her voice.

“You know how,” Olivia replied, her hands brushing up her lover’s torso, and back down again, pausing at her waist, at the small gap between the scallop lace edge of her camisole and the elastic waistband of her matching underwear. “I want you,” she said without apology.

Alex whimpered. She knew it was a part of the seduction; the brunette had to know by the intensity of their kiss that she wanted the same thing. You have me, Liv, her mouth moved to reply; but only her lover’s name came out as she pushed at her broad shoulders, so she could pull at her shirt.

With eagerness, Olivia’s fingers joined her companion’s. Together they peeled off the thin eyelet fabric. Then her palms were gliding across her lover’s skin, supple and smooth like the finest silk, like milk she yearned to drink, to have coated around her lips. She sighed when slender hands reached for the bottom of her tank-top: plain, black, utilitarian stretch cotton with support bra-let from Old Navy. Of all the possible times, she had to pick now to notice the difference between their choices in bedclothes. She didn’t have a chance to dwell on her observation though; all stray thoughts left her head when her flesh was liberated, when she felt her skin against her lover’s chest.

Then the blonde shifted beneath her, pushing at her, preventing her from pressing forward. She felt the shapely thighs drifting lower, to where they no longer hugged her legs. “Hey,” she protested and looked down. All she saw was the mischievous little curl of full pink lips and the deep desire in her lover’s eyes, more a golden grey than blue in the light of the night. She inhaled sharply and slammed her eyelids shut when fingers and thumb and hot tongue captured the tips of her breasts already alert from the excitement. They hardened impossibly to the wet strokes and the gentle pinching.

“God,” Olivia breathed, her back arching into her lover’s touch; while her arms trembled, her muscles strained to hold her up. She sighed, when Alex took advantage of her weakness and rolled her onto her back.

“Wait.” Olivia struggled for breath and for control. “I thought,” she said and took another sharp inhale when Alex thinned her tongue into a point, and flicked at her nipple. “Baby,” she whimpered, not knowing whether to grab onto her lover’s shoulders for anchor or to somehow turn back the table. “What about...?” She tried again unsuccessfully to form a sentence.

“About?”

“You. What about you?” Olivia heaved while Alex pulled away from her breasts and blitzed a line down her body.

Alex smiled and looked up at the brunette. “What about me?” Slowly, she unknotted the drawstring of her lover’s pants.

“I want you.”

The tremble in Olivia’s voice made her smug. “Good,” she said, and patted the woman’s thigh with one hand and grabbed her waistband with the other.

“But…” Olivia protested, while obediently lifting her hips. The cold air then her lover’s warm flesh against her skin made her shiver. Just when she was about to close her eyes, Alex shifted again. She watched the blonde rise onto her knees and slip her fingers under the elastic of her underwear. Her hunger flared while her eyes followed the fabric’s descent.

“Relax, Liv.” Alex grinned, and used her companion’s leg for balance. “You’ll get your turn, later.” Then impulsively, rather than adding her boy-shorts to the rest of their clothes on the floor, she tossed them at the brunette. Was it a promise? To tempt? Or maybe it was to block out the ravenous dark gaze and the sensations it incited? She didn’t question her motivations for long; the woman made it difficult.

Olivia held the soft cotton in her hand. She could feel her lover’s desire against her fingers, and she fought against the urge to press the material to her nose. She didn’t want later; she couldn’t stand the wait. She told the blonde just that.

“No.” Alex shook her head, and pressed down on her lover’s legs, dragging her body against deliciously toned muscles, and feeling them tense against her touch. It was a sheer primal reaction: she felt like she was taming a wild beast. She could taste the danger, and she loved it.

“Now,” Olivia insisted.

“Later.”

“Sweetheart.”

The whine in the woman’s voice only drove Alex on. “Liv,” she said with a deep chuckle, and poised to push her shoulders between her lover’s legs.

Chapter 75

“Alex, Baby,” Olivia breathed, while wishing her brains would work faster. What could she say and what could she do? She felt trapped by her own desire.

Meanwhile, Alex arched her brow in challenge.

They were at an impasse, almost. She could just give in, Olivia thought; her lover would expect her to. Wasn’t it the chivalrous thing to do? She took a deep breath, and let her eyelids fall. Then they snapped open again when Alex shifted against her body once more.

“What…?” She asked, even though the woman’s intent was clear; and she scooted down the bed, to make room for her lover’s legs. It was never the most effective position when she was with other people: things were never quite right, even when the length of their torsos matched, either someone would stop pleasuring the other, or someone would suffocate. Would it work for them? She wondered, while her hands reached involuntarily to palm her lover’s ass, squeezing, kneading with her fingers.

At first, she wanted to cover as much as the woman’s skin as possible. She caressed down the sides of her milky thighs, and up across the delicate small of her back. Each stroke then came in tighter, centered towards her goal until her fingers grazed the edges of her lover’s sex. All the while, she was watching the reaction of Alex’s body, keenly aware of her own flowing response.

Finally, she couldn’t stand it any longer; she let go, just long enough to reach up, to pull the pillow and tuck it under her head. Then she grabbed Alex’s ass, and pulled her forward and down before she could whimper. Her tongue was up inside her lover, before she could moan.

Olivia felt fevered, as she drank in her lover’s passion. Sweet, like nectar, like heaven was how Alex tasted, she thought, she romanticized, while her fingers joined her mouth. Greedily, she scooped and pushed, alternating, as if she couldn’t make up her mind about whether she wanted to be inside, or if she wanted to pull her lover into her heart through her mouth.

She was the one sighing, and gasping and moaning, when she felt Alex’s ragged breath against her heated skin. And she spread her legs wider, to make herself more accessible.

And when the woman mirrored her moves, she felt herself unraveling. What was Alex trying to do? Was it a game? A challenge? She shut out her mind, and focused on the pleasure, on giving, and on taking it. She felt like she was starving, and she was full, as she lapped and jabbed at her lover, frantically, filling her every which way she could, and feeding her own hunger.

Faster, louder, she was aware of her own breathing, of the animal sounds she was making while Alex trembled with her thrusts. Neither, both, of them were at each other’s mercy, as they sank into each other’s body. Their pace quickened, their pulse grew into one giant, pounding, brutal beat that with each throb struck them closer, tighter together.

Olivia felt like she was being stripped bare. She felt as if she was turned inside out while her body relaxed into the mattress, while her lover’s collapsed onto hers. Gently, tenderly, she stroked Alex’s skin, still heated and damp from their joining, from exertion, to soothe, to prolong their connection.

When they could both move again, she helped the woman turn around, until they were face to face. And she twined their sticky fingers together, and she touched their lips together, to share her lover’s sweetness, and to taste herself.

When they finally pulled apart, she watched gold blue eyes flutter open; she watched the smile, at once shy, at once proud, grow on her lover’s lips.

“Hi,” Alex said in a hoarse whisper.

“Hi,” Olivia replied.

“Wow.”

“Yeah,” she had to agree. In fact, she didn’t think there was enough awe in her voice, so she tried again, “Positively, wow.”

“I love you.”

“And I love you, Sweetheart.” Olivia smiled; she felt like she was smiling for the first time in her life. There was something different; something had changed between them. What was it? She didn’t know.

Then Alex smiled again, a sleepy smile. And she snuggled in, pulling her lover around her like a blanket.

Olivia laughed a low laugh and reminded, “The light?”

“Leave it,” she mumbled before her breathing deepened.

Carefully, gently, Olivia pulled the covers over them. She closed her eyes, and joined her heart…

Chapter 76

For several minutes, Olivia watched her lover get ready in front of the vanity. She imagined Michelle, then Celine, sitting before it, brushing their hair out and their respective spouses sitting on the bed watching, like she was doing, except she was leaning against the corner and only inches away. Finally, she spoke up, “Do you remember Mitch Wilkins?”

“The boy who started killing when he was 10, who raped and murdered the fifteen year old girl?” Alex asked, observing her lover out of the corner of her eye, as she tied up her ponytail.

Olivia nodded.

“How could I forget? That case kept you up for days. You never did find the old lady, did you?”

Olivia shook her head.

Alex sighed. She wished she were shocked; but she knew how people became forgotten, got set aside, especially some old woman whom no one would miss, when there were live victims or victims’ family who demanded justice. She turned to face her lover.

“Elliot thought whether you do good or bad depend on how you were raised.”

“Yeah, I remember you telling me that.” The expectant expression on Olivia’s face made her continue, “If my upbringing were different, who knew how I’d turn out.”

“What?” Olivia laughed. “A brilliant sociopath?”

“It’s possible.”

“One who knows the law and manipulates it to further her evil schemes? That’s a scary thought.”

“I’m sure that’s how Petrovski thought of me,” Alex offered with a small laugh of her own.

“So you think Elliot is right?”

She shrugged. “Possibly. Probably.”

“But you agreed with me back then,” Olivia replied. She really didn’t mean for it to sound like an accusation, but she didn’t correct herself.

Alex sighed again. “But then my job changed.”

“You mean…”

She nodded. “I can’t possibly do my job, and feel like I’m doing the right thing, arguing to let these kids back out on the street, if I thought they were born without a conscience, that no amount of therapy would help and that they would just commit bigger and worse crimes when they grow up.”

“So that’s it? That’s why you think people are born good now?”

“No, that’s not why.” Knowing Olivia would then ask for the reason, which she could not provide, Alex tried another route. “But tell me, if we have kids, and one of them isn’t as well behaved as we would like, he or she might even do things, bad things we don’t approve, what would you do? Would you testify in court like Wilkins’ mother did, against our child?”

“Well, his mother didn’t think he was bad right away, I don’t think. I think she really wanted to believe that the counseling worked and that he had changed.”

“Exactly. You would want to believe that your child is capable of changing. That he or she wasn’t born bad. That maybe he or she just had a lapse in judgment, or was misguided.”

“I guess,” Olivia conceded.

Judging by her lover’s body language, the way she was shifting her legs and squeezing her hands together, Alex knew the conversation wasn’t over. She knew it was just an overture, a preamble to something else she was reluctant to discuss. The attorney was never one to shy away from an issue, so she asked, “What is this really about, Liv?”

“Change,” Olivia admitted; it was astoundingly easier than she had expected. “When we made love, this morning, I felt like something changed between us.”

“Change for the worse?”

“No, not at all!”

“Then what?”

“I don’t know!”

Smiling, Alex reached out, to hold her lover’s hands. She was surprised to find her palms damp. “So that’s why you’re freaking out? You’re afraid of change?”

“I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid of anything,” Olivia argued reflexively. The look Alex gave her made her swallow; it made her sigh. She tugged at the slender fingers, until the blonde moved closer. She let go, really wanting to wrap her arms around her lover’s waist and press her head against her warm chest. Instead, she rested her hands lightly on the woman’s hips. “I don’t know if fear’s the right word.”

“You’re unsure.”

“Not about us.” She promised, “I love you, and I wanna spend the rest of my life loving you.”

“Then what is this about, Liv?”

Chapter 77

“I’m not sure about myself?” Olivia replied, her gaze resting on her hands on her lover’s trim waist. She wished she didn’t feel so uncertain. She wished it weren’t so difficult to meet the woman’s blue eyes, so clear and so cutting, she felt they could see through to her soul. “A week ago, if someone had suggested to me that I’d believe in reincarnations, or in ghosts, I’d say they’re crazy. But now…”

“You think you might be the crazy one?”

“No. I… I wouldn’t say that.” She let her shoulders rise and fall with as much nonchalance as she could muster. “I don’t know, it’s just unnerving, a little.”

“Unnerving,” Alex repeated, trying to match her lover’s forced cavalier tone.

“Just a little,” Olivia insisted.

**Right.** She supposed she could see that. She was unnerved the first time she thought she saw the woman in the painting looking and smiling at her. She was more than unsettled when she thought she saw her great-grandmother’s ghost. And the first time she realized she had fallen head over heels for Olivia, she was petrified. “If someone had told you, if Hank had told you, when we first met, that we’d fall in love with each other, that we’re meant for each other, what would you have said to him?”

Olivia laughed and looked up at her lover with a huge smile. “At some point, he’d actually said something to that effect, it’s funny.”

“He did?”

“Yep. He went on and on, telling me I should go for it, before I even admitted that I liked you. But of course I was just in denial.”

“It’s a great river in Egypt; I’ve been there,” Alex acknowledged.

“Horribly polluted.”

Alex nodded. “Still, I had to think about all the consequences, before I got out.”

“When you realized there were other consequences.” Olivia divulged, “When you realized it’s too late, and you’ve already lost your heart, even though you tried so hard to guard it.”

“Something like that.”

“Yeah,” she said, feeling suddenly relieved. It was comforting, to know that she wasn’t the only one who felt so hopeless.

“So what did you tell him?”

“I told him to mind his own goddamn business and that he was out of his frigging mind.” The brunette admitted with ease, “Turns out he was right all along. I guess I owe him an apology.”

Alex returned her companion’s smile. It lingered on her lips as she refocused on the subject, “Change really isn’t such a bad thing, Liv. It’s a sign that we’re growing.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“I shouldn’t have to tell you, Detective, but I’m usually right.”

She laughed. “That, however, is a constant fact.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that.”

“But you think that.”

“But that doesn’t mean you or the rest of the world is in fact wrong,” Alex defended, “Or that I think you’re wrong.”

“That’s good to know, I guess,” Olivia said. How many times had she used the word ‘guess’ in the last few minutes? She wished she were more certain, or that she could be. Forensics, hard science, she used to think she could rely on those to explain most things in her world, now she wasn’t sure.

“But you’re still having issues.”

When am I not having issues? Olivia almost said. It would have been a joke but it wasn’t. “How can you tell?”

“Liv,” Alex let out a small laugh. “How long have we known each other?”

“Biblically, Sweetheart? Or in general?”

“You’re avoiding again.”

Olivia sighed. Then, despite herself, she smiled. “I still don’t know if it’s a good thing or not. Most of the time I do, but sometimes it’s unsettling, and a little annoying, when someone knows you that well.”

“Annoying, huh?”

“Sometimes. It’s like I can’t hide.”

“Why would you want to?”

Why indeed? Olivia sighed again.

“I thought that’s part of the soul-mate thing. You want the other person to know you so well, that they know what’s in your heart.”

“And in my soul,” she confessed, to Alex, and to herself.

“We were talking about change, Liv? And why it’s upsetting you?”

“I’m not sure it’s just change that’s bothering me.”

Chapter 78

“Then what is?”

What was bothering her? Olivia paused. She thought she knew. Was something still troubling her, after all they had talked about? Somehow, she still felt ill at ease, like something was gnawing at her guts. “Let me think about it.”

“Take your time.”

She recalled their conversation, and recounted every detour and her own comments. Finally, she took her hand back from her lover and rubbed her forehead. “I think… I used to think I had free will.”

“And now you don’t think you do?”

“Well, if we’ve always been together, and if we were meant to be together, then I don’t have free will about who I love.”

“Okay…” Alex hedged. Secretly, she was grateful her years of training had taught her how to step back, to be removed from the situation and just listen. **Yeah, listen and then try to spin the facts,** she thought, while bracing herself for Olivia’s next words.

Meanwhile, the detective was oblivious to her lover’s walls. After all, it was natural for the blonde to stand with her fingers resting against the crook of her arms. That, and the glasses, they were part of the attorney ensemble, like her gun and her badge were for her. “And if I don’t have free will about whom I love, then what else?” She demanded and threw her hands up. “Do I have free will about anything? Anything at all?”

“I’m sure we can choose who we love, Liv.”

“But I’m not sure I want to have that choice.” Olivia peered up into her lover’s eyes. “Honestly? I really like the idea that we’re meant to be together. Destiny. Fate. Kismet. Whatever you call it. You, me, and the fabric of our lives woven into one beautiful tapestry, that no one can unravel or take apart.”

“Sounds beautiful. Poetic.” Alex smiled; she felt she could breathe again. “And awfully romantic.”

“I try,” Olivia admitted, and leaned forward, to receive her lover’s kiss. She kept her eyes closed for a moment, to enjoy the feeling. Then she inhaled, and continued, “But then I go back to the free will, or the lack there of.”

“And?”

“You, and George, and Elliot, everyone tells me I have choices, that I’m not just a sum of my DNA,” she finished in a single breath.

“You’re not, Liv,” Alex reassured. She forgot her own vulnerability and uncrossed her arms, to take the brunette’s hands. She insisted, “And you do have choices.”

“Then how does that jive with our love?”

“Who says it has to be either or?” Alex was pulling words out of her hat, words that she knew her lover wanted, needed to hear. “Maybe it’s all about balance.”

“Balance?”

“Yin and yang; good and evil?“ Maybe like how she was born with all the benefits in life but a lot of self-doubt? Or that someone had to die, in order for another to live? **Yeah, balance,** she had herself almost convinced. “Maybe just certain things are predestined. And not having free will about some things, means you have more about other things.”

“You think so, Alex?”

“I think life is fair. And fairness demands some sort of balance.”

**Is life really fair?** Olivia thought she was probably one of the last people on earth to believe that. “I guess,” she said; she didn’t want to spend the entire day on some philosophical discussion that neither one of them had real answers for, that was rhetorical at best. She let the blonde know by changing the subject, “Anyway, what are we doing today?”

“I don’t know.” Alex swallowed her relief, and step into her lover’s space. She laid her hands on the woman’s shoulders. “What do you want to do today?”

“We could stay here.”

“No.”

“I don’t mean in bed.” Olivia laughed, grateful for the lightness that filled the air once more. Maybe the answer to the universe wasn’t so important, as long as they had each other. Their love was definitely the answer for her happiness; and maybe that should be enough. “I meant we could go exploring, in the castle. I get the feeling there are many places I haven’t been and many things I haven’t seen.”

“All right. We could do that.”

“Are you sure?” She pressed forward and reached around, to span her fingers lightly across her lover’s ass. “’Cuz I’d be more than happy to stay in bed,” she said, and hugged, and felt the shiver coursing through the woman’s body.

“Olivia.”

“All right, just checking.” She let go only after another warm squeeze. “You know, your wish is my command.”

“Stop being so corny then.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I think you like me corny, at least your body does.”

“Shut up.”

Chapter 79

“Who’s this? She looks…” Familiar? Olivia wanted to say as she pointed to the photograph above the desk.

Alex looked down from the steps that led to the rooftop. “Edith Piaf,” she replied.

“Your great-grandparents were friends with her?” Olivia asked; she knew she shouldn’t be surprised. There were people on Celine Cabot’s walls that she swore she could recognize.

“Resistance,” Alex merely said, as if that explained everything. Then she descended the stairs and half-shoved her lover aside. “Let’s see…”

Olivia watched with interest as the woman rifled through her great-grandparents’ drawers, filled with papers left seemingly undisturbed even after their deaths. It was odd, and a bit scary, she thought, that somehow two people had such hold on their descendants. Then she remembered the boxes in her storage unit, all filled with her mother’s things that remained to be sorted. And she had to speak, so her voice could disrupt her thoughts, “What are you looking for?”

“You’ll find out, hopefully.”

“That sounds mysterious.”

“Not really. But it’s kind of nifty.”

“Nifty?” Olivia laughed. Her lover had said that word before, she was certain; but it still amused her to hear it from the woman’s lips.

“Well, it’s better than ‘neat’. Only scotch should be ‘neat’.”

“Okay…”

“I suppose you could say it’s interesting, but it’s more than that,” Alex said as she turned the key to the center drawer and tried the knobs. “Dammit.”

“Here, let me help,” Olivia offered and took over. When it wouldn’t budge, she shifted her weight, and tried again. This time, the drawer came roughly open with a loud groan.

“Whoa, careful,” Alex moved forward.

“It’s all right, I got it.”

“Super cop, to the rescue?”

“Stop it.”

Alex smiled at her lover’s blush, and kissed her lightly on her cheek. “You’re so cute. My hero.”

“Shut up.” Olivia grinned despite herself, and set the drawer carefully onto the desk. “Here.” She motioned at the contents. “Why won’t you tell me what you’re looking for?”

“Because.” Alex stepped in, and began looking through the pile. “What if my memories are faulty?”

“If they are?”

“Then…” She said, without intending to complete her sentence. “Voila! Here it is!” She exclaimed cheerily.

Olivia lifted her brows at the yellowing music score. The edges of the paper were frayed; and whoever wrote the notes and words did so with a nervous scribble. “What is it?”

“A gift, to Michelle and Bernard, for their anniversary, I think.”

“From Piaf?”

Alex nodded and pointed to the photograph. “She sang it for them at that party.”

More closely, Olivia looked at the lyrics. She tried to recognize the song but failed; it had been too long since she tried to read any music. “The blue sky can fall on us?” She translated the first line with a small laugh.

“And the world can very well fall apart,” Alex continued with the second line. “Bernard was a hopeless romantic, too.” Like you, she thought, but kept it unsaid.

“I don’t think I’ll dye my hair blonde, thank you very much,” Olivia said, as if reading her lover’s mind. “Although, I suppose if you really want me to…” She found herself chewing on the inside of her mouth.

“Liv,” she smiled.

“Well, we won’t have to worry about me throwing away my fortune, I have none.”

Gently, Alex shook her head; her smile as sweet as ever. “Ah, mais Je renierais ma patrie, je renierais mes amis,” she sang.

Even off-keyed, Olivia could now make out the song. Suddenly, emotions swept over her. She could feel the sting in her eyes, and she didn’t know why. “Really, your country? Your friends?” She whispered. “You would give them up? For one person?” For me? She didn’t dare say. Wasn’t it what they were just talking about, scant hours ago? To love one person more than the greater good? Should one really do that? To the detective, with everything she had been taught, by her superiors, her instructors at the academy, society… the idea seemed wrong. And knowing how her lover was raised, the sentiment surprised her once more.

“I think if Michelle had asked, he would have. I think he would have given up politics, everything, and stayed home, and devoted his whole life to her.”

“You think so?”

“You know?” Alex said thoughtfully. “I’ve been thinking.”

“About what?”

Chapter 80

“My issues with my family,” Alex replied. She added with a low laugh, “My issues with myself, with my own inadequacies really.”

Olivia’s first instinct was to argue, to defend her lover. But her gut stopped her from reacting. Instead, she stayed silent, her eyes watching the woman attentively.

“I’ve been unfair.”

“You have?”

Slowly, Alex set the fragile sheet music aside. She then leaned back against the desk, and crossed her arms.

Olivia understood different people have different ways of protecting themselves; hers was to make inappropriate jokes or turn sullen. At times like this though, she wanted to step up and do something, anything to keep those walls down. Instead, she just watched and waited for her lover to explain.

“My mother’s family, my ancestors, they really were remarkable people. Everyone knows that,” Alex began softly. “Even I,” she admitted. “I guess I just, you know, wished that they weren’t, so maybe I wouldn’t have to try so hard to achieve.”

“And you were down on them…”

“So I can feel better about my lack of greatness?” She laughed self-depreciatively and rolled her eyes. “Seriously, pretty stupid, huh?”

Olivia shrugged. “I’ve done stupider.”

“I just wanted them to be proud of me, of my accomplishments.”

“But your mom, your cousins, your Aunt Marty, Lillian, Edith, everyone is proud of you, of what you’ve given up,” Olivia reminded her lover.

“But are they happy for me?”

“Huh?”

“Being here with you, listening to your dreams, reading my great-grandmother’s diary, looking at their pictures, and being here with you,” Alex added with a winking smile, “I did say that, didn’t I?” With the brunette’s nod, she continued, “And you bringing Tinka helped me remember, they made me realize… I think at least my great-grandparents and grand-parents would be prouder if I dared to live the life I wanted.”

“At least?”

“I’m not so sure about my parents.”

“I’m pretty sure your mom just wants you to be happy.”

“You know?” Alex uncrossed her arms and touched the tip of her finger to her lover’s hand. “I’m beginning to see that, too.”

“She loves you, very much.”

“Dying really doesn’t suck so badly, considering.” She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “Maybe I can really start living the life I want. What else do I have to lose, right?”

Had her lover been that unhappy about her life? Olivia had no clue. She hid her shock. “And you’ll always have me.”

“Promise?”

“I thought I did already?”

“Quotas to your promises?”

“No.” Olivia smiled and took her lover’s hands. Gently, she pulled her forward, until they were almost nose to nose. ”I’ll repeat the promise to you everyday, for the rest of my life, if that’s what you want.”

Alex laughed and rested her cheek on the detective’s shoulder. “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Being sickeningly sweet.”

“But I mean what I said,” Olivia argued. Their proximity, the topic, they made her giddy and her voice high. “I’m not trying to be sweet.”

“I know. And that just makes it so much more so.”

“I’m sorry, Alex. I can’t help it.”

The blonde imprinted her smile on her lover’s neck. “I don’t want you to.”

Olivia heard her own laugh. “You don’t?”

“I love your sappiness.”

“I’m not sappy,” she said without conviction, her focus centered on their closeness. She held her arms together tighter, to pull Alex closer still.

“Sure you are, Liv.”

“So I am,” she agreed readily.

“So you want to tell me what’s been bothering you?”

“Me?” Olivia blinked. The sudden change of subject caught her totally off guard. “Nothing’s been bothering me,” she replied reflexively. The detective liked sensitive chats just fine; in fact, she encouraged it, except when it was about her.

Chapter 81

“All right,” thoughtfully, Alex drew out the sentence, “Maybe ‘bothering’ isn’t quite the right word.”

“What do you mean?”

“You tell me. You’ve been acting… um… kind of weird. Since this morning, as a matter of fact.”

“I have?”

“Liv.”

Internally, Olivia sighed. Really, how did her lover do that? Suppose she had wanted a soul-mate. What did people always say? Be careful what you ask for because you might actually get it? “I’m not sure I like the word ‘weird’. Purple hair and Mickey Mouse ears would be weird,” she offered with a grin.

“Fine. Different then.”

“Every day’s a different day, Sweetheart.”

“Whatever’s bothering… throwing you off center, it’s big, and it’s about us.” Alex pulled away enough to watch her lover’s expression. She tapped her on the nose. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t be avoiding so hard. So tell me.”

“It’s…” OIivia let out a nervous laugh. “It’s kinda embarrassing.”

“I promise, I won’t make fun.”

“Well, it’s, it is about us, and what we did this morning, and some other things, things we’ve done.”

The memory made Alex warm. She leaned back once more against the desk, and cradled her elbows. “What about them?” She asked, and cleared her voice.

The efforts the woman exerted to maintain her decorum made Olivia grin, genuinely this time. Again, she felt giddy and high. “They worked, and felt good, really good.”

“What do you mean?”

The sudden edge in Alex’s tone only widened her smile. It made her feel silly for dwelling on the idea so much. Maybe her clit was indeed tied to her heart; there was nothing wrong with that. She stepped into the blonde’s space and wrapped her arms loosely around her body. “Exactly what I said.”

“Didn’t before, with other people?”

“Nope.”

“How do you feel about that?”

The question was so typical. Sometimes she wondered if her lover missed her calling to being a shrink, but she made such a good lawyer, too. “Good. I’m glad, super happy, amongst other things. It’s like it’s another new experience, with you.”

Alex could feel her insides unknotting. “That’s good,” she said, while laughter bubbled from her chest. “You’re having issues just because things that didn’t work between you and other people work between us?”

“Hey! You said you wouldn’t make fun!”

“I’m not.”

“You’re laughing. What do you call that?”

“I’m just amused, and in a way, I guess I’m happy.” Alex gave the brunette a loud kiss on the lips. “So tell me, what were the other things?”

“Sweetheart.”

“Come on, Liv. You can’t not tell, not when it’s this good.”

“Absolutely, I can, especially when you’re just going to make fun of me.”

“I’m not, and I won’t, I promise.” Alex offered, “Here, I’ll even tell you a secret.”

“About?”

“Things we do… What we did this morning, it worked for me for the first time, too.” She smiled and draped her arms around her lover’s shoulders. “Well, actually, it was the first time, period.”

“It was?” Somehow the knowledge made Olivia happy. She knew she shouldn’t feel that way; but she couldn’t help it. Knowing it also made her feel less vulnerable; and she made up her mind. “Things are different with you; rather, I react differently. I’m pretty sure your kisses alone can make me come.”

“Really?”

“Why so surprised? Your words do, when we… over the phone.”

“With your help.”

“Not always.”

“Really?”

“Sometimes it’s all in the head, Alex, and in my heart.” It had become glaringly obvious for Olivia that she had loved very few in the past. “I used to wonder if there’s just a fine line between love and lust.”

“And?”

“Not even close, well, except maybe when you count teenage hormones.”

Alex laughed. “I think then you’re generally confused.”

“You’re right.” Olivia smiled, and brushed a kiss on her lover’s neck.

Chapter 82

“Confused and hormonal,” Olivia added, as she fell into their embrace. If only she had the ring; this would be a good time to present it, to ask for the commitment. Except, haven’t they been talking as if the promise already existed? Only minutes ago, she vowed to love Alex for the rest of her life, which the woman had accepted. And they covered the possibility of children, and raising said children, albeit as a hypothetical to another hypothetical. Maybe the ring was just a formality; and if so, she would just make the occasion special, and memorable. Suddenly, she felt time was on her side. “Still, I wish I had known you when you were young.”

Alex laughed and shook her head against her lover’s shoulder. “No, you don’t. Trust me.”

“Why?”

“I was awkward, and anti-social.”

“Really?” Olivia pulled away, so she could read her lover’s face. “But you were a debutante, and you were pretty.”

“You mean in the pictures?”

Olivia nodded; she had not expected the blonde’s hearty laughter in response. “What’s so funny?”

“That was an act, a moment for the photo albums. I didn’t even want to be a debutante.” Alex admitted.

“Then why? ‘Cuz your mom?”

“Well, yes, although I’m not sure why she insisted. Seriously, knowing what you know about my mother, can you see her playing Fifth Avenue politics?”

“I’m sure she was good at it.”

“Oh, yes, but so were all the other people, the Waldorfs and the Vanderbilts. Meanwhile, my mom’s an anti-establishment socialist’s daughter.”

“France is socialist, and Nicole is a member of the Ministries,” Olivia said. At the moment, it seemed the most logical defense she had for Celine Cabot.

“And my uncle is a judge, a public servant, and my aunt was a nun, who took a vow of poverty,” Alex replied with a shrug. “I don’t mean this badly, but my mom likes being the eccentric rich broad who wants things done her way and her way only. That’s why she and Marty are such great friends.”

“Then why d’you think she…?”

“I think my mom does, or did things she thought she should, because she thought it was best,” Alex said without a sigh.

With difficulty, Olivia held her tongue. It really was not her place to tell her lover about the things Celine told her in confidence. “I think that’s what moms are supposed to do,” she could only provide.

“So, in this case, she wanted me to have all the options that life could afford? Anyway, the whole thing wasn’t that bad, just boring for the most parts, but Ling and I had each other during the rehearsals and stuff. And you wouldn’t believe how catty we were about the other girls.”

The conspiratorial twinkle in the blonde’s clear eyes made Olivia laugh. “I can see that, totally. I’m sure you two would have a field day about what the ADA’s wear to court.”

“There were days even I used a brown bag with a black suit.”

She smiled crookedly at her lover’s mock indignation. “Only when you stayed over at my place the nights before.”

“I’m not a fashionista.”

“Never said you were, Sweetheart.”

“You pay more attention to what the stars wear.”

“I’ve seen you read Peoples.”

“Where’s this conversation going?”

Olivia rested her gaze on her companion’s pouty lips. Then she pressed forward, first to touch. Then her tongue slipped in for a deeper taste. Before she knew it, they were breathless. “Sorry,” she whimpered, and pulled away.

“Why,” Alex swallowed. “The apology?”

“Because. I didn’t mean to, I mean, this is crazy.” ”We’re in love, Liv”

“We’ve been in love, way pass the, what? Six months? A year? That people are affected by their hormones?”

“Maybe this is us? How we are?”

“A couple of bunnies?”

“Maybe?”

“Is it so bad?”

“No?” Alex admitted with a blushing smile. “I hope it doesn’t change.”

“Me, too.” Olivia closed her eyes, and joined her lover’s smile.

They were less breathless when they pulled apart this time. Alex was the first who broke the silence. “So you want to go upstairs?” She tossed her head towards the roof.

Chapter 83

“Wow.”

Alex smiled as her lover leaned against the stone rampart. The awe on Olivia’s face made her happy, and glad that she was fortunate enough to have this to share with the brunette. “Isn’t this amazing?”

“Truly amazing.” Olivia replied, missing the exultant glint in her companion’s eyes. She pointed past the river, towards the streak of reds and blacks and grays in the midst of rolling green. “Is that the village over there?”

“Actually, I think the village is on the other side,” Alex shrugged her shoulders back. “That might be another town altogether,” she said, and rested her hand on her companion’s arm. “I’m not sure. We’ll have to ask.”

“We’re not that high up, are we?”

“No, but everything’s short around here.”

“True.”

“I was just reading this book about the city, then and now.”

Olivia turned towards her lover, so she could see her better. “Yeah?” She encouraged, and waited for the woman to elaborate.

“One of the entries covered the controversies surrounding skyscrapers.”

“Skyscrapers.”

“Back in the day, you were supposed to be able to see hundreds of miles from the top.”

“Hundreds of miles?” Olivia replied. She didn’t know what she was expecting Alex to say, or what she was hoping to find from her face. Wistfulness? “Hm, makes sense, I guess.”

“Someone told me you can see all the way to Indiana from the Sears Tower.”

“Really?”

“You want to check it out next time you’re in town?”

Olivia thought she was clear with her previous non-committal responses about Chicago’s tourist spots; she really didn’t want to know that city. But maybe she had no choice, she realized, and swallowed. “Sure.”

“Oh, actually, we should go to the Hancock. There’s a bar up on top. The view’s gorgeous at night.”

“Oh? Take it you’ve been?” She said, hating the feeling in her stomach.

“With people from work. Didn’t I tell you?” Alex smiled and stepped closer to her lover. “Well, I’m sure we had more important things to talk about.”

“I’m sure.”

“Really, it wasn’t a big deal. It did remind me of the city though, with all the lights,” Alex offered. “Then I remembered the rats and the dumpster smell. Although there was a rat in my alley the other morning, practically flattened, most likely by a garbage truck. At first, I thought it was a cat.”

The woman didn’t tell her about that either. But then, did she tell her lover everything? Always? Olivia knew the answer right away. “Yeah, I remember the last time I saw one of those,” she could only say.

“Yuck,” Alex shivered dramatically.

“Do you miss the city?”

“Sometimes,” she replied honestly; she had expected the question, had seen it from the proverbial miles away. “That’s where I grew up, or at least where I spent most of my adult life.”

“I wonder if I would, if I left.” Olivia curled her lips upwards; she wondered if her smile looked as much like a grimace as it had felt. “I haven’t missed it in the last week.”

“You’re on vacation, Liv,” Alex laughed. “I don’t think you’re supposed to miss home when you’re on vacation.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“I’ll bet you missed it when you were in college.”

“I did. Didn’t you?”

“Not really. Too busy studying. Besides, we went home pretty often.” Home also went to them in the form of care packages every week, Alex recalled, and wondered if Serena Benson had done similarly for her daughter; she knew she shouldn’t ask. “Take it you didn’t?”

Olivia shrugged. “Not really. It was my chance to get away, from everything, you know?”

“Sorry…”

“Strangely, I did miss my mom, despite all her short-comings…” She tried another smile. “And some days, I think about her more than others, still.”

“She’s still your mom.”

“True.”

“You know, Liv, I’m not comparing your life with mine growing up. I know there was no comparison. But the benefits of the doubts you want me to give my mom...”

“I should give mine?” Olivia finished for her lover. “Yes, believe it or not, I have. I used to get mad at myself for missing her. But then someone helped me see that it was okay, that for the longest time, we each were all the other had, and it’s only natural that I miss her.”

“Did I do that?” Alex couldn’t remember.

“Actually, it was Martha. When we had that talk in the library, when I spilled my guts.”

Chapter 84

“Ah. It’s good you were able to spill your guts with Marty.”

“It’s really wasn’t that big a deal,” Olivia defended. “I much prefer doing that with you. It’s just… I don’t know, I’m not sure what happened that night. Must’ve been the stress of meeting your family. Uh, I mean, I didn’t mean…”

“It’s all right, Liv,” Alex reassured with a light laugh. “I know how stressful my family could be. And I’m being genuine, about Martha. She could be a good listener.”

“I could tell you everything I told her. Er, if you want,” Olivia added, surprising herself with the ease of her offer.

“I’d love that. But it doesn’t have to be now.”

Olivia blinked. The smile on her lover’s face, it was dazzling. The prize for her willingness to share? Maybe it wasn’t so bad, being vulnerable, she thought, and found herself grinning. “Okay, but I promise, I will. Tonight,” she decided, moving closer and draping her hand on the blonde’s hip. “If we’re not too busy with something else.”

“Deal.” Alex whispered, distracted by the warmth of her companion’s body. She turned, and felt the arm about her tighten, and she leaned in, touching their lips together…

Whatever it was between them, it was insane, and it was the best thing that happened to her, Olivia decided after they broke their kiss. “Martha, she’s something,” she said, to keep the conversation going, “In a good way.”

“She has purple hair at times,” Alex replied with the first thought that popped into her mind.

“She doesn’t seem that weird.”

“Actually, I’m sure that’s part of the act. She really likes shocking people; gives the social gossips something to talk about.”

“I really felt like I was with the Fates,” Olivia offered, testing the waters. She liked her reward for being willing to expose her soul; and it felt good, she felt lighter, having shared more than just her philosophies about justice with her lover. Suddenly, she wanted Alex to know everything. “I mean, when I went to your mom’s to play mahjong.”

“I thought you were insane, like sending the lamb to the tiger’s mouth, except there were three tigers.”

“And I was a new born lamb.” Olivia laughed.

“You were brave, I’ll give you that.”

“It really wasn’t that bad. I survived, and we’re here.” She rested her chin on the blonde’s shoulder, and hugged her close. The delicious shiver that coursed through her lover’s body made her smug. “So obviously, I passed whatever tests they had for me.”

“I certainly hope so, for your sake.”

“Or maybe I’m here simply because you love me?”

“That’s very possible.”

“Hey, what’s up there?” She fought the temptation to claim, and pointed to the small window above. “Watch tower?”

“Could be.”

“You don’t know?”

“Nope. Used to kill us when we were kids.”

“You weren’t allowed up there?”

“Nobody was. Supposedly no one knew where the key was, or where Bernard had kept it. He died pretty unexpectedly, like Nicole said, just went to sleep and never woke up.” Alex caught her own rambling, and centered her thoughts. “Anyway, I did ask my mom about it when we were talking about this visit and she doesn’t think they ever found a way in.”

“Never brought in a locksmith?”

“Guess they didn’t want to know what’s inside, besides the creepy crawlies.”

“Maybe there’s nothing else. Maybe they knew it was empty, so they just left it alone.”

“Actually, you can’t see it now,” Alex traced the invisible outlines with her fingertip. “But if the light hits the window right, you can sort of make out shelves, or at least they looked to be some kind of storage.”

“For skeletons?” Olivia suggested playfully.

“Wouldn’t surprise me.”

“Or maybe it’s like your great-grandparents’ office, or the rest of the place really,” Olivia offered, matching her lover’s seriousness. “Like they don’t want to disturb anything, out of respect for Michelle and Bernard.”

“I guess.”

“We could ask the staff, to confirm what your mom thought.”

“Or we could try jimmying the lock,” Alex suggested with a mischievous smile. “You know how to do that, don’t you?”

Chapter 85

“Breaking and entering?”

“You can’t break into a place you own,” Alex replied and watched her lover’s laughter freeze. “We all have an equal share in this, those of us who survive.” There, she said it. Somehow she felt it was important for Olivia to know.

“You do?”

“Nicole and Christian and their father took care of the place, because they’re here, in France. It’s more convenient.”

“More convenient,” Olivia echoed.

“Since they have no issue, at least not legitimate ones…”

“When they die, it’ll become yours and your Uncle Jack’s children’s?”

“Well, my mom and my Uncle Jack, too, if they’re still around,” Alex reminded. “But technically, it’s already ours; vested when we were born.”

“It did…” Olivia said. Her mind felt uncharacteristically sluggish as she processed the information.

“And we all have an equal responsibility for its upkeep.”

“Jesus.”

“Don’t worry…”

Olivia cut in, “Worry? I’m not.” It wasn’t like she was expected to keep up the castle. Wait, what if she was? What if that was what ownership meant? Would they have to move here one day, to look after the place? She swallowed, and realized her lover had said something else. “Pardon?” She asked.

“It has a well invested trust,” Alex repeated her assurance.

“Well, and it’s a B&B.” A manager could be hired to oversee the facilities, Olivia reasoned.

“That’s really just to keep liveliness in the place, and so that the staff feel like their work has purpose besides keeping the lawn mowed and the cobwebs away.”

“Oh.”

“Very old fashion people; all tied to the land somehow,” Alex paraphrased what Nicole had told her lover over the dinner table.

“You don’t see that anymore. But then of course you don’t see employers who return the loyalty.”

“That’s true, too,” she agreed. “Jack Henry and I talked about what’s going to happen to this place after our parents and their cousins and the older staff are gone.”

“And?” Olivia tried not to hold her breath, lest she hyperventilate.

“We decided we don’t have to worry about it right now. Hopefully, we still have decades. And maybe someone in the next generation would develop an interest, and it could skip us all together.”

“You want it to skip you?”

“Unless you want to retire to France and stomp grapes like Lucy,” Alex said with a light laugh.

“They don’t still make wine like that, do they?”

Alex sighed, her attempt to lighten the mood failed miserably. “I can’t give you a blanket reply; I mean, I just can’t. But we don’t, if it makes you feel better about what went into your stomach. It’s all very sterile and hygienic, which is oxymoronic, if you think about the fermentation process.”

The hint of didactics in the woman’s voice drew Olivia from herself. She felt the walls shuttered into place. Did her reaction somehow make her lover vulnerable? But why? If anyone were in a weak position it was her; she was the one who would have to make life-altering changes because of Alex’s familial obligations. Suppose she could always say no, at least in Alex’s mind, she could, she realized. And she refreshed her laughter. “Oh, I don’t know, there’s something to say about tradition. It might be entertaining, and I’ve always liked you in red.”

“That’s not funny, Liv.”

“In my head, it is.”

“Olivia.”

“Come on, Sweetheart.” She gathered the blonde in her arms, and kissed her playfully on the chin. “Don’t be so serious. Besides, you thought it was funny to see me stomp grapes.”

“That’s different.”

How so? Olivia wanted to ask; she said instead, “Anyway, you’re right, hopefully you won’t have to worry about it for decades. But if you do decide to move here, to stomp grapes, raise little Milous…”

“Milou’s a gelding.”

“Quit being so literal.” Olivia shook her head. “Horses, raise horses, or watch the butterflies get eaten by birds…”

“Liv!”

“Will you stop interrupting?”

“Oh, all right, I’m sorry.”

In her mind’s eye, she saw Alex shrink, even though in reality, she remained poised. Almost rigid, she felt and tightened her arms. “What I’m trying to say is: we’re in this together. Come what may.”

Chapter 86

“And if you decide to retire here, Sweetheart, that’s okay with me.”

Alex looked into her lover’s eyes, to search for signs of overstatement, all she found was warmth. “And if I want to come run the B&B?” She asked, wanting to be sure.

“I can be the charming greeter.”

“You sure about this?”

“Wherever you go, I shall go…”

That was what Olivia had said on the plane. Now she was singing it in a breathy whisper. “What’s that?”

“Wherever you live, so shall I live…”

“Sounds familiar.” But the melody was too clean; it didn’t sound like a pop song. Something from Broadway? Alex searched her memories. “What is it?”

“You went to mass with your grandparents?”

“I did. Why?”

“It’s a passage in the bible, too.” Olivia lifted a corner of her lips, and laced her fingers against the small of her lover’s back. “If I remembered my Sunday school right.”

“You’re singing a hymn?”

“Yup. About Naomi and Ruth.”

Playfully, Alex pushed against the brunette’s chest. “That’s kind of gross, Liv.”

“You’re just jaded. Stop thinking like a sex crime prosecutor.”

That, coming from the queen of cynicism, and said with such a straight face, made her laugh. “Right.”

“Think about the sentiment. My sentiment, towards you,” Olivia continued seriously. She wanted to make sure Alex understood. “Your people shall be my people,” she recited the words this time. “Wherever you go, and there, shall I be buried beside you.”

Alex could feel herself melting. Just like that, the walls she built disappeared. Somehow she didn’t feel as vulnerable as she thought she should, definitely not like before. The detective’s arms, loosely encircling her, seemed so undemanding. Yet she felt bound, but joyously so. “You sure about that?”

“As sure as I am about the sun rising from the East.”

She laughed. “What are you quoting now?”

“Nothing that I’m aware of, but it’s a common saying, I’m sure.” Encouraged by her lover’s response, Olivia offered, “You know, like you’re my stars and my moon? Except I think you’re my sunshine.”

“Sappy.”

“That’s me, Baby.” Olivia grinned widely. “When it comes to you.”

With a light shove that shortened their distance, Alex rebutted playfully, “I don’t know, I’ve seen you get teary-eyed watching cartoons.”

“Disney cartoons. All shameless tearjerkers.”

“If you say so,” she said, watching the brunette’s lips, and trying to ignore how they made her body tingle. Somehow she felt completely off-centered, like a faint gust of wind was going to blow her off the roof,

“So are we still going to try to find Rapunzel’s skeletons?”

“You’re jimmying the lock?” She asked, happy with the distraction.

“Let’s try to do it legitimately first.”

“Legitimately.”

“Find the key.”

“You want to find the key,” Alex repeated, incredulous.

“There is one, right?”

“Yes, in theory.”

“Then let’s find it.”

The excitement in the brunette’s eyes, that had spread to her expressive brows, it reminded Alex of the moments when inspiration struck, and the detective thought her new theory would help her bag the suspect. She remembered the first days she was on the job, the first time she encountered the look, and marveled at how far they had come. “But it’s lost and has been for decades,” she reasoned.

“Or intentionally hidden by your great-grandfather,” Olivia offered her rationale, “For whatever purpose.”

“Hm. Possibly,” Alex had to agree. “But we looked all over for it, practically ransacked the office. That’s how we found the Piaf score.”

“’We’ as in you and Ling?”

“Yeah?” She tried to look indignant.

“But you were just kids.”

“My mom said they might have tried again after my great-uncle passed. But she wasn’t sure.”

“Either way, you didn’t bring in professionals,” Olivia replied, presenting her smuggest grin.

Alex felt her own lips split into a wide smile. “Professionals?”

“New York’s finest.”

“Really.”

“I already have a few ideas, based on what I saw downstairs, in the office. And I feel pretty good about them.”

“Super cop!” She cheered, clapping enthusiastically.

“Stop saying that.” Olivia laughed. It was good seeing her lover acting so much like a carefree kid. She wished she could bottle that instant. “But maybe I can help satisfy your curiosity. I know how you hate…”

Alex didn’t allow the woman time to finish; she pulled her forward by her hand. “Let’s go.”

Chapter 87

With the key in her hand, Alex watched her lover slide the drawer back in place. Everything in the room looked just like they had originally found it. Except she now had access to the greatest secret – the secret to the universe – or at least her universe, she was sure.

Olivia turned around, and smiled. “Well,” she said, and waited for the blonde’s reaction.

“How did you know it was there?”

“Good detective work?”

“But…”

“I heard a click when I pulled the drawer out, at least I thought I did,” Olivia explained. She didn’t know what she was expecting from the woman. Kisses of gratitude? Uncharacteristic yelps of joy? “Anyway, the secret compartment must have shifted when you and Ling, or whoever opened the drawer last, put it back.”

Alex spoke at the desk. “That’s why it was stuck earlier.”

“Probably.” Olivia shrugged. “Anyway, hopefully it’s the right key.”

“Hopefully. I mean, it has to be, right?”

“Are you okay, Sweetheart?”

“Yeah? Why?”

The answer came a little too quickly, and too defensively, the detective decided. “Aren’t you excited? You can finally find out what’s in that room.”

“I know.” Alex let out a light laugh. “It’s just, it’s almost unreal. You know, that we actually found the key, well, you did.”

“So what are we waiting for?”

“I don’t know. Nothing?”

“Then let’s go!” Olivia half-cheered; she attempted to inject excitement into the moment. Before the blonde could respond, she grabbed her hand and started for the door.

“Wait.”

She turned around and gave her lover a questioning look.

“Remember our lunch breaks? In my office?”

“When we talked about the case over Chinese? Sure.” Olivia replied automatically. From the way Alex was biting down on her lip, and the pink tint coloring her skin, she knew that wasn’t what the woman was asking. And she felt the responding rush of warmth when her lover smiled her little smile, at once seductive, at once shy. She took an involuntary step forward.

“No, silly.”

“But don’t you want to… the secret room?” Olivia felt like she should question.

In reply, Alex slipped the key into her pocket.

“Are you…” The detective furrowed her brows. ‘Stalling’ probably wasn’t the best word to use. Carefully, she asked instead, “You afraid of what you might find?”

Alex shook her head. “Not afraid. All right, maybe just slightly apprehensive,” she replied and let her gaze fall on her companion’s lips. “Or maybe I'm a little bit in shock? I just never thought, well, that I’d get the key. I was ready to resort to breaking and entering.”

“Then why aren’t we…”

“Because.”

“Because?” Olivia swallowed and willed her feet to stay put.

“We have the key now.”

“If it’s the right key,” she said, before her voice of reason failed.

“I don’t really have an office, where I work now. We all have cubes. Mine’s just a bit roomier, but not much, and it’s next to the window.”

“Yeah?” Olivia blinked. Was this the first time her lover described her office? Somehow she couldn’t remember.

“I’m glad actually, about the arrangement.”

“That you don’t have an office?” Olivia asked softly. “Why’s that?”

“I think I would miss you more.”

“Me?”

“And us.” Alex answered with another smile. She tugged on the brunette’s hand. “You want to?”

Olivia didn’t need another invitation. Her mouth was on Alex’s, drinking her in. Her blood roared when her companion’s fingers let go of hers to reach around her shoulders, to pull her forward. As she lifted the woman onto the desk, as she swept the surface clear, she heard a giggle. It felt as if the sound came from her own throat, but it did not; she kept her eyes closed and pushed down.

Then a whimper made her let go, just briefly, just long enough to hear the hoarse whisper of her name.

“Liv…”

She relished the single syllable. Then once more, she captured Alex’s lips. For an instant, she thought about the bed just on the other side of the closet; she could almost feel their bodies tumbling into the plush surface. Too far, she insisted, as her hands raced along her lover’s front…

Chapter 88

Reluctantly, Olivia smoothed down her lover’s shirt. Carefully, she combed her fingers through the soft blonde tresses, like she used to, to eliminate the telltale sign of their tryst. Indeed, their lovemaking was just like old times - hurried, needful, exciting, and it left her feeling just a bit raw.

“Good?” She asked, just to see her lover bite down on the cushion of her lower lip, to see her school girl blush color her flushed skin. It was surprising how Alex could still feel shy; it was less amazing how affected she was by the blonde’s reaction.

“Take it that’s a ‘yes’?” She whispered.

Alex looked up, and smiled. “Yes,” she said with a light laugh, and kissed Olivia lightly on her nose. It was part of their routine: her lover asking the rhetorical question, while she provided the teasing reassurance. Neither was necessary, but it was one of the games they play.

“Good,” Olivia said quickly and smiled back when her lover straightened her spine. She tried to shut out the tinge of regret before it hit, but she was too late. Quickly, she wrapped her companion in her arms, to stay the moment, if only for a little longer.

Easily, Alex fell into the embrace. Contentedly, she sighed, oblivious to the storm in the detective’s heart. Keeping her eyes closed, she leaned in and rested her head on her lover’s strong shoulder, against the crook of her neck.

Olivia shivered. Her lover’s soft breath against her skin felt more like fire. It burnt. It hurt. Like always, she wanted to run. Except now she didn’t have her waiting partner or an on-going investigation as pretext. Now, she could stay for as long as she wanted, she suddenly realized. Almost abruptly, she pulled away.

Blue eyes snapped open, startled by the movement. ‘What’s wrong?’ She wanted to ask; she instinctively felt. Then their eyes locked. Hers had only a moment to register before slamming shut again. Alex had barely gasped out the brunette’s name before her mouth seized hers. Then she felt her lover’s hands on her waist, up her back, and against her neck.

She didn’t protest when large hands practically yanked her from the desk. Her body turned willingly, her arms held on, while her legs struggled to keep pace as they propelled in the direction of the door. She almost failed to grunt when her hip hit the knob, and she was grateful when her lover somehow managed to open the door and cradle the aching spot and maneuver their bodies into the closet, all in one swift action.

She could taste Olivia’s hunger, her want. She could still taste her own desire for that matter. And she could hear the woman’s heart beating wildly while her own tried recklessly to catch up.

“Liv?” She gasped again while attempting to catch her breath.

“Love you,” Olivia replied, her voice hoarse.

A gurgle of pleasure was Alex’s response; it was the only she was capable of, that she was allowed. She didn’t mind; she wanted more.

“Love you,” Olivia repeated before pushing inside and claiming her lover once again with her tongue. Deeper, she drove, while her body rushed against the other woman’s curves, molding and melting. To her relief, the blonde’s greed was matching her own; they both craved the same thing. What just happened, mere minutes ago, what had happened earlier in the morning, last night, the night before, and all the many different times they made love were simply not enough. “I want you,” she confessed, she demanded.

In reply, Alex pulled her lover forward, so she could squeeze out the remaining airspace between them.

That was still not enough. It was not enough when deft fingers began to undo her buttons. “I want you,” Olivia insisted, her hands capturing her companion’s wrists and swinging them over her head.

Alex capitulated; it was easy to do. She wanted to be wanted. And she arched back against the closet wall and moaned into the brunette’s mouth.

*Yes,* Olivia rejoiced. She loved the way her lover kissed her, hungry, but sweet, as if she was saying ‘then do with me what you will’. And if the detective had stopped and thought about it, she would have all sorts of issues. Instead, she told her she loved her. She told her how much she wanted, needed her, with her mouth, her hands, her desperation…

Chapter 89

Alex was giggling as they tumbled into the bed. This was insane, truly insane, she thought while her thighs slid along either side of her lover’s hips. Her palms pressed up between their bodies, aiming for the woman’s breasts.

“No,” Olivia grunted and stilled her companion’s hands.

“Why not?”

“I’m not done with you yet,” she replied, boring into blue eyes. “I want you.”

“You keep saying that,” Alex whispered, shaken by her lover’s intensity.

“But I do.”

“Good,” Alex replied with a smile. When the gesture failed to calm the wild thuds of her heart, she clutched at Olivia’s shoulders, to pull her close. Was she trying to steady herself with her lover’s strength, or was she attempting to spoil the woman’s equilibrium? She ignored her motives and arched, to fit their bodies more intimately.

Olivia shivered. Her skin alert and remembering how warm and soft as silk the blonde felt; and she wondered if she should have insisted on keeping her clothes. Was this insistence satisfying her need to know the power she had over Alex, or was it to shield her own vulnerability? She didn’t know; she tried not to think too hard about it, and she pushed down.

Alex moaned deeply, unable to resist. She loved being weak to her lover’s strength. She moaned again as large hands stroked down her curves, holding, squeezing, and thrilling her.

“Kiss me,” Olivia huffed. She was grateful when slender hands reached up to cradle her face, when eager, open lips met hers; she didn’t want to have to let go of the woman’s body. She wished she never had to let go at all, as she sucked on her lover’s tongue. And when the kiss deepened, when she felt her dominance swaying, she didn’t try to regain her position. Instead, she sighed, long and high; she felt almost euphoric.

Mistaking her lover’s euphoria as distress, hastily, Alex stopped. “What’s wrong?”

“Huh?”

“You sighed,” she stated the obvious and watched for the brunette’s reaction.

“So I did.”

“Something wrong?”

At that, Olivia chuckled, and shook her head. “Just thinking… This must be how junkies feel,” the brunette revealed, her confession a whisper beside her lover’s ear. It took her everything to not taste the woman’s skin. “I want you.”

Alex smiled deeply and closed her eyes. She tossed back her head, to offer her throat.

Unable to resist, Olivia fell in. She caressed the elegant length with her lips, her teeth, trembling when her lover trembled, sighing when she sighed. She gasped when the woman clasped her buttocks and squeezed her close. “I can’t get enough of you,” she murmured between marking kisses, “I feel… like I’m going crazy.”

“Touch me,” Alex agreed, arching, inviting.

How could Olivia resist? Her hand slipped between their bodies. She brushed passed her lover’s soft curls, her fingers dancing lightly, teasing the satin wetness of her sex.

“Liv…”

Again that syllable; it made her smile, even more than the blonde’s impatience did. She held her fingers still against her lover’s squirming, feeling her push against her, letting her needful whimpers drive them both wild.

“Please?” Alex panted, her thighs yawning. “Liv?”

Olivia swallowed the keening syllable in a kiss. Deeply, she drank in her companion, inhaling her passion, until she felt like she was drowning. Finally she couldn’t stand it any longer, she rushed in. The clinging hotness made her quake.

Alex rocked her hips higher, drawing Olivia deeper in. “More?” She heard and nodded, sighing to the fullness when her lover eased in another finger. Breathlessly, impulsively, she urged, “More,” stretching her own limits.

Slowly, subtly, Olivia moved, shifting, soothing her companion’s discomfort into bliss, until she was gliding freely, her movements rolling with the woman’s rhythm. She felt lightheaded, she felt her own insides coiled into a knot, as she stroked, deeper, harder, faster, matching her lover’s want.

*Liv,* Alex thought, the name of her happiness trapped in her throat as her body climbed higher. Her limbs held tightly onto her detective, the electrifying friction melting, joining them together; she was never letting go.

*More,* Olivia heard her own need. She felt the jolt and moaned when her lover gave in. And she forced her eyes open, so she could watch, so she could see lush pink lips parting, panting for release. She wanted to watch the woman’s passion flush across her skin and feel the silky hot flutters pulling her fingers still deeper in. She didn’t want to miss anything as she twisted her wrist, just so, pushing against where the blonde could feel the pleasure most.

Alex stilled, and held her breath.

Then Olivia saw it, felt it, the violent shudder that grew, that locked and pulled her along. Her own sex quivered and shook, and she found herself clinging, needing, wanting even more. Their love, it was madness, she decided, sweet madness that she would keep…